Feb. 19th, 2015


Feb. 19th, 2015 08:26 am
clevermanka: default (changed priorities)
I neglected to mention I'm back on the Intentional Movement program after two weeks off. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] write_out for being a good and understanding accountability partner who let me have the time off without paying the inactivity fee. *kiss*kiss* I'm still taking it pretty easy (it can take flu-damaged lungs six to eight weeks to recover), so lots of yoga on my schedule. Which is good. Yoga is a good place for me to be right now since I have a lot of healing going on, and not all of it physical.

[livejournal.com profile] mckitterick and I had a conversation lately about issues. In particular, issues dealing with control (his) and emotional availability (mine). I know that one's hips and emotions are strongly connected and I know that I am not comfortable asking for help and being emotionally available. It feels safe to take care of myself and not ask that of other people. It feels safe to not expect good things from people, either.

I think, however, that those attitudes might be not help with tight hips (which affect pretty much every single important Olympic lifting move--an important thing for me when I'm finally back to reasonable health). During Tuesday night's yoga, I considered ways to address those issues without contradicting my basic nature. I came to the realization that being emotionally open doesn't mean thinking the best of humanity or even giving them the benefit of the doubt. It can mean simply not having expectations at all and being open to either a positive or negative experience with people as they cross my path. Obviously, this does not apply to people with whom I have established relationships (either good or bad). It's instead a new way for me to deal with the general population, and also ties into my recent attempts to let go of anger.

During the same yoga session, I was able to move this far into Uttanasana--something I'd never done before. I've been able to put my palms on the floor in front of my feet, but never before with them to the sides of my feet. Then, a while later, I was able to fold into Janu Sirsasana with the funky special hand position--another first (I can always grab my foot, but have never touched my forehead to my knee while relaxing enough to grab my wrists on the other side of my foot).

It felt wonderful.

So was my meditation on emotional blockage a necessary component of my body's release of tension? Maybe, maybe not. But I feel better for working through both things--the physical and the mental--and I'm certainly not going to complain about making progress with either.

This experience means I'm going to focus on yoga for the next few months. I was trying to incorporate varied movement types into my daily program--some bodyweight resistance training, some cardio (with the dancing), etc., but I feel like my body is telling me that mobility needs to be my focus for the time being.

As a side note, I also noticed Tuesday evening that my horizontal thumbnail ridges are growing out and aren't being replaced with new ones at the cuticle. I have about half an inch of thumbnail without ridges that wasn't smoothed by either my buffing them out or being bolstered with Nailtiques Formula 2. I don't remember not having ridges in my thumbnails since...high school? Something is changing. Something is improving. What an amazing thing, to see proof like this that I'm healing. Proof that isn't "well, maybe you just don't remember correctly" or "maybe you didn't measure yourself right." This is visible, tangible change for the better.

It's good.


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