Feb. 26th, 2015

clevermanka: default (it's hell)
I dislike the title of this article, because it makes it sound like inflammation is the only cause of depression, but the rest of the article is another good example of more evidence in the mind/body connection.

Speaking of depression, I'm having some problems that have me teetering on the edge right now.

My sleep issues returned after a blissful two months of my sleeping through the night (that was wonderful). For a week, I've been waking up three or four times a night and having problems returning to sleep. At first I thought I was too warm, but now I think it's something else. Dr. Khosh put me on a different testosterone supplement and I'm wondering if that's the culprit. It could also be that Dr. Jonah started scaling back my endocrine supplements. I resumed the previous dosages of the endocrine stuff yesterday and if I'm not sleeping better after the weekend I'm going back to my old testosterone supplements to see if that helps. I haven't had a single night with three consecutive hours of sleep in over a week.

Work is frustrating me for reasons I'm not gonna go into here. I'll just say I've never been as close to quitting this job as I was yesterday afternoon.

The new receptionist at Dr. Jonah's asked me on Tuesday what I did. I hate answering that question with a response about my employment, but I honestly couldn't think of what else to answer. Right now my life is: work, food prep, eating, cleaning up after eating, and (five days a week) yoga. Like, that's it. No social activities outside of chatting with [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick during meals or before bed, and our Wednesday night burgers with a small group of friends, which can be filed under "eating." No art projects. I haven't even had the energy to sew a pair of commissioned bloomers for [livejournal.com profile] hdsqrl that would take me one measly hour.

Last night I got home from work and was so fatigued I lay down on the couch to re-charge before we went for burgers at 6:30. I woke up at 6:20. I don't even remember falling asleep (or trying to). Just lying down and pulling a blanket over me, then it was an hour later.

Those blissful good energy levels of last month might as well be a dream world for all I can remember how they felt or how to regain them. I'm usually more positive than this, but today? God, I'm just tired of things being such a fucking struggle.

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