clevermanka: default (tits)
My I'll Go With You buttons arrived, so the locals who said you wanted one? Comment below or email me to schedule a time to pick 'em up.

For those who asked, a quick walk down memory lane of me in my various KCRF dance costumes. If anyone's interested in seeing my whore street character costumes, let me know. I'll put those in a different post because this is quite enough pics for one post, and I don't have as many of those, so I'll have to go digging in other people's photo sites for them. Click for photos )
clevermanka: default (bodytipping)
[livejournal.com profile] foxestacado asked me in email about bodytipping (putting dollars in a bellydancer's costume) because she couldn't find my post on it and I couldn't find it, either. I must have forgotten to tag it. So here's what I wrote her, in case you're ever in need for this info. Obviously, this is my own opinion on the topic, but if you're in a situation where bodytipping is appropriate, I think you'll be safe following these guidelines.

1. Make sure the person accepts body tipping, either by the subject being mentioned, or by watching someone else do it first.

2. Make eye contact with the dancer and subtly hold up a folded dollar bill. Fold it into fourths short-wise, not the long skinny-wise folded bills you see at strip clubs. Absolutely nothing wrong with strippers, IMO, just the function of this fold is different. It's not getting threaded through a g-string strap--it's going into the side of their belt and needs to stick.

3. When the dancer approaches you, they might bust a few moves for your table (it depends in the size of the restaurant, number of patrons, her personal style, etc.). Give them a chance to do so. If/When they cock a hip and holds it for a moment, take that moment to dive in and push the bill in between her body and the belt. Try to avoid sticking it in the very front crotch area or very back butt crack area. They might also present a shoulder strap or back bra area if the belt is already full of tips.

4. Belts and bras are TIGHT so they don't move around while a dancer is shaking it. To increase the chances that your dollar won't fall out, insert your dollar using what I call the "tip taco" method (thanks to [livejournal.com profile] miischelle for this term). Fold the already-folded dollar around your index and middle fingers, holding it against the pads with your thumb. When you push your two fingers down into the belt or strap, the bill gets pushed down as well. Pull out your fingers quickly and the money stays.

And then a general rule for watching a belly dancer: Never be afraid to actually look at what they're doing. They (hopefully) spent a long time learning how to dance. Don't be embarrassed to watch their body move! It's actually very flattering when people do this. We can tell the difference between leering and artistic appreciation and it's honestly a relief to be able to dance for people who don't insist on maintaining eye contact the whole time.
clevermanka: default (zills)
I did a belly dance presentation for a WGSS class this morning and I feel like it went well. The part I was nervous about (the talking and Q&A session) went better than the dancing, IMO. The students had some great questions, including asking me about belly dancing's relationship to burlesque, so I got to talk about the fraught (but improving) relationship between belly dancers and strippers. That was good.

I felt like I was really on for the Q&A (I just felt easily informative and competent), and at one point, after I'd mentioned being a staunch feminist, a guy asked me what influenced me to be a feminist, I replied "Reality."

I got lots of smiles, nods, and even a few chuckles from the class. I think it went well and I got to catch and call out someone who was texting during my performance so that was great. Don't think she appreciated it much but oh well.

Worst part, though, either I'm even more out of shape than I thought or I breathed in some chalk dust when I leaned over to unplug my iPod speakers because I've been wheezing and coughing for an hour and a half, now. UGH.
clevermanka: default (Hello Kitty Poops)
I'm scheduled to appear in Prof. Marta Vicente's class WGSS/HIST 324 "History of Women and the Body" this December. She asked me to speak to the class about attitudes toward women's bodies in bellydancing and then to give a short demo. We'll talk beforehand about what she's expecting as far as performance (I'm not changing into full makeup and bedlah for a volunteer five-minute gig) and what sort of things she'd like me to address (so I can be prepared for questions).

My preparations to resume home yoga practice were given a boost by this timely article on the Whole30 blog. Breaking Muscle had a well-timed and no-nonsense article on injury and healing, too. I need to get back in the game, even if it's a different game than I was playing a couple months ago.

Today's Tumblr collection is Tuesday, August 19: Neil deGrasse Tyson.
clevermanka: default (bodytipping)
An internet acquaintance of mine who is getting married wants a bellydancer at her wedding reception. She asked for advice on hiring someone and I offered the following three questions.

1. What is your style of bellydance?

If she doesn't respond with something like "cabaret," "American cabaret," "Raqs Sharki," "Egyptian," "Turkish," "Lebanese," or something along those lines, be very concerned. If she can't identify her style of dance, it means she's more of a "wiggle in a bellydance costume" dancer. If she says "fusion," or "tribal," she might be a good dancer, but is probably not what you want for a wedding. (She's marrying a man from Turkey, hence my suggested preference for traditional styles)

2. Do you perform a full performance set or just a couple songs?

Traditionally, a performance set includes these basics: An intro, a performance song (sometimes with veil), a drum solo, and an exit song. Someone who says she just does a couple songs might be an okay dancer, but if she doesn't even know what you mean, that's a good indication that she's not practiced in classical performance techniques and might be a questionable dancer.

3. Do you accept tips from the audience, and if so, do you allow body-tipping?

This is another trick question because there are totally legit dancers who accept body-tipping (I'm one of them), and totally legit dancers who don't (most my other dancer friends). But if she doesn't even know what you mean? Giant red flag.

I thought this might be helpful for anyone else who might consider hiring a bellydancer for an event. Fellow dancers, do you have any additional suggestions?
clevermanka: default (i dance now)
Pics from Friday's show! Click on any pic to open it up full size in a new tab.

All thanks to the wonderful Shane Linden, who is such an incredible photographer. Check out his website, P.S. Linden Photography. He's on FB, too.











and my personal favorite of the bunch:



My performance went well, as everyone assured me it would. Thank you all for your incredibly kind thoughts and well-wishes. It helped. I was still near-overwhelmingly nervous before my first number, but my hands weren't shaking too bad and I could fake a smile. When my music started, I took a deep breath, pasted on a fake smile and strode out like I owned the place. Within twenty seconds, I knew I had them. If you've ever performed, you know the feeling. You might not be able to see all eyes on you, but you can feel them and they feel good. Mine was the first dance set where people started clapping to the music (and I didn't even prompt them!). For the second set, mine was the last song and I was getting a little tired, just from general fatigue and hunger and nerves and everything--so I wasn't quite as physically active during that song, but it's a slow and sultry song so I made it work for me. I think people liked the circular veil.

Speaking of veil work, I want to learn how to do a barrel turn. I've never found someone who can translate to me how the mechanics work. They look so amazing. Maybe someday I'll find the right teacher.

So anyway, the show went well, I felt good about myself and my dancing, and I told M that if she needs dancers in October, I'm on board.
clevermanka: default (bellydance ew)
So maybe it's a good thing that I have to fast all day today so I'm not swollen for my performance tonight. Because I am so fucking nervous I feel like I'm going to puke.



I haven't danced for an audience like this in years. I haven't performed to actual music in years. I haven't done what I consider actual dancing (instead of "wiggling for tips") in years.

I was running through the songs last night and I was all oh my god how many times have I done this same fucking movement. how long is this song, anyway. christ the audience is going to be so bored. this is going to be a disaster. WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Ugh, and dancing for dancers is just the worst for me anyway because educated audience and I know I don't practice very much and I know I haven't kept up with my dance education and here I am, probably the second oldest dancer of the whole bunch and I feel like such a fucking FRAUD.

At least my costumes look great.

Ugh.



BUT FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT AM I RIGHT


Somebody get me a fucking paper bag to breathe into, please.
clevermanka: default (tits)
On Tuesday...I think? Yeah, Tuesday I finished the new panel skirt for the second costume for Friday's performance. Tried everything on and danced in front of the mirror for about ten minutes, doing lots of leg-lifting and spinning to make sure I wasn't going to flash my panties. I'm going with a vintage 70s American Cabaret theme for my costuming for this and the costumes of that era were pretty fucking naked, y'all. No pants, no choli, and skirts split up to the bottom of the hip belt. Luckily, two of the bra/belt sets I made for Smoker were heavily inspired by 70s American Cabaret style so they were perfect. I added some additional sash chain to the newer one (which I wish I'd done a long time ago because dang it looks better now) and boom. Costumes that are sorta earthy-looking but still club-appropriate when teamed with liquid lamé skirts and not much else.

It's a good thing that all this weight-lifting has helped me feel more comfortable with my body right now. I might not look like some of those flat-bellied, slim-legged dancers of the 70s, but I'm starting to look like a Frank Frazetta woman and I'm okay with that (seriously, that image link there is pretty accurate, even down to the hair style).

True story about the first American Cabaret style bedlah: Like, five seconds after I finished it, I was so pleased I took it over to show [livejournal.com profile] redheadfae. She immediately recognized the inspiration and said I did an amazing job of capturing it. Then we both might have teared up a little. It was Just So. Perfect. And I feel great when I'm wearing it.

Cross your fingers that we don't have such a big turnout for Friday's show that I don't have room to do circular veil for my second number.
clevermanka: default (Default)
So. Tired.

I have yet to recover from Sunday's overexertion. Having my period this week certainly didn't help. My body isn't quite as lethargic, but my brain is still slow and wow am I tired just all the time. And the swelling? Oh god, the swelling. Horrible. Just as bad as it's ever been.

I'm thinking about contacting Andrew to say "Hey, let's give this a rest for a few weeks" which is super depressing but it's not in my best interests to keep pushing hard exercise when it's not working for me. I'm definitely getting stronger, but that's the only way my body is improving. I'm not shedding fat, I'm not feeling better, I'm not more energetic. Maybe I need to return to a program of just daily yoga for a while. Thinking about this too much makes me want to cry so I'm not thinking about it too much. Which is why I haven't sent Andrew any messages about it. I gotta decide, though. Today, probably.

I'm also considering stopping seeing Dr. Khosh. My energy levels are for the most part better (when I haven't run myself ragged), but we've had that pretty much resolved for a while. Nothing else I've been seeing him for has seen improvement. My thyroid numbers are still screwy as hell and the four-week period where my swelling decreased might've been a fluke because it never happened again.



Thanks to feeling like a sluggy slug, I'm not exactly eager with anticipation about it, but I'll be performing at the June Raqs Boheme show in KC:



Yay.
clevermanka: default (blah)
So. Tired.

I have yet to recover from Sunday's overexertion. Having my period this week certainly didn't help. My body isn't quite as lethargic, but my brain is still slow and wow am I tired just all the time. And the swelling? Oh god, the swelling. Horrible. Just as bad as it's ever been.

I'm thinking about contacting Andrew to say "Hey, let's give this a rest for a few weeks" which is super depressing but it's not in my best interests to keep pushing hard exercise when it's not working for me. I'm definitely getting stronger, but that's the only way my body is improving. I'm not shedding fat, I'm not feeling better, I'm not more energetic. Maybe I need to return to a program of just daily yoga for a while. Thinking about this too much makes me want to cry so I'm not thinking about it too much. Which is why I haven't sent Andrew any messages about it. I gotta decide, though. Today, probably.

I'm also considering stopping seeing Dr. Khosh. My energy levels are for the most part better (when I haven't run myself ragged), but we've had that pretty much resolved for a while. Nothing else I've been seeing him for has seen improvement. My thyroid numbers are still screwy as hell and the four-week period where my swelling decreased might've been a fluke because it never happened again.



Thanks to feeling like a sluggy slug, I'm not exactly eager with anticipation about it, but I'll be performing at the June Raqs Boheme show in KC:



Yay.
clevermanka: default (moar meat)
I woke up a bit after 4:00 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep. It's going to be a long day. But it's going to be a long day where I get to see Thor 2!!!! Just a few more hours before I can get back on Tumblr.

While I was awake this morning, I packed up all my bellydance stuff into plastic bins. I'm left with a lot of plastic skirt hangers. If/when I reintroduce my costumes to the closet, I'll be using those space-saving skirt hangers, so these dozen-or-so skirt hangers are up for grabs. Anyone want some? Please take them off my hands.

My notice for the M&J Ranch cow I ordered arrived in the mail. It was just a hair larger than I anticipated because apparently I put down that I wanted half a cow?!!?!??!?!? I remember filling out the form and indicating that I wasn't sure whether I wanted a half or a quarter and they said that was fine, they'd contact me to confirm when they took the cows in for processing. Apparently that is no longer the policy and the ranch decided to err on the side of MORE so now I owe $700 for half a cow and this is definitely taking up most of what remains of my savings account. Also, we need to start eating more because I've got two weeks before picking up my meat and I've only got about half my freezer space available.

Yikes.

I am totally, totally going to make myself some Swants for some new winter loungewear. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. Thanks a million to [livejournal.com profile] shanmonster for that link.

Thanks to a conversation on another LJ, [livejournal.com profile] msmitti alerted me to the blog BoneLust. Squeamish types should probably avoid it. It's all about cleaning bones for collection and art. Speaking of art, the blog writer has an Etsy shop and how much do I love this one? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brilliant analyzation of British vs. American comedy:


I wonder if I'd succeed in sleeping another hour or so if I went back to bed now.
clevermanka: default (Default)
I woke up a bit after 4:00 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep. It's going to be a long day. But it's going to be a long day where I get to see Thor 2!!!! Just a few more hours before I can get back on Tumblr.

While I was awake this morning, I packed up all my bellydance stuff into plastic bins. I'm left with a lot of plastic skirt hangers. If/when I reintroduce my costumes to the closet, I'll be using those space-saving skirt hangers, so these dozen-or-so skirt hangers are up for grabs. Anyone want some? Please take them off my hands.

My notice for the M&J Ranch cow I ordered arrived in the mail. It was just a hair larger than I anticipated because apparently I put down that I wanted half a cow?!!?!??!?!? I remember filling out the form and indicating that I wasn't sure whether I wanted a half or a quarter and they said that was fine, they'd contact me to confirm when they took the cows in for processing. Apparently that is no longer the policy and the ranch decided to err on the side of MORE so now I owe $700 for half a cow and this is definitely taking up most of what remains of my savings account. Also, we need to start eating more because I've got two weeks before picking up my meat and I've only got about half my freezer space available.

Yikes.

I am totally, totally going to make myself some Swants for some new winter loungewear. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. Thanks a million to [personal profile] shanmonster for that link.

Thanks to a conversation on another LJ, [profile] msmitti alerted me to the blog BoneLust. Squeamish types should probably avoid it. It's all about cleaning bones for collection and art. Speaking of art, the blog writer has an Etsy shop and how much do I love this one? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brilliant analyzation of British vs. American comedy:


I wonder if I'd succeed in sleeping another hour or so if I went back to bed now.

Done!

Oct. 14th, 2013 07:02 pm
clevermanka: default (bodytipping)
I just got home from my last performance at KCRF as a regular dancer at the Smoker. Thank you to all the performers and patrons who made this a wonderful experience.

Done!

Oct. 14th, 2013 06:56 pm
clevermanka: default (Default)
I just got home from my last performance at KCRF as a regular dancer at the Smoker. Thank you to all the performers and patrons who made this a wonderful experience.

clevermanka: default (bonecruncher)
OH MY GOD THIS SONG.



Clicky-click for lyrics )

Rules for people 25 and older. I found that while reading an entry on this advice blog and oh my god you guiz that advice blog. SO GOOD. Like, honest and for real good good.

And in the opposite corner is this blog, with this entry as a perfect example of the awesome.

Not gonna lie, I get a teensy bit irritated that strict Whole30 eating didn't/doesn't cause miraculous physical improvement for me. I got over my obsessive/compulsive food issues. And, um. That's it. And that's huge, I realize that. But my thyroid/autoimmune issues, weight gain, fatigue problems, etc., are all just as bad or worse after two (three?) years of conscientious monitoring of my food. GRUMP. I'm also feeling a bit tetchy that, for the second year in a row, I am more bloated/swollen/thick around my middle as KCRF winds down. Despite eating less. Despite moving more (except for this week). Despite everything that happens with a normal body.



I am so relieved to have only two more weekends of KCRF. I can only imagine how awesome it's going to be next week when it's one more weekend. And then Tuesday the 15th. OH GLORIOUS DAY OF TUESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2013 when I'm done done done with this gig forever.

clevermanka: default (Default)
OH MY GOD THIS SONG.



I changed the locks
But your key, your key's still working
You can't train a moth, I guess
Uh, each beast gets her burden
So we circle this old flame
Too much at stake but too late to change
My nerves are shot, my reserves exhausted
It's a tired plot but we bought it
Now we're lost
Between love and cholera
Saccharine read, such a sentimental novel
Give you cavities if it doesn't drive you to the bottle
As for me, I'll take another kerosene if you got it
Something harder, look, like a moth you see
And I still get chills when you talk to me
But the years pass by now in twos and threes
These thrills ain't as cheap as they used to be

If you're asking
I can't say no
Just one more chapter
Our book won't close
And I know it's madness
To play these odds
It's like giving matches
To paper, to paper dolls

(I know it's madness, I know
I know it's madness, I know
I know it's mad)

Uh, tried sweet talk, tried dynamite
But I sleepwalk back to the battle site
Fight fire with fire but the fire won't fight
We just fly these circles like tired kites
And you flash some fang
And I bat my lashes
And we're back again
No end to this game with matches
We've been lovers and strangers and friends who get angry
Made mistakes and amends and brief moments of magic
We forgive and forget and give in to attraction
This whole thing depends on amnesia and magnets
And I'd be leaving for good, I'd be looking for better
But I got this broken habit I keep gluing back together
The fever, the fire, the feathers
The fever defies measure
And good sense won't venture where the moth will go

If you're asking
I can't say no
Just one more chapter
Our book won't close
And I know it's madness
To play these odds
It's like giving matches
To paper, to paper dolls

(Just like, just like...
Just like, just like...
Just like giving matches to paper dolls
Just like, just like...
Just like, just like...
Just like giving matches to paper dolls)

If you're asking
I can't say no
Just one more chapter
Our book won't close
And I know it's madness
To play these odds
It's like giving matches
To paper, to paper dolls

Rules for people 25 and older. I found that while reading an entry on this advice blog and oh my god you guiz that advice blog. SO GOOD. Like, honest and for real good good.

And in the opposite corner is this blog, with this entry as a perfect example of the awesome.

Not gonna lie, I get a teensy bit irritated that strict Whole30 eating didn't/doesn't cause miraculous physical improvement for me. I got over my obsessive/compulsive food issues. And, um. That's it. And that's huge, I realize that. But my thyroid/autoimmune issues, weight gain, fatigue problems, etc., are all just as bad or worse after two (three?) years of conscientious monitoring of my food. GRUMP. I'm also feeling a bit tetchy that, for the second year in a row, I am more bloated/swollen/thick around my middle as KCRF winds down. Despite eating less. Despite moving more (except for this week). Despite everything that happens with a normal body.



I am so relieved to have only two more weekends of KCRF. I can only imagine how awesome it's going to be next week when it's one more weekend. And then Tuesday the 15th. OH GLORIOUS DAY OF TUESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2013 when I'm done done done with this gig forever.

clevermanka: default (Default)
I got this email yesterday:

I’m the communications coordinator for the College of Liberal Arts & Sciences. I help put together the College Monthly staff and faculty newsletter. We’re going to start a new feature in the newsletter showcasing "extracurricular" activities of staff members, basically fun hobbies or activities outside of their jobs.

You were suggested as a candidate for this feature for your belly dancing. If you would be willing to be part of the feature, let me know. If you could just answer the couple of questions below and send a photo of your belly dancing, that’s all I’ll need.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Ursula Rothrock
Communications Coordinator
College of Liberal Arts & Sciences
University of Kansas
(785) 864-8118

Extracurricular Questions:

Why do you belly dance?

How long have you belly danced?

What’s your favorite part of belly dancing?




I'm not sure if/how I want to respond seeing as I'm kind of really fucking burnt out right now and I have no recent pictures (within the last twelve months) that I'd like printed on a campus-wide document. Also, my answers would be boring. I'm not much on putting deep motivations into things, so my responses are 1) I enjoy it, 2) Twenty-two years, 3) Audience appreciation. Not really article-worthy material.

So glad I went to the gym yesterday instead of putting it off until tonight because my cramps are even worse today. I hope they're gone by Sunday. The free weights room was chock-full of douche-bros, though. Eight to ten guys (they passed in and out), and about half of them doing (IMO) stupid limited-range motions (like bent rows with super heavy weight but only lifting in a range of six to eight inches). *eyeroll* One guy was doing some pretty impressive deadlifts and (amusingly) he was the smallest guy there.

I'm giving up on this yeast-regulation supplement as a possible solution for my swelling. It hasn't helped at all. In fact, I've had some crazy-bad swelling days that rank up with the worst of them in the past few weeks. So now we're bringing out the big guns. And by big guns I mean a test kit for gut bacteria and parasites that runs $479 (before tax). Guess where my money from not-Smoker is going this year!

Last night after gym time I went to Drumming Circle. After nearly a year's hiatus, our group is back to meeting on Thursday nights. We're a bit smaller due to some drop-outs and fall-outs, but damn do we still sound fantastic. We played a saidi rhythm piece last night (all improv) for about eight minutes with just one drummer, our guitarist, and me on zills and the whole time I wanted to be recording it because we sounded fucking fantastic.

I so much want this workday to be over. I can tell it's going to be a miserable slog until check-out time.
clevermanka: default (Default)
Oh hey look. A Sherlock tee shirt that I think (finally) is actually pretty.


Unfortunately for me, I prefer more abstract designs on my tee shirts. Le Sigh. I really need to find at least one Sherlock tee before 221B Con.

I think most people who know me know how I feel about fitspo pics and slogans. And if you don't know know, you can probably intuit from my general hatred of social programming and generalized statements. So this Tumblr post pleased me immensely. FUCK FITSPO BULLSHIT. JUST FUCK THAT NOISE.

At Sunday's session with Andrew (where he near killed me, yay!) he mentioned that I was starting to visibly lean down. I told him that was largely due to my absolute lack of appetite lately and not to expect similar rapid progress for much longer. =/ I pitched to him my latest idea regarding long-term goals, which is to spend the rest of the year getting as strong as possible and then, starting in January, leaning down. He said that worked great because that's already what we're doing. So...that was easy.

My reasoning for the goal is that I'm going to 221B Con in April 2014 and I'd like to cosplay Sebastian Moran provided the BBC doesn't provide us with a specific and contradictory styled one in Season 3. Hm. Maybe I should ping my Spoiler!Sherlock peeps about that. I haven't been actively avoiding spoilers for Season 3 (I don't have spoiler tags nixed on Tumblr), but I also don't click links that say spoilers, either.

ANYWAY.

I've seen some good Rule 63'd Moran cosplays, but hardly any of them convince me of the character being a real badass. I want my arms, shoulders, and legs to say I can and will fuck your shit up, yo. Also, I think it would be awesome to be strong enough to fireman carry a cosplaying (handcuffed!) John Watson away for nefarious purposes. That would be a great photoset.

In other news, boy did I not feel like performing at KCRF yesterday. Spotty audiences aren't helping my motivation. It was a decent enough crowd, but if it weren't for the three groups of friends I had in attendance, it would have been a shit tipping day. There was a group of four tables right in the middle of the feast hall that didn't tip my first round. Nearly twenty people (out of a crowd of ~60) and not a single fucking dollar. I stopped dancing and put my hands out in an "are you shitting me" gesture and asked them "Seriously? None of you?" They all shook their heads and looked down at their tables. I gave a shrug, flipped them off (I was only holding up my zills, honestly!), and shimmied to the tables behind them where my awesome graduate students were sitting. I got a few dollars from the cheap-ass douchebags the next two sets, but only one person at each table both times.

My last performance at KCRF's Event-Formerly-Known-As-Smoker will be Columbus Day, Monday, October 14. I've already planned to take off the following Tuesday because it's KU's Fall Break. But I'm seriously considering taking the rest of the week off because FUCK I could use some vacation time. I'm headed to Indianapolis the first weekend of November, but visiting my parents is really not a vacation. Nice, but not a vacation.

And speaking of work, I've got a huge stack of data entry stuff sitting on my desk...pitter patter let's get at 'er. Bleh.

Tick tock

Sep. 13th, 2013 11:30 am
clevermanka: default (Default)
Oh, Mashrou' Leila...this was the best dancer you could find for your new music video?



SAD FACE.

Thirty-two metronomes, set out of time, achieve synchronicity. There's a metaphor about the power of societal norms and the difficulty of individuality, here.

The lack of appetite continues. Something is most definitely going on in my guts because this is not normal. I ate hardly anything yesterday (about a cup of tuna salad, one can of sardines, and a handful of pistachios) and woke at 2:10am this morning so hungry I was nauseated. I stumbled downstairs, ate a few spoonfuls of mashed sweet potato, and went back to bed. When I woke, however, no appetite again. I didn't eat breakfast until 10:30 this morning and even then I had to force it because I knew if I didn't eat it would throw off my timing for my between-meals medication.

It's annoying as hell, yes, but I can't help being a little excited about the possibility that this means something new is happening in my guts. And at this point, just about any activity is good activity IMO.

Yesterday was my second session lifting at Robinson. There were a lot more people there than on Tuesday. Well, a lot more guys. Only one woman, and she was on the recumbent bike in the Nautilus machine room. I don't have the courage to lift as heavy at Robinson as I do when I'm with Andrew at the CrossFit box. I'm much more concerned about failure. Part of this is that Robinson doesn't have the handy stacked and padded boxes to receive a dropped barbell. If I fail, that thing is going straight to the floor. And that's not a little intimidating. But also, I'm unwilling to spectacularly fail in front of these strangers. It's fine to spectacularly fail at the box because even if I don't everybody there, there's still this mentality of "we're all in this together" and that feeling is most definitely not there at Robinson. I'm not sure what I need to do to get over this. Maybe it's just a matter of time.

The persimmon tree across the street from my campus building is finally dropping fruit. I'm harvesting about ten teeny little persimmons a day. Most of them go to appreciative graduate students, but at least four (two at breakfast, two at lunch) are mine, all mine. Delicious.

I am so glad it's Friday.

My life:
clevermanka: default (Default)
A long time ago, a bellydancing friend of mine had a choreography to a sad-sounding song. She was good about researching lyrics before dancing to a song to determine its appropriateness for dancing and/or style of dance. I don't remember the lyrics, or even the title, but I referred to the song as "My Love For You Is A Wounded Giraffe."

Arabic music can be fraught with so much angst we can't even see it from here. I don't know what it is about their lyrics composers, but damn.

The other day I stumbled across this website which is not only a treasure trove of modern classics, but has the lyrics translated into English. This song is very famous and performed by Oum Kalthoum, the most famous female Arabic singer.

Those lyrics, tho. Man. No English-speaking emo band will ever come close to approximating Arabic music levels of angst. Ever.

There is something going on in my gut. Something serious. Yesterday I had no appetite, my stomach was unhappy, and my mood was in the dumps. I'm a firm believer in the gut/mind connection, and I haven't felt this low in ages. [personal profile] redheadfae picked up some vegetables for me at Costco, and I swear to you, the idea of having to go pick them up almost reduced me to tears. I was just SO DONE with dealing with anything. And it wasn't all due to lack of sleep. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.

It was a rough evening.

I've still got very little appetite today. Ate half my breakfast, and will eat the other half for lunch because this tuna salad is going to go bad if I don't finish it soon. Note to self: No more double-batches of tuna salad. I should have been finished with this on Tuesday.

The lack of interest in eating was helpful in regards to my blood test this morning. Since they were checking cholesterol and glucose, it was a fasting test. But my appointment wasn't until 10am. Quite convenient that I wasn't interested in eating even after I returned from getting stuck.

Here are my numbers.

Total cholesterol: 192 (should be less than 200)
HDL cholesterol: 66 (should be more than 60)
LDL cholesterol: Too low to register. Not even shitting you.
TC/HDL ratio: 2.9 (should be less than 3.8)
Triglycerides: Too low to register. All they could tell me was it was less than 45, which is as low as their monitor goes.
Glucose: 83 (should be less than 100)

All those naysayers who say eating saturated fats and no whole grains is bad for my cholesterol can suck my dick. I know this way of eating isn't for everyone, but damn it's good to know it works for me.

Speaking of eating, I discovered this recipe the other day and God Damn this is the finest squash EVER. Holy crap. [personal profile] mckitterick and I loved it. I don't know what she's talking about with "1 medium-to-large kabocha squash" in the ingredient list. The Kobocha squashes at my grocery store were about the size of large oranges, so I bought four and prepped them using the suggested amounts in the recipe. And we ate ALL OF IT.

I know I've mentioned how much I love The Toast lately, but I'm just gonna say again: I fucking love The Toast.

What don't I love? Being broke. God damn I am tired of having no spending money. Of course this week I got an email from MJ Ranch saying "Hi! Hope you're ready for your cow! They'll be ready in October!"



When KCRF wraps up I'm going to promote my bloomers a bit more. Again. I hope that'll help cover the cost of the freaking side of beef.

Finally, a Tumblr find. Accurate Column A is accurate.



Looks good to me!

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