clevermanka: default (post-dance)
It's likely I wouldn't get along with this guy in person, but he's not entirely wrong about guns and how to approach/use them. I found this one especially amusing: Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets…You may get killed with your own gun, but he’ll have to beat you to death with it, cause it’ll be empty.


This cemetery yard is fantastic.

Errands, food prep, laundry, and seasonal wardrobe switcheroo happened on Saturday (locals are welcome for the couple days of beautiful weather since my summer clothes are packed away now--seriously, this happens every time), as well as the bachelorette party for my BFFs. I did it all on about 5 hours of sleep. Then Sunday (with four hours of sleep, even with the time-change extra hour) I attended the wedding. Ceremony only lasted about thirty minutes (yay!) but the socializing lasted six hours. It was great, don't get me wrong. I don't get to see these people very often. But wow am I tired. I got zero couch time over the weekend.

I nearly cried this morning (stinging eyes, hitch at back of throat) from how much I didn't want to come to work today. I'm so fucking tired and my spoon count is running perilously low.

Nearly halfway done with today, though. Nearly halfway.

Tomorrow I get my first mammogram. Good times.
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
Monday was another crushingly-tired day. It was bad enough that I resolved to start tracking my fatigue (again, and for real this time). Here's my scale:

1 - Non-functional. Call in sick to work. Nothing is happening today.
2 - Barely functional. Distracting brain fog, difficulty moving limbs. Capable of completing only the minimum of activities.
3 - Functional. Fatigued, but able to do one or two things after work (for example, make dinner and watch a movie). This is my version of normal.
4 - Above functional. Can get through the workday and participate in an evening activity that requires physical movement (make dinner and then sew, do yoga, or attend an event outside the house).
5 - Energetic. Able to maintain enthusiasm for job tasks and excited to do something mentally or physically engaging after work.

Monday was a 2, bordering on a 1. Yesterday was a 3. Today's back to 2. Other than Friday's experiment with the Berocca supplement, I don't remember the last time I experienced a 5. Being depressed about that doesn't help, though, so...

clevermanka: default (bonecruncher)
Because I need another crafting project: Do Something With The Tiniest Scraps! Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] msmitti!

If you like Thirty Seconds to Mars (Jared Leto's band), I found a website that has some electronica remixes of their songs.

For those of you who think we aren't on the cusp of living in 1984...wake up, kiddos.

I don't wanna jinx anything, but my energy levels are WAY up this week. I'm kinda worn out but not fucking beat when I get home from work in the evenings. I think Dr. Jonah's new supplementation schedule is working. Also, I'm sleeping through the night, probably due to the new progesterone tincture I got from Dr. Khosh on Friday.

Brain fog

Aug. 26th, 2015 11:25 am
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
Last week's energy level high didn't last long. I'm struggling this week. Getting ready for bed at 9:00, asleep by 9:30, still waking up exhausted. And this headache. God. It's been rolling around up there for a week and a half and I have no clue why it's there or how to make it leave for more than a day at a time. I'm puffy and bloated, too. Picked the wrong day to wear a body-conscious dress. It's pressing so tight against my abdomen you can see the outline of my bellybutton. I hate that.

There are many things I'd like to talk about, but I don't have the brain energy or focus to write about them and that's frustrating, too. I was talking to [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick about how it's often a physical effort for me to engage my mind at any level beyond barely functional. When I'm fatigued, all my mental energy goes to staying on top of things at my job. That means there's nothing left for engaging socially--either in person or on the internet. I hate it.

In other news:


I know it doesn't mean anything, but it's still cool.
clevermanka: default (made-up 2)
And this is why I drive all the way to fucking Kansas City, Missouri to see Tim the PT guy.

I don't like to think of my avoidance of certain things as boycotting because I don't usually encourage others to do the same. That shit is personal and nobody needs to feel bad for shopping places when that's all that's available/affordable. But I do believe my dollar is my vote and if you want to know why I don't buy from Amazon and I why request that people don't buy me things from Amazon either, here's yet another reason why. Fuck you, Amazon.

Mad Max Meta about different ways to be a mother.

Patrick Stewart, out there destroying toxic masculinity one person at a time.

Ronda Rousey, god damn. Just. God. Damn.

On the physical self-care front, there is definite movement in the positive direction. My energy levels are much better. This past week I had energy to do stuff after work three out of five days (well, I hope three out of five--I'm thinking positive because there's an event I want to attend tonight). My physical stamina is improving, too. I walked from first to fourth floor on Wednesday and wasn't wiped out at the top! I got winded going up just one flight the very next day, but these things go in cycles and an occasional victory is better than no victories at all. Pain-wise, things are definitely better. I have only small aches in my left hip instead of lightning bolts of despair (the labrum injury) and my right back twinge is lessening thanks to Tim the PT guy deciding it's definitely a nerve injury issue and starting treatment for that. He thinks it's possible that when I pulled my back on the deadlift (god that seems so long ago), my sciatic nerve and a disc got pulled slightly out of their grooves along with the soft tissue injury and while the soft tissues healed, the nerve and disc are still rubbing each other the wrong way. All the mobility work I've done on it has actually been detrimental (ugh) which explains why I've been feeling worse on days after I do yoga. So we're working on getting them to play happily with themselves and sometime soon (perhaps as soon as September) we're staring prep work for returning to lifting heavy things.

You guys I got a bit choked up and teary thinking about being behind a barbell again. Seriously, I am almost crying at my desk here.

The people at the State Fair were kind enough to refund my tickets so I'm buying tickets to see Joan Jett at the Sprint Center in December. No travel, no hotel expense, no worrying about food, and [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick can go with us. Also, she's the opening act at that show, so unless my concert buddies want to stay for The Who (unlikely), we can skedaddle out of there early. It's win all around.

I hate that even such a small thing as a day trip to a city three hours away presents such an ordeal for me. I don't know that I'll ever be able to enjoy traveling just to travel. I need to have a reason for travel beyond just sightseeing and that reason needs to be pretty damn motivating. This is a little sad-making because I believe travel is wonderful and important for self-development, but god it's just such a trial for me (for various reasons).

With my energy levels (I hope) improving, though, I look forward to doing more things close to home. Workshops, shows, even more regular hang-outs with locals.

Tonight I'm going to Dances With Hippies (provided I am not absolutely dead on my feet come quitting time). It's been ages since I went to one of these things and I'm especially excited about this one. The Sunday morning one I used to attend has shifted music focus to stuff I'm not always wild about, but from what I was told, the DJ for this event leans more toward electronica so Fuck Yeah. Also, Westside Yoga is my favorite open movement space in town, with good ventilation and a high ceiling so the patchouli funk won't be overpowering. It's where they hold the occasional kirtans I attend, too. Such a nice place.

Final good thing for today: My hair looks FANTASTIC. Perhaps alas, I don't yet know how to get a photo off my phone (or even...take a photo with my phone?) and also my hair doesn't photograph well. You'll have to take my word for it.
clevermanka: default (made-up 2)
How to access a million stunning, copyright-free antique illustrations released by the British Library

I have a working phone now. Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick! You're amazing. Now I need to spend a weekend learning how to use it. In the meantime, it's super pretty.

This morning was a tired morning, but it's nearly 11:30 now and I'm functional. I haven't had the stamina to stand at my desk yet, but I've taken two ten-minute walks. Okay!

I'm going to help [livejournal.com profile] miischelle vend at this event in October. I'll cannibalize Pit Girl for a generic Hunter costume. I'm tempted to make a statement costume of A Dead Woman On Supernatural, but I assume everyone attending is, you know, still a fan of the show, so I'll reign back my personal feelings about its Issues.

Smoked

Aug. 4th, 2015 09:05 am
clevermanka: default (smoke)
I feel better this morning. We'll see how long it lasts. That's not pessimism, that's being realistic. I am weaning myself off caffeine. Green or white tea in the morning, no caffeine after noon. Black tea only on weekends. We'll see if it helps my overall energy levels once my body adjusts.

Finished season two of Penny Dreadful last night and I was...uncertain about how I felt about it? I was so pissed off by one of the writing choices in the last episode that it soured me on the rest of the ending.

Just a reminder, my Etsy shop is restocked and has a 20% off code (TOAST) that's valid through the end of August.

Today's Tumblr is Tuesday, August 6: Mad Max Fury Road Fanart.

Speaking of Tumblr, this person followed me yesterday and NGL, it made me snort aloud.
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
Tired tired tired so tired and dreading this, my first full week back at work after my wonderful short work weeks in July.

Mostly just documenting here for my own benefit so I can note that two weeks into my new supplementation schedule from Dr. Jonah, I am not feeling any better. I could fall asleep on my office floor in about two minutes flat. JFC I'm tired.



Update: An hour and a half later, I'm so tired that I closed my eyes at my desk for about fifteen seconds and when I opened them, I had the spins. This sucks.
clevermanka: default (mischief)
Using this now, myself:



My period decided to show up and wake me at 3:30 this morning, then cramps kept me awake for about an hour. Right in time for today's panel and my four-day weekend! I suppose I'm grateful that it didn't come early while I was traveling? Helping friends move tomorrow morning will be great, though. At least I get to console myself with a 4:45 matinee of MMXL afterward.

I'm leaving for my appointment with Dr. Jonah right after the panel this afternoon, so I'm only online for about 45 more minutes today. I would love to be going home to bed instead of driving to Kansas City but oh well.
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
Something I forgot to mention in my earlier posts about Con*Strict was the vid show. I la-la-la-love fanvids, and this was my first con with a vid show. It's not surprising how group watching escalated the feels--just like watching a movie or a concert with a large, receptive audience intensifies the experience.

Here's one of the vids from the Con*Strict vid show, done by one of the attending members. It was my favorite for two reasons which are not difficult to determine.



More of my fave vids from the show )

***
Yesterday I wore one of my re-fashioned outfits (a dress made from pieces of four tee shirts) with a pair of bloomers underneath (just long enough for the lace to peek out from under the dress). I felt like I was in my PJs all day. I'm looking forward to having more of those in my closet. Also looking forward to the practice (from making my own) so I can start making them to sell. I'm going to need to invest in a small mannequin for that, so if anyone local sees one for cheap, let me know. This is not as outrageous of a request as it seems--Lawrence has some unlikely thrift and dumpster finds.

Speaking of style, I avoid wearing gloves as a fashion statement because I think they're a little fussy (it's hard to actually do anything while wearing them). Fingerless gloves would solve a lot of the problem, but they've always seemed so...pretentious. These might change my mind. Fuck pretentious. Those are JEWELRY. I mean, Christ, just look at those things.



***
One of the reasons I've never considered becoming a yoga instructor is that the market is so glutted here in Lawrence. A conversation with [livejournal.com profile] ms_danson made me wonder about the possibility of doing a yoga podcast, though. I picture a website that has a basic dictionary of poses as well as individual pages on the site. Each page would have a list of images of the particular poses for whatever the focus of that page's series, and a link to listen or download a voice narration for the series. People could request a theme, goal, or focus for a series once a month or something. Doesn't that sound great? Now there's motivation to do a teacher training course. Someday. In my copious spare time with all my excess energy.

***
Energy levels are still shit, and the ridges in my fingernails are back. The index and middle fingernails have them now, too. The thumbnails look and feel like washboards. Ugh. So demoralizing. I see Dr. Jonah on Thursday and I'm going to talk about re-upping my mineral supplements that we started decreasing two months ago. I feel like earlier this summer my energy levels were better. I'm done with waking up tired. This regressing business is for the birds.

***
We shopped for phones last night. It was hellish. I think I'm going to wind up with a Galaxy S6. [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick is price shopping because for what we want, it's cheaper to buy our own unlocked phones and get a month-to-month plan through T-Mobile (which is what some local friends did who are very happy with their service). I have to admit, these newfangled phones are awful pretty. And it will be nice to have a phone that doesn't randomly turn itself back on. Or refuse to disable the Mute function. But oh my goodness they're so difficult for me to use. Touch screens do not react well to my skin, and there's something about my electrical charge that makes things go a little nutty. When someone asks me to take a picture with their phone, it always turns off or goes to a different screen or something. Beyond that, though, there's my concern about having internet access 24/7. I'm honestly relieved that the Tumblr phone app is so bad because I see myself easily becoming That Person.

***
Tomorrow I am a panelist for the Kansas Women’s Leadership Institute conference. Last year I served as a panelist on a university-wide presentation for graduate-level support staff and was in the pilot group for KU's new online catalog software (a nine-month project). I need to remember to put this shit in my end-of-year review. I don't think anyone (including myself) realizes how much I actually do around here.

Which...I guess I should do something now to prepare for tomorrow's presentation.

Badge!

Jul. 8th, 2015 08:55 am
clevermanka: default (sociopathsFTW)
Here's the Con*Strict badge:


it's about 4" x 4.5", not including the hanger part at the top.

The office scanner is not good at reproducing true color, apparently. The stuff that's purple on the MMFR side is actually blue and the reddish-brown parts on the Sherlock side (the hanger and the bottom border) are actually purplish red. Eh. You get the idea. Love the way the Sherlock tape transfer looks. I'd have liked a similar image to give depth to the MMFR side but I couldn't find anything appropriate. The hot rod flames were the best I could think of that wouldn't mask too much of the image of Slit on the car.

Fatigue issues are out of control right now. Ugh. The last time I woke feeling rested was sometime last week? I think? I'm gonna leave work as soon as I'm done wrapping up anything that needs attention before I'm out for the rest of the week so I'm gonna skedaddle.

Not sure how much I'll be online while I'm in Indianapolis, so y'all be good to yourselves while I'm away.

ETA: This article, found on The Toast Link Roundup. Channing Tatum Is Our Gene Kelly. In the history of men who can dance, from Fred Astaire to Mikhail Baryshnikov to Justin Timberlake, no one is as special as Channing Matthew Tatum, a little doe-eyed blockheaded beef man who can spin his body like cotton candy and hump the floor until it consents to sexual intercourse with him. And also this interview where the interviewer asks Charming if he's heard about Roxanne Gay and his answer is so so so cool and awesome you guys I love him.
clevermanka: default (ass2)
Seen on the Toast:Click for large-ish image )

My reactions to Jurassic World on Twitter and Tumbr.

I am so so so tired today. So tired. Woke up tired. Still tired. Just...tired. Tired all around tired.

Probably not helping is I've had very little appetite for three days. Pretty much all I ate this weekend was carrot salad and beef jerky. And seltzer water. So much seltzer water. I also made a pitcher of cucumber-mint infused water which was delicious.

I wasn't tired this weekend at all, despite not eating much. I got so much done and it was fantastic. I made another apron because I was unhappy with the fit of Apron 2 (in fact, if someone wants it, let me know--it's a size Medium and is black and blue Hawaiian fabrics), and I got food prep done on Saturday because of Jurassic World taking up Sunday afternoon, and I went thrifting, and I cleaned the house a little bit, and I read some fic and it was all so great!

Hm. Maybe this fatigue is psychological. Because I just don't want to be at work today. The Campbell Conference is over, the other secretary is back in the office, the grad director is out of town, I've cleaned out my inbox, and there is really very little I need to do here. Why am I here, again?

It's gonna be a long day.
clevermanka: default (bobbin)
Yesterday I was wiped out. I was fatigued most of the afternoon and by the time I got home I needed to lie down. I lay down on the couch, didn't even take off my boots, and woke up 45 minutes later. I usually can't nap after 4pm unless I'm ill or absolutely exhausted. Oof. It was all I could do to muster the energy to eat a green salad and a banana with almond butter for dinner.

I hope tonight is better because it's my last free evening this week and I'd like to finish Apron 2 before the weekend. Speaking of sewing, every attempt to find classes or private lessons for using my serger has failed. Apparently I'm the only person in the KC/Lawrence/Topeka area who owns a Husquvarna serger. Why is this so difficult? FUCK.

BTW, for anyone thinking why don't I just follow the user's manual, let me assure you: I've tried. My last attempt at following the directions on dropping the blade for a topstitch resulted in the entire machine coming unthreaded and bending a needle. I can't even follow the directions for threading the damn thing. Whenever I have to actually re-thread it (and not just tie the ends to change thread), it's nothing but sheer good luck when it finally works. Seriously, it takes me about half and hour and at least a dozen tries and I've never figured out what I'm doing different on the times when it works. This is why my machine has sat, unthreaded and unused, for three weeks. I just don't have the energy to deal with it right now.

I am not a book-learner, y'all. I can learn facts from books, but that's it. Everything else I need to be shown. Multiple times. *sigh*

Today's Tumblr is Tuesday, June 9: Big Cats.

UPDATE: [livejournal.com profile] renniemom referred me to Harper's Fabric and Quilt Co., which for some reason (read: Google's shitty result modifications) didn't show on my search for "KC sewing machine retailers."

Weary

May. 28th, 2015 11:49 am
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
I'm on my third day of fatigue and figured I'd better document it because documentation is important. I had to take the elevator up one floor to get to my office this morning. Thank gods [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick was awake to give me a ride up the hill to work because oh god that would've been so tiring otherwise. Stupid, stupid fatigue.

Check out these liquid matte lipsticks. I want Mars and Soul. I'm tempted to order them, but 1) money, and 2) my lips peel at the drop of a hat, so I'm always leery to drop cash on lipstick that I can't return.

Speaking of make-ups, I'm gonna get rid of all my single-pot eye shadows. I know you're not supposed to share make-ups, but whatever. I was in theater. I've been sharing cosmetics since I was fourteen. If anyone wants my colors, let me know. They're dramatic, high-pigment, colorful stuff that I mostly used for dance and out-on-the-town makeup.

The guy who plays The Doof Warrior in Mad Max Fury Road is an Australian musician and his style is not what you'd expect from his performance in the film.

There's a meme going around Tumblr that says "Reblog with what you would tell your 13-year-old self in the tags." The only one I can think of is Stop starving yourself. So what if you're chubbier than other girls your age. Starving yourself now is going to do some major damage down the road. Everything else, though, nah. It was good to have those lessons actually happen. I might throw in a few little things, though, like Your obsession with Duran Duran is going to be 100% justified when they're still relevant in your 40s, so don't be embarrassed at how much you love them, or Ignore whats-her-name's snide comments about making fashion statements. Yes, you are making a fashion statement and you look fantastic.

Now my 25-year-old self? She could've used some advice on two major issues.

Stop wasting your time on weight machines. Get a trainer. HSES grad students are cheap for hire for KU students. Get your ass in the free weight room and don't stop going to the gym just because your boyfriend wants you to sleep in with him in the mornings.

Don't buy the house with D. In fact, just break up with him after that major fuck-up of his early in the relationship. He might be super cute, but he is bad news for you.

Would you give advice to younger you?
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
I recommended Father Ted to someone who has probably already seen it but she was looking for some media recommendations and she needed something silly and not angsty, so...Father Ted.





I remain tired, lethargic, and borderline depressed. Instead of feeling exhausted and fatigued after small efforts like climbing a flight of stairs, my body just feels tired all the time. I got back from a morning meeting and stood for less than half an hour before I had to return my desk to the sitting position because I didn't think my legs were going to support me much longer. *sigh*

If I didn't desperately need to make some food (I had to order extra food last night when I went out for burger salad just so I'd have something for lunch today), I'd spend tonight on my couch with Father Ted, myself.
clevermanka: default (it's hell)
I dislike the title of this article, because it makes it sound like inflammation is the only cause of depression, but the rest of the article is another good example of more evidence in the mind/body connection.

Speaking of depression, I'm having some problems that have me teetering on the edge right now.

My sleep issues returned after a blissful two months of my sleeping through the night (that was wonderful). For a week, I've been waking up three or four times a night and having problems returning to sleep. At first I thought I was too warm, but now I think it's something else. Dr. Khosh put me on a different testosterone supplement and I'm wondering if that's the culprit. It could also be that Dr. Jonah started scaling back my endocrine supplements. I resumed the previous dosages of the endocrine stuff yesterday and if I'm not sleeping better after the weekend I'm going back to my old testosterone supplements to see if that helps. I haven't had a single night with three consecutive hours of sleep in over a week.

Work is frustrating me for reasons I'm not gonna go into here. I'll just say I've never been as close to quitting this job as I was yesterday afternoon.

The new receptionist at Dr. Jonah's asked me on Tuesday what I did. I hate answering that question with a response about my employment, but I honestly couldn't think of what else to answer. Right now my life is: work, food prep, eating, cleaning up after eating, and (five days a week) yoga. Like, that's it. No social activities outside of chatting with [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick during meals or before bed, and our Wednesday night burgers with a small group of friends, which can be filed under "eating." No art projects. I haven't even had the energy to sew a pair of commissioned bloomers for [livejournal.com profile] hdsqrl that would take me one measly hour.

Last night I got home from work and was so fatigued I lay down on the couch to re-charge before we went for burgers at 6:30. I woke up at 6:20. I don't even remember falling asleep (or trying to). Just lying down and pulling a blanket over me, then it was an hour later.

Those blissful good energy levels of last month might as well be a dream world for all I can remember how they felt or how to regain them. I'm usually more positive than this, but today? God, I'm just tired of things being such a fucking struggle.

clevermanka: default (minoan)
Walked to work today for the first time in ages ([livejournal.com profile] mckitterick has been giving me a ride, bless him). Have been a bit low energy all day today, but hit a serious wall about five minutes ago. I feel like I could fall asleep at my desk. I haven't felt like this since last Saturday when I overdid the boxing, and before that, it had been months.

This sucks.

I mean, I'm not absolutely 100% sure the walk up was the cause of the fatigue, but nothing else is different sooooo...

clevermanka: default (made-up 2)
I knew about this study on how to fall in love with someone because, as the saying on Tumblr goes, I think I've read that fic.

Breaking Muscle put up a fantastic article on What Happened to Movement for Health as well as an article on losing body fat that basically falls into line with what I've been saying for ages. Quit the constant-state cardio, watch your diet, and lift heavy. Of course, if your body is hormonally messed up, it's gonna be difficult if not impossible to lose body fat. If your hormones are a mess (like mine), adopt the attitude of Riots Not Diets, and concentrate on bringing your body to a state of health before focusing on those bumps and bulges that society tells you makes you a bad person.

I also found two articles, one on posture and one on gait that I think are very helpful for those of us trying to improve our body mechanics in order to live and perform more powerfully and efficiently.

Speaking of physical performance, I way overdid it at punching day Saturday. I alternated working on the bag, sparring with [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick, and doing body weight resistance training (push-ups, lunges, and step-ups) for almost *cough* ninety minutes. It was stupid, I know, but I was just having so much fun! About fifteen minutes after I showered, through, I hit that adrenal fatigue wall and I was out of commission for the rest of the day. It was a slog to get through just laundry and food prep. By 8:30pm I was barely functioning and even my brain was foggy and slow. I felt moderately better on Sunday, but was still low energy and vaguely depressed all day.

I did muster my motivation and will together enough to see the 4pm showing of Labyrinth that was playing at Liberty Hall yesterday. There were a ton of people there with their kids, which was pretty awesome. Of the group of four of us that went together, I was the only one who'd seen it in the movie theater during its first run. It was so nice to see David Bowie's crotch in those trousers on the big screen, as god intended. Christ almighty.



[livejournal.com profile] gamera_spinning found a reproduction of that painting for me. Now I just gotta save my pennies because hell yes I am buying it.
clevermanka: default (tombstone)
Here's a cultural lesson for you: Never try to beat the Chinese graduate student to paying the dinner bill by pretending to go to the bathroom, flagging down the waitress, and having her run your credit card while said Chinese graduate student isn't looking. Chinese graduate student will wind up being horrified, nearly burst into tears, and beg to repay you for ten minutes while fellow restaurant patrons look on curiously. Because this is not how they roll in China, yo. Chinese graduate student will then show up at your office the next day with a lovely thank you card and approximately twice the amount of the dinner bill enclosed, in cash.



Live and learn.

In other news, I am sleeping better! I have no idea why because I haven't changed a single damn thing, but I'm waking up around 4:50/5:00am instead of 2:30/3:00a and that is just fine, thanks.

Also, my fatigue levels are decreasing. You'd think these were related, but it might just be coincidence. I've often had fatigue issues despite getting adequate sleep, so I'm putting this under the Correlation Does Not Imply Causation tag. In any case, it's nice. I don't start feeling like I need a nap until 12:30 or so. Progress! I got pretty tired yesterday but managed to power through the afternoon okay once I got busy doing stuff in the kitchen. Was really ready for bed by 8:30pm, though.

Hypnotherapy continues. At my Thursday session I mentioned to Jennifer my concerns that I was faking my responses--that I couldn't at all tell if I was processing stuff, and I felt like I was just raising my finger because I didn't know what else to do. She said that was fine, that everyone responds differently, and there are no wrong ways to do this. So that was...reassuring? I guess? I did have a couple weirdly fun experiences that night. A couple times during the session my brain really did check out. I started drifting, sort of like falling asleep, but more like falling asleep under anesthesia. I was aware of my surroundings and then *bang* I was aware that time had passed but I had no idea of how long or if she'd said anything or what. NGL, it was kind of cool to experience that in a safe environment. When I asked her about it afterward, she said at no time did I seem to be asleep or have a long delay in responding. So the episodes didn't last long, but I honestly could have been out of it for fifteen minutes and I wouldn't have known. I have two more sessions before my prepaid visits run out. I think at that time I'll take a couple weeks to evaluate how this is working for me and, if I want, resume sessions after the new year.

My office is so cold today. In addition to my regular clothes (wool socks, leggings, wool skirt, tee shirt, cashmere twinset, scarf), I'm wearing a third sweater, my fingerless gloves, a blanket covering my legs, the scarf pulled over my head, and my microwaveable bean bag kitty on my lap. I'm still freezing. Every once in a while I lift bean kitty to my face to warm up my nose. My illegal radiant heater under my desk is (as far as I can tell) not doing a damn bit of good. But I know I'd probably be even colder with out it. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.
clevermanka: default (Default)
Here's a cultural lesson for you: Never try to beat the Chinese graduate student to paying the dinner bill by pretending to go to the bathroom, flagging down the waitress, and having her run your credit card while said Chinese graduate student isn't looking. Chinese graduate student will wind up being horrified, nearly burst into tears, and beg to repay you for ten minutes while fellow restaurant patrons look on curiously. Because this is not how they roll in China, yo. Chinese graduate student will then show up at your office the next day with a lovely thank you card and approximately twice the amount of the dinner bill enclosed, in cash.



Live and learn.

In other news, I am sleeping better! I have no idea why because I haven't changed a single damn thing, but I'm waking up around 4:50/5:00am instead of 2:30/3:00a and that is just fine, thanks.

Also, my fatigue levels are decreasing. You'd think these were related, but it might just be coincidence. I've often had fatigue issues despite getting adequate sleep, so I'm putting this under the Correlation Does Not Imply Causation tag. In any case, it's nice. I don't start feeling like I need a nap until 12:30 or so. Progress! I got pretty tired yesterday but managed to power through the afternoon okay once I got busy doing stuff in the kitchen. Was really ready for bed by 8:30pm, though.

Hypnotherapy continues. At my Thursday session I mentioned to Jennifer my concerns that I was faking my responses--that I couldn't at all tell if I was processing stuff, and I felt like I was just raising my finger because I didn't know what else to do. She said that was fine, that everyone responds differently, and there are no wrong ways to do this. So that was...reassuring? I guess? I did have a couple weirdly fun experiences that night. A couple times during the session my brain really did check out. I started drifting, sort of like falling asleep, but more like falling asleep under anesthesia. I was aware of my surroundings and then *bang* I was aware that time had passed but I had no idea of how long or if she'd said anything or what. NGL, it was kind of cool to experience that in a safe environment. When I asked her about it afterward, she said at no time did I seem to be asleep or have a long delay in responding. So the episodes didn't last long, but I honestly could have been out of it for fifteen minutes and I wouldn't have known. I have two more sessions before my prepaid visits run out. I think at that time I'll take a couple weeks to evaluate how this is working for me and, if I want, resume sessions after the new year.

My office is so cold today. In addition to my regular clothes (wool socks, leggings, wool skirt, tee shirt, cashmere twinset, scarf), I'm wearing a third sweater, my fingerless gloves, a blanket covering my legs, the scarf pulled over my head, and my microwaveable bean bag kitty on my lap. I'm still freezing. Every once in a while I lift bean kitty to my face to warm up my nose. My illegal radiant heater under my desk is (as far as I can tell) not doing a damn bit of good. But I know I'd probably be even colder with out it. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.

Profile

clevermanka: default (Default)
clevermanka

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
23 45678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 12:58 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios