I'm making a separate post about my health stuff because I didn't want to distract from the message of the ableism post.
Things ... aren't going so great at the moment. I'm keeping up with the 300 Swings (barely, and through sheer force of will), and I enjoyed my session with Andrew yesterday (I know it makes me an even freakier freak, but I really like thrusters
and I get to do them with this week's workout!). That's the good.
The bad is a little more plentiful.
A couple months ago I said how Dr. Khosh was putting me on supplements to boost my progesterone and things were going pretty good in January. I had a record length cycle (twenty-seven days!) and the actual period wasn't horrible. I bled a lot
, but only for four days, and the cramping was minimal. I had very few major swelling episodes, and those that occurred weren't egregious. A couple inches, tops. My sleep schedule was fantastic, too. Lots of good sleep, even several eight-hour nights. Amazing. Then February happened. No idea why, but I started spotting mid-cycle and had terrible swelling episodes those same days. Then I started my period after only twenty-one days. While the cramping wasn't debilitating, it was certainly worse than before, and I bled for seven days
. Swelling episodes of two to three inches became the norm again. When I reported all this at my visit last Monday, he told me to stop taking the progesterone supplement--give my body a break for two weeks and then resume.
Since then I haven't had six hours of sleep in a night, and I haven't had more than three consecutive hours of sleep at a time. Yesterday I pushed myself physically (my hour session with Andrew, 200 KB swings outside of the workout with him, then deep-cleaned the house for four hours to prepare for a work-related reception) and by 5pm my abdomen was swollen past my boobs (my marker for A Really Bad Swelling Episode).
So that all sucks.
I'm calling Dr. Khosh's office today to say WTF. I also sent a message to my PCP's office (my doctor's office has an email service--it's awesome) to ask about a home lab kit that allows me to check my progesterone levels on a daily basis. Of course once I do get the test, who knows how long it'll take to get this all figured out. Frustrating.
On top of all that, the organizer of the 300 Swings challenge offered to analyze my food intake when I mentioned that I'd had very little luck with losing abdominal fat despite nearly a year of working hard to do so. I'm averaging just under 1,200 calories a day which turns out to be probably not enough
for muscle-building. I know I have a lower metabolism than most people--I had my resting metabolic rate tested several years ago and I clocked in at about 1,200 calories. It's likely, though, that with my added muscle (and I have
added a bit of muscle, despite this all) I'm running a bit higher these days. In any case, if I want to build muscle (and that's my main goal--the fat loss is just a vanity issue) I can't operate on a caloric deficit.
I've been trying for three days to eat more and have wound up eating less. I don't know if it's psychological sabotage, leftovers from the eating disorder, or just plain bad circumstances (I was incredibly busy this weekend), but at the end of the day I'm like "Wow, all I had was half a batch of tuna salad, some leftover meatballs, and two stalks of ants-on-a-log." <--That was yesterday, btw.
On the plus side, this is prepping me nicely for 221B Con, where I'll be operating on very little sleep (because parties
) and eating very little (because food options
). So...silver lining?
ETA: I need to mention (because it might not be obvious to those who haven't dealt with Eating Disorders) that part of the stress/not eating combo is psychological. I might not be able to control some things (like my body's not sleeping), but I can
control what I eat and how I eat. And for thirty years
I managed that control by not eating. Not to life-threatening levels. Nobody would ever have looked at me and thought "That girl looks anorexic." And don't get me wrong, 90% of the time I enjoy the fuck out of my food and I can pack it away like nobody's business. But those rare occasions when I'm feeling helpless and discouraged, I succumb to a mentality of Must Control That One Thing and it's really REALLY hard
to eat. So just telling myself to eat isn't helpful. Right now I feel like if I ate something it would come right back up. Not a good thing under any circumstances, but especially not a good thing at work. When we've got eight visiting students that we're trying to woo into our graduate program.