clevermanka: default (going well)
I do not feel good.

I'm swollen like whoa. Woke up this morning already swollen. Thirty-nine inches around my navel (that's over my shirt, but still). My usual navel measurement is around 32". I don't know if this the new supplements I'm taking or that I'm eating like crap lately (for my value of "crap").

Last night's yoga was difficult. I was slightly out of breath and my arms were exhausted after five sun salutations. My left side was weak and unstable in the standing poses. My back twinged coming out of every lunging stance.

I didn't sleep well because of mild but constant stomach discomfort, which I carried around pretty much all day yesterday. I had a little bit of pain after I took this morning's supplements, but that seems to have calmed down, even if the swelling hasn't.

This weekend I tried a baking soda clarifying treatment on my hair which pulled out a lot of build-up (the paste that fell out of my hair afterward was a disgusting yellowish-pink) but also pulled out a lot of my curl. I'm not happy about that and I'm not sure how to get the curl back. I'm treating it every day with a curl-enhancing conditioner and then my usual curl lotion, but it's still pretty limp. MERMAID HAIR NO MORE.

I took photos of my outfits last week and yesterday, but the camera I used is such crap that the photos were useless. I couldn't tell in some photos if those were skirts with tights or just leggings and I was the one wearing the clothes. So I need to use the better camera--which a problem because it's a big digital SLR thing and not a teeny click-and-shoot so it'll block a portion of my body--or deal with using a timer so I can use flash instead of shooting myself in the mirror. Or do both. UGH. I am not sure I'm that committed to documenting my fashion statements, y'all.

The CSSF summer stuff is rolling in. I told [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick that this was my last year helping out with housing stuff. I won't do it anymore. It makes me miserable. Sucks for him, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness on that altar anymore.

On top of all of that, I'm kind of broke. I spent more money last month than I realized, and I'm due to buy a hog in the next couple weeks. Time for austerity measures.

Some small good news, at least. I got the referral to see the MovNat guy at Elite Physical Therapy in Kansas City. He had an opening for tomorrow at 5pm so I took it even though it means driving to KC twice in two days.

Today's Tumblr collection is Tuesday, April 28: Nature.

Update: One of our lecturers just made me feel better about life. He came into my office and said "Manka, this is a weird question, but I feel like of anyone here, you might be able to help me. Do you have any dental floss?" And because I floss like it's my religion, I did.

Take your victories where you can, folks.

Update 2: Just finished lunch and here come the stomach cramps again.



Okay, so Resolution Time. Squeaky-clean eating habits for the next week so I can figure out if it's my shitty eating lately (so many nuts/dried fruit treats) or the new supplementation program.
clevermanka: default (ass2)
I am in a good mood today, despite it being fucking cold here. I really don't know what's going on, but I'm not gonna question it. My energy levels have been good. I've been sleeping well. When I (only occasionally) wake to pee in the middle of the night, I can fall back asleep. And this morning I had the energy and motivation to do something different with my Thirty Minutes of Intentional Movement: I did a combo of yoga and calisthenics that got my heart rate up and made me feel good and exercised without feeling wobbly or overworked.

Whether it's my various supplements (good god my supplements), Dr. Jonah's treatments, my commitment to movement, my efforts to avoid constant rage, or a combination (probably a combination) I feel great. It's...kind of amazing.

This is a fascinating article on tight hamstrings. I do not have tight hamstrings, but I do have tight hip flexors and some difficulty with glutes and hamstrings firing correctly in a squat. I'm going to try that motor sequencing test and exercise this week.

Speaking of movement and general body mechanics, I discovered an interesting thing this morning. I engage my abs and glutes at my standing desk much more effectively when I let my heels rest on the downward slope of my fatigue mat. I've heard about negative rise heel position, and this sells me on it. I wouldn't want to walk around like this, but for standing, it's great. It improves my posture, and that's (not to brag) saying something.

I've been spending money indiscriminately lately. It needs to stop soon, but it's just so nice to spend a bit of money when I have it. Some of my more exciting purchases include a pair of these amazing potholders, this cardigan which I loved so much I actually bought it new on impulse at Costco last night, and a bunch of flavors from Republic of Tea that I've never seen in local stores like Coconut Cocoa and Safari Sunset. Yes, I know they have "flavorings" which can sometimes be problematic, but fuck it. I wanted some indulgence teas for this winter weather so I bought them and I shall drink them with relish and glee.

On the spending money front, does anyone local want to go in with me on ordering some Shea Butter, sustainably and responsibly sourced? It's a great price per pound, but the shipping for one container from Africa is a little steep. If two or three of us go together on it, it'll be more reasonable.

Does anyone remember there was a Brenda Starr movie? Does anyone local want to watch it with me? I think I need to see it for the costumes and subtext. I dunno if it's rentable from Liberty Hall, but apparently someone uploaded the whole thing to YouTube so if you don't mind shitty quality visuals...

I'll leave you with this amazing painting I saw on Tumblr. You guys. YOU GUYS.



I need a print of this. Where does one hang a painting of oneself, emerging naked and enraged from a well? WHO FUCKING CARES. I want it, and if I ever find it, I shall find a place for it.
clevermanka: default (winter)
Nailed it:


Met with Dr. Khosh on Monday. My thyroid numbers are getting better, so we're sticking with the current protocol which is the thyroid supplement pills in the morning and half a teaspoon of the thyroid cream rubbed on at night. We're having another female hormone panel run to see if anything is out of whack there that might explain the swelling (as well as my difficult periods and inability to lose fat around my abdomen). My last hormone panel was (I think) in the Spring of 2010, so it's been a while, and my numbers weren't great. So, vein stick tomorrow morning. Yay.

I have spent SO MUCH MONEY in the past 72 hours. The visit to Dr. Khosh, this month's supplements, a new henna order (I order in bulk since I color four heads), lace for more bloomers, xmas presents (buying and shipping), an extra-pricey trip to the grocery store (lots of stuff I use regularly on sale means STOCK UP TIME)... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm really glad my flexible spending account expired, so that's another $50 per paycheck. Fuck yes.

[livejournal.com profile] mckitterick sent this to me yesterday and we were both like "how have I not seen this yet on Tumbr????!?!?!?"

Check out these amazing paper heart patterns for making something like, oh, say...THIS. o_O
clevermanka: default (Default)
Nailed it:


Met with Dr. Khosh on Monday. My thyroid numbers are getting better, so we're sticking with the current protocol which is the thyroid supplement pills in the morning and half a teaspoon of the thyroid cream rubbed on at night. We're having another female hormone panel run to see if anything is out of whack there that might explain the swelling (as well as my difficult periods and inability to lose fat around my abdomen). My last hormone panel was (I think) in the Spring of 2010, so it's been a while, and my numbers weren't great. So, vein stick tomorrow morning. Yay.

I have spent SO MUCH MONEY in the past 72 hours. The visit to Dr. Khosh, this month's supplements, a new henna order (I order in bulk since I color four heads), lace for more bloomers, xmas presents (buying and shipping), an extra-pricey trip to the grocery store (lots of stuff I use regularly on sale means STOCK UP TIME)... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm really glad my flexible spending account expired, so that's another $50 per paycheck. Fuck yes.

[personal profile] mckitterick sent this to me yesterday and we were both like "how have I not seen this yet on Tumbr????!?!?!?"

Check out these amazing paper heart patterns for making something like, oh, say...THIS. o_O
clevermanka: default (tombstone)
Here's a cultural lesson for you: Never try to beat the Chinese graduate student to paying the dinner bill by pretending to go to the bathroom, flagging down the waitress, and having her run your credit card while said Chinese graduate student isn't looking. Chinese graduate student will wind up being horrified, nearly burst into tears, and beg to repay you for ten minutes while fellow restaurant patrons look on curiously. Because this is not how they roll in China, yo. Chinese graduate student will then show up at your office the next day with a lovely thank you card and approximately twice the amount of the dinner bill enclosed, in cash.



Live and learn.

In other news, I am sleeping better! I have no idea why because I haven't changed a single damn thing, but I'm waking up around 4:50/5:00am instead of 2:30/3:00a and that is just fine, thanks.

Also, my fatigue levels are decreasing. You'd think these were related, but it might just be coincidence. I've often had fatigue issues despite getting adequate sleep, so I'm putting this under the Correlation Does Not Imply Causation tag. In any case, it's nice. I don't start feeling like I need a nap until 12:30 or so. Progress! I got pretty tired yesterday but managed to power through the afternoon okay once I got busy doing stuff in the kitchen. Was really ready for bed by 8:30pm, though.

Hypnotherapy continues. At my Thursday session I mentioned to Jennifer my concerns that I was faking my responses--that I couldn't at all tell if I was processing stuff, and I felt like I was just raising my finger because I didn't know what else to do. She said that was fine, that everyone responds differently, and there are no wrong ways to do this. So that was...reassuring? I guess? I did have a couple weirdly fun experiences that night. A couple times during the session my brain really did check out. I started drifting, sort of like falling asleep, but more like falling asleep under anesthesia. I was aware of my surroundings and then *bang* I was aware that time had passed but I had no idea of how long or if she'd said anything or what. NGL, it was kind of cool to experience that in a safe environment. When I asked her about it afterward, she said at no time did I seem to be asleep or have a long delay in responding. So the episodes didn't last long, but I honestly could have been out of it for fifteen minutes and I wouldn't have known. I have two more sessions before my prepaid visits run out. I think at that time I'll take a couple weeks to evaluate how this is working for me and, if I want, resume sessions after the new year.

My office is so cold today. In addition to my regular clothes (wool socks, leggings, wool skirt, tee shirt, cashmere twinset, scarf), I'm wearing a third sweater, my fingerless gloves, a blanket covering my legs, the scarf pulled over my head, and my microwaveable bean bag kitty on my lap. I'm still freezing. Every once in a while I lift bean kitty to my face to warm up my nose. My illegal radiant heater under my desk is (as far as I can tell) not doing a damn bit of good. But I know I'd probably be even colder with out it. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.
clevermanka: default (Default)
Here's a cultural lesson for you: Never try to beat the Chinese graduate student to paying the dinner bill by pretending to go to the bathroom, flagging down the waitress, and having her run your credit card while said Chinese graduate student isn't looking. Chinese graduate student will wind up being horrified, nearly burst into tears, and beg to repay you for ten minutes while fellow restaurant patrons look on curiously. Because this is not how they roll in China, yo. Chinese graduate student will then show up at your office the next day with a lovely thank you card and approximately twice the amount of the dinner bill enclosed, in cash.



Live and learn.

In other news, I am sleeping better! I have no idea why because I haven't changed a single damn thing, but I'm waking up around 4:50/5:00am instead of 2:30/3:00a and that is just fine, thanks.

Also, my fatigue levels are decreasing. You'd think these were related, but it might just be coincidence. I've often had fatigue issues despite getting adequate sleep, so I'm putting this under the Correlation Does Not Imply Causation tag. In any case, it's nice. I don't start feeling like I need a nap until 12:30 or so. Progress! I got pretty tired yesterday but managed to power through the afternoon okay once I got busy doing stuff in the kitchen. Was really ready for bed by 8:30pm, though.

Hypnotherapy continues. At my Thursday session I mentioned to Jennifer my concerns that I was faking my responses--that I couldn't at all tell if I was processing stuff, and I felt like I was just raising my finger because I didn't know what else to do. She said that was fine, that everyone responds differently, and there are no wrong ways to do this. So that was...reassuring? I guess? I did have a couple weirdly fun experiences that night. A couple times during the session my brain really did check out. I started drifting, sort of like falling asleep, but more like falling asleep under anesthesia. I was aware of my surroundings and then *bang* I was aware that time had passed but I had no idea of how long or if she'd said anything or what. NGL, it was kind of cool to experience that in a safe environment. When I asked her about it afterward, she said at no time did I seem to be asleep or have a long delay in responding. So the episodes didn't last long, but I honestly could have been out of it for fifteen minutes and I wouldn't have known. I have two more sessions before my prepaid visits run out. I think at that time I'll take a couple weeks to evaluate how this is working for me and, if I want, resume sessions after the new year.

My office is so cold today. In addition to my regular clothes (wool socks, leggings, wool skirt, tee shirt, cashmere twinset, scarf), I'm wearing a third sweater, my fingerless gloves, a blanket covering my legs, the scarf pulled over my head, and my microwaveable bean bag kitty on my lap. I'm still freezing. Every once in a while I lift bean kitty to my face to warm up my nose. My illegal radiant heater under my desk is (as far as I can tell) not doing a damn bit of good. But I know I'd probably be even colder with out it. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.
clevermanka: default (gray boots)
Oh. Why, hello there completely new style inspiration/obsession. I just happened to stumble on this website while doing some hunting for my next Tumblr collection (1910s fashion) and I just...I just...I...



I spent about half an hour saving images. Look at the layering. She has descriptions of what elements are used to create each look and pages upon pages of line drawings for the different articles of clothing used to create each ensemble. I'm tempted to just print out the whole damn website.

WEEPING FOR THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL

Speaking of wardrobe items I shall never own, I recently found (completely by accident) the boots that started me on my search for the perfect black boot. I saw them worn on someone's fashion blog and every online shoe store was either sold out or didn't have them at all. I emailed the blog owner and she said they were a couple years old. I looked for those fuckers for a year before I gave up and bought my Ariats, which never fit me right, and then asked [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick to buy me the Borns this year, which are gorgeous, but they aren't the dream boots. I don't regret many things in life but DAMN I regret that I didn't find these before ordering the Borns.
clevermanka: default (Default)
Oh. Why, hello there completely new style inspiration/obsession. I just happened to stumble on this website while doing some hunting for my next Tumblr collection (1910s fashion) and I just...I just...I...



I spent about half an hour saving images. Look at the layering. She has descriptions of what elements are used to create each look and pages upon pages of line drawings for the different articles of clothing used to create each ensemble. I'm tempted to just print out the whole damn website.

WEEPING FOR THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL

Speaking of wardrobe items I shall never own, I recently found (completely by accident) the boots that started me on my search for the perfect black boot. I saw them worn on someone's fashion blog and every online shoe store was either sold out or didn't have them at all. I emailed the blog owner and she said they were a couple years old. I looked for those fuckers for a year before I gave up and bought my Ariats, which never fit me right, and then asked [personal profile] mckitterick to buy me the Borns this year, which are gorgeous, but they aren't the dream boots. I don't regret many things in life but DAMN I regret that I didn't find these before ordering the Borns.
clevermanka: default (moar meat)
I woke up a bit after 4:00 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep. It's going to be a long day. But it's going to be a long day where I get to see Thor 2!!!! Just a few more hours before I can get back on Tumblr.

While I was awake this morning, I packed up all my bellydance stuff into plastic bins. I'm left with a lot of plastic skirt hangers. If/when I reintroduce my costumes to the closet, I'll be using those space-saving skirt hangers, so these dozen-or-so skirt hangers are up for grabs. Anyone want some? Please take them off my hands.

My notice for the M&J Ranch cow I ordered arrived in the mail. It was just a hair larger than I anticipated because apparently I put down that I wanted half a cow?!!?!??!?!? I remember filling out the form and indicating that I wasn't sure whether I wanted a half or a quarter and they said that was fine, they'd contact me to confirm when they took the cows in for processing. Apparently that is no longer the policy and the ranch decided to err on the side of MORE so now I owe $700 for half a cow and this is definitely taking up most of what remains of my savings account. Also, we need to start eating more because I've got two weeks before picking up my meat and I've only got about half my freezer space available.

Yikes.

I am totally, totally going to make myself some Swants for some new winter loungewear. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. Thanks a million to [livejournal.com profile] shanmonster for that link.

Thanks to a conversation on another LJ, [livejournal.com profile] msmitti alerted me to the blog BoneLust. Squeamish types should probably avoid it. It's all about cleaning bones for collection and art. Speaking of art, the blog writer has an Etsy shop and how much do I love this one? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brilliant analyzation of British vs. American comedy:


I wonder if I'd succeed in sleeping another hour or so if I went back to bed now.
clevermanka: default (Default)
I woke up a bit after 4:00 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep. It's going to be a long day. But it's going to be a long day where I get to see Thor 2!!!! Just a few more hours before I can get back on Tumblr.

While I was awake this morning, I packed up all my bellydance stuff into plastic bins. I'm left with a lot of plastic skirt hangers. If/when I reintroduce my costumes to the closet, I'll be using those space-saving skirt hangers, so these dozen-or-so skirt hangers are up for grabs. Anyone want some? Please take them off my hands.

My notice for the M&J Ranch cow I ordered arrived in the mail. It was just a hair larger than I anticipated because apparently I put down that I wanted half a cow?!!?!??!?!? I remember filling out the form and indicating that I wasn't sure whether I wanted a half or a quarter and they said that was fine, they'd contact me to confirm when they took the cows in for processing. Apparently that is no longer the policy and the ranch decided to err on the side of MORE so now I owe $700 for half a cow and this is definitely taking up most of what remains of my savings account. Also, we need to start eating more because I've got two weeks before picking up my meat and I've only got about half my freezer space available.

Yikes.

I am totally, totally going to make myself some Swants for some new winter loungewear. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. Thanks a million to [personal profile] shanmonster for that link.

Thanks to a conversation on another LJ, [profile] msmitti alerted me to the blog BoneLust. Squeamish types should probably avoid it. It's all about cleaning bones for collection and art. Speaking of art, the blog writer has an Etsy shop and how much do I love this one? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brilliant analyzation of British vs. American comedy:


I wonder if I'd succeed in sleeping another hour or so if I went back to bed now.
clevermanka: default (bonecruncher)
Okay, so The Toast, right? I think everybody knows my feelings about it at this point. But this article about a guy who appears in this band's YouTube videos, man. The band's music style is not really one of my favorites but oh my god y'all this guy.

I found another Tumblr to follow. I can be snarky--like, really snarky--about fashion, and I am especially conservative when it comes to men's fashion. I admit it. But I completely and fully support Men Wearing Skirts because 1. I know skirts are comfortable as all get-out and I wouldn't deny that combination of wearing ease and style to anyone, and 2. Honestly, it's just fucking hot. From basic B&W to severe Futuristic to edgy Urban Leather, I am on board, y'all. [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick, take note. I will still groan and curl my lip at some of your sartorial choices (especially those that involve mixed plaids or sport coats with novelty tee shirts), but if you wanna start incorporating skirts into your wardrobe, let's go shopping baby.

Speaking of shopping, my little 3-cup Cuisinart died yesterday. After years of grinding and mayo-making, the poor little thing finally gave up the ghost while I was in the middle of making date-nut bars. I ran out to Kohl's (which is where I bought my first one) and found it on sale for $40 (not much more than I paid for the original one, ages ago) and in red! I wasn't thrilled about shelling out the surprise $40 (especially after giving Andrew a check for the rest of this year's training sessions and purchasing that gut bacteria kit this month), but shiny red new kitchen appliance yay!

After posting yesterday's Chicken Curry recipe, I went back to see if I could find the recipe for the similar fish soup*. I didn't find it, but looking through my old entries, I was struck by how many people used to be here who aren't now. Some of my recipe posts had 25 to 30 comments. And those were just recipe posts. LJ really is dying and it makes me sad. I hadn't noticed it quite so much because the attrition of my F-list has been so slow, with occasional new, welcome, additions. It's definitely not as lively as it used to be, though. I wish I knew how to lure people back because I miss the conversations.

* It's basically the same as the Chicken Curry. The only difference is instead of roasting a spaghetti squash and the adding the strands after the chicken, you grate 6-8 zucchini and then saute them in the soup pot with just a bit of oil until they start to dry out/turn brown just a wee bit. This takes for ev ur but is worth it for the improved depth of flavor and texture. Then add the fish, seasonings, and a cup of broth. Cook until the fish is done and then add the coconut milk. Ta-da.
clevermanka: default (Default)
Okay, so The Toast, right? I think everybody knows my feelings about it at this point. But this article about a guy who appears in this band's YouTube videos, man. The band's music style is not really one of my favorites but oh my god y'all this guy.

I found another Tumblr to follow. I can be snarky--like, really snarky--about fashion, and I am especially conservative when it comes to men's fashion. I admit it. But I completely and fully support Men Wearing Skirts because 1. I know skirts are comfortable as all get-out and I wouldn't deny that combination of wearing ease and style to anyone, and 2. Honestly, it's just fucking hot. From basic B&W to severe Futuristic to edgy Urban Leather, I am on board, y'all. [personal profile] mckitterick, take note. I will still groan and curl my lip at some of your sartorial choices (especially those that involve mixed plaids or sport coats with novelty tee shirts), but if you wanna start incorporating skirts into your wardrobe, let's go shopping baby.

Speaking of shopping, my little 3-cup Cuisinart died yesterday. After years of grinding and mayo-making, the poor little thing finally gave up the ghost while I was in the middle of making date-nut bars. I ran out to Kohl's (which is where I bought my first one) and found it on sale for $40 (not much more than I paid for the original one, ages ago) and in red! I wasn't thrilled about shelling out the surprise $40 (especially after giving Andrew a check for the rest of this year's training sessions and purchasing that gut bacteria kit this month), but shiny red new kitchen appliance yay!

After posting yesterday's Chicken Curry recipe, I went back to see if I could find the recipe for the similar fish soup*. I didn't find it, but looking through my old entries, I was struck by how many people used to be here who aren't now. Some of my recipe posts had 25 to 30 comments. And those were just recipe posts. LJ really is dying and it makes me sad. I hadn't noticed it quite so much because the attrition of my F-list has been so slow, with occasional new, welcome, additions. It's definitely not as lively as it used to be, though. I wish I knew how to lure people back because I miss the conversations.

* It's basically the same as the Chicken Curry. The only difference is instead of roasting a spaghetti squash and the adding the strands after the chicken, you grate 6-8 zucchini and then saute them in the soup pot with just a bit of oil until they start to dry out/turn brown just a wee bit. This takes for ev ur but is worth it for the improved depth of flavor and texture. Then add the fish, seasonings, and a cup of broth. Cook until the fish is done and then add the coconut milk. Ta-da.
clevermanka: default (Default)
I got this email yesterday:

I’m the communications coordinator for the College of Liberal Arts & Sciences. I help put together the College Monthly staff and faculty newsletter. We’re going to start a new feature in the newsletter showcasing "extracurricular" activities of staff members, basically fun hobbies or activities outside of their jobs.

You were suggested as a candidate for this feature for your belly dancing. If you would be willing to be part of the feature, let me know. If you could just answer the couple of questions below and send a photo of your belly dancing, that’s all I’ll need.

Let me know if you have any questions!

Ursula Rothrock
Communications Coordinator
College of Liberal Arts & Sciences
University of Kansas
(785) 864-8118

Extracurricular Questions:

Why do you belly dance?

How long have you belly danced?

What’s your favorite part of belly dancing?




I'm not sure if/how I want to respond seeing as I'm kind of really fucking burnt out right now and I have no recent pictures (within the last twelve months) that I'd like printed on a campus-wide document. Also, my answers would be boring. I'm not much on putting deep motivations into things, so my responses are 1) I enjoy it, 2) Twenty-two years, 3) Audience appreciation. Not really article-worthy material.

So glad I went to the gym yesterday instead of putting it off until tonight because my cramps are even worse today. I hope they're gone by Sunday. The free weights room was chock-full of douche-bros, though. Eight to ten guys (they passed in and out), and about half of them doing (IMO) stupid limited-range motions (like bent rows with super heavy weight but only lifting in a range of six to eight inches). *eyeroll* One guy was doing some pretty impressive deadlifts and (amusingly) he was the smallest guy there.

I'm giving up on this yeast-regulation supplement as a possible solution for my swelling. It hasn't helped at all. In fact, I've had some crazy-bad swelling days that rank up with the worst of them in the past few weeks. So now we're bringing out the big guns. And by big guns I mean a test kit for gut bacteria and parasites that runs $479 (before tax). Guess where my money from not-Smoker is going this year!

Last night after gym time I went to Drumming Circle. After nearly a year's hiatus, our group is back to meeting on Thursday nights. We're a bit smaller due to some drop-outs and fall-outs, but damn do we still sound fantastic. We played a saidi rhythm piece last night (all improv) for about eight minutes with just one drummer, our guitarist, and me on zills and the whole time I wanted to be recording it because we sounded fucking fantastic.

I so much want this workday to be over. I can tell it's going to be a miserable slog until check-out time.
clevermanka: default (Default)
A long time ago, a bellydancing friend of mine had a choreography to a sad-sounding song. She was good about researching lyrics before dancing to a song to determine its appropriateness for dancing and/or style of dance. I don't remember the lyrics, or even the title, but I referred to the song as "My Love For You Is A Wounded Giraffe."

Arabic music can be fraught with so much angst we can't even see it from here. I don't know what it is about their lyrics composers, but damn.

The other day I stumbled across this website which is not only a treasure trove of modern classics, but has the lyrics translated into English. This song is very famous and performed by Oum Kalthoum, the most famous female Arabic singer.

Those lyrics, tho. Man. No English-speaking emo band will ever come close to approximating Arabic music levels of angst. Ever.

There is something going on in my gut. Something serious. Yesterday I had no appetite, my stomach was unhappy, and my mood was in the dumps. I'm a firm believer in the gut/mind connection, and I haven't felt this low in ages. [personal profile] redheadfae picked up some vegetables for me at Costco, and I swear to you, the idea of having to go pick them up almost reduced me to tears. I was just SO DONE with dealing with anything. And it wasn't all due to lack of sleep. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.

It was a rough evening.

I've still got very little appetite today. Ate half my breakfast, and will eat the other half for lunch because this tuna salad is going to go bad if I don't finish it soon. Note to self: No more double-batches of tuna salad. I should have been finished with this on Tuesday.

The lack of interest in eating was helpful in regards to my blood test this morning. Since they were checking cholesterol and glucose, it was a fasting test. But my appointment wasn't until 10am. Quite convenient that I wasn't interested in eating even after I returned from getting stuck.

Here are my numbers.

Total cholesterol: 192 (should be less than 200)
HDL cholesterol: 66 (should be more than 60)
LDL cholesterol: Too low to register. Not even shitting you.
TC/HDL ratio: 2.9 (should be less than 3.8)
Triglycerides: Too low to register. All they could tell me was it was less than 45, which is as low as their monitor goes.
Glucose: 83 (should be less than 100)

All those naysayers who say eating saturated fats and no whole grains is bad for my cholesterol can suck my dick. I know this way of eating isn't for everyone, but damn it's good to know it works for me.

Speaking of eating, I discovered this recipe the other day and God Damn this is the finest squash EVER. Holy crap. [personal profile] mckitterick and I loved it. I don't know what she's talking about with "1 medium-to-large kabocha squash" in the ingredient list. The Kobocha squashes at my grocery store were about the size of large oranges, so I bought four and prepped them using the suggested amounts in the recipe. And we ate ALL OF IT.

I know I've mentioned how much I love The Toast lately, but I'm just gonna say again: I fucking love The Toast.

What don't I love? Being broke. God damn I am tired of having no spending money. Of course this week I got an email from MJ Ranch saying "Hi! Hope you're ready for your cow! They'll be ready in October!"



When KCRF wraps up I'm going to promote my bloomers a bit more. Again. I hope that'll help cover the cost of the freaking side of beef.

Finally, a Tumblr find. Accurate Column A is accurate.



Looks good to me!
clevermanka: default (moar meat)
Daddy's eye is already better after just a day on the antibiotics. He and Mommy had a better time than they thought they would at yoga class last night. Daddy even wanted pictures of us after class, sitting on the mats, etc.

It was only the second time Daddy seemed happy this whole trip. Mommy thinks he never recovered from the depression triggered by last summer's heart event. He doesn't engage much in conversation unless [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick is around--just reads the paper or texts/plays around on his phone. He gets frustrated and angry at things like his phone not working right, which is very out of character for him (he had to replace his phone while he was here). Mommy says he even got short with the staff person at the Sprint store. I've never in my life seen him be anything but polite and gracious with customer service people. He's never been one not to speak his mind (hello, I come by it naturally), but he's always been calm and laid-back about it--the type of person who finds the humor even in annoying situations.

I talked with Mommy a bit about it yesterday (while he was sitting in the car outside and messing with his phone) and asked her if she thought it would help if I talked with him about it. Unfortunately, she's mentioned his happiness level to him earlier in the day and he'd gotten defensive about it, so she thought my bringing it up this trip would be a bad idea. Too bad, because when they leave, my window for talking with him will close. He cannot talk on the phone with me, and I have no idea why. He clams up. Our typical phone conversation goes like this:

My phone: *ring*ring*
Me: Hello!
Daddy: Hey, boo.
...
...
...
Me: Daddy, you called me. You're supposed to start talking now.
Daddy: Oh, I just thought I'd see how you were doing.
Me: I'm good, rough day at work, but nothing awful. We're watching a movie tonight. You?
Daddy: Oh, you know, the usual.
...
...
...
Me: Well, okay, this has been great! Love you!
Daddy: Love you, too, bye.
*hang up*
Me: WHAT IN THE FUCK?

They leave today around noon.

After digging through the freezer yesterday, I realized I'm going to run out of meat before I get another chance to order an animal this fall. I'm trying not to panic at the financial implications of buying pasture-fed meat by the pound. Next time, I'm buying the whole pig, not just half of one, and I'll remember to ask for more ground pork, no hams. I still haven't found a buyer for those hams. *sigh*
clevermanka: default (post-dance)
So it snowed here yesterday. And it's supposed to snow again tomorrow. I am so glad I didn't take vacation this week. But I have tickets to see Jenny Lawson at Unity Temple on the Plaza tomorrow, and if we really do get snow, or the roads are even the slightest bit slick, I'll be stuck at home thanks to the Saab being unsafe for highway driving.

P!nk is playing Kansas City November 12th. Tempting. But tickets go on sale the end of this month, and there's just no way I'll have the money for it.

A while ago, I bought this tee shirt design from ... Teefury? Qwertee? I don't remember. One of those tee-shirt-of-the-day sites. It's one of my favorite tees, now. The design is gorgeous. So I thought I'd mention that Othertees has the design until 4pm, Thursday, March 21, CST. I'd be tempted to buy a back-up if I wasn't broke right now. Just as well, really. My tee shirt drawer is out of control.

At the Merc last night, I picked up some unflavored beef gelatin in addition to the toothpaste ingredients. The Calcium/Magnesium powder I can be used in a drink as well as in the toothpaste (in fact, that's its main use, as a nutritional supplement). After spending a bit of time on that Wellness Mama website, I did some more digging and decided that adding a bit of gelatin to my daily diet certainly wouldn't hurt anything, and neither would adding magnesium. If you don't want to dig through multiple articles, here is Wellness Mama's take on Magnesium and here's one on adding gelatin. So we'll see how that goes.

Had to leave a message on the nurse's answering machine at FirstMed to ask about my lab results. I don't have good luck with this. Either my message gets lost or they fail to actually answer my question, or something goes wrong. I just want my fucking lab results. What the hell.
clevermanka: default (srsly?)
Thanks to various things I've purchased in the past six weeks (supplements from Dr. Khosh, a chiropractic session, a quarter of a cow, yoga membership, a pair of shoes I probably shouldn't have purchased but they're clearance-ing out this line of Doc Marten's and they fit me so well), I am pretty broke. Due to some annual bills and a couple Chevelle parts purchases, [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick isn't exactly flush at the moment, either.

Wednesday I got a call from Parker Farms that my half-hog is butchered and ready for pick-up. I'd kind of forgotten I ordered a hog, but even so, I thought they said March before it would be ready. So there's another $200(ish) for the meat and processing fee. Oh, and add the cost of the gas it'll cost to get to Independence to pick up the meat. Not to mention how/when in the hell I'm going to be able to get it since the Crossfire is put away until the snow melts and the Saab isn't safe over 45mph thanks to a broken shock.

This morning I opened the washing machine door (we have a front-loader) and water started pouring out. I got towels down and managed to soak up most of what spilled out, then spent a long time bailing water (about six gallons) out of the washer. So it looks like we probably need a major repair to the washer, if not a new washer entirely. Luckily, the drier has been acting wonky for the past couple years, too, so hey.



Granted, this isn't the end of the world. I still have a teensy bit in my savings account. I shouldn't even have to carry a balance on this month's credit card bill if I pull half of what remains from savings to pay it off. But shit, man. Those shoes and two Qwertee tee shirts are the only impulse purchases I've made since fucking December. I don't count the multiple zill purchases 'cos [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick claimed those as a birthday present for me. Thanks, honey.

I knew when I made the financial commitment to my health that I wouldn't have a lot of disposable income anymore. The truth of that is just now becoming real to me.

March is a three-paycheck month. March is a three-paycheck month. March is a three-paycheck month.
clevermanka: default (bonecruncher)
Hey, one day of the AIP (AutoImmune Protocol) down! Only eighty-eight more to go.

Last night I went to the Merc to buy vegetables for the week, but I had to make a trip to Checker's because the Merc was lacking spinach, and I'm still buying some non-organic items for [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick (orange juice, cheese). The whole experience was stressful because I was spending not quite twice as much money for about half the amount of food and the two stores aren't exactly next door. At least Checker's is close to our house.

My body better adapt to the better nutrient qualities of the organic food so I need less food to stay satisfied. Yesterday and today I was so hungry all day. Not fun. I'm also exhausted. Tired like I haven't been tired in a while. I AM READY FOR MY CLEAN EATING ENERGY BOOST, OKAY?

I really gotta figure out where I can pick up some extra money. I'm having to pull out over half of what's left in my teensy little savings account to pay off all the crap I've got due in the next couple weeks. The bloomers yet again failed to take off at another store downtown. She sold one pair. =( I'm going to have to carve out the time to make an Etsy store as a last-ditch effort.

Whine whine whine. Okay, enough.

Do you need help figuring out the plot/characters of Les Miz? See if this helps.

A million thanks to [livejournal.com profile] aprilstarchild for pointing out to me the tumblr Hobbit Haikus. SO GOOD.

I really want to see that movie. Soon. It's probably not going to be this weekend, though. I'm already spending approximately three hours in the car tomorrow driving to and from Warrensburg, MO, to pick up my split side of a cow. Ugh. I need to find a closer farm for grass-fed beef. I emailed M&J today to find out when they'll have a side of beef available for purchase again, but the email bounced. I left them a voice message.

Has anyone who reads this ever heard of the sister singing group The Roches? They're about as far as it can get from what anyone would expect me to like, but I've been listening to them at work lately. Man, I love their voices. I am so grateful I got to see them live, ages ago.

Dodgy

Oct. 20th, 2012 09:43 am
clevermanka: default (boots and boys)
Okay, you need to go to this website, like, now. Click the link or the image. Now. Seriously. CLICK IT.



Raqs Bohéme last night was a good time! Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] msmitti for driving us. [livejournal.com profile] miischelle was gorgeous, as always, and oh my goodness I love watching Rebecca Dharma. YAY CABARET!

I am strongly strongly tempted by a piece of jewelry that's being made available through a start-up fundraiser for a band. I know...weird. But the ring is glorious, comes as small as a size four (eeeeeeeee!), has a snake on it, and is tied to one of my long-time actor crushes. *sigh* I decided against purchasing a second pair of boots yesterday, and I'll probably decide against buying that ring, too. CURSE THIS LACK OF MONEY. It's not going to get better anytime soon, so I suppose I'd best get used to it.

This ring, though. Man. So pretty and badass.

Today I must:
Take some packages to the post office
Stock up on pantry items at the Community Mercantile Member Day
Make a pot of something for lunches for next week
Wash sheets and towels, put electric mattress pad on my bed
Switch out my seasonal wardrobe
Tidy the sewing room
DRINK

Geez, full day. I think I'll start rustling around the kitchen in hopes of waking someone up so I can get dressed and started on all these things.
clevermanka: default (bonecruncher)
I mentioned a while ago about what things I am willing to do, and how long I am willing to do them, in order to achieve health. What I'm doing now, and what I've been doing for the past year, obviously isn't enough. I need to take it farther if I want to feel great. There are a lot of things to consider, and a few of of them are daunting.

The first issue is financial.
I already spend at least a third of my income on healthcare that isn't covered by insurance: regular visits to Kiva, my acupuncturist visits with Dr. Khosh, the supplements he recommends, and other miscellaneous trials of treatments-that-might-possibly-help (lymph drainage, energy work).

My grocery bill is substantial, since a diet of meat and fresh vegetables is considerably more expensive than a diet packed with cheap carbohydrates. Even though I purchase largely conventionally-grown food, I spend a lot of money on food.

And then there's the money I spend on exercise opportunities, although [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick kindly footed the bill on that lately.

If I want to see some improvement, though, I need to invest more.

I plan to resume weekly acupuncture treatments--I'd gone to every-other-week appointments for a few months. I must be more diligent about not letting my supplements from Dr. Khosh run out. Earlier this month I was out of my Cortisol Manager for nearly a week. I couldn't make the time to get to the office to pick it up, and it's $50 for a twenty-day supply of just that one supplement (I take four). I don't know if I'll continue the lymph drainage treatments until after I feel I have a handle on the adrenal issues, so that's a small bit back in my pocket.

The biggest cost increase over my current expenditures will be food. Once I get the chest freezer cleared out of our current supply of animals, I'm eating only grass-fed/organic meats and vegetables (with the exception of fish). I'm not sure exactly how much this will increase the grocery bill, but I estimate a 50% to 75% increase. I hope I can order part of a cow or pig (or both) and cut that closer to the 50% estimate. Buying the meat in bulk will be much cheaper.

My exercise bill is the most nebulous of the financial issues. I signed up for a ballroom dance class through Parks & Rec, but since it's Parks & Rec it's practically negligible, cost-wise. I also enrolled in a nine-week Thursday night yoga class that will run through the end of December. That was a little more expensive. I'm thinking of following in the footsteps of some women I know who swim a couple times a week. Most importantly, I need to consider what I'm going to do about CrossFit starting with the new year. I've nearly completely wasted the membership [livejournal.com profile] mckitterick purchased for me (not completely by choice).

I'm unwilling to put more money towards CrossFit when I don't know I'll be able to use their facilities to the extent I wish. I love them, but it's pretty hard on my body and I don't know how I feel about going to CrossFit and taking it easy. What I need to do is scrape together my dignity and make an appointment to talk with Thomas or Andrew about how/if I can effectively use them and their services under my current physical restrictions.

And that segues nicely to my second major consideration.

The second issue is social.
I cannot allow myself to get run down, and I will get run down if I continue to book myself at the rate I've been doing and still fit in the additional physical activities (dance class, yoga, other crucial daily activities). So I need to even more restrict my participation in social activities and put my Me Time first. I already have a limited social calendar when it comes to actually socializing, but I have to cut it back even more. This will be made a teensy bit easier by the facts that I'll no longer be able to eat at restaurants (not many 100% organic restaurants that serve Paleo-style food around here), and I'm also cutting out all alcohol consumption as of January 2. Yep. More on that in a bit.

In general, I'm going to be more of a homebody than ever, and I'm eliminating late weekday nights outs. Prep for bed will begin no later than 9:00pm and I must be asleep by 10:00pm. On weekends, any occasions that result in a bedtime past 11:00pm will be limited to one a month. Making sure I get more than enough good sleep is crucial. Along with dietary improvements, sleep quality and quantity is the best thing I can do to help heal my adrenals.

This brings me to my last major concern.

The third issue is dietary.
Yes, I'm going to restrict and monitor my diet even more. Starting in January, I'll follow the Autoimmune Protocol for Paleo (AIP). Foods I'm eliminating (that I haven't already cut from my diet): Nuts, seeds (including cocoa and seed-based spices), nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, eggplants, sweet and hot peppers and spices derived from peppers), and alcohol.

I'll also avoid particular starchy fruits and vegetables that have reported problems with people who have Small Intestinal Bowel Overgrowth (like me). Of the fruits and vegetables I eat that aren't nixed via the AIP, I'll further eliminate artichokes, okra, parsnips, and yams.

And of course I'll record my food intake in some sort of journal. Whether it'll be on paper, here on LJ, or in an online food tracker I haven't decided. I'll probably use a combination of two (or all) of those because I need to keep an eye on what I'm eating, and keep an eye on how I react to foods once I start to reintroduce them.

This is all more than a little intimidating. Just one of those groups of problems would be a big deal, but put all three together and I admit I'm a little nervous. But the idea of spending another year in the same poor health I spent 2012 is not acceptable, and the idea of getting worse is terrifying. With my options presented as going backward, staying still, or going forward, I can't imagine choosing anything other than going forward.

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