clevermanka | Can you live without

As I remove physical, mental, and emotional baggage, I find things that pain me to let go. The little porcelain dolls (one of them broken) that my grandmother played with. The embarrassment that comes with knowing I am too lazy to be as slim and willowy as I was at 25. Anger with people who expect me to be ashamed when I move on with life after admitting that my best isn't always good enough.

How much do I let go in order to live serenely, compassionately, and peacefully? How much do I give up before I lose aspects of myself? I'm not so zen as to desire a loss of self in a great sea of nothingness. I will not allow outside influences to define myself or my happiness, but emotionally removing myself is not the goal, either. Where is the balance?

I'm going through a rough emotional time, and some lyrics have been rolling around in my head for a couple weeks now. It's another Guy Forsyth song. He seems to have a knack for speaking to me.

What can I live with? And perhaps more importantly, what can I live without?

Can You Live Without
To listen to the song, go to this website and choose track 4. The music will start playing immediately with track 1, so be aware...

In times of trouble we decide what we need
What we take with us, what we leave
How much of your answers can be believed
Nothing gonna save you if you’re deceived

Can you live without
Water for five days
Can you live without
Shopping when you get paid
Can you live without
Having someone to blame
Can you live without
The loser of your game

Can you live without
This fine new car
Can you live without
Knowing exactly who you are
Did you ever doubt
You’d have your house on the hill
Can you live without
All the folks who never will

Can you live without
Your dope
Whatever it might be
Kindbud or Budweiser
It works the same for me
Can you live without
Them whispering your name
Can you live without
Cashing in your fame

Can you live without her
Best make up your mind
Can you live without her
Boy, you’re running out of time
Can you live without her
Is this the way it’s playing out
Can you live without her
Can you live without

In times of trouble we decide what we need
What we take with us, what we leave
And how much of your answers can be believed
Nothing gonna save you if you’re deceived

Can you live without
Her breath on your neck
Can you live without
The laughter and the sex
Did you ever doubt
You’d have her picture on your wall
Can you live without
Anybody there at all
Can you live without
The callus on your knees
Can you live without
The scar that no one sees
Can you live without
Living by degrees
Can you live without
Doing exactly as you please

In times of trouble we decide what we need
What we take with us, what we leave
And how much of your answers can be believed
Nothing gonna save you if you’re deceived

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I am so very glad that Guy's words find some resonance within you.

I would think that the things to release would need be the things which cause you emotional/mental/physical harm over time. Letting go of such things isn't so much losing yourself, it is the process of evolution into what you are becoming (as we are all moving through time and space, and changing in response to our experiences).

None of us remain the people we were when we were younger at any level, but we do get to decide what pieces of our former experiences we keep, what we allow to influence our choices, and how we evolve as humans.

Guy, at one point also said this: "To become the person you want to be, you must let go of who you are". That, for me, has resonated strongly for me over many years, as I try to move through life's experiences, and try to keep in mind the person I continually strive to become.

D.

Letting go--is letting go of who you were. You're already something else, something different...anything you let go, is making room for you to be more fully you--and more precisely, the you of the now and of the future, rather than what can never be regained (you at 25, for example). Move forward, and you move more fully into yourself. I don't think there's anything to be lost that isn't in reality already gone. ;)

Can you live without
Knowing exactly who you are

The answer to that is, yes, but you can't live well. :)

The answer to that is, yes, but you can't live well

And see, there, I disagree. I think it's impossible to know exactly who you are. Because, as you point out, we are constantly changing at every level. A need to know exactly, precisely, who one is forces stagnation and a fear of letting go.

There's understanding yourself, engaging in self-reflection, assessing one's actions and thoughts--and then there's putting yourself in a vacuum. It's the "exactly" that changes the situation for me.

I don't think your missing the point at all. I'd love to talk with you sometime soon, though--about anything! But not this weekend, alas. I'm booked. I'll email you and we can discuss a different weekend.

. . . The little porcelain dolls (one of them broken) that my grandmother played with.
Why do you need to get rid of these?

The embarrassment that comes with knowing I am too lazy to be as slim and willowy as I was at 25.
I don't think it has to do with being lazy--bodies change with age, and you have had the whole thyroid thing. Maybe you are more comfortable in your body now than you were then?

Anger with people who expect me to be ashamed when I move on with life after admitting that my best isn't always good enough.
Do you mean you can't let go of the anger, or just that you are angry at those people?
I've talked with my therapist about "letting go" of things--mainly that I feel I have let go, but then something will happen to trigger the anger/sadness/whatever, and I feel upset that I haven't actually let go. She said that it's normal for things to trigger emotions, and it doesn't mean you haven't let go of something, it's just all part of the process.

I think I know what you mean by all of this. Sometimes I find myself wanting to hang on to an "unhealthy" emotion or situation because I feel like if I let go of it, and it's not part of me anymore, than does it mean it never happened even though it will forever cause me to see things differently or react differently? Will it take away part of my identity, even if it's not a healthy part? I don't think I'm explaining it very well . . . more like rambling . . .

1. I have a thing about keeping things that I don't use/look at/otherwise appreciate. These little dolls have been tucked away in a box for 20 years. They need a home with somebody who will look at them with love.

2. Part laziness, part priorities. I just don't want to spend an hour at the gym six days a week, and that's what it took to be in that sort of shape.

3. It's pointless to be angry at people who want me to be something other than what I am. I need to stop that.I can't change the way they feel about me, but I can stop letting them affect me.

Sometimes I find myself wanting to hang on to an "unhealthy" emotion or situation because I feel like if I let go of it, and it's not part of me anymore, than does it mean it never happened even though it will forever cause me to see things differently or react differently? Will it take away part of my identity, even if it's not a healthy part?

Yeah, you've got it exactly, there.

1) yeah, I've got things like that too--and wonder if it's worth holding on to if it's just kept in a box.

2)Unless you enjoy spending that much time working out, then screw it! Of course it's good to exercise to be healthy . . . but you can be healthy without having the body you did when you were 25. And that would take time away from sewing or knitting or other fun stuff, like drinking!

3)I can't change the way they feel about me, but I can stop letting them affect me. Right, but it's always easier said than done. So try not to beat yourself up when/if you still get affected by them.

1. IMO, no, but I realize some people like to hold onto things for sentimental reasons. There's nothing wrong with that (to a point), but I'm not one of those people.

2. Yeah. I don't feel like I'm a healthy weight yet, but hopefully...sometime soon.

3. I'm mostly just tired of being angry with idiots. =D

3. I'm mostly just tired of being angry with idiots.

Oh, how I know that feeling . . . and then I get mad at myself for expending the energy to be mad at them.

=D

Exactly.

I don't think we lose ourselves when we choose to consciously evolve, I think we find ourselves. I am not the same person I was 5, 10, 15 years ago....thank the Divine. It is when I am stagnating, not in the process of change that I worry.

I don't believe we can lose ourselves. Perhaps you are just really seeing and recognizing the changes for the first time, they have become more obvious to you as they have become conscious choices, but you have always been changing and always will.

It is when I am stagnating, not in the process of change that I worry.

But...but...I like myself! =D

Seriously, though, I understand where you're coming from, and this thought in particular is giving me something to chew on: Perhaps you are just really seeing and recognizing the changes for the first time. Thank you for that. Interesting.

LOL I like you too and me for that matter, but I get your point as well :)

You are most welcome.

I think I may have missed the stress on the "exactly" there, on my first reading, but I agree the writer of the song intended it the way you read it. :)

I agree with your analysis of what it means (and how it would be negative) to be focused on exactly who we are.

It's a wonderfully subtle song, and I love how many of the questions he poses change their meaning when you look it them from a different angle. He's a phenomenal songwriter.

I know you don't particularly like "talking things out" but if you should decide you might.. I'm always here.

Can you live without

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This resonates with me...

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Hmmm

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