Emotional attachment

[clevermanka]

The people who did this study never observed my Fetish Girl when I would come home from work. Or try to do yoga. Or sew. Or do anything else in the house ever. If anyone had told me that Fetish wasn't emotionally attached to me, I don't know that I would have punched them in the face (although it would have been a possibility), but I would have gotten a good laugh out of it.

God I still miss her so much. Like, prickly feelings in my eyes when I think about her. It's coming up on three years since her death, but I still have moments of crushing grief if I let myself reminisce too much. And people wonder why I absolutely refuse to get another pet. NO. Just no.

In also JUST NO news, there is a shit-storm of well-deserved fangirl wrath raining down on Caitlin Moran right now. She behaved like a horrid person at the Sherlock Season 3 premiere, and continues to act like an asshole despite world-wide protests and call-outs. Does it sound horribly arrogant and petty to say "Nyah nyah, I never liked her from the start!" because I really, REALLY didn't. I felt like there was something off and fake about her from day one and although it's sad the way she showed her true colors, I can't help feeling just a teensy bit smug for never jumping on her bandwagon. She's a sadistic bully and I want to wash her mouth with soap every time she claims the Feminist label. Because FUCK YOU, Caitlin. You are a bad feminist if you are a feminist at all.

Comments

[zitronenhai.livejournal.com]

One of the things that pisses me off about "studies" like this is that they rally think they can generalize results from a small sample, not to mention that the "experiment" was held in an environment unfamiliar to the animals. Cats behave differently in an environment they have never experienced before. My dog would have been extra clingy, but still.

pamelonian can vouch - Bennie would meet me at the door when I got home from work. The trigger was the sound of my car. I like it when I have dreams about him. Sometimes I want to imagine that it's a visit in the afterworld. I miss him so.

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

I also call BS on the cat study. Just because cats don't react with the same behaviors as babies and dogs do, doesn't mean they aren't attached to us. Our lone male cat is absolutely attached to me, and constantly uses me as a base for safety. When he teases his sister-cat, she runs to me as a base of safety. When I am gone on a trip, the cat that Chris brought into the marriage yeowls with confusion about the missing family piece, and when I return, she purrs with the force of a thousand motors and curls up next to my face/halfway onto my shoulder to sleep. No emotional attachment, indeed.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh, I believe you about Bennie. Definitely.

Sometimes I want to imagine that it's a visit in the afterworld. I miss him so.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Heck, I don't even like cats (sorry), and it's clear to me they're very attached to their favorite people.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I'm always curious about this sort of thing. Why/how does a person not like an entire species?



Don't get me wrong, I'm totally sympathetic. I really don't like monkeys--even the supposedly cute ones. But how does this happen? I never had a bad experience with a monkey. In fact, the one monkey I've ever had personal interaction with was very sweet and (inexplicably) loved being held by me. But I don't even enjoy looking at pictures of them. So weird.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry that missing Fetish still grieves you, and I totally understand it.

The study is silly. The child is carried in, dogs .. well, hello, it's a Labrador, isn't it?! Meanwhile, the cat is brought in a carrier which we all who own cats know makes them nervous to start. And then all the whispered "so the cat's been let out of the basket..." that made me laugh, really. All very David Attenborough (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndMKTnSRsKM).

Pablo goes to the window and watches for us when one of us is due home.. we see his funny little face between the blinds when we pull in and he runs to the door for us.
I'd like for them to have seen Pablo when Erica brought him into the room for me to visit with him... he would not leave me alone, and though he looked around the exam room, he did indeed keep returning to me for assurance that I was still there.
Brits also tend to let their cats roam outside far more, and I read somewhere that cats have a closer bond with their owners when they don't roam outside.
Then again, I suppose they'd still see Pablo as an exception, he not only goes out to the yard and meanders, he comes running like mad when I call him.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I also think cats sometimes show their affection in ways very different from children and dogs. And we love them for that.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Right! They just like to hang out with us.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

For one thing, I can't breathe so well around most cats -- even the ones I admire as individuals -- so it's been tough to develop a sense of affinity.

My family always had dogs, so I naturally connect with them better. Many cat's I've encountered also relate on a very different wavelength that possibly isn't natural for me. I'm also a little bit scared of them, having been hurt by a pair of hoodlum Siamese when I was very young. So it's a multi-variable sort of equation. :)

Having said that, I might be in the market for a Maine Coon if we continue to have Mouse Problems, even if I have to get shots or something. Somehow, the really huge cats seem more appealing. Maybe that doesn't make any sense.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, being allergic would definitely influence one's affection toward an animal. Also, Siamese cats are MEAN. I say this as a cat-lover.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Yes, these two were terrible, and I totally get that they were not a stellar example of the species. But I'd been "hired" by a neighbor to feed them, clean out their litter, and play with them for a little while after school each day. It became their favorite game to hide from me and then *pounce* on me (from above, even).

I understand this sort of thing is great fun for cats and many other creatures, but I've never been a fan of surprises or capriciousness in any encounter -- especially ones that leave me bleeding -- so I'm always sort of waiting for a cat to do something dastardly to me.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

When I came home from St. Louis last week Byrd was waiting for me by the door, rolling around and pawing at me for pets, and when I went back out to get my other bag he sat at the door and yowled until i came back in. Taj was sitting Right There.
For me it's easy - dogs are more like extroverts ,cats are more like introverts and you have to prove you deserve their love.

Sometimes "science" is stupid.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Sometimes "science" is stupid.

Sometimes scientists are stupid.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

I had never heard of Caitlin Moran, but she doesn't sound very savvy. How did she get to the top of the media heap with actions like this?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I. Have No. Idea.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

THIS.

[siro-gravity.livejournal.com]

all cats are different, and they are different from people and from dogs. to assume that a cat isn't attached to his or her guardian because they're comfortable with new people, doesn't make sense. It's like, the underlying assumption of the study is wrong for how cats work. I know exactly how each one of my cats feels about me, just like you know EXACTLY how Fetish Girl felt towards you.

Also, I have to say, she has some pretty spankin' fingernails. :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

to assume that a cat isn't attached to his or her guardian because they're comfortable with new people, doesn't make sense. It's like, the underlying assumption of the study is wrong for how cats work.

Bingo.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

My One True Cat - "The Great Helen of Peerless Whose Face Could Launch a Thousand Combines" - was part Siamese, and she wasn't mean. To me, or to people she liked. (Though she most definitely was mean to those she didn't, or who stood in the way of her getting my attention.)

(http://mckitterick.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/719/96409)

She would race to the door when I got home to greet me. She slept with me. She wanted my constant attention, and would sit on my computer monitor, clearly imagining I was just staring at her the whole time. When she was in A Mood, only I could dispel it through a very specific ritual.

That experiment is deeply flawed, or at least the conclusions are shallow. I still miss her very much, and still feel my eyes get hot and chest get tight when I think of her, and it's been 14 years. Grief isn't something we "get over," as long as our memory remains intact.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

I do get a little bit of a chuckle over the fanfic author's complaint that their work was used without permission.

CHUCKLE.

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

Still sad about your kitty. Hard to believe that it has been 3 years.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

It's not the same thing. This was an obvious play to humiliate, embarrass, and denigrate everyone involved. Which is pretty much the exact fucking opposite of what fanfic/fandom does. For a perfect rebuttal to this and the "well it was on the internet so what do you expect" arguments, may I please direct your attention here (http://acafanmom.tumblr.com/post/70305287645/cosmoglaut-acafanmom-i-will-try-to-walk-away).

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yep.

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm less about "it's online, so it's fair game," and more about an author using someone's characters without permission, and then being resentful when someone else uses their work without permission.

There is, of course, plenty of additional arguing room surrounding Sherlock and Watson as public domain figures, though I suspect any number of contentious examples surrounding fairy tale princesses and Disney are available there as well.

I also wonder if Martin and Benedict were uncomfortable with the reading; they're both intelligent pros and can likely waltz past this kind of thing.

And then have their managers prevent this horrid creature from being around them again.

[aprilstarchild.livejournal.com]

I think all mammals are capable of forming attachments, and so are a lot of birds. I have seen cats that are attached to their owners, and my rats were attached to me and each other to varying degrees.

Ugh, Caitlin Moran. I loved (LOVED) her books, but her feminism...it's very non-intersectional. I prefer my feminism to be generally anti-oppression, instead of only being interested in white, middle-class, able-bodied, cis-gendered women. Who, apparently, aren't into fandom either. UGH. I understand the argument that she's presenting an opening into feminism for people who aren't hip to anti-oppression stuff, but....that should just be a starting point, y'know? Ergh.

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking of you and Fetish kitty today. >hugs< I miss all my cat loves.

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we joke (but are kind of serious) that our Fatty Cat is my actual boyfriend and wishes he could push Justin down the stairs or something to get rid of him. He was J's cat first but loved me the moment he met me (despite being super scared of other people). He stares at me while I sleep, meets me at the door, calls for me in the house, starts purring when he seems me, the whole 9 yards. He had cancer surgery this summer and I was a complete mess. Thankfully he's doing ok but just the thought of him being gone makes me tear up, so I can only imagine how you feel.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I miss Josie too. I can't let myself think too hard about it either, because I'll become a big weeping mess. And it's been about 18 months here. She was the DEFINITION of attachment; she got horrible separation anxiety whenever I wasn't around and would rarely leave me alone when I was home.


I feel like I should know who this Caitlin person is and why she is a Thing but I can't bring myself to care about her opinion.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

Anyone who runs a website called "How to be a woman" is a prime example of the kind of feminist I do not want to associate with.

[aprilstarchild.livejournal.com]

Maine Coons are awesome. Also, and YMMV, I find that despite their extreme fluffiness, they don't bother my allergies as much as other cats.

Be aware that they're big head-butters though: the love to rub their face on yours. This is how I discovered that they were low-allergy, as this makes my face itch for a couple of minutes and then that's it--no itchy eyes or sneezing. But my allergies don't tend towards asthma most of the time.

[aprilstarchild.livejournal.com]

The title is meant to be a joke. In the book she says flat-out that of course she doesn't know how to be anybody but herself and she can't possibly speak for all women.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

being resentful when someone else uses their work without permission.

I think it's pretty damn likely that if the story had been read in an appropriate context (like at a con, or in an environment that embraced the medium), the author might have appreciated her work being used. But in this circumstance, when someone's creation is used to hurt and mock not just the creator but those who inspired it, that goes far, far beyond the issue of permissions and legalities and takes a flying swan dive into poor ethics and straight-out bullying.

It most certainly does not deserve a chuckle.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Aw. He sounds like such a lover! *squish*

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

If you don't already know about Caitlin Moran, just keep it that way. Seriously. She's just rage-inducing. Obviously.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Aw.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

In the book she says flat-out that of course she doesn't know how to be anybody but herself

And herself is obviously a horrible person so maybe she should just STFU. Please. PLEASE.

[athenaartemis.livejournal.com]

I'm not really plugged into the Sherlock side of fandom and Tumblr - I read some Sherlock fic, but I'm honestly not super into the fandom (the show, yes, but not the fandom), so I hadn't heard about this most recent fandom drama.

Ick. Ickickick. I hate when journalists do that, and this looks like a particularly horrible instance. It's one thing when an actor like Orlando Jones wades into the fandom with his arms wide open, asking for the fic and the art. He wants to see it, and creators in the Sleepy Hollow fandom create work *knowing* there's a decent likelihood of him seeing it. But no one in Sherlock fandom expects Martin or Benedict to see their stuff, and shame on Caitlin Moran for humiliating this author.

I do have to say, reading the author's Tumblr, she has handled herself extremely well throughout this. Everything she has posted has been polite and calm, despite how horrified she is at what happened.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that author deserves all the accolades and endorsements she's getting. Talk about handling this like a pro.

And now of course, because it seems like drama is regularly thrust upon the Sherlock fandom, we've got Martin Freeman making a rape joke (http://perezhilton.com/2013-12-17-martin-freeman-rape-joke-the-hobbit-the-desolation-of-smaug-danish-tv) on the Hobbit press tour.



Sorry to link to Perez Hilton, but that's the best link I can find.

[athenaartemis.livejournal.com]

I was actually going to include that link in my original comment, along the vein of "other things causing drama in the Sherlock fandom." But I didn't because it depresses me and I'm kind of choosing to stick my head in the sand on this one. Which is so not helpful at all, I realize that, but, seriously Martin? Come on!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Martin Freeman is a raging asshole and I'm okay with that but sometimes I wish other people would cop to the fact that he's a raging asshole and stop making excuses for him.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

That's really great to know -- thanks! We're used to head-butters in my house, with dogs (one of them a mastiff).

[athenaartemis.livejournal.com]

Tumblr loves to go on and on about how "sassy" he is, but sassy is just a nice word for asshole. And then people get all shocked when he makes rape jokes and says racist things. "But he's so nice and clever!" they say. No, he's not. You've just been reframing his dickishness as cleverness and humor because you don't want to admit that not all British men live up to the standard of Tom and Benedict.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Bingo.

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

+1

[alryssa.livejournal.com]

I'm definitely getting that impression from what I've read so far. Ugh.