We're all terrible

[clevermanka]

Wow, Chinese sure is a fascinating language. The more I learn about it, the more I'm 1) impressed (at both the language and the people who learn it) and 2) completely uninterested in learning it myself this lifetime. My poor little brain. It boggles.

I mentioned in a comment on jo_lasalle 's post yesterday my headcanon for the Dixing King curse thing: My personal headcanon is this only happened after the Guardian lantern went out (which is why it seems to come as a shock to Shen Wei?). Dixing needs some sort of sacrifice to stay functioning at even a bare existence level. Pretty sure this was influenced by my love of fairyland lore because that's 100% some tiend-to-hell shit and I am always here for fairy rules. I'm gonna be sort-of addressing it in a hand-wavey fashion in the Canadian Shack fic but I'm not letting myself think about it too much. I am not sinking myself into two WIPs, especially two that don't share a POV character. I know my brain's limits, and that way lies madness.

In a different exchange, naye coined the phrase "Consensually Attacked." It so accurately describe the (ice) knives this fandom hands each other so we can then stab our own selves in the heart. Repeatedly. I wonder if the reason I fell so easily into this fandom is we're all a bunch of emotional sadomasochists. As I commented in naye 's post:


Oh fandom. <3

Comments

[jo_lasalle]

the (ice) knives this fandom hands each other so we can then stab our own selves in the heart. Repeatedly. I wonder if the reason I fell so easily into this fandom is we're all a bunch of emotional sadomasochists.

Okay, something very interesting clicked in my head reading your post. I mean, interesting to me personally, not Deep Insight into the Show. *g* Because... that description makes total sense for a lot of exchanges about and approaches to the show that I've seen and occasionally experience some disconnect from - I actually don't think I am an emotional sadomasochist? Not in a "I reject your categorization!!!" way >_> but in 'huh, interesting' way. *g* Like, I do like angst, and I can like an emotional rollercoaster / have liked the emotional roller coaster of Guardian, but a lot of my continued emotional engagement is wrapped up in fixing the thing, how do I fix the thing. If this brainzap moment is correct, it could really explain a few things!

... this is a little undercooked and I'll refrain from mulling it over at innocent bystanders, but I wanted to say that this has been interesting food for thought!

[clevermanka]

I definitely don't think we've all got angst hard-ons, but... *glances at naye and frith_in_throrns* yeahhhhhhh

tbh, it's a good thing there's a balance of people (like you!) to keep us from constantly, continually wallowing in our fucked-up feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels =D

ETA: I meant to type "we're all most of us" but I see I left that piece out. Oops.

[jo_lasalle]

Heeeee. I promise, my point wasn't "hdu, you are not speaking for all of us!" I know a casual DW post from a fandom identity pledge. *g*

'wallowing' is maybe the better point of differentiation than angst, because I do like angst. (You haven't seen it yet, but, well.) But it needs to be... calibrated with other things. Really, very interesting point!

[starandrea]

I actually don't think I am an emotional sadomasochist?

Wow, same, and so interesting! marcicat and I were just talking on Saturday about how few Guardian fics we've been reading lately because so much of what's being posted to AO3 right now is sad or painful. The thought that this might be a result of individual fan personalities is an idea I honestly hadn't considered! :)

[clevermanka]

Okay so maybe it's just mostly the people I follow on Twitter then, which--NOT SURPRISING. =D

*surreptitiously scoots box of ice knives under the bed*

[starandrea]

Ha ha, I love you and your ice knives just the same! ♥ I know you will never NON-consensually attack! :D

[clevermanka]

[jo_lasalle]

I haven't noticed so much fic-wise (stuff that has a happy ending doesn't strike me personally as that masochistic, but I'm also wayyy behind on a lot of stuff), but, yeah, different fan personalities can totally be a thing!

[starandrea]

Ooh, I didn't mean to make it sound like I was in any way criticizing any fic! Which I totally did! My bad for including that - we love fic and fic writers so much, and everything on AO3 is a work of art, whether happy or sad. ♥

[clevermanka]

I kind of love how we're falling over ourselves to make sure No Offense. From the dynamics I've seen in so many other fandoms (I used to be on the outskirts of BBC Sherlock fandom--yikes) it's such a treat.

[starandrea]

It's wonderful to be in such nice company! ♥

[naye]

Fun fact: the first time I heard the expression "knives" for angst I think was on an early comment on Kaleidescope, calling it a "pit of knives". At the time I thought it was just one person's very vivid (and accurate) metaphor! And now I'm constantly amused that it's shorthand for "the thing we love hurts us bad and also we're going to hurt the characters we love"? (Though I'm an angst with a happy ending person to my core. I don't think I even remember there's no canon fix for the finale knives half the time because it's the only way I can truly deal. *clings to fix-its*)

[clevermanka]

I need the happy ending/fix-its to avoid falling into a (knife-lined) pit of permanent despair, but I can't lie, there's something in me that relishes an occasional, brutal stabbing. =/

[naye]

Even permanent ones? I'm good with fic exploring the STABS but then if I don't feel I've been put back together after I keep on low-key hurting for a while after and have a hard time getting over it...

[clevermanka]

Oh, I never get over it, but that doesn't mean I don't still wallow in it like the fucked-up emotional sadomasochist that I am. I don't think I'd ever write one, but ... yeah. /o\