clevermanka | If you're gonna scream, scream with me

If you're gonna scream, scream with me

I don't even like The Misfits, but damn that lyric is apt rn.

Guardian/adjacent:
Lost Tomb bts shot of Zhu Yilong jumping. He's not on a wire. That's him actually jumping. whimper
Bai Yu shows off his cooking skills.
Zhu Yilong's Condé Nast Traveler photoshoot, advertisement, and interview.
Sugar Daddy Bai Yu visits Mad Scientist Zhu Yilong's lab as a joke one day.
Weilan wedding manip.
Jiang Mingyang (Lao Chu's actor) looking very nice indeed.
NEVER OVER IT.

Untamed/adjacent:
Fanart: Jiang Cheng morning shave from the CQL Modern Gangster AU.
Thread of the sects in traditional south Asian bougie fashion for men.

I went back to bed around noon yesterday (things are not great) and when I moved my pillow, one of my earrings (without the back) was lying under it. Not just any earring, but one of the studs I got my ears pierced with in nineteen-eighty-one. It's the one I usually keep in my third ear piercing (on the right--left has only one) and I've managed to not lose either of the set for nearly forty years and it really would've been beyond the pale to lose one at this point. I'm so glad I didn't

Why do I feel so awkward conversing on Twitter? I don't use Tumblr that way, either. I feel weird sending bursts of unrelated, irrelevant conversations to hundreds of people? But I guess people are using to seeing that? IDK. But people seem to talk a lot of personal stuff (like when they're having bad days in These Trying Times) and while I post about that on Twitter in a sort of "well this was hilarious" (like COLLAPSING on the SIDEWALK) I don't expect or anticipate that people will engage with them. It's more like a mini stand-up routine. Fifteen seconds of open mike on the internet. ANYWAY it feels strange responding to people. I feel weird enough doing things like posting those "which table are you at" things. Is anyone else like this or is it just me?

I posted the DVD commentary for Ghost Story this morning. Word-count wise, I kept it under 10% of the length of the work so GO ME I guess (god I'm fuckin' chatty when I get started).

Tomorrow I mark the fourth week of my seclusion.

There are children screaming like they're being murdered outside and all I can say is I feel ya, kiddos.

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PHEW I am so glad you didn't lose that! Small mercies!

Twitter is absolutely not my thing- I tried it once, not fannishly, and it was too fast-paced and I felt too much (self-imposed) pressure to perform. I didn't last six months and even though a good chunk of my fandom has moved to Twitter, I won't go back. The few times I peeked it, it was like a party I wasn't invited to so I'd feel too weird showing up now. Again, I know that's all on me, but I'm not interested in ratcheting up my social anxiety even more.

Four weeks. Just, wow. These times, man.

I know Twitter isn't everyone's thing but I kinda wonder if my own hesitation stems from the creeping suspicion that I'll want to be on it all the time just to escape my own head rn.

Four weeks. With no real end in sight.

For me it would be fear of missing out that would keep me on it constantly. Maybe that's a tiny bit of the same thing? Maybe not. Lord knows I'm always on Tumblr as an escape.

I think about when that end might be....

I find Twitter useful to reassure myself that my friends (and if I follow you, you're considered in that group!) are okay. Even if I'm not interested in what they post, the fact that they are posting is comforting to me.

That's a good thing to keep in mind. Like a psychological game of Marco Polo.

Pretty much, yeah. I'm atrocious at actually keeping in touch with people, so it works nicely for me.

AAAAAH. I am SO WEAK for grumpy!soft!Jiang Cheng. *_____*

HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY

I FEEEL on the awkward part, but also I’ve gotten to a point where I really want to interact, so the balance has tipped away from feeling like I’m poking at someone to where I’m joining a convo. But also, sometimes the time zone difference makes things feel weird, like, is it weird to respond five hours later? I suspect people are used to it because that’s just the way the platform and Time work, and also, I think most people really are feeling as awkward and we all just muddle through. That said, I hereby invite you to shout at me any time, about any thing, on the timeline, in the DM’s, whatever.

As always, thank you for your continued service in sharing and screaming along about beautiful things and men. I love it because I usually see them on Twitter, and then I get a nice little reminder. Also I saved all the pics of Jiang Mingyang because he is my best friend’s Guardian crush, and we’re going to walk at a social responsible distance tomorrow, and I’m going to text her the pictures and then watch her absolutely lose her mind. It will be awesome.

Your level of engagement is so charming and it always makes me happy to see you cross my tl. I've never been one to hesitate inserting myself into social spaces (sometimes more than people probably want) so I don't know why I'm so hesitant to jump into this now. It's weird.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the experience. Maybe I need to focus more on my own current personal needs and desires and if people wanna follow me, they can unfollow me.

Have fun sending your friend over the edge. That sounds delightful.

Aww, thanks! I don’t think anyone has called me charming before. :)

Definitely do what is good for you! Especially since you’re not the kind of person for whom that means putting other people down or any kind of mean girl/anti nonsense.

Dude! I showed her the ReFa ads when we had dinner last month. We were at a restaurant and luckily it wasn’t crowded because she lost her damn mind! Like fully Blue Screen of Death in Human Form. It was awesome. It is why she is my best friend. I am already cackling evilly to myself. I want to film it, but also, she is my best friend. I’m evil, not an asshole.

don’t think anyone has called me charming before
Well there's an unjust universe for you. You're a delight!

There are few things better than the delight of inflicting beautiful pain on our fellow fans.

I live for twitter, but every responds to different platforms in different ways. Just a suggestion (and sorry if this is unhelpful) but have you thought about going locked? I feel way freer to post whatever I want and jump into conversations now I know that I can't get retweeted or @'d by random people.

Maybe this is some sort of weird arrogance, but I'm not worried so much about getting retweeted or @'d, I just don't wanna... idk, bore people?

😮😲

Oh. OH. OH. Oh wait, yes that's it. I AM AFRAID OF BEING BORING.

😂😂😂

Okay, so now at least I know what the problem is! Thank you, yan, for this highly productive therapy session. I would ask if you take insurance, but...

You are super interesting on DW, so I doubt you'd suddenly be boring on twitter! Also, like, everyone is going to find different things interesting/uninteresting so, idk, go wild?

Why do I feel so awkward conversing on Twitter?

Because conversation on Twitter is inherently awkward and you only ever have a few sentences, and all nuance gets lost? #TwitterH8rIzMe

Twitter drives me crazy. I reluctantly go there because sometimes it has content i want but my only form of interaction there is likes and retweets.

But oooh, I'm looking forward to reading your DVD commentary. :)

By seclusion, do you mean you haven't been out at all? If weekly shopping is okay, I'm also four weeks in, but I do go out shopping for myself and vulnerable neighbours once a week. Today I queued for 25 minutes before I actually got into the shop but that was okay, because I got to study a lot of vocab while waiting.

I think I figured out my hesitancy thanks to

yantantether so now I just need to figure out if/how I wanna deal with that bit of personal insight.

I've got out one to keep McKitterick company when we picked up takeout and I've gone on two walks around the neighborhood. All three excursions made me angry and unhappy at the number of people gallivanting around, sometimes in groups. Also, I'm high-risk (immune system stuff) and uninsured (unemployed American) so... yeah. It's best for everyone if I just stay the fuck in the house.

Hope you enjoy reading the commentary. I want more people to do them!!!

OMG yes stay the fuck in the house!!!

I've seen reports of people gallivanting but mostly in England and whenever I have to go out here, there's no crowds, few cars, and everyone keeps their distance.

Are you in a particularly dense (as in, dumb) American state?

Are you in a particularly dense (as in, dumb) American state?
AM I EVER.

OMG! Don't leave the house unless it's on a flight to Canada!!!!

😭😂😭😂😭... 💀

So glad you didn't lose your ear stud!

Lots of great links again. ♥

So. Glad.

You're welcome!

OMG so much to read! DVD commentary! ♥

Is anyone else like this or is it just me?
I was like this to a massive degree.

By which I mean: I got Twitter early enough that I scored the

naye handle, and mostly just followed some early adopter authors and such (this was before smartphones, so I could only use it on my laptop and also not really post pictures and stuff)? And then...I tried engaging but it got so awkward for me - I don't even know what it was, it just all felt like I was doing it so wrong that I straight up deleted my account.

To this day I am cranky that someone then swept in and grabbed the handle and they're not using it. Augh.

The second time I tried to use Twitter it was because I had found some fandom people on there (Sherlock, early days) and... uh. After a while that got so awkward that I abandoned my account and started a new one.

So yeah. That's TWICE I've bailed on the whole Twitter thing because I Could Not.

And then early last year I friended

unrelaxing and she introduced me to a bunch other fandom people on there and because I can tall about Weilan 24/7 and Twitter was free from Certain Toxic Elements that was making the Dreamwidth fandom feel like a minefield on occasion...it just clicked? It was the people I made friends with and the conversations we were having and how I felt included?

And now I'd rather delete my Instagram and Tumblr both than lose my Twitter. The short bursts of getting things off my chest/swooning over things/sharing pretty pictures/funny things is such a great outlet for me. It continues to be a place where I've never been made to feel like I should just keep my opinions to myself (which is not a Twitter thing but an Awesome Friends Group thing), and I've gotten so much support and so many responses to things I didn't think anyone would ever be interested in it's been really wonderful.

I love the long form of Dreamwidth - this is my permanent home, the last place on the internet I'll cling to - but especially in times like these when everything is scattered and out of focus it's really nice to have somewhere to go where I don't have to be coherent or focused.

Thank you for all this! What a comforting thing to hear. And inspiring! I've made some attempts already today at engaging more (thanks to a VERY INSPIRING tweet that I shall share tomorrow). I'm sure it will come in fits and starts (as does everything I do), but it is fun when I do it!

"fits and starts" is how Twitter works! One of the really nice parts of it for me who grew up with either longform (blog/forum/LJ) type conversations or instant (IRC etc) is that there are no expectations of immediate engagement. I remember having to type out "brb" or "afik" when taking even a slight break from a real-time conversation on those type of platforms and it felt so stressful - like people would feel I was ignoring them if I wasn't responding. But with Twitter you don't have to let anyone know you're not going to be responding for hours because you're going out/to bed or whatever. You just pick up where you left off (if you're still interested in those conversations), or drop them with no hard feelings.

I find working with things like lists and turning of retweets are helpful - I don't backread all of Twitter, but I have people I want to make sure I haven't missed anything from and I do sometimes check that list all the way back to the last thing I remember. I have been training myself not do this as obsessively as I do with Dreamwidth (where I like having seen All The Posts All The Time), because as your reading list grows it becomes a huge time sink...!

Also with Twitter one thing that makes it easier for me to engage these days is to remember that people can choose not to engage with me! They can choose to not follow me, or mute me, or block me or whatever. So if I post something it's with the assumption that people can just ignore it if they want, and so throwing things out there comes with no pressure. :D (Oh and I know one thing some people do is to set their tweets to auto-delete, so there are only a certain number of tweets to read if anyone goes through their account. I'm the opposite - I've set up a script that saves my tweets to a spreadsheet just in case - but maybe having it feel even more transient and in the moment might be helpful?)

Looking forward to seeing more of you around whenever you feel comfortable with it. ♥

These are very good things to remember. Thank you!

On one hand I love the fleeting nature of Twitter (Transience! The Impermanence of Being!) but on the other I was THRILLED to see bowlerrootx collected all those ZhuBai AUs so I got to find that hitman one again.

I didn't realise you'd tried twitter twice before! I'm so glad it worked out for you this time around.

I've been on there since 2008 (although originally with a different name) but the last year and a bit has definitely been the most fun.

I didn't realise you'd tried twitter twice before!
Tried and FAILED so hard! And yeah, I got my original account in 2008 or 2009 and I'm so sad I don't still have that username...

I'm so glad it worked out for you this time around.
It's all thanks to you guys. ♥ It's been SO MUCH FUN THANK YOU.

I've set aside your Ghost Story commentary to take my time over--I love the behind-the-scenes stuff going on in the writer's head, and you're so expressive (in the best sense) I know this will be a good read. The longer the better :)

(Speaking of behind the scenes, that Lost Tomb jumping gif is...getting my hurt/comfort thing where it hurts, okay. How long it takes him to recover, and how breathless he is when his head comes up. Really sorry, Zhu Yilong...)

Thank you for the vote of confidence on the commentary! I hope it's an entertaining read.

#SorryNotSorryZhuYilong

I of course hit the link for Jiang Mingyang and darn, I ALREADY HAVE THEM.

I recently lost the last one of my piercing studs, a bevel-set pearl. I used it as my second-hole filler for years and years. (Right ear 1 piercing, left ear 2.) It was a sad, sad day and I still don't know how it happened. I think I had it pierced in 1987, when I got back from studying abroad.

DARN! both for the already-acquired pics and the lost earring. =(

Is anyone else like this or is it just me?

ah, no interacting on twitter for me, thank you.

The cooking skills omg. The Traveler ads are weird (and I got lost on wenella's tumblr for an hour now, oops), the wedding manip is amazing.

Thank you!

I love providing people with good things in These Trying Times!

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If you're gonna scream, scream with me

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