clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2020-04-22 10:42 am
clevermanka) wrote2020-04-22 10:42 am
Entry tags:
Wednesday Update
Today is the 50th anniversary of Earth Day. 1970--quite the year for being born I guess!
Guardian/adjacent:
More bts beauty. A translation of the shooting day info.
Fanart: Pastel chibi Zhubai.
Does Zhu Yilong really not realize how beautiful he is?
Untamed/adjacent:
WWX and LWJ then and now.
A Softer World remixes.
One for y'all Liu Hia Kuan and Zhu Zan Jin RPFers.
Sixteen consecutive days of Spanish! Trying not to pay too much attention to that, though, since it's inevitable I'll miss a day at some point. I'm having the worst time with ese/este (that/this). I don't remember struggling with them before. Starting to miss on other vocab (other than por/para and ese/este) and thinking it's time to start making flash cards (seriously, I honestly love flash card drilling). As a carrot, this posted to AO3 today and I can't even understand the first three sentences (got the summary, tho!), but I'm putting it in my "someday I swear" pile. Even though it apparently has Ye Zun in it. This is only the second Guardian fic in Spanish and the other one's a crossover that I'm not interested in. So I'm pretty excited.
Speaking of fic, I didn't anticipate being in isolation myself when I banished Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan to a Canadian Shack and I wonder if this is part of my problem with this fic. It's starting to feel a little claustrophobic which...works, I guess, but it makes it weird to write.
I'm working through some things and feeling--mmmmm. Not better but, idk, resigned? Like, get over it already, jesus. I half-jokingly mentioned to someone in email yesterday "I feel like every bad decision I've ever made in my life has put me here" and it's... I mean, I'm not saying all my problems are all my fault, but lbr, a lot of them (most of them) are the result of a highly enjoyable but ultimately poorly-planned youth. Boy was it fun, tho!
Anyway, all the wallowing and thinky-thinky the past couple of days (which have been Not Great Days gonna be honest) made me realize that dreaming about my future someday being better is just making my present worse. I don't mean this in an emo way. Just....It's the same revelation that I had when I finally internalized that I was never gonna recover from being chronically ill. Like, this was the rest of my life, now, and I had to live with that. So now it's a matter of learning to deal with the fact that *waves hand at everything* is my life now and I have to live with that. Not temporarily, not until things are some nebulous form of "better." Now. Gotta live with it now or every god damned day is gonna be a hell day and that's not survivable.
I'm not saying this particular isolation event will last forever, but I think it's not unlikely this sort of thing will happen again. I'm always going to be high-risk for communicable illnesses and since those risk factors only increase with age, I might be spending significant parts of the rest of my life in some sort of enforced seclusion. Facing now's better than facing it later!
So. We'll see how that goes.
Today I'm committed to cleaning the kitchen to some very loud music as soon as McKitterick leaves for a grocery run.
Guardian/adjacent:
More bts beauty. A translation of the shooting day info.
Fanart: Pastel chibi Zhubai.
Does Zhu Yilong really not realize how beautiful he is?
Untamed/adjacent:
WWX and LWJ then and now.
A Softer World remixes.
One for y'all Liu Hia Kuan and Zhu Zan Jin RPFers.
Sixteen consecutive days of Spanish! Trying not to pay too much attention to that, though, since it's inevitable I'll miss a day at some point. I'm having the worst time with ese/este (that/this). I don't remember struggling with them before. Starting to miss on other vocab (other than por/para and ese/este) and thinking it's time to start making flash cards (seriously, I honestly love flash card drilling). As a carrot, this posted to AO3 today and I can't even understand the first three sentences (got the summary, tho!), but I'm putting it in my "someday I swear" pile. Even though it apparently has Ye Zun in it. This is only the second Guardian fic in Spanish and the other one's a crossover that I'm not interested in. So I'm pretty excited.
Speaking of fic, I didn't anticipate being in isolation myself when I banished Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan to a Canadian Shack and I wonder if this is part of my problem with this fic. It's starting to feel a little claustrophobic which...works, I guess, but it makes it weird to write.
I'm working through some things and feeling--mmmmm. Not better but, idk, resigned? Like, get over it already, jesus. I half-jokingly mentioned to someone in email yesterday "I feel like every bad decision I've ever made in my life has put me here" and it's... I mean, I'm not saying all my problems are all my fault, but lbr, a lot of them (most of them) are the result of a highly enjoyable but ultimately poorly-planned youth. Boy was it fun, tho!
Anyway, all the wallowing and thinky-thinky the past couple of days (which have been Not Great Days gonna be honest) made me realize that dreaming about my future someday being better is just making my present worse. I don't mean this in an emo way. Just....It's the same revelation that I had when I finally internalized that I was never gonna recover from being chronically ill. Like, this was the rest of my life, now, and I had to live with that. So now it's a matter of learning to deal with the fact that *waves hand at everything* is my life now and I have to live with that. Not temporarily, not until things are some nebulous form of "better." Now. Gotta live with it now or every god damned day is gonna be a hell day and that's not survivable.
I'm not saying this particular isolation event will last forever, but I think it's not unlikely this sort of thing will happen again. I'm always going to be high-risk for communicable illnesses and since those risk factors only increase with age, I might be spending significant parts of the rest of my life in some sort of enforced seclusion. Facing now's better than facing it later!
So. We'll see how that goes.
Today I'm committed to cleaning the kitchen to some very loud music as soon as McKitterick leaves for a grocery run.
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AHHH thank you for the shooting list and YES I KNEW IT! All the scenes taking place in Shen Wei's apartment have the same kind of vibe to them, and I was convinced it was because they filmed them back-to-back to have the set over and done with - even the next few scenes filmed there feel a little hesitant and new AND it's where Shen Wei has his hair done in that way they never ever do again. It all makes sense! (I am way too excited over this tidbit.)
It's starting to feel a little claustrophobic which...works, I guess, but it makes it weird to write.
Yeah, that's definitely a thing. When I'm feeling bad I struggle with writing angst, because - idk, there's already enough of that going around.
Good luck with the kitchen cleaning! Enjoy the loud music!
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For the record, I would like to publicly volunteer my services to try convincing Zhu Yilong that he is
deliciousbeautiful.no subject
Woo! 16 consecutive days is hard :D I'm still plugging away at Hindi, but between CQL and Guardian (well, and Plague Stress) I've fallen down and am just maintaining, not advancing.
That's so cool, having a fic in your target language in a fandom you like! My Spanish is...not great, so mostly I got a 'feel' for the summary. I might give it a try again later. :D
Re your fic, ooh I can see how that'd be a problem, yeah. *hugs* I hope you're able to find a way around/through it. :D
Yeah, making a life out of Now rather than that nebulous Probably Never future is both hard and good. I wish you all the luck. I struggle so hard with it myself.
I wish you well on your kitchen cleaning.
And once more, thanks for fangirling Guardian so that I could be sucked into it too! :D
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But if you ever need someone to talk to, you know where I am.
Also, I'm having trouble remembering the difference between this/that (θΏ/ι£οΌin Chinese too! I have them written on my whiteboard by my desk, but I still get them mixed up 50% of the time!
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One does wonder. I mean. HOW.
(On the other hand, what is he supposed to say? "Yes, I know how beautiful I am. Look at me and despair!")
And that bit about the filming is so interesting! It makes sense that they'd film everything in that location in one go, but I'd never seen anything about that mentioned before. Thanks muchly for the link!
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Let's hear it for maintainence! π You're actually one of the people I was taking inspiration from. I see you struggling with so much for so long all time time and it's damned fuckin' admirable. Seriously you're one of the bravest people I know. β€β€β€
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I'm very much a No Regrets person so it's not like I'm beating myself up over my not mis- but quite-spent youth. It's just A Thing to face the fact that yeah, I might've peaked in my 20s and be okay with that (luckily my 20s really were incredible)
Really enjoying how many people in this fandom are learning different languages. Best of luck with yours!
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I mean, *I* would.
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Go to the shop. (House)
Purchase "streak freeze" for 50 gems (I think it's 50, might be more).
On weekends they also offer a temporary weekend version for 350 gems.
I have the paid version but I think this is also available in the free version. It lets you skip a day without losing your streak status.
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I sometimes have trouble writing angst myself if my mood dips low. And yeah, right now, maybe it's a little too close to home, no pun intended! FWIW I pretty commonly stop working on WIPs to do other fic, but I've successfully gone back and finished them months or years later...so maybe just give yourself a break on it now? (Though if you do I recommend writing up an outline of where it's going, if you don't have one!)
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Hilariously, I am great at writing angst when I'm in the depths. That's a lot more cathartic for me than crying, actually. But there's nothing angsty I want to work on right now and my muse is just stupidly picky about attaching to plot bunnies.* What's tripping me up right now is the plot is at a kinda-happy domestic bliss stage and I'm SUPER not feeling it. π π I do have a solid outline, so there's that. Whew.
I've written three (and a half) one-shots during the four months I've been writing Deconstruction and that does help! I'm in the middle of my first Zhubai one right now.
*eta: It occurs to me that I'm not sure I know about any bunny farms that are specifically angst-oriented. Hm.
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Duolingo is such a blessing in these times, as badly designed as it is! I've started on Chinese to English and am learning all kinds of useful words that didn't turn up in the English-to-Chinese course, like "tomato". ???
Also, I really am curious how that man's mind actually works, not just about his own looks but in general. Sometimes he seems to have come from a very slightly parallel dimension.
Also again, what's your choice of loud music for cleaning? I have my father's musical tastes pretty much wholesale, so when I do that it's Rob McConnell or Thad Jones (basically modern big-band jazz), except occasionally when my husband is home and I put on Mr. Children for him.
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I relate to this so much. I struggle a lot between feeling like I should make the best of where I am right now, enjoy it, and be happy vs trying to change certain things that I don't like about my current situation. To be fair, the things I'm unhappy about are not exactly minor--for example, I live far away from my aging parents--should I try to get a job in the state where they live (and which I miss some things about) and move back or stick with my current job? There are so many pros/cons either way that there is no clear path to me. I would like to concentrate on being happy in the here and now, but worry I'll regret it later.
So yeah, anyway, I feel you, and I hope that you are able to find enjoyment and peace in the here and now!! I think it's good you acknowledged it, even if the implementation part can be a bitch because of brains and feelings.
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AWWW *sniffles* for real, thank you :) *hugs*
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Haaah well if you write angst well when you're down in it...I could see why writing the opposite could be as hard. So yeah, give yourself a break for now -- can you jump ahead to the later angst in Deconstruction and then fill in the fluff later? Or else just enjoy the ZhuBai!
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Despite that, I don't feel particularly fluent in any of the languages, though I can do a decent job reading Spanish. The Chinese I've learned has helped in daily life here, but I really need to knuckle down. I need flash cards. I love flash cards.
Also *Hugs* in general.
<3
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I never had much luck writing out of order but you know? You're right and I should give it another try. Pour some of this out in one of the scenes from Deconstruction that doesn't happen for a few more chapters...
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Oooh, man. I'm so sorry. Chosen seclusion is one thing; enforced, something else entirely.
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That is some awesome progress. (I know, it doesn't feel all that great at first, to have to face things you don't want to face. But humans are very adaptable, and once you face things, new trajectories open up. So why not make the best of it? *hugs*)
Through the last ZYL link's comments, I got to the youtube video where they make him imitate Pikachu and omg. I feel like I've seen it before years ago, but... somehow it got even more adorable since!
The translation of the shooting table is awesome! I love bts stuff so much!
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Emotional Growth is The Worst(tm)
I love bts stuff, too. It makes me feel closer to the show while at the same time reminding me that it was just a show. It's very cathartic for me.