clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2020-11-01 09:28 am
clevermanka) wrote2020-11-01 09:28 am
Sunday
Two days left before so many things happen. I have so much to do. At least I already voted.
I'm swimming in emotions but at the same time feeling very disassociated--like a type of Cotard's syndrome. The fact that I'm only sleeping about five hours a night is probably not helping. I'm also not eating much (also not helping).
People are responding well to Deconstruction, though, which is gratifying and a huge comfort. From the comments, I think I managed to pull off Shen Wei's revised emotional arc to good satisfaction. Now if I can just stick the landing. Thirteen more chapters to go. Very relieved I was able to increase the posting schedule. I would not have wanted to post the particularly knifey chapters this week. A million thanks tosolo for setting aside time during this hell year to speedily power through the last of it so I could increase to three chapters a week without feeling nervous.
I feel for one anon commenter in particular who...idk, seems very young and doesn't yet understand that sometimes in relationships nobody is completely in the right or wrong. That sometimes we hurt each other even when we think we're doing the right thing. That sometimes what's best for one person isn't best for the other--or what is best for one person can hurt the other. I hope they figure it out eventually or they're gonna have a rough road when it comes to long-term relationships.
But I guess some of us have a rough time of it anyway, whether we know these things or not, so *emoji shrug*
Speaking of relationships, I can't believe every single item on my registry has already been purchased. Even the pricey knife holder I added late. Y'all are amazing and I am speechless from your generosity. Thank you, thank you.
Submitting my application for the English department job in a few minutes. Please 🤞🕯🙏 for me.
I'm swimming in emotions but at the same time feeling very disassociated--like a type of Cotard's syndrome. The fact that I'm only sleeping about five hours a night is probably not helping. I'm also not eating much (also not helping).
People are responding well to Deconstruction, though, which is gratifying and a huge comfort. From the comments, I think I managed to pull off Shen Wei's revised emotional arc to good satisfaction. Now if I can just stick the landing. Thirteen more chapters to go. Very relieved I was able to increase the posting schedule. I would not have wanted to post the particularly knifey chapters this week. A million thanks to
solo for setting aside time during this hell year to speedily power through the last of it so I could increase to three chapters a week without feeling nervous.I feel for one anon commenter in particular who...idk, seems very young and doesn't yet understand that sometimes in relationships nobody is completely in the right or wrong. That sometimes we hurt each other even when we think we're doing the right thing. That sometimes what's best for one person isn't best for the other--or what is best for one person can hurt the other. I hope they figure it out eventually or they're gonna have a rough road when it comes to long-term relationships.
But I guess some of us have a rough time of it anyway, whether we know these things or not, so *emoji shrug*
Speaking of relationships, I can't believe every single item on my registry has already been purchased. Even the pricey knife holder I added late. Y'all are amazing and I am speechless from your generosity. Thank you, thank you.
Submitting my application for the English department job in a few minutes. Please 🤞🕯🙏 for me.
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The food thing is just my old friend Disordered Eating making an appearance in These Trying Times. It's one thing to know that restricting my food intake comes from feeling out of control (if I can't control anything else, I can control what goes in my mouth!) and not eating doesn't actually help anything. I KNOW THIS. But when my body actively resists food (deadening my appetite and then cramping terribly when I do eat), it's a struggle to force it down. And frankly right now I don't have the energy to fight that battle.
Thank goodness for collagen powder I can add to my hot tea.
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I feel like Guardian is the fandom to learn this if there ever was one, even within canon alone what Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan do to each other... ;(
Sending all good wishes for job application etc. (Glad that card arrived, I hope it will bring good luck.) *hugs*
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Absolutely! Because as you say, they both hurt each other (and other people too!) in all sorts of ways. And the fact that this poor dear has gone on at length about "reading it wrong" ("it" being Deconstruction) because they (the commenter, who is on anon) don't understand how both people can be hurting each other despite my multiple comments trying to explain that... sigh. Anyway. Poor thing.
Thank you for the well-wishes and lucky card!
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I feel for one anon commenter in particular
I read that (because I love reading other people's comments, they often realize things I didnt notice), and I think you did an excellent job describing your story and relationships in general to them. <3
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And if you want add GCs to your BB&B registry when you have the time, I'd love to send a future shopping opportunity your way.
Oh damn, now I'm eyeing the set of Untamed bath bombs.
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I want to go to IKEA SO MUCH! I just want to wander around mindlessly, and come home with a new pan and a lampshade or another fake sheepskin for the dog.
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*dreams of going to IKEA with you*
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I'm big into cards for groceries and gas stations, because they can take care of necessities, save the day in a money crunch, or allow for some indulgent shopping.