Friday

[clevermanka]

I've been depressingly uninspired to write lately. I feel like my emotional attachment to Guardian is fading, but I don't know if that's just general anhedonia. I don't want to fall out of love with them, yet! I'm not ready! 😭 I have so many more stories I want to write! Especially, you know, the one I'm currently working on. It makes me feel a little panicky, tbh. Ugh. Here's hoping it's ~just depression~  This comic is tooth-achingly cute, though.

Woke in the wee hours of Thursday with maybe? a migraine? I was super groggy and didn't bother turning on any lights or taking out my earplugs so I couldn't tell if my senses were fucked up. It might've just been a really bad headache since I didn't have any nausea and the dizziness might've just been, you know, it was 2:30am and I was in pain. Made it to the bathroom where I poured out an uncertain number of ibuprofen (definitely more than three, probably no more than five), got them down and went back to bed. Thankfully I was able to fall back asleep and woke feeling better.

Ten minutes on my phone was enough to tell me I should probably stay off screens, though, so I mostly did. Go, me. Made some yo-yos and a prepped a few more card bases. Cleaned the kitchen. Still need to take the vacuum in for repair. *groan*

This morning I called my two senators to tell them I support the impeachment trial because apparently 45 senators have said they don't? Jesus. USians, please consider calling your senators, especially if they're Republicans. I got it out of the way before I finished my first cup of morning tea.

Since I didn't post yesterday, here's Thursday's dump.

Comments

[shipperslist]

I feel you on the fading thing although for me, there's a bit more. But...yeah. Four months turnaround time is a fucking record even for me.

[clevermanka]

*sympathy hugs*

I hope that my despair at the idea means it's depression and as soon as I get some emotional energy back the feels will return. 🤞🙏🤞

[shipperslist]

I'm just gonna concentrate on other things for a while. I mean, I'm swamped with work (bc I'm not only lecturing, I'm also allocating our team's lecturer resources and updating the web-based thingy where people can sign up and where we track those who attend, long story short, it's a real pain), and I just... I try to think and there's this foggy feeling and my conscious brain just *swoosh* slips around the thought. I know that if I made myself write, I could but that's stupid and would create way more problems in the long run than what it would be worth right now.

So, I'm reading Wraeththu. I'm watching silly stuff on Netflix and Viki (silly by my standards as in, you know, horror etc), I'm playing words with friends, I'm drinking gallons of tea. And chanting *this too shall pass*.

[trobadora]

Aw, that comic is so cute! ♥

I hope the love doesn't fade, and your depression stops getting in the way. *hugs*

[clevermanka]

Zhao Yunlan's happy little faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

[goss]

The comic! Oh my gosh, it is so cuuuute! *flails*

[clevermanka]

When he looks back and forth? and Shen Wei's fingers try to press his head back down into the pocket? eeeeeee!

[marycrawford]

Aw, I hope you feel better! Also I love Shinko's pencil art SO MUCH sigh. One of the very few that I keep coming back to over and over.

[clevermanka]

Thank you! I am READY to feel better in all sorts of ways!

[naye]

My very personal experience that might not be at all applicable to you is that if you don't feel done with these two, they'll always be there waiting for you. I've had fandoms go long before, but with Guardian I've gone through the "Oh, hitting the point where it's fading" and then come back around to "WAIT NO NOT DONE". They're incredibly easy to connect and reconnect to - there's no other pairing quite like them, so no matter where else you might go they will always, always hit that one spot they now have forever in your heart. ♥

I don't have any actual advice for how to speed the creativity back up. It's just. A thing that happens, and that I hope and believe will happen to you. Possibly switching creative projects? Sometimes a change of mental scenery can help. Sometimes looking through your favorite fanart or watching your favorite vids can help. Something anhedonia just gotta be like that and nothing helps, and that sucks. *hugs*

[clevermanka]

Thank you, this is nicely encouraging. I think you're right, the fact that I don't want to be done is an indication that I'm not done. It's just frustrating when ideas, much less the words themselves, fail to come. Sometimes I feel like I could write the words if I just had the ideas--like, specific ideas instead of, you know "and two weeks passed and now they feel like *this*!" 😅

[naye]

Yeah, creativity is really frustrating like that! I totally get that feeling too. Sometimes it helps when I get prompts (either solicited or by browsing stuff like the plot bunny farm, exchange requests or kink meme. Something about not creating "for myself", or just switching projects can help.

At other times it's the last thing I need because I really just want to finish whatever WIP I'm stuck in! So. It's a constant trial and error, and sometimes errors are exhausting enough that words/creativity needs to go have a long nap.

*hugs*

[clevermanka]

[nnozomi]

The last panel of that comic is so adorable, oh dear.
(Good to hear your voice at the watchalong this morning, I mean this whatever-time-it-was-for-you, I hope that means your headache is gone. I was reminded of a time years ago when I woke up bleary and headachy, took some Advil, went back to bed, wondered why my headache wasn't going away, and woke up properly later to find that what I'd actually taken was cough medicine...).
Hopefully, once various other physical/external/etc. stress factors ease up a bit it will be easier to think about writing?

[clevermanka]

So so so cute.

And yay! It was good to talk to people, even if ooooof these last couple episodes are hard.

Yes, headache is thankfully gone. Oh noooooooo about your medicine mix-up. I'm glad it was something so benign as cough medicine, at least!

All digits crossed that it's environmental factors getting in the way of my expressions of fandom love. It's been ages since I've really been able to even read anything with my usual enjoyment.

[khellekson]

... "made some yo-yos"? AS ONE DOES.

[clevermanka]

I'm closing in on 600 (at which point I'll be just under halfway done)! I'm gonna need to make some more bloomers or something to create additional scrap fabric soon, tho. I am not using fresh, new fabric for the sole purpose of yo-yo making. It seems heretical.