clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2021-03-03 11:38 am
clevermanka) wrote2021-03-03 11:38 am
Entry tags:
That's what she said
For years I had horrible periods. Awful cramps that would literally bring me to my knees and heavy bleeding with massive clots. I had to empty my menstrual cup every hour during the first two or three days and slept on top of a folded towel with a washcloth stuck in my panties. Just truly awful periods. But everybody has bad periods, right? It wasn't until I was complaining about mine to a friend that I learned perhaps mine were worse than most and I should probably see my doctor.
After just a brief description of what I went through every 22 days (because of course I also had a short cycle) my PCP was like "we gotta look at that NOW" and I was hastily ushered into a room for my surprise ultrasound. PCP and the technician (who usually did the vaginal ultrasounds) apologized up front because since I'd never had kids, my cervix was not going to be prepared for this sort of thing at all. And indeed, it was horrible.
It's impossible for me to describe how truly bizarre it is to have stabbing pain focused on such a tiny point so deep in my body. And my body was not having it. I swear I could feel my cervix trying to close up in panicked defense against this intruder trying to worm its way into my uterus. The process is only supposed to take a few minutes, but after ten minutes the technician (who felt very bad by this point) gave up and my doctor took over. After several more frustrated minutes, my doctor explained that they just couldn't get the tip of the wand through the teeny little opening of my cervix because the wand kept bending.
"I just wish it was a little more stiff," she said.
No way I could let an opening like that go, friends. No fucking way. There were about three seconds of silence while the three other people in the room (doctor, nurse practitioner, ultrasound tech) came to grips with the sort of patient they had laid out on that damn table. Then they all broke into the laughter I'd been holding back since the whole process had started (I frequently laugh when I'm in pain).
Definitely a high point in my comedic non-career.
After just a brief description of what I went through every 22 days (because of course I also had a short cycle) my PCP was like "we gotta look at that NOW" and I was hastily ushered into a room for my surprise ultrasound. PCP and the technician (who usually did the vaginal ultrasounds) apologized up front because since I'd never had kids, my cervix was not going to be prepared for this sort of thing at all. And indeed, it was horrible.
It's impossible for me to describe how truly bizarre it is to have stabbing pain focused on such a tiny point so deep in my body. And my body was not having it. I swear I could feel my cervix trying to close up in panicked defense against this intruder trying to worm its way into my uterus. The process is only supposed to take a few minutes, but after ten minutes the technician (who felt very bad by this point) gave up and my doctor took over. After several more frustrated minutes, my doctor explained that they just couldn't get the tip of the wand through the teeny little opening of my cervix because the wand kept bending.
"I just wish it was a little more stiff," she said.
No way I could let an opening like that go, friends. No fucking way. There were about three seconds of silence while the three other people in the room (doctor, nurse practitioner, ultrasound tech) came to grips with the sort of patient they had laid out on that damn table. Then they all broke into the laughter I'd been holding back since the whole process had started (I frequently laugh when I'm in pain).
Definitely a high point in my comedic non-career.
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Heh heh heh heh heh.
Augh.
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This sounds brutal, and I'm glad you had a good doctor and medical tech.
I honestly had no idea transvaginal ultrasounds were that invasive. Stay away from my cervix. What the hell?
My only comparison is is when I had an abortion, and that involved muscle relaxers and local numbing and slowly increasing diameters of rods. And the preliminaries were definitely useful. Good grief.
You've definitely got a knack for making a good story out of a horrible experience. While praising your story, I do still notice that you hurt.
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You've definitely got a knack for making a good story out of a horrible experience.
THANK YOU! I hope to someday write a book of essays (please come back, essay brain!) so hearing you say that is encouraging.
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The cervix is surprisingly sensitive, and I've heard from several people that touching it during ultrasounds makes them nauseous. Some even have trouble when tampons touch it. (The same is true for myself.) Imagining having to stick something *through* it... yes, that explains the pain! /o\
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