Thursday

[clevermanka]

Fanart: Fierce chibis. Kiss it better. Flower crowns. Weilan re-enacting that scene from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Old Haixing chibis.

Thoughts on Hei Pao Shi's differing costumes.

Drama!ZYL wears gray underwear--it's canon.

And I bring you some angst! Comparing bb!SW to Prof. Shen. In the drama, Shen Wei of the present is the result of his (relatively few) years after waking, after losing Kunlun. But already there's almost nothing of bb!SW left at this point. It makes me wonder how much longer could he have waited without becoming something desperate and irrevocably changed for the worse? This question brought to you by my own rapidly-decaying psyche. 😂

Which, speaking of! Any of y'all who might be long-time pros at dealing with anxiety--maybe toss some suggestions my way on how to calm down my brain? Things are getting bad in here! On a good day I wake in a state that's not quite a complete panic, which lasts (if I'm lucky) about four hours. After that it's stress-headache city, increased tinnitus (my ears haven't actually stopped ringing since somewhere around August of last year), general agitation, and an inability to concentrate for more than ten minutes on anything (including shows). On bad days that's where my day starts and it's all downhill from there.

Things I have tried that do not help: breathing exercises, naps, physical activity/exercise.

Things I have tried that help for about twenty minutes: food, chemical enhancement.

Talking with people (phone or video calls) helps for the duration of the call (usually), but almost the instant I hang up I'm back in it full force.

I lived a bit more than 48 years as a generally placid person. I have no idea how to deal with constant, debilitating anxiety. Tools and tips appreciated!

This week's dump on cm.net.

Comments

[hdsqrl]

Is ashwaganda something you're able to take/tolerate? I've been drinking coffee laced with that stuff, and also taking a supplement for a few months now, and I swear it's the only thing keeping me on a somewhat even keel these days. It's one of those adaptogen things that requires a steady/constant flow over time in order to be effective, so it's no good to just take here and there as you think of it on a high-anxiety day. Might be worth a whirl if you've not already tried it?

I hope a help can be found!! <3

[clevermanka]

Dr. Anti-vaxx (formerly Dr. Sexy) had me take ashwaganda for a while but I never noticed that it did anything. Couldn't hurt to try it again, though! Thank you for the thought.

[moodsong]

A dental bite guard for sleeping at night can help with headaches and tinnitus. Epsom salt bath for relaxing muscles (make sure you have enough in the water).

Basically, things that force your body into relaxing can help the mind also relax.

[clevermanka]

I've already got a bite guard, yay!

*adds Epsom salts to shopping list*

[lilysea]

For Anxiety insomnia, I find magnesium tablets help

I'd suggest going with magnesium citrate, my doctor told me it is much better absorbed by the body (and much less likely to cause diarrhea) than other forms of magnesium.

I like Swisse Ultiboost Magnesium, but any magnesium citrate will do.

You can take up to 4 x 150 mg magnesium, but I'd suggest starting with one tablet to see how it affects you, it can have a laxative effect

Take at bedtime, as it causes sleepiness. No next day grogginess, though. It also has a muscle relaxant effect and an anti-Anxiety effect.

[clevermanka]

Thank you! I realize now I should have probably waited to put in that order to Swanson's vitamins earlier this week when I opened my last container of beef collagen...

[lilysea]

Also, I find that my Anxiety gets worse when I take Ibuprofen

[clevermanka]

Hm! I don't take analgesics very often, but I'll keep that in mind.

[kimboo_york]

Well, anxiety pro here. Bad enough that I have gone off and on lexapro over the years, depending.

I saw someone suggested magnesium, and I second that - I take a pretty high does before bedtime. It's calming and bonus helps with my restless leg syndrome. Careful though because it is also a mild laxative!

All the usual stuff - yoga! breath exercises! walking! - is great but like I'm going to get up from my anxiety swamp and do a downward dog? No. No, I am not.

Two things have really worked for me "in the moment":
1. Stop fighting it. Very buddhist, I know, but my therapist pointed out that I spend twice as much energy fighting being anxious as I do being anxious. An anxiety attack SUCKS but after a lot of practice I can now kind of just...observe it? Let it roll. This is one thing though that requires practice to get better at though and is very situational.
2. Less intensive is ~distraction~, usually eye-hand matched. A coloring book is good if I'm in my studio; otherwise completely mindless games on my phone like two-dot or hexfall. I set an alarm for 15/20 minutes and just play the game, sometimes with shaking fingers at the start. It doesn't always stop the anxiety train but it does help break the feedback loop that makes it worse.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, it is awful. I hope it is just a phase and passes soon!

[clevermanka]

Ooo, this is all super helpful, thank you!

I do try to fight the anxiety because tbh I'll take the discomfort of continued panic over the potential migraine from crying. I would do a lot to be the type of person who feels better after a good sob-fest but I literally have never in my life felt better after crying. I let it out once in a while--or, rather, I have no choice, it just happens before I can stop it--and best case scenario I feel exactly the same only with a stuffy nose for the next six hours. sigh

Games! Huh! I've never been the type to play games, but I spent about a zillion hours playing solitaire the summer of 1981 (we moved at the end of my 5th grade year, had zero friends and didn't make any until 7th grade--it was a tough summer 😅). A game of solitaire actually sounds very soothing. I know I've got a deck of normal playing cards somewhere in my studio! *goes digging*

I'm going to get up from my anxiety swamp and do a downward dog? No. No, I am not.
😂 Right? I do my hip-openers at least every other day (usually before bed) but nothing that requires any sort of weight-bearing or actual effort.

I still sit for ten minutes a day but lately that's been making me feel worse so I've had music playing instead of the usual silence. I just can't be ~fully present~ right now. Nope! Not worth the migraine!

[minoanmiss]

Unfortunately the only thing that helps my anxiety is staying on my meds. which reminds me....

[clevermanka]

LOL! Happy med-taking bb!

I tried Guanfacine last year and I thought it helped after the first pill, but I took it for a month and never saw any results so I think it was just a fluke/placebo effect.

[write_out]

Sometimes shocks of sensation help me redirect in the moment: holding a blazing hot cup of tea, sucking on an ice cube, even a cold washcloth over my face.

[clevermanka]

Cool, thank you bb! And for real, I've yet to experience anything (including the death of my beloved Fetish kitty) that was not helped, at least minutely and momentarily, by a hot cup of tea.

[writedragon]

So sorry you are dealing with this; it sucks. Some other suggestions: Make sure your thyroid isn't doing something stupid and get your hormones checked because getting older also has its own kind of suckage. EMDR therapy is really powerful if you can find someone who knows what they are doing. EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) also known as "tapping". Tapping/EFT sounds very woo but it's a cousin to EMDR which really does work. Jason Stephenson on youtube has bunches of guided imagery videos (for listening) that can be very calming, and I find them more effective than music because they give my brain something else to think about. Belleruth Naparstek also has some guided imagery specifically for anxiety (including a walking meditation if you just can't sit still). And of course, meds if you need them (no shame in that -- boo on stigma). But as my psychiatrist uncle always says, "you can't medicate a bad situation". So perhaps there is something in your life that is a bad situation that maybe needs dealt with (and I'm sorry about that too -- because I know you are going through a lot right now) and ain't nobody got time for that. Hang in there and know that you have company in your misery. <3

[clevermanka]

Ooof, unfortunately any bloodwork is gonna have to wait a while since I'm still uninsured and a blood test + office visit would run me a few hundred bucks.

Oh my gosh I haven't listened to Belleruth Naparstek in AGES! Thank you for reminding me of her, she's so great. Do you know of any EFT guides that I can follow along? It sounds ridiculous, but I don't have the focus to monitor my tap sequences, etc.

perhaps there is something in your life that is a bad situation that maybe needs dealt with
LOL, yeah, that's the crux of it. I think I could have handled two of the current three issues (unemployed, unexpectedly single, and global pandemic), but all three of them happening in the last eighteen months is a bit much for even me. I really appreciate your uncle's stance on how not everything is solvable with a pill.

[islenskr]

I know exactly what you're going through. Anxiety and I are very old pals, and I've been trying to find something that helps more long term. Unfortunately, I"m still looking (the drugs I've been prescribed have had laughably awful side effects - I can't not laugh now, wryly, because I *told* the doctor that would happen). I've read that lifting weights is the thing that has been shown to help, rather than cardio, and I will try this out once I can find a heavy thing to lift repeatedly. I know you said exercise hasn't helped, but am not sure what kind of exercise you've been doing.

I have been able to lose myself in a tv show and knit, and that's been helping me, but it all comes back when I stop, so. The distraction must be good for the time it lasts, though.

Weirdly, I find that practicing cello helps me. It's a thing I can concentrate on and get lost in. Do you have a repetitive thing that you can work at and concentrate on? Weird I know.

[clevermanka]

Unfortunately, all forms of exercise take too much of a toll. Even walking is more than my body can handle right now. I'm still doggedly doing my PT, but I haven't noticed any improvement in strength or stability after two months which tells me my body is just fuckin' done.

I spent about half an hour playing solitaire on the advice of someone above and it was very soothing. It felt nice to shuffle and lay them all out.

[naye]

Piling distractions on top of distractions. Playing music and doing things on my phone that won't make the anxiety worse. If I have a ridiculous project I can work on, like filing my fanart or scrolling the Weilan tag on Lofter or something. IDK I'm not good with anxiety, I'm sure "try to keep busy so you won't notice it as much" isn't actually that helpful.

*hugs*

[clevermanka]

Normally that is exactly what I would do! Distraction has served me admirably in the past (see: last year's writing output). So solidarity there, sister. Alas, my current inability to focus means I can't attach enough for the distraction to work. My brain just wanders right back to all the stressors.

Playing solitaire while I sang to loud music for about half an hour helped, though!

[riventhorn]

I'd second kimboo_york's comment about trying to observe your anxiety instead of fighting it. I've found there is only do much I can do to override my body's emotional responses with my logical mind. That being said, I also try to really focus on the moment and my immediate surroundings, touch objects and focus on how they feel. I try to catch myself when my thoughts are running around in fruitless circles. "You're ruminating!" I tell myself. I also read about how curiosity can be helpful, so I'll try to think of things that I've learned or am interested in that day or want to know. I also have found Gaba Calm helpful as a supplement, although a lot of it might be a placebo effect, idk.

[clevermanka]

I'm not sure what observing the anxiety means. How does it differ from ruminating?

I need simple/brainless tricks to keep myself from falling into a pit because fatigue has taken about 90% of my brain's capacity to function. The other 10% is occupied with my tarot class and basic life responsibilities like feeding myself and bathing (somewhat) regularly. 😄

The idea of focusing on immediate surroundings is good, thank you. I could dig out the dwindling remains of my bead collection and just mindlessly string them over and over. That sounds nice.

[seascribble]

Second paragraph really speaks to me. My anx is fine in the moment of an activity like doing working 1:1 or chores or socializing but when the thing ends, bam, anxiety central. Have you ever tried going on anti-depressants or anxiety meds? I assume the chemical enhancement is something non-prescription. Going on escitalopram kicked my anxiety down from panic attacks to "functional" in 2015 and while it's up and down now a days, things aren't as bad as they could be. Pretty much the only thing other than mindfulness (also hit or miss for me) that has helped me.

[clevermanka]

I assume the chemical enhancement is something non-prescription.
You assume correct! 😁

I tried Guanfacine last year, but didn't notice improvement after a month and I wasn't willing to continue since it was $300/mo. Since I don't have insurance, meds aren't really an option right now anyway. Ironically, once I'm financially solvent with a job (and insurance), that'll resolve my largest stressor and I probably won't need them.

[nnozomi]

Don't have much helpful to contribute--my go-to is "reread, just reread everything, keep a book at hand at all times even when washing dishes, in the bath, at the supermarket, whatever," which may not work for you at the moment. The discussion of games/solitaire above did make me think that I find Duolingo just gamified enough to be soothing in that way; I remember you were doing Spanish for a while? maybe going back to the really early parts of the tree (or a similar one like Portuguese or Italian?) so that it's not too demanding on higher brain functions.
*hugs hugs*

[clevermanka]

Oooo, reviewing my Spanish is a good idea. Thank you!

[amara1783]

*hugs and tea*

[clevermanka]

Much appreciated. Currently sipping my tea right now!

[wrote_and_writ]

I wish I had something that helped, but unfortunately, I had to just get on anti-anxiety meds when things got that bad for me. *hugs*

[clevermanka]

I hope things are better for you now. Or, if they aren't, that they will be soon. Hugs for all. 🧡

[redheadfae]

I'm here to grab suggestions. The only thing besides alcohol and drugs that ever helped me was Sam-E. I was on it after my Effexor fail and R*d swore that he could tell a difference in me, plus I actually finished a complicated bead project.
Hm. Have you put in that order yet? I'll buy if you want to try, and I think I need to give it another go myself.

[clevermanka]

I haven't ordered. I think I'm gonna swing by Natural Grocers for the Sunday morning Olds and Invalids hour to get it sooner rather than later. Want me to look for the Sam-E for you?

[tinny]

I have no help whatsoever on this topic, so I'm sending hugs. *HUGS*

Lots of people have had lots of good ideas. <3

As for "mindless" games to be playable on a phone/tablet. If you like playing with words/letters, I recommend Word Cookie (the early levels are easy and you will collect in-game currency with which you can pay in later levels if you just cannot think of the right words, so it's not too stressful).

And if you like match-three games, Fruit Drops is my fave - there are a ton of those games, but some of them are very annoying. This one feels calming to me, fwiw.

I already recommended I Love Hue before, but it depends on how good your eyes are whether you find that calming. I find that if I'm completely unable to play anything else, this is what most calms me. Sorting pretty colors. That's it.

[clevermanka]

Mindless games are great, thank you! Do you have suggestions for any that have desktop apps? From what I see Fruit Drops and I Love Hue are only on the phone and I'm trying to minimize phone screen time--my battery is aging 😬 and I am not in a position to buy a new one anytime soon.