Probably my biggest realization is that I'm ready to better integrate my satisfaction in caring for people. I'm not capable (physically or emotionally) to provide care in the form of daily assistance to a few people, as a traditional caretaker does in our society. But the thing I loved about being a secretary at KU (and I did, god help me, really love that job) was making a certain group of peoples' lives easier as they navigated the bureaucracies of academia. I'm not cut out to care for a person or really, even a pet--I crave the independence that such things don't allow. But it feeds my soul to care for people. To make their day a little better, a little easier.
It's kind of funny what a lightning bolt this was for me, because this is an aspect of myself I'm quite aware of. But after Charlesia's workshop (seeing so many of my former lambs in the audience) and reading the introduction to one of the books she recommended (brown's Pleasure Activism), I better understand it. My ability to experience pleasure is very much rooted in sharing pleasure. I might be a hedonist, but I derive little joy from indulgence if it's solitary.
If I can consciously connect what I want to do (feel joy) with what I must do (secure an income) in a way that I know I can and will do, the areas of my life that might go unfulfilled (a healthy body, a healthy romantic relationship) will, I think, be less of an emotional burden. I've always avoided "doing what I love" for money because I know from experience that adding a monetary component to creating things (whether that's sewing, arting, or writing), kills my desire to create. Helping people, though, I've done that in some form in every job I've ever had and it's always been my favorite part.
I would love to talk with you about the similar issues you're navigating if you're interested. Phone (or Zoom) maybe? I do better at thinking things through when I'm not exchanging long blocks of text with someone, but if that doesn't work for you, email is fine too.
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It's kind of funny what a lightning bolt this was for me, because this is an aspect of myself I'm quite aware of. But after Charlesia's workshop (seeing so many of my former lambs in the audience) and reading the introduction to one of the books she recommended (brown's Pleasure Activism), I better understand it. My ability to experience pleasure is very much rooted in sharing pleasure. I might be a hedonist, but I derive little joy from indulgence if it's solitary.
If I can consciously connect what I want to do (feel joy) with what I must do (secure an income) in a way that I know I can and will do, the areas of my life that might go unfulfilled (a healthy body, a healthy romantic relationship) will, I think, be less of an emotional burden. I've always avoided "doing what I love" for money because I know from experience that adding a monetary component to creating things (whether that's sewing, arting, or writing), kills my desire to create. Helping people, though, I've done that in some form in every job I've ever had and it's always been my favorite part.
I would love to talk with you about the similar issues you're navigating if you're interested. Phone (or Zoom) maybe? I do better at thinking things through when I'm not exchanging long blocks of text with someone, but if that doesn't work for you, email is fine too.