Tuesday

[clevermanka]

How does he make pushing up his glasses look so good? I wouldn't deny this face anything. I mean.

Da Qing's faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

Older animations by Vian popped up on my tl today. Lonely little ghost king. I'll be waiting. Afternoon nap with Kunlun. Weilan morning kisses. Happy spinny tears. Kisses!

I've had a couple interesting (good) conversations with my mom lately. One of my cousins (they're all much younger than me) recently came out as ace and is getting married this fall. You can imagine the questions that's generating in my excruciatingly heterocentric, allosexual family. Mommy asked me some (good) questions about stuff and I got to explain the lack of correlation between gender and sexuality (it was the first time she'd heard the term non-binary). She was open-minded and heard me when I explained to her the difference between curiosity ("what does asexuality mean?") and nosiness ("does getting married mean she'll have sex?").

The next day I watched Disclosure on Netflix (documentary about trans people, by trans people) and sent her a link, suggesting she watch it. It's wonderfully, distressingly informative about how media shapes our perceptions of trans people, and touched on the issue of people asking questions about other people's bodies that aren't any of their business. She wrote back, saying she'd seen in before, but watched it again because she "needed to watch it again." She thanked me for talking with her, and said she was thankful for how I keep her "sharp." Wow! That was... pretty cool.

I wrote back, telling her it made me feel good to hear she was seeking out information about trans people without my prompting. I valiantly resisted adding "I hope you're passing these resource suggestions to your conservative friends at your mega church!" Baby steps, baby steps (for both of us!).

Okay, I am gonna Ye Zun on the page today. I shall.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

Go you and your mom. :)

[clevermanka]

Someday we might have the conversation about why they chose/choose to join a conservative mega church in literally the richest part of Indianapolis and what that says about their comfort level with privilege, but for now this is good.

[trobadora]

Yay for good conversations with your mum!

And thank you for sharing those lovely links. :D

[clevermanka]

Yay indeed, and you're welcome!

[naye]

A positive maternal interaction! GOLD STAR to you for being so patient, and to her for effort. ♥

*write vibes*

[clevermanka]

100% of my patience is due to her effort. 😆

[moodsong]

I haven't seen Disclosure yet. I'm unsure if it will wreck me or not, and if I have to plan for after care.

[clevermanka]

Hugs. There were definitely things that were difficult to watch, but overall I found it hopeful and positive. I'm glad you have people who can give you needed support during and after.

[write_out]

That is awesome about your productive/healthy conversations with your mom! I'm glad she seems to be taking this all in with a more open heart and a willingness to listen and learn. Kudos to you too for having the patience to talk with her about these topics!

Putting Disclosure on my Netflix To Watch list.

[clevermanka]

Kudos to you too for having the patience to talk with her
I gotta walk my talk about people in privileged positions being the ones to educate, you know?

[write_out]

Yes, but it's not always easy to find the mental fortitude to do so, so I admire yours!

I still cringe HARD when I think about a conversation I tried to have my BIL about systemic racism a few years ago. I wasn't prepared, got completely flustered, and ended up overly emotional- like standing up in the middle of the room and telling Brian to tkae me home Right That Instant. God, it was bad. I was mortified. Still am.

[clevermanka]

*hugs* Nobody gets those conversations right the first couple times! I'm proud of you for doing what you could, and I wish you could be proud of yourself, too. 🧡

[write_out]

HUGS thank you for that! I think I shocked everyone- this was in front of Brian's parents too, so I had a wide audience- but I also think I did get the cogs turning in my BIL's head. We've not talked about that day since, but he has become a lot more open-minded about things, so maybe one day I'll be brave enough to revisit this topic.

[clevermanka]

It sounds like you made a difference, and that's wonderful. 🧡

[msmitti]

I'm a total chicken when it comes to any kind of confrontation or uncomfortable conversation, so I offer you kudos for having it. Even if (especially since?) it didn't go as well as you'd like.

[write_out]

Oh thank you! I appreciate that, seriously. I really am still so embarrassed by my meltdown. I am (clearly) not always good at those kinds of conversations either, but I did learn a lot from that one.

[yaaurens]

I'm so glad your mom is open to listening and learning! I wish mine were, but alas.


Uuuuuggghhhh that gif from As Flowers Fade. He's so adorable. I loved his character in that show so much.

[clevermanka]

It took a loooooong time for her to get to this point. I wish that yours might eventually come around, too.

[seascribble]

I'm glad your mom is being so receptive!

[clevermanka]

Yeah, it's pretty cool. I keep reminding myself to not expect huge strides in her emotional regulation, but it's good to see this side of her!

[wrote_and_writ]

Ye Zun!

[clevermanka]

I'm still laughing at part of the scene I wrote with him so I'd say it went well!

[wrote_and_writ]

definitely a good sign!

[khellekson]

Aw Da Qing! So youthfully joyful!

Your mom sounds like she's really trying. Good for her!

[clevermanka]

Looking forward to writing more of Da Qing in the current fic. 🧡

And yes, she's trying to be less bigoted, which is very good!

[elenothar]

It's really nice to hear that your mother is open to discussions/learning about this stuff - as an ace person I've heard a lot of exhausting variations on the "does x mean she'll have sex", and quite a lot of time it's just coming from a place of ignorance rather than maliciousness (which doesn't make it any less exhausting, but hey).

[clevermanka]

She's come a long way from her "bisexuals are even worse than homosexuals" days!

[elenothar]

Oh, oh dear. Yes indeed.

[msmitti]

Love that you were patient enough to let your mom process as much as she could and allow her time/space to come back with more questions.
And what married couple doesn't have sex? At some point, anyway. Maybe that is my own ignorance hanging out there in the wind.

[clevermanka]

Yeah, when she's not pushing her emotional needs on me I can be very patient with her. 😆

Lots of ace people are married, and I'm sure a lot of them aren't having sex. Marriage doesn't change sexual orientation--like how bi folks in monogamous relationships are still bi, even though they might not be sexing it up with other genders.

[msmitti]

I had to look up ace people. I didn't know that was a thing, though it does make sense. See--it was my ignorance hanging out there in the wind!

[clevermanka]

LOL, this is how we learn!

[tinny]

I wouldn't deny this face anything.

Aint that the truth...

Oooh, thanks for those old vian gifs. I hadn't seen them before! <3

Wow! That was... pretty cool.

That is great! <3

[clevermanka]

I hadn't seen all those Vian gifs, either. I'm so grateful to people who retweet old(er) art.