Why I am a sports model

[clevermanka]

In a comment to yesterday's post, chronovore asked why I got my tubes tied. I thought it likely that other people might be interested as well. Plus I didn't have anything else to say today...

I've known since I was eight (or so) that I didn't want kids. At a very tender age I told my parents in no uncertain terms that I would not be blessing them with grandchildren. I never looked back. I'm an only child and even as a child, I always preferred the company of adults. I don't understand children, I don't care for them, and I have very little patience with them. Ditto for supposed grown-ups that act like children. I'm very selfish with my time. I want to do what I want to do, when and how I want. There's very little room there for a child. Honestly, I would make a rotten mother. (Note: This doesn't mean I think any less of my friends with children. Maude knows some people need to want and love children or we'd be a very sad and short-lived race.)

In 2003 I was diagnosed with thyroid disease and put on synthetic hormones to even out my T3 and T4 levels. I decided that my body (which is, much to my annoyance, frail and easily messed up) didn't need to be on two different hormones. The Levoxyl I don't have much choice about. I have to take it or my goiter will swell--not to mention the rest of my body. So I decided to ditch the birth control hormones and got the permanent birth control installed.

As starstraf says, I'm now a sports model, only good for having fun.

Just a side note: the only thing that makes me the teeny-tiniest bit sad is my parents are the best parents ever and they'd have made absolutely super grandparents. I do feel a little bad that they'll never have a grandchild from me, but that's not enough reason to have a kid.

Comments

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

My dear, should you ever want to have a child, adoption is always a possibility...and I would imagine your fabu parents would love an adopted grandchild any less.

I have never spawned for all the reasons you listed above (except the thyroid problem - that reason alone is a very good reason not to tax your body). I was the last of 3 kids who were widely spaced, so I was for all intents and purposed raised as an only child (my brothers were gone by the time I was truly congnizent). The only time I even considered children was when I was with digibri and then only because his sheer enthusiasm for children washed over me enough to make me wonder...but it was only wonder. I cried upon our break for both the relationship and the moment of wonder then lost, for I knew that if I didn't with him, I would never.

That sadness was very shortlived. I remembered who I was and why I knew that motherhood, in the traditional sense, is not for me. I am, however, thankful that my time with digibri allowed me to come to a place where children do not literally make my flesh crawl.


D.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

should you ever want to have a child
I know you say "never say never", but honestly, I simply can't imagine this ever happening. LOL!

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

Hey, I never once believed I would ever think about it myself, beyond having an odd curiosity about what it would feel like to have another life inside me (to which I most often conclude that it would feel like a parasite), until I was involved with someone for whom the wish/want/need to parent is integral to their worldview.

I am not unhappy with my life choice by any means, but I have fucking learned that you never, ever fucking know what the future will bring you, so ultimatums serve only to close possiblities away.


D.

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much what I had surmised.

I had also rather wondered about the psychic connection which some believe they experience (as my mother has strong bonds of this sort with her 3 children, it would not surprise me...the child being, for all intents and purposes an extension of your body, at least until it rips free).

Interesting philosophical questions abound...I always hit a wall at the "and you'll be stuck with the kid for at minimum 18 years" part of the equation.


D.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Have you reached the "Get this thing out of me!!" stage yet?

[solan-t.livejournal.com]

It won't do that any time soon.....

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

LOL! As I always suspected! If I want that, I can just get a tapeworm and lose weight instead of gain.

[tattooedartgirl.livejournal.com]

having BEEEN pregnant-this is a very good analogy..or think Alien chest burster LOL

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

I was going to leap in with an observation about adoption as well. There are so many unwanted kids in the world, if you felt like having a legacy, there are plenty of kids upon whom you might imprint your memes (and your parents' grandparent-memes).

In the meantime, it is impressive that you know yourself well enough, and are comfortable enough with the enormity of the decision, to make it and act on it. It's a really, well, grown-up decision to make. I wish more people were as self aware and responsible.

[malvito.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad. You know where you are emotionally, and are wise enough not to give in to that ridiculous "You'll Know You Want Kids When You Have Them" litany.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't feel bad at all!!! They have lots of younger friends who have little kiddies and they get to play grandparents with them.

[malvito.livejournal.com]

That's terrific for them. And it's the best of both worlds for all parties. I know I've never wanted kids, but, if an inkling of a paternal feeling happens by, I have nephews with whom I can spend time. While they are lovely kids, any paternal feeling is snuffed out by the end of the day.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

My yearly dose of Children's Day out at KCRF stuns those inklings for me.

Quote from that yearly CF,
"Did you hear that sound? That was hundreds of rennie biological clocks stopping at once."

I still think about it now and again, but I need to fix my own life before I consider generating more life.

[pamelonian.livejournal.com]

I salute you! I am not going to have children, either, but I would probably need a health issue to get my insurance to pay for me going under the knife. What a great idea, though!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

My insurance paid for it (well except for about $450 of the $5,000 bill) without blinking an eye. It would be worth a call to them, at least.

[hurricanedeck.livejournal.com]

Having no tubes at all left in my body, it allows me to give serious thought to the notion of actually having to seriously plan out any possible kidlets.

Some days, yes, some days no.

I'm sure I'll get to the point of either all days yes or all days no...

[motherteresatoo.livejournal.com]

From a mother who loves her kids more than breathing...
Good for you! I'm always happy to see people have the life that they want. I never was one who "just wants to be a mom." I wanted my kids, but I've always had to have extra-curricular activities. :-) People run all along the spectrum and I truly dislike when women who choose not to birth are ridiculed or admonished for their decision. To each their own. I wish more women who didn't want kids would get fixed, versus having kids that end up abused/neglected.

Kudos to you.

[skyflame.livejournal.com]

My decision not to have kids has been a popular topic for my shrink, although I do also feel somewhat bad for my parents, as I know they would make wonderful grandparents. (I saw that explicitly during my last relationship, as my girlfriend had a 15-year-old son and my parents were still living in Lawrence at the time, so everyone saw each other a lot.) Now that my brother is married and is thinking about having children, I don't feel so bad about not spawning myself. Meanwhile at family gatherings, my mom always takes pictures of me holding someone's baby and then forwards me them, just for the added subtle pressure. Feh.

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

I find that sort of crap (along with all the other b.s. social pressures people put on others about baby making - I got amazing amounts or crap from people who didn't even know me when I entertained having tubes tied at 31) abhorent.

I am thankful my parents never pressured me at all. I'd have been hard pressed not to tell them "if you want a fucking kid, fucking have another one" in such circumstances.


D.

[dvicci.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking about doing the same thing, actually... not Tubal Ligation, mind you, but a vasectomy, and for much the same reason. I'm just not interested in children. I don't hate them, but I've never really truly enjoyed them, been able to relate to them, or craved their company. I've also always preferred the company of adults. I'm still hesitant, however, even knowing the possibility of reversal and/or adoption. It seems so permanent, and even at 33, I'm one to say "never say never" and give it a little heed.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

It seems so permanent
Yup. That's why they call it "sterilization." =)

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

The beauty of being a sports model is that men who manage to grow up by middle age all want one and appreciate the value we maintain.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

You seem superbly sensible in this arena.
Nice to see someone who thought it out, then followed through.

ZPGly,
Adam

[lynchwalker.livejournal.com]

Holy crap am I jealous.

I don't think my insurance'll let me do it unless my innards attempt to rise up and eat me. Some sort of You're Only Twenty-Five, What the Hell Do You Know bullshit.

Huzzah, miss!

[betty-blackbent.livejournal.com]

It's always a good thing when someone knows what works for THEM...instead of just following the General Game Plan.
I have always desperately wanted kids, but I know I'm too tightly strung to have one/more by myself...I need it to be a joint project. Now that it's more or less too late, I AM sometimes sad about my childlessness, but still certain that I made the right decision in not going it alone the times it was... an issue, for lack of a better term.

[kalinobeche.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I've never wanted kids (and viewing Tom's HUGE baby pictures confirmed it) I'm not able to take birth control anymore so I'm currently researching getting something more permanent. My doc suggest and IUD but since it's hormonal it might screw up my colitis. So I'm researching my options. And don't feel bad about not having them. It's better to know you don't want them and stick to your guns rather than given into the "but your kids will be different" or "you'll change your mind once you have one" crap and then you're stucky raise a kid and resenting them.

I also like the idea of being a "sports model" very cool.

[kijjohnson.livejournal.com]

You're the two-seater coupe!

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

*SNORT*
O, my god. That's hilarious.

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

From a fellow sports model - god children are wonderful, and it is amazing but parents seems to be able to get the grandkid fix from friends of kids kids. Pooch's mom has a photo of Pooch and Rowan in their miami football shirts and under is "my son and my grand-god-daughter" Almost made me cry when I saw it.
She also had photos of her grand-puppy and grand-kitty that she has in her wallet.