Puns

[clevermanka]

From a non-LJ friend of mine:

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly,"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Collective groan

That helped my mood somewhat. I'm really pretty damn down today. It shoulda been my first full day in Vegas for VLV. Reading starstraf's posts about being in Vegas right now makes me more than a little blue. I look out my window at this nasty ass rain and cold wind and think: Shit. I should be dolling myself up for breakfast Bloody Marys at the buffet before strolling down the strip. Tonight, Big Sandy's playing, and tomorrow Los Straitjackets. I'm trying not to get too worked up over missing the Collins Kids on Saturday. Yeah, yeah, I know, pity party and a big "wah," right?

Still. Sucks.

Comments

Heh-heh...

[angelbedwell.livejournal.com]

you said sucks.

Aren't you dancing tonight? Viciously I hope. And I hear that friends will be there admire your skills and cheer you on.

Two days to go to Wench night!

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

Babe, there's no way you weren't going to be feeling it. Hopefully, when the next one comes around, your life will be in a place that will allow you to go play, and you will savor the hell out of every fucking moment of it.

I promise, many wenches will do all we can on Saturday to ease your sense of "missing out".


D.

[arian1.livejournal.com]

We still love you! I could get in a straightjacket and dance around to spanish music if that would help. Or...something :)

Another pun to help the day?

[tanuki-green.livejournal.com]

A penguin is driving along in the desert when his truck starts to have some problems. He pulls over at the nearest gas station and asks if he attendent could look at his truck.

"Sure," says the attendant. "Might take me a bit to figure out what's wrong..."

"That's fine," says the penguin. "By the way, is there someplace I can get a cold drink? It's pretty hot out here."

"There's a little store right over there. They have drinks and stuff."

"Thanks!" The little black and white guy headed off to the store.

While looking for his drink he came across the freezer case and saw his favorite -- an ice cream sandwich. He promptly paid for it and began devouring it.

Since our flightless waterfoul friend has no opposable thumbs, it must be said that he made rather a mess of himself. He managed to get ice cream all over himself in the process of thouroughly enjoying his sandwich.

A bit later he went to check on his truck. "Any idea what's wrong?"

The attendant pulled his head out from under the hood. "Yeah. It looks like you'be blown a seal."

"Naw. It's just ice cream."

*sigh*

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Careful....you'll make me pull out my 'frayed knot' joke again if there's much more of this!

[blndbmbshltr.livejournal.com]

Those are so corny they remind me of jokes my dad tells. Still funny though. *giggle*

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

boo hiss on feeling down.

I may come dance after all. I'll be pathetic, I'm sure, but there.

and I want angelbedwell's necklace in that icon. :drool:

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yahoooo!

[tattooedartgirl.livejournal.com]

ya..me too!!!! WHY didn't we just all decide to share the room and have a girly party this year...

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Because we're fucking idiots. Sigh. Oh, and broke. Yeah, still broke. =b

[tattooedartgirl.livejournal.com]

ahhaahah=SO right!!!!!

but...damn-its the indiocy thing thats bothering me...being poor there is ok...with enough of us, we could had the cheapest room, all taken large purses with ziplocks to take the dinner buffet to get stuff for eating at other times, taken the hotplate, electric kettle, etc... etc..

damn us!!!

[starstraf.livejournal.com]

If it helps at all the Hungarian left Vegas wednesday to goto Minicon in Mpls, where I wish I was, and when I was in the airport I was on AIM with a friend of mine that is currently at Minicon.