Words of wisdom

[clevermanka]

I was reading a post in a community I just joined and when I finished it I thought "This sounds like a job for rougewench." But rougewench isn't on the community. So I thought hmmmmm and I attempted to channel the excruciatingly correct Voice of Denise. I'm sure there are things she would have said differently, but overall I think I did pretty well. And then I realized: This all came out of me. Me!!! Ever since becoming her friend a year ago (only a year?) I've admired her and appreciated her so much. I've wanted to be more like her--not in a way that overwrites who I am, but in a way that enhances and improves me. I think I'm almost there.

I'm copying my response to that post here, with certain post-specific lines removed. I think they're good words to anyone, at any stage of life.

Ahem. *begin Denise Voice*
My dear, wanting to take care of people and make the world a better, easier, simpler place for people is not something to be ashamed of. Compassion is not a vice. If doing things like rising to the aid of your friends and getting them extra napkins makes you happy, accept it. Wanting to do things that make you happy and maybe get you appreciated by other people Is Not Selfish.

Now, if you secretly go cry in a corner and feel the martyr after cleaning the table for the four-hundred-thousandth-time, that's a different story. If that's the case, you need to face the reasons why you continue to put yourself in a situation where you feel abused and taken advantage of. But if it honestly makes you happy--Enjoy it!!! I assure you, others enjoy being taken care of, even if they don't mention it.

Hating yourself is a waste of time. Either come to a place where you can accept your actions or get to a place where you can change them.

Taking back something because you've changed your mind after a bit of thought or information-gathering is not bad, either. Opinions change. Feelings change. That's nothing to be ashamed of. It takes more courage to say "I was wrong" than to stick by an opinion that you no longer believe to be true just to save face. Try to use "I'm Sorry" only when you really are sorry.

If you find in someone a good role model, the best compliment you could ever give her is to strive to achieve in yourself what you see as her shining traits. Wishing to be more like her doesn't do either of you any good.

Life is confusing, yes. There are no guidebooks and everything works differently for everyone. But doing one thing and hoping to achieve the opposite is, as I'm sure you're aware, an exercise in futility and will only frustrate you and make you unhappy.

Life by default isn't crap. Life is what you make of it. If you believe its crap and you repeat this mantra throughout it, I have three words: Self Fulfilling Prophecy. Search yourself to find why you currently think life is crap and, if you want to believe otherwise, find ways to change your opinion.

No guilt, my dear, and no regrets. Live as if you had no fear.
*end Denise voice*

::Nods:: Yeah, it might not be exactly what rougewench would say, but it evokes her spirit. I hope I did her justice.

Comments

[angelbedwell.livejournal.com]

I'll bet when she reads this she's going to say "Most excellent, my dear."

What a complement! I loved what you said. I too, strive to take on her honest and insightful assessments without distorting my own colors.

Well done!!!

That deserves a bounce :) *bounce*

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Now if I knew of a way to channel your energy...

[fantomas71.livejournal.com]

This court finds you amusing! (bangs gavel)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Hm. Humor. Not exactly what I was going for, but hey.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

Unless you had told me I would have sworn it was her.

I have not the whole context, but it sounds like solid advice.


Nicely done!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I would have sworn it was her.

Now that is a compliment.

[grnvixen.livejournal.com]

Very well said, with or without D's voice. And I found it particularly approriate that you started with 'my dear' :) :).

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I found it particularly approriate that you started with 'my dear'

But of course!!!

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

Well said, my dear, and indeed as angelbedwell predicted, most excellent.

If anything I have brought to your life has added some value, some insight, some peace, I can only be grateful to have been given the opportunity to assist an amazing example of a human (who may not have wholly recogized that truth herself).


D.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Love you, you know. =)

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

Mutual, you know...


D.

[professormass.livejournal.com]

This calls for a group hug.

*holds open arms*

Hello? Anyone? Why are you all running away?

Crap.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Silly boy. I'd hug you if you were here. =)

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

*hugs DOOM professormass*

[florilegia.livejournal.com]

What may not have been truly your words truly evoked the spirit of your words. Does it ever amaze you, how many people you can help by just being yourself? Life brings us many opportunities to teach and learn and the balancing act that comes in doing both. While there are some of us still teetering on this balance beam, you are doing handsprings.

Thanks for being you.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

While there are some of us still teetering on this balance beam, you are doing handsprings.

Thank you. I've had excellent coaches in my life.

[florilegia.livejournal.com]

I actually meant this to go to D., but I think the same applies for you. I normally would not make a statement like that to someone I know as little as I do you, although your words in the post definitely convince me that I have not erred by sending the coment to you!

Who have your coaches been, other than D.?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

First and foremost: My parents. They're amazing people and I am so grateful to them.

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

And yeah, you are doing handsprings.


D.

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

Well, let's just say I've gotten used to the manner in which I seem to end up being a signpost to others.

I wouldn't describe myself as doing handsprings (although at one point in my life I was attempting to learn to do exactly that on balance beams), I do what anyone does on a daily basis. I just try to get along and deal with what life throws at me that day.

The only difference, if any, between me and others, is that I reached a point where I decided that I didn't need to be adding more pain, grief and bullshit to my life than life was throwing at me all on it's own. So I stopped shitting on myself and for the most part, stopped allowing others to do it to me, where I was able to do so.

This has also made me extremely reluctant to allow it to happen in the future, as I've figured out clearly that life sucks less when you're not always in emotional pain and turmoil.


D.

[green-tara76.livejournal.com]

What excellent advice! I hope that "The Spirit of D" continues on to inspire who it is meant for, and on, and on. Her attitude (and yours!) should be shared by all.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Her attitude (and yours!) should be shared by all.

That's why I made this post Public. My first public post in a while.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

WWDD - What would D. Do?

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

So much like D's voice, it's almost scary. *grin*

Boy, I can't wait til you get to be our age! I wanna be there to see it.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I wanna be there to see it

I hope you're here, too. =)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

She is, indeed, quite saucy. You'd love her. =)

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

My wife is SO much more socially adept than I am, it is not even amusing. For a long while I would just picture my brain saying run [wife's name here] emulator -s -ne and hope that I had picked up enough of the core source and set the parameters properly. Now I realize that I have actually integrated her way of thinking in to my own, and that I get actual credit and ownership of the effects of my efforts.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Isn't it great when you realize you've aquired traits of a person you respect?