clevermanka | Housespouse dreams

misia metioned a friend of hers, garrity had visited, and being a terribly nosey person, I popped over to garrity's LJ. On October 6, she posted:

...Honestly, sometimes I think what we really need is a housespouse. You know: someone who'll be willing to do all the incredibly important support work involved in keeping us fed, clothed, sheltered, and errand-free, plus also whatever the housespouse wanted or needed to do in order to feel fulfilled, so we can keep going out to make the mad cash in the careers that WE find fulfilling but simply can't be done part-time. It'd get complicated when we tried to figure out how to insure that housespouse, thanks to the asinine legal restricitons on what constitutes 'family' in this country, but some days I sincerely wish it were possible to have another family member who'd like to take on that role....

This basically sums up what I want to do in this life. I am, despite my sarcastic and catty outer shell, a giant mother hen at heart. I want to take care of the people I love.
Last weekend, mckitterick asked me what my goals were. I replied that I don't have any. And I really don't. I live very much in the moment, day to day. I don't think of my job as a career. It's just something I do to make enough money to do other things. So I don't have any career goals. He pointed out that some people have the goal to be happy. Yes, well, but I know I won't always be happy. In fact, I am often Not Happy. I will admit to mood swings--I just try to keep them to myself (and poor 0verdrive). Making one of my life goals to be happy would, frankly, be setting myself up for failure.

I never really considered housespousery a goal of mine, but I guess it is. I do want to retire early (before 45 would be nice) so I can spend my time doing what is important to me: Taking care of 0verdrive and our home.

Old-fashioned? Maybe. Sappy? Definitely. And I imagine there are many of my sister feminists who would find this idea horrific. In fact, I have been flamed for talking about this domesticity on one of my email lists. I was, in one woman's eyes, letting down the women who fought for my all my rights as a woman. Sigh. But we'll just ignore people like that, ok?

Also, for me, housespousery is very different from being a volunteer caregiver or something similar. I do not want to just take care of some random person with whom I do not share my life. The intimacy, the love, and the ownership is all necessary for me. My relationship, my home, my domain. Yeah, posessiveness is a lot of it, I guess.

Interesting. Not really going anywhere with this, just something to chew on.

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you won't get any flack from me - one of my friends

jadegirl is a owned servent. Yes the formalities of the relationship are a love D/s situation but she takes great pride in being the house-non-spouse.

Pooch and I have said that if we ever add to our relationship it would be really positive if the person had basic home-repair/yard-care type of skills since we both lack that.

I think that this is an important concept that got rather abused during the feminist movement. And remember, the housespouse doesn't have to be female. Ignoring the gender politics of it, the key point to me is people (inside and outside the house) acknowledging the "incredibly important support work involved" in making a home a successful, working organism. Every company has support staff; why shouldn't a family? and why look down on it? Beyond the janitorial crew, there's a Facilities Operations officer or similar position and larger companies have cafeterias, even daycares. So for the smaller organism of family, wrapping all these roles into one person who can handle efficiently the variety makes sense. More importantly, the greater level of involvement and the stakes of success being more dear, this position is more motivating when intimacy and ownership are involved. So I applaud this, not only because I can support this concept and identify with the desires you describe, but as an evolutionary extension of the family in the 21st century.

That's wonderful! Lucky jadegirl!

The home as an organism--this is so true. It really is. Hence, when momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. =)

The entire women's rights thing was about women being able to do whatever they wanted.

That includes being a domestic goddess if that's your trip.

D.

Yeah, that was my opinion, too, but she didn't share that view. =)

You have an opportunity to do that to some extent. See misia's (also a writer) thoughts on this here:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/garrity/19348.html

This is interesting thinking-stuff. Perhaps this is your "goal," if that's the correct term to use: To retire from day-to-day work into a dreamed-of role rather than aspire to something careerish or the like. We strive to put ourselves into the position of doing that which most satisfies us; I came to KU last year because I love teaching, I love developing things, and so on. If what most satisfies you is serving those you love in a domestic role, you should find a way to make it happen!

Even if 0verdrive alone can't make that happen in the next few years (that's a tall order for most anyone these days), consider this: I know you've thought about co-housing arrangements -- I suspect that another couple and 0verdrive could support a full-time domestic goddess. Why not find a way to work that out? Build a second house on the back-40 of your lot? Expand yours to suit? Go in together with another couple (or more) on a really big place, or a couple of houses in a neighborhood? Encourage others to move in next door when the old geezer kicks off? That sort of thing.

It's a noble and appealing goal! If you think of it as such, you'll find a way to make it happen before you're 45. Heck, if you were up for the sort of D/s relationship Star mentioned, I bet good money that you'd find interested parties before the ink faded >g<.

You have no *idea* how often we tweak the curtains to see if the old geezer next door has kicked off yet. S-i-g-h. =)

Hmmmm....maybe we could build on an extra living area instead of just a sunporch next year!

She gets lots of flack from folks, but my feeling is that if D (her partner) makes enough to support the two of them in NYC without her bringing in income, and he enjoys having a tip top shape house enough to relize that having her not work is important then more power to them

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