I don't have many gay boy friends anyway...

[clevermanka]

So this post shouldn't get me into too much trouble.

OK, so Madonna's new schtick is being lowered to the stage on a cross. *shrug* Whatever. I don't know why people get up in arms about her trashing their religion. I mean, she's slowly working her way across the religious spectrum. And the sub-culture spectrum, and the kink spectrum, etc. etc. She the only person on earth who makes millions of dollars for being a professional dilettante. Probably the only reason she returned to harassing Catholicism is because after 9/11 she knows putting on a burka and booty shorts would most likely get her shot.

Anyway. I read about the brou-ha-ha yesterday. I thought "Hm. Madonna. Bondage. Cross. OK, it could work." I pictured her, scantily clad in a loincloth (a stylish loincloth, of course, perhaps designed by Bob Mackie) with flesh-toned powernet on her torso. A crown of thorns, artfully applied rivulets of blood streaking her face, hands, and feet. The cross a delicate-but-rough construction made of some fabulous polymer that looked like white wood but, oh, maybe glowed from the inside or something. Not my particular kink, but I could at least understand the appeal. However. Today I saw a photo of this cross-lowering business.


What the hell? The cross looks like a combination of a high-rise office building and one of those monstrous Dedications To Our White Jesus you see on I-70 headed to St. Louis. And Madonna herself? I can only hope that this is some sort of tech rehearsal and that's not her actual costume for the tour. It looks like she's wearing a cheap knock-off of an amateur RenFest pirate costume for god's sake. It's 2006 and they can't mike her with something that doesn't look like a carwash hose attachment? This whole thing is just so completely unsexy, unimaginative, unattractive, and yes, unshocking that I'm honestly a bit embarrassed for her.

It reminds me of the Stonehenge incident in This is Spinal Tap. I can just picture the audience now, seeing this for the first time (those backward luddites who won't have seen it yet on Yahoo!News). The screaming, the clapping, the riotous euphoria as they await their goddess. And the long silence when she actually appears on this ridiculous apparatus, broken eventually by the snorts and giggles of ten thousand queens who, oh honey, could have designed that so much better.

At least, that's what I like to envision. Snark. Oh, I mean, Vogue.

Comments

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

Oh, how disappointing....

ye gods, that's sad!

[the-themiscyran.livejournal.com]

I saw that yesterday and laughed. I think she should be naked, too. But it's because that cross looks ike it's covered in shower tiles.

So I keep wondering if this is just a way for her to write off bathroom redecoration as a business expense.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, you're right. It's totally shower tiles.

[angelbedwell.livejournal.com]

Well, at least it's not predictable? Maybe she's toying with the idea of understatement?

Either way - there are least ten thousand queen fans of hers who could have designed better.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

at least it's not predictable?

True. I would not have predicted Madonna making herself look frumpy, unimaginative, and stupid on purpose.

Maybe she's toying with the idea of understatement?

Um. Right.

[solan-t.livejournal.com]

Well, I see that cross and am forcefully minded of the Religious Right - a juxtaposition of city life and christianity.


The costume: um....*looks around for inspiration* she's getting too old for your idea?



The mike: I'm out.

Cap'n Jack died for her sins

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

Obviosuly she's making a statement about Jack Sparrow, and how she was redeeemed by his one selfless act, and how he's secretly Jesus, and that Jesus would've died on a well-tiled bathroom floor (which you can get at Home Depot[tm]) if those tiles had been available during his death.

Unshocking

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

If she really wants to shock her audience, let's see her do G.G. Allin's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gg_allen) old routine or maybe tour with Gen and the Genitorturers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genitorturers).

Re: Unshocking

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Well fuck yah. Miles Copeland has now made Superstahs out of bellydancers, therefore he is King. Madonna could take lessons from him on publicity stunts I'm sure, but she's a genious at marketing herself through the ages. Who else has lasted this long, and in so many different personas?

either way, the Genitorturers rocked. They did do Lawrence a couple years ago, didn't they?

[bestill.livejournal.com]

When I saw the picture, the first thing I though wa sthat it was going to spin arounf, like wheel of fotune and someone would throw knives at her . . .

Yes, it does look like high-rise building. And what's up with that outfit? The cross and pirate-wanna-be outfit have nothing to do with each other. Maybe she was trying to help promote the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie . . . it all seems like a really bad idea. Like when you wish your friends would have told you so you wouldn't have made a fool of yourself.

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

*blink blink*

wow.

[chandara.livejournal.com]

I was FAR more shocked by the church down the street putting their children on crosses facing the street on the front lawn looking like they were being crucified. In fact, I wasn't shocked - I was horrified.

I agree with you - Madonna on her shower-tile-cross is NOT shocking at all.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

the church down the street putting their children on crosses facing the street on the front lawn looking like they were being crucified

That is horrifying on so many levels I can't even imagine. I...I don't even have words for that.

[harmfulguy.livejournal.com]

OMFG. In what precinct of the lowest Hell did you witness this spectacle?

[chandara.livejournal.com]

The corner of Cemetary Rd & Rome-Hilliard Rd in Hilliard, Ohio (western suburb of Columbus).

[harmfulguy.livejournal.com]

Obviously the cross on which Corporate Jesus was crucified by the Supreme Evil of the inheritance death tax.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Ugh! You nailed it. That is just... totally disappointing.

I wanted to envision a Vegas cross with lights and maybe a little pyro. And like, a neon thorny crown headdress.

That outfit is so tame (lame?) that I actually thought it was business-casual upon first glance.

And this line?

Probably the only reason she returned to harassing Catholicism is because after 9/11 she knows putting on a burka and booty shorts would most likely get her shot.

HILARIOUS. I guffawed. :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

So do I get a Spitting Cobra or what?

Hell yes!

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

I would've done it without being prompted, but I haven't had any caffeine yet!

Re: Hell yes!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

*Preen*

"I'd like to thank the little people, without whom this achievement wouldn't have been possible."

[bountifulpots.livejournal.com]

I had this image of a big flashy white cross with her all decked out on it. And then...


That's it? I'm kinda disappointed. Screw that, I'm really disappointed! Where the heck did the hell raising image from my childhood go? I want my money back!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

This post made me laugh from start to finish (and I hadn't seen the picture yet) so thanks. Just what my morning needed.

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

heehee - I can hear it now.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping I get asked to read it for All Things Considered. =D

[lightonthesill.livejournal.com]

Got to be rehearsal photos... Has to be....and even so....how uninteresting in so many ways.

Found this from the Boston Globe:
Madonna stunt criticized in Rome
August 4, 2006

Madonna's plans to crucify herself on a mirrored cross during a concert Sunday in Rome have drawn fire from religious leaders. The pop diva, 47, wears a crown of thorns and hangs from a cross on her ``Confessions" world tour. The prospect of the scene being repeated in Rome's Olympic stadium, two miles from the Vatican, prompted Catholic officials to denounce the act as a publicity stunt in bad taste. ``To crucify yourself in the city of the pope and the martyrs is an act of open hostility," Cardinal Ersilio Tonini was quoted as saying in the La Stampa daily.

[slinka.livejournal.com]

That is the unsexiest thing she's ever done. WTF is she wearing? Good Christ, I have a sexier cross I could lend her.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Good Christ, I have a sexier cross I could lend her.

*snork!*

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

Great post, really good stuff.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

*bows*

And coming from you, that's quite the compliment. Feel free to use any of it in a stand-up routine someday.

[acommonreader.livejournal.com]

That is SPECTACULARLY unattractive. What a let down for a cross. I wanted for her body to be winding around something, or at least her arms. This makes me think three words: New Trump Building. (Need I add, "Wife Attached"?) She looks like an extra from either version of The Office, the one you would crack up at during the meetings and hope gets fired.

Yuck.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

New Trump Building. (Need I add, "Wife Attached"?)

That is teh Winnah.

[malvito.livejournal.com]

She the only person on earth who makes millions of dollars for being a professional dilettante

One might argue in favor of bestowing that title onto Paris Hilton.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I don't think Paris can even be classified as a dilettante. She just had all her money given to her by daddy. If nothing else, at least Madonna earned all her dough.

[malvito.livejournal.com]

Good point. Where does that put Tori Spelling?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

As far as I can reckon, about the eleventh circle of hell...

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

Rutting for truffles.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

*cough*

Winnah!

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

YAY!

And with regard to the pix of you in costume in the other thread:
WINNAH!+DAYUM!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Aw. Thanks!

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine why she'd need a powernet torso cover. I mean, the woman spends FOUR hours a day working out. I'd look that damn good too.

So, she's the next michael jackson pop icon, only female.

Big deal. I'm sure the tabloids will have her fucking little boys and girls next. Wait, .. with the Vogue photo shoot and pix from the rest of this show, nothing short of bestiality will do for shocking the mundanes.

yah, big yawn on her new tour. The Vatican hates it? Oooh what good publicity THAT makes. See The DaVinci Code, should you doubt me.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine why she'd need a powernet torso cover.

Well, I think even Madonna isn't gonna prance around on stage with her nipples showing...

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Haha,...why not?
Maybe with lil bead-encrusted pasties...