Positively charged

[clevermanka]

I've been thinking about being a positive person. I recently saw someone describe himself as a pessimist (or, at least surprised that people would think of him as other than negative), and I've been having conversations with mckitterick, bestill, and others about allowing the negativity of others to overwhelm one's person.

My parents are oppositely charged. My father is an optimist. He focuses on the good in life and people (except when it comes to Dick Cheney, whom we agree is pretty much 100% evil). It's my belief that Daddy's success and random good luck are directly related to his attitude. While it's not guaranteed that everything will always be sunshine and roses, believing that good things will happen certainly does increase the chances. My mother is a pessimist (and readily admits to it). She rarely sees the cup half-full. In fact, she often doesn't even bother to look for a glass.

Here's a perfect example. When I visited them last year, they had recently rented the Disney movie Eight Below. Mommy was furious at Daddy for "making" her watch it. Here's the gist of the conversation I got to hear on the way home from the airport:

Mommy: So your father made me watch the movie Eight Below. Have you seen it?
Me: No. Was it so bad?
Daddy: It wasn't bad. Your mom just didn't like the way it ended.
Mommy: Of course I didn't like the way it ended! Half the dogs died!
Daddy: Five of the dogs lived, though.
Mommy: Who cares! I sat through the whole movie, and half the dogs died.

There you have it. Pretty typical of my parents and their ways of thinking.

When I was a teenager, I was closer to my mom, because we share a tendency towards sarcasm, and as a teen, it's easier to be morose and bitchy than to make the effort to look on the bright side. But as an adult, I've become much closer to my father with his open, hopeful heart.

As I look at my life and my personality, I ask myself: Do I want to become my mother? Do I want her mental and spiritual burdens (burdens that I believe have manifested in various health problems)? Do I want to be known for being negative? Or do I want to start modeling myself after my father, who despite weight problems, knee surgeries, and a hectic lifestyle, always has a smile and a humorous story?

To me, the answer is obvious.

I'm not saying I'll give up my occasional snark or sarcastic jibe. I certainly don't expect that just because I'm making this change, my whole life is going to be happy-happy flower time. I understand that shitty things happen, and I can't prevent those things from happening. But I can change how I react to them, and how I allow them to affect me.

Looking over my past few months of LJ entries, there is more whining and bitching than I would like to see here (about things like weather, and my hair for godssake). I'm going to stop that. Internal changes. I am going to surround myself with people who are positive. People who are happy. External changes.

Sometimes, change is good.

Comments

[amjhawk.livejournal.com]

Good, don't lose the jibe and snark.

Happy-happy flower time?! That just made me laugh, as I can't really picture you in such a place.

And one thing that I found rather disturbing:
In going through the "who are you?" posters that the business executive students made, I was disturbed to see that 80% of them described themselves as "Optomists" - with the majority of them, well, being unable to spell it. They also seem to have all read the same one or two books as their last one (Into Thin Air being the main one)... they're so boring! So yeah, those are the people that run all of America's companies and corporations.

< / rant >

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

80% of them described themselves as "Optomists" - with the majority of them, well, being unable to spell it.

I can hear the slogan now: There is no "I" in Optomi...um...nevermind.

all read the same one or two books as their last one (Into Thin Air being the main one)...

Because that's a real uplifting one.

Dogs

[mattjustmull.livejournal.com]

While I agree with your dad's optimist attitude, I’m going to have to side with your mom when it comes to entertainment. If a movie starts killing off animals, especially dogs, then they've lost my patronage.

It's a cheap shot at the old heart strings.

Re: Dogs

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I think even Disney isn't Disney enough to Disney-fy a movie enough to change the ending of a movie based on a true story.

[jamer-31.livejournal.com]

i like to find a balance between optimistic and pessimistic and say i have optimistic pessimisticvism. or i am optimisticly pessimistic. lol just like am am an outgoing shy person.

[stuology.livejournal.com]

I like the engineering point of view that somebody made the cup twice as big as it needs to be.

I guess that makes me Boringly Rational.

[jamer-31.livejournal.com]

I love it :)

*heh*

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

The cup size was still under change control when the available volume shifted.

Very Cool

[wyckedgood.livejournal.com]

It is easy to get in to a habit of looking at everything from one perspective. Finding the bright side can be a challenge but one that is usually worth it.

I think my tendancy is towards realist with a side of positive, though I know some of my friends who strive for all positive find the realism to be negative. There is a line in there somewhere.

Kudos to you for positive life changes :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'll ever strive to find the positive in everything, but I would like to get to the point where a positive attitude is my general default.

What no Pollyanna? :)

[wyckedgood.livejournal.com]

I think that is a good place to come at life from.

[scary-manilow.livejournal.com]

I've definitely made a conscious attempt to skew my attitude to the more postive end of the spectrum this year, for one of the exact reasons you mentioned-- I want to SUCCEED ay my goals, and sitting around dwelling and sulking hasn't really helped me do that... I've definitely found that I've become more productive since making this decision (although, one month in is hardly a pattern for success, I like to think of it as a healthy start)... Working in a bar makes every day a struggle, though. My advice: stay out of the service industry.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm a secretary...that's kind of borderline. But at least most of the people I assist don't come to my place of work to get drunk. =)

Speaking of, lemme know your weekend schedule. I'll come see you sometime.

[dvicci.livejournal.com]

There is absolutely no reason you can't maintain a glass-half-full attitude, and still skewer with a good sarcastic jibe every now and again (or often, as the case warrants).

I did the same thing re: my own blog a while back, deciding to stop with what I came to consider incessant bitching about one thing or another. I was just in a bad place with a bad person... I'm much better now, and in a good place with a good person. Mayhaps the same can be said of you?

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

It has always seemed to me that life is damn good all on it's own at flinging poo at one's head in this existence, so that one really never needs to pile on to what one is already experiencing.

On the upside, it has always seemed to me that even at it's worst, life is cyclical...meaning there is always positive amongst the downsides, and that although it may be harder sometimes to latch onto those to bouy you, it certainly feels the fuck better at the end of the day.

At this point in my life, I'm all for feeling the fuck better, ya know?

Here's hoping the same works for you...making the choice to latch onto the good things there definitely are to be had in this life, without ever loosing the ability to see reality clearly (and snark at it when it is just to delicious not to).


D.

Being a PollyAnna

[caitlin-storm.livejournal.com]

I admit to being one of those people of perpetual sunshine. I may gripe and gritch abit, but I truly believe deep down in my heart that all will work out in the end. I think part of it is my faith and another part is an intrinsic optimism that refuses to allow me to think downwards. My husband is a pessimist. Oh, we are so oppositely yoked, but it works for us. He keeps me flying a little closer to the ground and I constantly am yanking him up out of the Eyeoreness of his attitude towards life. Sometimes it makes him absolutely nuts, and at others he will admit to being a bit of a Chicken Little (The sky is always falling). So far, it works. I have to be cautious, though so as not to let him drag me too far down. In the last year and a half I have lost that battle. But, no more. The irritating perkiness is back. I personally don't think either perspectives is wrong, just different. In the end we are all only as happy as we allow ourselves to be. Take life and make what you will of it and go from there. I wish you much happiness, for you are far too cool not to enjoy being you.

[tattooedartgirl.livejournal.com]

I figured that out 2 yrs ago, its great when you can come to that realization.

you need to read some of teh Hicks-Abraham books. You know I am NOT hippy dippy so if 'I' can get into this, it must be good. They ARE a bit cheesy with channeling (which I am NOT into) but the message and exercise are great to focus on positivity. Intention Manifestion-Energy goes where Attention flows!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Hicks-Abraham. I'll go check the library! Thanks for the tip.

And hurray for positive!

[tattooedartgirl.livejournal.com]

I also told ms bunkers about it a few months ago, she may have gotten one of the books. they have a website too with a daily quote too.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Crikey, you hit home with this one. I'm becoming the Gloominator to J's chirpiness, and that bugs me. I could wimp out and claim pain pills making me depressed, but that's not all it is, and I don't want to become the polar opposite of Mr Happy-Go-Lucky.

I have one of those Hicks-Abraham books. I guess this is a Clue-by-Four to dig it out, eh? Books don't get read sitting at the headboard, and I'm no bloody Edgar Cayce so I can't claim sleeping on one to assimilate the content!

[theoneinblue.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking over your post for a few days, and I can't help but think that's it's ok and even necessary to bitch sometimes, even about things that seem trivial...the details of everyday life can really bungle things up and be the stuff of mundane misery. Goodness knows I gripe enough. And sarcasm in good measure is spicy. But good for you for wanting to step back and write (literally and figuratively) your life through a more positive lens...

And in terms of glass half full and half empty, I cling to my cheesecake metaphor: starts as a whole piece, each bite delicious, and even if there's only a little left, that's still more to savor, even the crust. And hopefully, I'll be sated at the end of it, and I'll refuse to feel guilty for eating it. I can't say I always live by it or even try successfully, but I do try. :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I like the cheesecake metaphor. Mmmm. Cheesecake.

[satowi.livejournal.com]

First off? I love you :) Second? There is a GREAT deal to be said for optimism! I find that alot of times when I'm trying to be honest it could easily be misinterpreted as my being negative. Which is when I turn on the Difranco. I wanted to post song lyrics that this post of yours made me think of:

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling
and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

And lastly? I love you some more ;) Thanks for always listening chica!