clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2008-09-11 09:30 am
clevermanka) wrote2008-09-11 09:30 am
With liberty and justice for all
And here I thought Matt Damon couldn't get any sexier. Thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
medousamedea for the heads-up.
Speaking of the wonderfulness of (some) men, I wanted to point out a specific line from Steinem's essay that I posted yesterday. "Women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it." That has nothing to do with Palin or McCain. It has nothing to do with getting a black man or a woman in the White House. It has nothing to do with bipartisan politics. It has everything to do with the dream of someday finding ourselves in a space of equal justice and fair treatment for all.
I used to be one of those "Men are stupid" Feminists. I used to believe that men and women were different species. The whole "men are from mars" business? I bought it. Totally. I thought Feminism was us versus them.
But the more I observed my own self, the experience and opinion of trans-sexual friends, the fluidity of gender, and humanity in general--the more I honestly observed without imposing my own bias of "boys are different and dumb," the more I realized that neither sex has cornered the market on stupidity or the capacity for good.
Feminism (and I call myself a Feminist, loud and proud) should not be about putting women above men. The goal of Feminism should not be to allow women a chance to indulge in a vengeance game. Feminism should not give people license to wear shirts that say "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them." I admit at the moment I might be willing to sport one that said "McCain supporters are stupid. Throw truth at them." I'm not perfect after all. But if people--not just women, but all of humanity: men, women, and everyone else--are to achieve equal justice, we cannot allow the balance to tip to either side, even if at times the thought of a little Power Over sounds comforting and delicious.
How did I get from there to here? The turning point for me was when I was in my early twenties, working retail in Kansas City. A black man was in my department and we would often chat and be sarcastic together. In one of our conversations, he mentioned that I was the type of woman people would consider a Feminazi. I was dumbfounded and horrified. I wanted to say "But I'm fighting for your rights, too! Don't you see we're all in this together?" I realized that no, he didn't see. Because even though I had moved away from thinking that all men were idiots, I was still caught in the trap of making jokes about men, denigrating men, and generally talking the talk of female superiority. In short: I wasn't helping myself, I wasn't helping him, and I certainly wasn't helping Feminism.
This is why Steinem's quote about the need for male equality needs to be emphasized, separate from the current political situation. As women, we cannot fairly demand from men an equality that we ourselves are not willing to share. Yes, it is terrifying to give up that one, tiny, precious commodity that women have traditionally held superior (regardless of whether we wanted it or not). This superiority is ingrained in our culture. Look at how many television shows are based on the idea of The Dumb Dad/Husband who must constantly be saved by The Smart Mom/Wife. They've become archetypes! Boys and girls grow up watching men bumble around the home. Boys learn that it's acceptable--preferred even--for them to be domestically helpless. Girls learn to be proudly indulgent. This is not the way to achieve equality for anybody.
If women Feminists hope to reach the goal of equality, we must embrace the idea of equality everywhere, for everyone. We must not allow ourselves to fall back into the comfort of an us versus them mentality. We must push ourselves to enter into an area of possible discomfort by allowing men the opportunity to explore and enjoy something that has traditionally been our domain. After all, how can we, in fairness, ask men to give us an equality that we ourselves are not willing to share? In fairness, we cannot. By demanding equality outside the home when we are not willing to demand equality inside the home puts Feminists in the position of being no different than those who believe we don't deserve equality at all.
medousamedea for the heads-up. Speaking of the wonderfulness of (some) men, I wanted to point out a specific line from Steinem's essay that I posted yesterday. "Women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it." That has nothing to do with Palin or McCain. It has nothing to do with getting a black man or a woman in the White House. It has nothing to do with bipartisan politics. It has everything to do with the dream of someday finding ourselves in a space of equal justice and fair treatment for all.
I used to be one of those "Men are stupid" Feminists. I used to believe that men and women were different species. The whole "men are from mars" business? I bought it. Totally. I thought Feminism was us versus them.
But the more I observed my own self, the experience and opinion of trans-sexual friends, the fluidity of gender, and humanity in general--the more I honestly observed without imposing my own bias of "boys are different and dumb," the more I realized that neither sex has cornered the market on stupidity or the capacity for good.
Feminism (and I call myself a Feminist, loud and proud) should not be about putting women above men. The goal of Feminism should not be to allow women a chance to indulge in a vengeance game. Feminism should not give people license to wear shirts that say "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them." I admit at the moment I might be willing to sport one that said "McCain supporters are stupid. Throw truth at them." I'm not perfect after all. But if people--not just women, but all of humanity: men, women, and everyone else--are to achieve equal justice, we cannot allow the balance to tip to either side, even if at times the thought of a little Power Over sounds comforting and delicious.
How did I get from there to here? The turning point for me was when I was in my early twenties, working retail in Kansas City. A black man was in my department and we would often chat and be sarcastic together. In one of our conversations, he mentioned that I was the type of woman people would consider a Feminazi. I was dumbfounded and horrified. I wanted to say "But I'm fighting for your rights, too! Don't you see we're all in this together?" I realized that no, he didn't see. Because even though I had moved away from thinking that all men were idiots, I was still caught in the trap of making jokes about men, denigrating men, and generally talking the talk of female superiority. In short: I wasn't helping myself, I wasn't helping him, and I certainly wasn't helping Feminism.
This is why Steinem's quote about the need for male equality needs to be emphasized, separate from the current political situation. As women, we cannot fairly demand from men an equality that we ourselves are not willing to share. Yes, it is terrifying to give up that one, tiny, precious commodity that women have traditionally held superior (regardless of whether we wanted it or not). This superiority is ingrained in our culture. Look at how many television shows are based on the idea of The Dumb Dad/Husband who must constantly be saved by The Smart Mom/Wife. They've become archetypes! Boys and girls grow up watching men bumble around the home. Boys learn that it's acceptable--preferred even--for them to be domestically helpless. Girls learn to be proudly indulgent. This is not the way to achieve equality for anybody.
If women Feminists hope to reach the goal of equality, we must embrace the idea of equality everywhere, for everyone. We must not allow ourselves to fall back into the comfort of an us versus them mentality. We must push ourselves to enter into an area of possible discomfort by allowing men the opportunity to explore and enjoy something that has traditionally been our domain. After all, how can we, in fairness, ask men to give us an equality that we ourselves are not willing to share? In fairness, we cannot. By demanding equality outside the home when we are not willing to demand equality inside the home puts Feminists in the position of being no different than those who believe we don't deserve equality at all.