Clever Manka is dressed and undressed

I'm putting this here because I'm seeing good takes and info on Twitter and Tumblr but I know not all of y'all are in those spaces.

If you're running up against people who aren't concerned about future attacks similar to January 6 because the insurrectionists all look like a bunch of clowns, here's some articles to source/cite. I'm increasingly worried that this is going to get glossed over, just like the continuing "joke" of Trump's entire presidency and then we're gonna be fucked.

The men who carried zip ties as they stormed the Capitol weren’t clowning around.
The guys were carrying flex cuffs, the plastic double restraints often used by police in mass arrest situations. They walked through the Senate chamber with a sense of purpose. They were not dressed in silly costumes but kitted out in full paramilitary regalia: helmets, armor, camo, holsters with sidearms. At least one had a semi-automatic rifle and 11 Molotov cocktails. At least one, unlike nearly every other right-wing rioter photographed that day, wore a mask that obscured his face.

These are the same guys who, when the windows of the Capitol were broken and entry secured, went in first with what I’d call military-ish precision. They moved with purpose, to the offices of major figures like Nancy Pelosi and then to the Senate floor. What was that purpose? It wasn’t to pose for photos. It was to use those flex cuffs on someone.

Two Black officers say their chief and other upper management left them totally unprepared and were nowhere to be found on the day.
Management’s inaction left Black police officers especially vulnerable to a mob that had been whipped up by President Donald Trump, a man who has a record of inspiring racist vigilantes to action. One of the most defining videos of that day was of one of their colleagues, another Black officer, trying in vain to hold back the tide of rioters who had broken into the building and were hunting for Congressional members.

Thanks totinny for the link to this informative Twitter account.

Personal stories:
Pramila Jayapal:
The lack of security at the Capitol is not an accident. It is very clear to me that there were breaches of our law-enforcement agencies. The fact that there were no barriers, that they were essentially allowed in. And again, the discrepancy of what would have happened if these had been peaceful Black Lives Matter protesters … Believe me, they would not have been anywhere near that building. And there would have been a lot of arrests.

Susan Wild:
How were so many signs ignored? Why did the people charged with securing our country not do something in advance? Were Capitol police adequately staffed? Did someone on the inside know beforehand? I’m not making an accusation, but that’s part of what needs to be fleshed out. There is a sense that the intruders got in way too quickly and knew the layout very well. Many of us still have trouble finding Speaker Pelosi’s office, yet they managed to find it without difficulty.

Maxine Waters spoke on the day of:
I suspected that something like this would take place, and I talked with the chief of police here at the Capitol about what the security plans were. And the chief of police assured me that they would not even get on the plaza, let alone get in the Capitol. And I must have asked him 30 or 40 questions about how he was going to secure the Capitol and how would he know which of these organizations would be here. I mentioned to him that the Proud Boys were in town and the Oath Keepers were in town and white supremacists were in town, and he assured me that not only did they have it under control they were working in cooperation with the Metropolitan police of DC. And all of that has turned out to be untrue that they really had it taken care of.

Waters's words were echoed in a tweet by AOC that I can't find but here is a screenshot.

Please don't allow people around you to remain under the misapprehension that this was a joke or not really a coup. Frankly, we're very, very lucky that we can even call it an "attempted" coup. We won't be so lucky next time.

Whew. That was a miserable two days. The headache came back within twenty minutes of me getting up and stuck around until I finally fell asleep at 10pm last night. So about 36 hours of lying in pain, in the dark, reminding myself that if I die, nobody will post the remaining chapters of Ghost Story. Seriously, that was it. Fandom, y'all. Fandom saves me once again.

It makes the China AO3 thing extra awful because how many fans around the world are in a similar situation to me, unable to grasp that psychological lifeline without fear (if at all)? It's a good reminder to never take for granted access to things we love. My heart is heavy about it, and that coupled with the recent article about Chinese journalists and whistle-blowers being disappeared... I'm currently in such a fragile state (I hate so much how physical health affects my ability to modulate emotions) that it's an actual battle to fight back tears every time I think about it.

But of course I can't cry because that will absolutely trigger another headache.

And that of course leads me to thinking do other people feel similar pain for Americans (like me) who live in fear of getting so ill as to need medical assistance that could bankrupt them (the Covid-19 stuff is not helping my mental state either)?

Okay okay okay, I can't think about the world being so largely terrible anymore or else my last wall will crumble (the foundation's pretty well cracked already from the past two days). Just typing all that out made the back of my skull start to throb a bit. So have a (fairly) angst-free snippet from Deconstruction.

They blinked at each other in the moonlight for several moments, breaths mingling and hearts pounding into each other’s chests. Zhao Yunlan’s eyes were enormous, moisture still caught in the lashes. He trembled and Shen Wei pressed him against the counter, holding tight, not letting him go.

“Oh,” Zhao Yunlan breathed. “Oh.” His gaze fell to Shen Wei’s mouth, head slightly angled, his lips already parting.

Shen Wei closed his eyes as they fell together in a hard, clumsy, gasping kiss.

ETA: Well fuck. Here comes my headache again. *metaphorical crying*

ETA 2: Another three hours in the dark, then lunch out and I think? I'm okay? Mostly? Still got some light sensitivity, but I've been on the computer a while now and other than slight pressure in my teeth and the very back of my skull I'm okay.

Ughhhh I woke up super out of sorts. Maybe I'm still hungover from Meatpocalypse, idk. I'm anxious and sad and blahhhhhhhhh. I do not like these emotions and I would like to exchange them for something less itchy, please.

At least I had a good writing day, yesterday. 1,500 words of People Having Difficult Discussions. Good times!

I'm nearly halfway done with The Untamed but the latest fuckery with people getting banned for supporting Hong Kong is making me feel gross about consuming more Chinese content. No ethical consumerism etc. etc. but ugh. I just... *sigh* Is anyone else dealing with this or am I being one of those Annoying People At Parties? Here's a list of companies who have complied with China's censorship requests regarding Hong Kong.

Spent an hour today trying to write the next (literal) fucking part of Ghost Story (I'm alllllmost in the home stretch, y'all! It's nearly Spring Break!) and I'm gonna scrap the whole scene. It's not telling the right story, you know? I'd like to use it 'cos tbh it's pretty fuckin' hot if-I-do-say-so-myself but because of Ghost Story's (obviously) weird sex logistics, it's not like I could use it in a future fic. I might see if I can get it to work for a later (unplanned) sexy scene. Dogs know I've done that at least once already in this fic and I doubt anyone will mind. If someone actually does, well, scroll bar's to the right.

Okay, self. Time to write some fuckin'. Once more, with (the right) feeling.

ETA: Thanks, Tumblr, for occasionally coming through on shit like this!

Because I need another crafting project: Do Something With The Tiniest Scraps! Thanks, msmitti!

If you like Thirty Seconds to Mars (Jared Leto's band), I found a website that has some electronica remixes of their songs.

For those of you who think we aren't on the cusp of living in 1984...wake up, kiddos.

I don't wanna jinx anything, but my energy levels are WAY up this week. I'm kinda worn out but not fucking beat when I get home from work in the evenings. I think Dr. Jonah's new supplementation schedule is working. Also, I'm sleeping through the night, probably due to the new progesterone tincture I got from Dr. Khosh on Friday.

Allergies. Sigh. Once in a while I think about trying a low-histamine diet, but then I get depressed and overwhelmed because oh my god cut more things from my food options? UGH. The complete lack of results with 90 days on the auto-immune protocol diet doesn't encourage me to try another elimination diet anytime soon.

Also, this happened yesterday:


PT guy Tim gave me a fix that will alleviate a bit of the pressure on the shoulder in that pose, but it's still gonna be tender for a couple days. Typical.

For later reference: Pre-workout alignment exercises.

This evening I'm gonna break out my new serger knowledge and see if I can't re-fashion some of these thrift-store clothes that've been piling up in the sewing room. So excited! If I like the process and the results, I'm gonna open up an Etsy store for them. I did a lot of searches on Etsy and all the refashioned post-apocalyptic stuff is either costumey and so not really wearable for daily use (although gorgeous--and expensive) or just...shockingly amateur. This, for instance. Fucking brilliant idea. Terrible execution. I do like the D-ring strap shorts she's selling. But again, they don't look finished, somehow.

Speaking of finished, here's my self-insert fanart! It'll post on Tumblr tomorrow, but y'all get a sneak preview today. After looking at it for a while, I see a few places I'd like to add things. Maybe someday? But not now. Also, I need a better way to scan these babies. It's $10 a pop every time at FedEx/Kinko's and I think that's just fucking outrageous. If anyone local has access to something that will flat scan 14"x17" images, let me know.

Last night I made some food for a friend going through a rough time to save her and her husband the hassle of cooking for a few days. Caring for select individuals makes me feel good, and to be honest, cooking is probably the thing I'm best at (besides giving unflinching and often unwanted life advice). Making someone's life a little easier makes me feel necessary and appreciated, so win-win!

I have one more evening of solitude tonight while mckitterick wraps up his CSSF Summer activities. Hurray for getting one more night of puttering around the house with loud music and scented candles but also hurray for (starting tomorrow), getting laid on a regular basis again!

So despite getting not nearly enough sleep last night (ugh, 3am thunderstorms), and having a constant dull ache in my shoulder, I feel pretty good today. How's your day/weekend/life shaping up, friends?

Edited to add: HOLY SHIT MARRIAGE EQUALITY IN THE U.S.A.

I finished the apron as soon as I got home from work! Yay, new apron that doesn't look like it was used to wipe down an engine! Which it might have actually done, maybe, probably, at one point! I'm going to make a second one, too, so I can rotate and launder them more easily. Aprons are just so handy, you guys. So handy.

Still no word on the furlough situation. The legislature has seventeen hours to pass something. I'm not getting my hopes up about either option happening. When it comes to Kansas politics, that's pretty much the best course of action.

If I do have time off without pay there is a lot of stuff I could get done. I have a burning desire to do a Furiosa altered portrait (example of a Wonder Woman portrait I did, here). I'd like the time to do more than just think about the Iron Man assemblage piece I've been building in my head (based around a kids Iron Man mask and glove that mckitterickpicked up for me at a garage sale couple years ago). I've given up on finding anyone local to give me lessons on my serger (I couldn't even get people to respond to my emails. What is up with that I have no idea. RUDE). So I emailed the three KC sewing machine stores hoping for some responses. Of course that would entail going to KC during the day but if I'm not going to the office, welp, that makes that easier. So many options for staying busy!

I'm about thirty seconds away from getting sucked into a fic-reading marathon while mckitterick slumbers upstairs so I best get myself into my sewing room to cut the other apron because I let myself read fic for an hour and a half last night and I really don't want to spend my entire morning on my ass. Again.

Ciao, bellas. Have a beautiful Saturday.

This article, a woman's letter to her Republican father, is mollifying, if not heartening. I am still sick and sore from yesterday's election results, but it helped a little bit. Thank you, redheadfae, for the link.

This Tumblr post. SO MUCH THIS.

No but look at his face when he says “carry a gun”. Look at how he widens his eyes, flares his nostrils, and curls his top lip. He is angry that he’s being told “we don’t like this, stop doing it”. Not just angry but indignant.

In his world, men are allowed to treat women however they please and to scream at them in the street. He’s not saying “carry a gun” because he thinks women should literally arm themselves (okay he probably thinks more people should literally arm themselves) but what he’s really saying is “too fucking bad”.

I mentioned in a comment to yesterday's post that one of the reasons I'm having such problems dealing with the election results is I'm too baffled to be angry. I can't process it. I'm stuck in a cycle of grief and I don't yet have the emotional language to pull myself out of it. It's difficult and confusing and frightening. I don't like it.

I spent a lot of yesterday afternoon, evening, and parts of this morning wondering if I did the right thing by stepping forward to speak at yesterday's demonstration for Michael Brown. At the time, I felt a little awkward about it because I strongly feel that there are not enough black voices being heard in this conversation and I am concerned that too many white people are making this about them and their feelings about race--even if they're sympathetic, there are just...a lot of white voices talking. A lot of them were talking yesterday. And that's one of the things I (ironically) pointed out when I spoke up at the event.

Then I went back to my spot and wondered if I'd been out of line. But if I'm going to regret something, I'd rather regret what I did than what I didn't, even if it did lead to moments later in the day when I literally cringed at myself (yes, I do this, too, just like everyone else).

But just now, one of our black graduate students stopped by my office to thank me. He said of all the non-POCs who spoke, I was the only one whose remarks didn't irritate or upset him in some way. He told me that he turned to another black grad student and said "She gets it."

I can't tell you the relief.

I don't want or expect ally cookies. I don't deserve special thanks for simply being a decent human being. But wow it feels good to know I'm generally on the right track. I hope he takes my request to call me on my shit when/if I ever do fuck up.

Got to kick another ignorant asshat to the curb on FB yesterday. Yay. So far, everyone whining about how I don't give men/cops/oppressors a fair shake and listen to their side of the story have all been white men. This is my surprised face.



Here are some of my favorites of his comments:

"Is it acceptable to call out anti-white racism too? Or is it strictly anti-black racism that needs attention?"



"Perhaps I am too far removed from the norm to see that racism and misogyny are encouraged...Maybe we should aim to have everyone say 'I'm not like that' and have it be true. Because there are, in fact, people who are not like that."



"...the leap to the argument that "(The Black Man) Has no rights which the white man is bound to respect." Is, thus far unsupported."



"Based on personal observation, I see far more prejudice and discrimination directed towards whites and americans, preemptively, than I do the other way around."



After nearly three days of this bullshit (no kidding--he kept this up for three goddamned days), and after he posted a "think of the poor cops" comment, I replied:

"X, you have crossed a line. You posted a "but please think of the cops" comment RIGHT UNDER someone who had a traumatic experience with police brutality. I am all for fair conversation, but you continue to fail to acknowledge (among other things) the fact that good cops are in the EXTREME minority and they are COMPLETELY failing to condemn the behavior of their comrades. Please feel free to not comment here anymore. Also feel free to chastise me for being closed-minded or participating in censorship. But the first amendment only protects you from the government telling you that you can't say something. It doesn't protect you from my telling you that you're acting like a jerk and to stop saying hurtful things in my presence. Also feel free to think less of me for not being open-minded to other points of view. That's fine. I cannot and will not engage in a friendly manner with someone who has such a disparate view on basic human rights. Don't bother responding. Please. Don't bother."

And then his truly epic flounce:

"No bother, but you've just shown why you are unlikely to succeed in affecting any positive change. You have my sympathy."



So that's one thing FB is good for. Helps me weed out the fucking assholes. Unfortunately, it also does nasty things to my blood pressure. I've been short-tempered and nasty lately. Sorry, mckitterick. I need to incorporate ways to remain engaged in politics and social change without it taking such a toll on my mental health. I tell people that in order to care for others we must first care for ourselves. Time to apply that to my own life.

The video of this poem wasn’t recorded or posted today. It wasn’t recorded this week. This recording of Javon Johnson’s poem was published just a few days shy of a year ago.

“It’s not about whether the shooter is racist. It’s about how poor black boys are treated as problems Well before we’re treated as people.”

And we stand here and shake our heads at those people screaming and raging at hundreds of years of hate and mistreatment. We mutter about how surely Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Jordan Davis, how any and all of them surely did something to provoke the hostile response that brought about their deaths. We allow a dozen looters, a handful of people out of hundreds of protesters, to influence our sympathy toward an active outpouring of righteous anger and grief.

Shame on us. Shame on us and worse if we do not actively, loudly, and ceaselessly strive to change this hateful, evil, and racist system.

Do not say it’s not your fault. Do not say your family never owned slaves. Do not say you’re not a racist. Do not say anything that attempts to absolve you of guilt. Instead of defending yourself, defend those who are robbed of their voices and their lives. Speak up every time you hear someone—a friend, a relative, a co-worker—say something racist. Make it clear to everyone with whom you interact that you do not tolerate those comments, those jokes, those insidious remarks that marginalize and belittle people who are dying because of their skin color.

It’s trite, but true: If you aren’t part of the solution, you are part of the problem. You are the problem. You. Not the poor black boys in Mr. Johnson’s poem. You.