Clever Manka is dressed and undressed

I saw this Amazeballs Guardian Cosplay on Twitter and have now transcended our mortal plane. Thanks, naye, for liking it and alerting me to its existence.

Sent off my Guardian pitch post to The Rec Center and I feel like A Real Fandom Ambassador now. I'll put the text of it in a comment.

Yesterday I was still struggling with Blowjob Emotions in First Time. kazoogrrl gave me some detailed ideas in an email and this How to Write a Sex Scene essay by Resonant showed up on my dash this week. I gave them both a lot of thought but only produced about, um, twenty words of Actual Feelings in the fic itself. khellekson I know you said they weren't always Strictly Necessary, but I think this story + these characters = better with More Feels. DANG IT. I sent it to solo for beta follow-up anyway because I'm not sure if I should just call it done or not. New writer uncertainty! Fun times! This probably doesn't get better does it! Love it!

I have another AU idea god damn it. Like, I actually have a vague storyline (parts of which I  have no idea how to make work). I heard this sort of thing was likely to happen once I started writing. It's like tattoos. Once you start... /o\

Also I signed up for teaotter 's Getting Together Challenge. /o\ /o\ /o\

Guess it's nice to be unemployed! Which, speaking of, that's almost not funny, finally. This month's insurance (which I need to submit today before I forget and lose my expensive and yet utterly useless health insurance--What A Country! USA! USA!), will use up the last of my final paycheck/vacation time payout. It's (past) time to file for unemployment if I want to avoid dipping into savings.

Spent nearly all day (when I wasn't doing hair henna stuff) on the couch yesterday and did not speak a word aloud to another human being the entire day. It was necessary and delightful. Today I must run some (fun!) errands and then (not so fun!) clean the kitchen and bathroom. I don't know how I can completely trash a bathroom just doing my hair and the kitchen was already pretty gross. Stovetops: are they actually a magnet for spills? Inquiring minds want to know.

I want to share bits of an email that a (tragically no longer local) friend wrote to me, now that she's well into Guardian. We used to talk due South all the time and it pleases me so much that she's On Fucking Board with Guardian, too. She wrote:
"After my initial wiki read for background info, I know the source material is REALLY BEAUTIFULLY GAY, and for TV they changed it because of Chinese censorship laws.... But the thing is, the gay subtext is so vibrant that it just feels like REALLY GOOD slow burn, like in the Keira Knightley P&P when we get cuts to Darcy's hands to see how excited he was just to touch her hand

I am in a good mood today, despite it being fucking cold here. I really don't know what's going on, but I'm not gonna question it. My energy levels have been good. I've been sleeping well. When I (only occasionally) wake to pee in the middle of the night, I can fall back asleep. And this morning I had the energy and motivation to do something different with my Thirty Minutes of Intentional Movement: I did a combo of yoga and calisthenics that got my heart rate up and made me feel good and exercised without feeling wobbly or overworked.

Whether it's my various supplements (good god my supplements), Dr. Jonah's treatments, my commitment to movement, my efforts to avoid constant rage, or a combination (probably a combination) I feel great. It's...kind of amazing.

This is a fascinating article on tight hamstrings. I do not have tight hamstrings, but I do have tight hip flexors and some difficulty with glutes and hamstrings firing correctly in a squat. I'm going to try that motor sequencing test and exercise this week.

Speaking of movement and general body mechanics, I discovered an interesting thing this morning. I engage my abs and glutes at my standing desk much more effectively when I let my heels rest on the downward slope of my fatigue mat. I've heard about negative rise heel position, and this sells me on it. I wouldn't want to walk around like this, but for standing, it's great. It improves my posture, and that's (not to brag) saying something.

I've been spending money indiscriminately lately. It needs to stop soon, but it's just so nice to spend a bit of money when I have it. Some of my more exciting purchases include a pair of these amazing potholders, this cardigan which I loved so much I actually bought it new on impulse at Costco last night, and a bunch of flavors from Republic of Tea that I've never seen in local stores like Coconut Cocoa and Safari Sunset. Yes, I know they have "flavorings" which can sometimes be problematic, but fuck it. I wanted some indulgence teas for this winter weather so I bought them and I shall drink them with relish and glee.

On the spending money front, does anyone local want to go in with me on ordering some Shea Butter, sustainably and responsibly sourced? It's a great price per pound, but the shipping for one container from Africa is a little steep. If two or three of us go together on it, it'll be more reasonable.

Does anyone remember there was a Brenda Starr movie? Does anyone local want to watch it with me? I think I need to see it for the costumes and subtext. I dunno if it's rentable from Liberty Hall, but apparently someone uploaded the whole thing to YouTube so if you don't mind shitty quality visuals...

I'll leave you with this amazing painting I saw on Tumblr. You guys. YOU GUYS.



I need a print of this. Where does one hang a painting of oneself, emerging naked and enraged from a well? WHO FUCKING CARES. I want it, and if I ever find it, I shall find a place for it.

Nailed it:


Met with Dr. Khosh on Monday. My thyroid numbers are getting better, so we're sticking with the current protocol which is the thyroid supplement pills in the morning and half a teaspoon of the thyroid cream rubbed on at night. We're having another female hormone panel run to see if anything is out of whack there that might explain the swelling (as well as my difficult periods and inability to lose fat around my abdomen). My last hormone panel was (I think) in the Spring of 2010, so it's been a while, and my numbers weren't great. So, vein stick tomorrow morning. Yay.

I have spent SO MUCH MONEY in the past 72 hours. The visit to Dr. Khosh, this month's supplements, a new henna order (I order in bulk since I color four heads), lace for more bloomers, xmas presents (buying and shipping), an extra-pricey trip to the grocery store (lots of stuff I use regularly on sale means STOCK UP TIME)... Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'm really glad my flexible spending account expired, so that's another $50 per paycheck. Fuck yes.

mckitterick sent this to me yesterday and we were both like "how have I not seen this yet on Tumbr????!?!?!?"

Check out these amazing paper heart patterns for making something like, oh, say...THIS. o_O

Here's a cultural lesson for you: Never try to beat the Chinese graduate student to paying the dinner bill by pretending to go to the bathroom, flagging down the waitress, and having her run your credit card while said Chinese graduate student isn't looking. Chinese graduate student will wind up being horrified, nearly burst into tears, and beg to repay you for ten minutes while fellow restaurant patrons look on curiously. Because this is not how they roll in China, yo. Chinese graduate student will then show up at your office the next day with a lovely thank you card and approximately twice the amount of the dinner bill enclosed, in cash.



Live and learn.

In other news, I am sleeping better! I have no idea why because I haven't changed a single damn thing, but I'm waking up around 4:50/5:00am instead of 2:30/3:00a and that is just fine, thanks.

Also, my fatigue levels are decreasing. You'd think these were related, but it might just be coincidence. I've often had fatigue issues despite getting adequate sleep, so I'm putting this under the Correlation Does Not Imply Causation tag. In any case, it's nice. I don't start feeling like I need a nap until 12:30 or so. Progress! I got pretty tired yesterday but managed to power through the afternoon okay once I got busy doing stuff in the kitchen. Was really ready for bed by 8:30pm, though.

Hypnotherapy continues. At my Thursday session I mentioned to Jennifer my concerns that I was faking my responses--that I couldn't at all tell if I was processing stuff, and I felt like I was just raising my finger because I didn't know what else to do. She said that was fine, that everyone responds differently, and there are no wrong ways to do this. So that was...reassuring? I guess? I did have a couple weirdly fun experiences that night. A couple times during the session my brain really did check out. I started drifting, sort of like falling asleep, but more like falling asleep under anesthesia. I was aware of my surroundings and then *bang* I was aware that time had passed but I had no idea of how long or if she'd said anything or what. NGL, it was kind of cool to experience that in a safe environment. When I asked her about it afterward, she said at no time did I seem to be asleep or have a long delay in responding. So the episodes didn't last long, but I honestly could have been out of it for fifteen minutes and I wouldn't have known. I have two more sessions before my prepaid visits run out. I think at that time I'll take a couple weeks to evaluate how this is working for me and, if I want, resume sessions after the new year.

My office is so cold today. In addition to my regular clothes (wool socks, leggings, wool skirt, tee shirt, cashmere twinset, scarf), I'm wearing a third sweater, my fingerless gloves, a blanket covering my legs, the scarf pulled over my head, and my microwaveable bean bag kitty on my lap. I'm still freezing. Every once in a while I lift bean kitty to my face to warm up my nose. My illegal radiant heater under my desk is (as far as I can tell) not doing a damn bit of good. But I know I'd probably be even colder with out it. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.

Oh. Why, hello there completely new style inspiration/obsession. I just happened to stumble on this website while doing some hunting for my next Tumblr collection (1910s fashion) and I just...I just...I...



I spent about half an hour saving images. Look at the layering. She has descriptions of what elements are used to create each look and pages upon pages of line drawings for the different articles of clothing used to create each ensemble. I'm tempted to just print out the whole damn website.

WEEPING FOR THE BEAUTY OF IT ALL

Speaking of wardrobe items I shall never own, I recently found (completely by accident) the boots that started me on my search for the perfect black boot. I saw them worn on someone's fashion blog and every online shoe store was either sold out or didn't have them at all. I emailed the blog owner and she said they were a couple years old. I looked for those fuckers for a year before I gave up and bought my Ariats, which never fit me right, and then asked mckitterick to buy me the Borns this year, which are gorgeous, but they aren't the dream boots. I don't regret many things in life but DAMN I regret that I didn't find these before ordering the Borns.

I woke up a bit after 4:00 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep. It's going to be a long day. But it's going to be a long day where I get to see Thor 2!!!! Just a few more hours before I can get back on Tumblr.

While I was awake this morning, I packed up all my bellydance stuff into plastic bins. I'm left with a lot of plastic skirt hangers. If/when I reintroduce my costumes to the closet, I'll be using those space-saving skirt hangers, so these dozen-or-so skirt hangers are up for grabs. Anyone want some? Please take them off my hands.

My notice for the M&J Ranch cow I ordered arrived in the mail. It was just a hair larger than I anticipated because apparently I put down that I wanted half a cow?!!?!??!?!? I remember filling out the form and indicating that I wasn't sure whether I wanted a half or a quarter and they said that was fine, they'd contact me to confirm when they took the cows in for processing. Apparently that is no longer the policy and the ranch decided to err on the side of MORE so now I owe $700 for half a cow and this is definitely taking up most of what remains of my savings account. Also, we need to start eating more because I've got two weeks before picking up my meat and I've only got about half my freezer space available.

Yikes.

I am totally, totally going to make myself some Swants for some new winter loungewear. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. Thanks a million to shanmonster for that link.

Thanks to a conversation on another LJ, msmitti alerted me to the blog BoneLust. Squeamish types should probably avoid it. It's all about cleaning bones for collection and art. Speaking of art, the blog writer has an Etsy shop and how much do I love this one? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brilliant analyzation of British vs. American comedy:


I wonder if I'd succeed in sleeping another hour or so if I went back to bed now.

Okay, so The Toast, right? I think everybody knows my feelings about it at this point. But this article about a guy who appears in this band's YouTube videos, man. The band's music style is not really one of my favorites but oh my god y'all this guy.

I found another Tumblr to follow. I can be snarky--like, really snarky--about fashion, and I am especially conservative when it comes to men's fashion. I admit it. But I completely and fully support Men Wearing Skirts because 1. I know skirts are comfortable as all get-out and I wouldn't deny that combination of wearing ease and style to anyone, and 2. Honestly, it's just fucking hot. From basic B&W to severe Futuristic to edgy Urban Leather, I am on board, y'all. mckitterick, take note. I will still groan and curl my lip at some of your sartorial choices (especially those that involve mixed plaids or sport coats with novelty tee shirts), but if you wanna start incorporating skirts into your wardrobe, let's go shopping baby.

Speaking of shopping, my little 3-cup Cuisinart died yesterday. After years of grinding and mayo-making, the poor little thing finally gave up the ghost while I was in the middle of making date-nut bars. I ran out to Kohl's (which is where I bought my first one) and found it on sale for $40 (not much more than I paid for the original one, ages ago) and in red! I wasn't thrilled about shelling out the surprise $40 (especially after giving Andrew a check for the rest of this year's training sessions and purchasing that gut bacteria kit this month), but shiny red new kitchen appliance yay!

After posting yesterday's Chicken Curry recipe, I went back to see if I could find the recipe for the similar fish soup*. I didn't find it, but looking through my old entries, I was struck by how many people used to be here who aren't now. Some of my recipe posts had 25 to 30 comments. And those were just recipe posts. LJ really is dying and it makes me sad. I hadn't noticed it quite so much because the attrition of my F-list has been so slow, with occasional new, welcome, additions. It's definitely not as lively as it used to be, though. I wish I knew how to lure people back because I miss the conversations.

* It's basically the same as the Chicken Curry. The only difference is instead of roasting a spaghetti squash and the adding the strands after the chicken, you grate 6-8 zucchini and then saute them in the soup pot with just a bit of oil until they start to dry out/turn brown just a wee bit. This takes for ev ur but is worth it for the improved depth of flavor and texture. Then add the fish, seasonings, and a cup of broth. Cook until the fish is done and then add the coconut milk. Ta-da.

A long time ago, a bellydancing friend of mine had a choreography to a sad-sounding song. She was good about researching lyrics before dancing to a song to determine its appropriateness for dancing and/or style of dance. I don't remember the lyrics, or even the title, but I referred to the song as "My Love For You Is A Wounded Giraffe."

Arabic music can be fraught with so much angst we can't even see it from here. I don't know what it is about their lyrics composers, but damn.

The other day I stumbled across this website which is not only a treasure trove of modern classics, but has the lyrics translated into English. This song is very famous and performed by Oum Kalthoum, the most famous female Arabic singer.

Those lyrics, tho. Man. No English-speaking emo band will ever come close to approximating Arabic music levels of angst. Ever.

There is something going on in my gut. Something serious. Yesterday I had no appetite, my stomach was unhappy, and my mood was in the dumps. I'm a firm believer in the gut/mind connection, and I haven't felt this low in ages. redheadfae picked up some vegetables for me at Costco, and I swear to you, the idea of having to go pick them up almost reduced me to tears. I was just SO DONE with dealing with anything. And it wasn't all due to lack of sleep. M-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.

It was a rough evening.

I've still got very little appetite today. Ate half my breakfast, and will eat the other half for lunch because this tuna salad is going to go bad if I don't finish it soon. Note to self: No more double-batches of tuna salad. I should have been finished with this on Tuesday.

The lack of interest in eating was helpful in regards to my blood test this morning. Since they were checking cholesterol and glucose, it was a fasting test. But my appointment wasn't until 10am. Quite convenient that I wasn't interested in eating even after I returned from getting stuck.

Here are my numbers.

Total cholesterol: 192 (should be less than 200)
HDL cholesterol: 66 (should be more than 60)
LDL cholesterol: Too low to register. Not even shitting you.
TC/HDL ratio: 2.9 (should be less than 3.8)
Triglycerides: Too low to register. All they could tell me was it was less than 45, which is as low as their monitor goes.
Glucose: 83 (should be less than 100)

All those naysayers who say eating saturated fats and no whole grains is bad for my cholesterol can suck my dick. I know this way of eating isn't for everyone, but damn it's good to know it works for me.

Speaking of eating, I discovered this recipe the other day and God Damn this is the finest squash EVER. Holy crap. mckitterick and I loved it. I don't know what she's talking about with "1 medium-to-large kabocha squash" in the ingredient list. The Kobocha squashes at my grocery store were about the size of large oranges, so I bought four and prepped them using the suggested amounts in the recipe. And we ate ALL OF IT.

I know I've mentioned how much I love The Toast lately, but I'm just gonna say again: I fucking love The Toast.

What don't I love? Being broke. God damn I am tired of having no spending money. Of course this week I got an email from MJ Ranch saying "Hi! Hope you're ready for your cow! They'll be ready in October!"



When KCRF wraps up I'm going to promote my bloomers a bit more. Again. I hope that'll help cover the cost of the freaking side of beef.

Finally, a Tumblr find. Accurate Column A is accurate.



Looks good to me!

So it snowed here yesterday. And it's supposed to snow again tomorrow. I am so glad I didn't take vacation this week. But I have tickets to see Jenny Lawson at Unity Temple on the Plaza tomorrow, and if we really do get snow, or the roads are even the slightest bit slick, I'll be stuck at home thanks to the Saab being unsafe for highway driving.

P!nk is playing Kansas City November 12th. Tempting. But tickets go on sale the end of this month, and there's just no way I'll have the money for it.

A while ago, I bought this tee shirt design from ... Teefury? Qwertee? I don't remember. One of those tee-shirt-of-the-day sites. It's one of my favorite tees, now. The design is gorgeous. So I thought I'd mention that Othertees has the design until 4pm, Thursday, March 21, CST. I'd be tempted to buy a back-up if I wasn't broke right now. Just as well, really. My tee shirt drawer is out of control.

At the Merc last night, I picked up some unflavored beef gelatin in addition to the toothpaste ingredients. The Calcium/Magnesium powder I can be used in a drink as well as in the toothpaste (in fact, that's its main use, as a nutritional supplement). After spending a bit of time on that Wellness Mama website, I did some more digging and decided that adding a bit of gelatin to my daily diet certainly wouldn't hurt anything, and neither would adding magnesium. If you don't want to dig through multiple articles, here is Wellness Mama's take on Magnesium and here's one on adding gelatin. So we'll see how that goes.

Had to leave a message on the nurse's answering machine at FirstMed to ask about my lab results. I don't have good luck with this. Either my message gets lost or they fail to actually answer my question, or something goes wrong. I just want my fucking lab results. What the hell.