Clever Manka is dressed and undressed

December 10. Exactly one month. I have so much to do.

Massive amounts of food prep (two or three weeks of food prep at least) because takeout is not an option and I don't trust anyone else to cook for me, including mckitterick. Sorry, bb, it's not you, it's me. Literally, it's me.

due South Sekrit Santa art piece. I have the base images picked and printed, so that's, like, 2% of the work done.

File FMLA paperwork and make arrangements for doing some work from home. Already started this, at least. Sent the requested forms to the hospital as soon as I hung up the phone with the scheduling nurse.

Physical therapy exercises and walking every damn day. Every Day. I'm gonna be on my ass for two weeks at least. I need to start that at a higher physical level than I am now.

I have one sewing commission that shouldn't take too long and I'd really like to do it for her, but that's taking lowest priority.

That seems like such a short list, and in a long-ago time I could probably have wrapped all that up in a long weekend. Maybe the hysterectomy is the jump-start my body needs to get back to those energy levels.

I want a print of the fourth piece of art in this Toast essay.

Maggie Stiefvater posted a really great techno/electronica playlist on Tumblr.

My left hip is still bugging me and I think it's two things. One, I might have been overstretching and...sprained it a little? Oops. I've been babying it during my PT exercises (which omg you guys so exhausting) and it's feeling a little better already. Two, though. Ugh. Two, I think it's the extra weight I've put on in the past couple months. I had a hard time returning to structured eating after 221B Con, which I mentioned at the time, but I still am snacking way too much (like, at all) and so much dried fruit and nuts. I know my joints hurt more and regularly when I creep over 165lbs. I haven't weighed myself in ages, but I bet I'm up around there, if not over. mckitterick's also unhappy with the bit of belly he's acquired recently, so the two of us made a pact for a full calendar year--until Memorial Day 2016--to be the most physically-conscious versions of ourselves and see how fit and healthy we can possibly get in 365 days.

As always, if doing stuff like this with other people helps inspire you or keep you on track, feel free to join us!

Today's Tumblr is Tuesday, December 2: Trees.

Does anyone else remember this clip from the Muppet Show? I remember being, like, eight years old and laughing my ass off at this. It was on one of their albums, too, and I would laugh at that, even without the visual.



I'm in a good space today. Last night I slept for slightly more than eight hours (whaaaaaaaaaat!) and it was, apparently, adequate and restful because I feel great physically and mentally. I think it's been about a week since I upped my progesterone supplement (could have sworn I documented that but I guess not), and I also started standing on my vibration platform again yesterday, so maybe that combo is helping? Whatever, I'll take it. SLEEP IS GOOD.

I have two posts swirling around in my head right now. One is how I've started dealing with anger and directing it in a positive fashion. The other is an exploration of my recent introspection about depression and how it affects some people (me) differently. Of course right now is the busiest time of year for me and I don't have a lot of time for writing long thinky posts. I'm adding to them when I can, though, and would like to get those posted and out of my head in time for the new year. I'm not a big fan of new year's resolutions, but setting goals for the new year is a huge thing in our culture. I'm not immune to the influence of feeling like a fresh start on January 1 is somehow blessed.

Edit: Oh! I forgot to mention my appetite is back, but it's in a very changed form. I've always been one of those people who doesn't have a stop eating switch. Like, unless my stomach is stuffed full, I can always push more food down. Which is why it's so weird when my appetite disappears (and that usually only happens in times of severe emotional stress). On Sunday, I started to develop an interest in food again and that was really great, but it's different now. Last night after I ate a regular-sized meal (half a sweet potato, about 1/2 cup cooked spinach, and a good-sized chicken thigh), I felt comfortably full. I thought about the brownies that are sitting in the fridge right now, but I wasn't interested in eating one. I just wasn't hungry.

This is kind of huge.

This is a very interesting and very NSFW commentary on bodies. From the description: Illusions of the Body was made to tackle the supposed norms of what we think our bodies are supposed to look like. Most of us realize that the media displays only the prettiest photos of people, yet we compare ourselves to those images. We never get to see those photos juxtaposed against a picture of that same person looking unflattering. That contrast would help a lot of body image issues we as a culture have.

It's a fitting concept for me as I finish what could be seen as I'm addressing as the failed goal of getting myself healthier in 2013. I learned a lot this year. I'm muscularly stronger than I was at the beginning of the year. I'm more accepting of my imperfect body. But am I overall healthier? Definitely not. I've had occasional upward spikes of health, but overall the trend since 2012 has most definitely been downward. The swelling issues are consistent and the Bad Days (where my belly winds up sticking out farther than my boobs) happen at least once a week instead of a couple times a month. My energy levels have more spikes (upward as well as downward). The insomnia is most certainly worse. So yeah, that goal? Not achieved. Can't say I didn't do my best, though.

For 2014, I'm documenting the minutia. I'll keep a journal with the following for every day:
Bedtime
Waking time
If I took all my supplements
If I ate anything not Whole30, note it
Energy levels for morning and afternoon
Type of exercise

Don't worry, I won't be posting all this on LJ.

I'm also doing a Whole30 for January and am considering doing a year-long Whole30 process where I do thirty days on, then take one day off, thirty days on, etc. It sounds daunting, but eating like I do now would have sounded daunting when I was still eating a standard diet.

So here's to my 2014 goal of Becoming More Informed and Educated about my body. If that goal isn't achieved, I have only myself to blame.

Oh hey look. A Sherlock tee shirt that I think (finally) is actually pretty.


Unfortunately for me, I prefer more abstract designs on my tee shirts. Le Sigh. I really need to find at least one Sherlock tee before 221B Con.

I think most people who know me know how I feel about fitspo pics and slogans. And if you don't know know, you can probably intuit from my general hatred of social programming and generalized statements. So this Tumblr post pleased me immensely. FUCK FITSPO BULLSHIT. JUST FUCK THAT NOISE.

At Sunday's session with Andrew (where he near killed me, yay!) he mentioned that I was starting to visibly lean down. I told him that was largely due to my absolute lack of appetite lately and not to expect similar rapid progress for much longer. =/ I pitched to him my latest idea regarding long-term goals, which is to spend the rest of the year getting as strong as possible and then, starting in January, leaning down. He said that worked great because that's already what we're doing. So...that was easy.

My reasoning for the goal is that I'm going to 221B Con in April 2014 and I'd like to cosplay Sebastian Moran provided the BBC doesn't provide us with a specific and contradictory styled one in Season 3. Hm. Maybe I should ping my Spoiler!Sherlock peeps about that. I haven't been actively avoiding spoilers for Season 3 (I don't have spoiler tags nixed on Tumblr), but I also don't click links that say spoilers, either.

ANYWAY.

I've seen some good Rule 63'd Moran cosplays, but hardly any of them convince me of the character being a real badass. I want my arms, shoulders, and legs to say I can and will fuck your shit up, yo. Also, I think it would be awesome to be strong enough to fireman carry a cosplaying (handcuffed!) John Watson away for nefarious purposes. That would be a great photoset.

In other news, boy did I not feel like performing at KCRF yesterday. Spotty audiences aren't helping my motivation. It was a decent enough crowd, but if it weren't for the three groups of friends I had in attendance, it would have been a shit tipping day. There was a group of four tables right in the middle of the feast hall that didn't tip my first round. Nearly twenty people (out of a crowd of ~60) and not a single fucking dollar. I stopped dancing and put my hands out in an "are you shitting me" gesture and asked them "Seriously? None of you?" They all shook their heads and looked down at their tables. I gave a shrug, flipped them off (I was only holding up my zills, honestly!), and shimmied to the tables behind them where my awesome graduate students were sitting. I got a few dollars from the cheap-ass douchebags the next two sets, but only one person at each table both times.

My last performance at KCRF's Event-Formerly-Known-As-Smoker will be Columbus Day, Monday, October 14. I've already planned to take off the following Tuesday because it's KU's Fall Break. But I'm seriously considering taking the rest of the week off because FUCK I could use some vacation time. I'm headed to Indianapolis the first weekend of November, but visiting my parents is really not a vacation. Nice, but not a vacation.

And speaking of work, I've got a huge stack of data entry stuff sitting on my desk...pitter patter let's get at 'er. Bleh.

I want this soap dispenser. Like, NOW.


Sadly, I don't think it's actually available for purchase.

Last night I got called out on ontd_political for using a masculine pronoun as gender-neutral. The calling-out was perfectly appropriate in that environment. It's something I should probably stop doing, anyway. But I'm not sure how to tackle the issue of breaking a speech-pattern habit. I am a champ at incorporating different physical habits (eating issues, exercise, etc.), but I'm not sure how to go about changing the way I speak. Subliminal messages? Shock collar? Any suggestions?

Holy crap, the Salt Lake Tribune endorsed President Obama.

"In considering which candidate to endorse, The Salt Lake Tribune editorial board had hoped that Romney would exhibit the same talents for organization, pragmatic problem solving and inspired leadership that he displayed here more than a decade ago. Instead, we have watched him morph into a friend of the far right, then tack toward the center with breathtaking aplomb. Through a pair of presidential debates, Romney’s domestic agenda remains bereft of detail and worthy of mistrust.

Therefore, our endorsement must go to the incumbent, a competent leader who, against tough odds, has guided the country through catastrophe and set a course that, while rocky, is pointing toward a brighter day. The president has earned a second term. Romney, in whatever guise, does not deserve a first."

Whoa. I mean, that's Utah's golden boy they're dissing, there. That's...pretty big.

I got nearly everything done yesterday that I wanted. I still need to clean the sewing room and pull out the winter wardrobe. Those didn't get done because while we were out on errands, we found Iron Sky on Blu-Ray. Since mckitterick didn't get to see it in the theater, we watched it pretty much as soon as we got home. I did, however, cook up two pots of stuff to take to work, so I've got breakfasts and lunches covered for the week.

Now that KCRF is over, I need to start up with those Goal Posts again. I guess this week's goal will be developing some goals.

Last week's:
Eat super squeaky clean. Done.

Make it to CrossFit three times. Made it FOUR TIMES, yo.

No checking email after work. Two nights last week I was too tired to do anything else, and I didn't want to start a book that I wouldn't have time to finish, so I played around on LJ and Tumblr for an hour or so before it was late enough that I could go to bed. Better that than sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall--which was my other option.

I'm counting last week as a win, even if I don't get a perfect gold star.

This week:
Continue to eat super squeaky clean--and remember to eat those starchy glucose carbs. Yes, I actually forget to eat carbs now. Sweet potatoes are sitting right there on the counter by the stove, bananas are sitting on the refrigerator, and I still don't remember to eat them. Carby food just isn't in my reality anymore. SO WEIRD.

Practice dance at least one evening. Seriously, girl, you need to get your game on.

Finish the new dance costume for Smoker. The dyed silk came out beautiful (so beautiful I'm tempted to purchase the rest of the bolt so I can have it on hand for future costumes in any color I care to make it). I dropped $50 on chrome-plated chain for this yesterday, too. It's gonna be gorgeous.

Seen on Tumblr this morning:
i got 99 problems and society’s attitudes towards sex and sexuality is like 98 of them

Last week:

Stop by Star Struck Clothing I stopped by during the sidewalk sale because I was already downtown that morning for my acupuncture. The shop wasn't open. She had a tent set up on Mass and the store was locked up. WTF. So I have to go down there again. Next time I'll call first.

Scrub the downstairs shower Done.

Give double-unders another go I can't shake this stupid sinus headache (going on about a week now), and any sort of bouncing movement hurts. Jump rope just wasn't gonna happen.



So this week:

Make an appointment with chiropractor to have her crack my neck. Sometimes that helps with my sinus headaches, although I have no idea why.

Wrap up orientation scheduling at work. I'm on vacation next week and I don't want the orientation stuff hanging over my head. Tasks: print letters and info sheets for student packets, order the new printing of the grad student handbook, confirm room reservation details, organize department and guest speakers, email incoming students with reminders to attend, and compile my notes on my own presentation for the new students.

Maintain a strict bedtime schedule despite the fact that we have company in town this week.

I did not lose my shit. I came really really close yesterday afternoon, but instead of blowing up, I just walked away from the situations/conversations.



Let's see, then. Goals for this week.

Practice some dance I was reminded that there's only six weeks until KCRF. I need to get some actual dance practice in. Not just drills. Dance twice a week this week.

Start on the new costume Those new bra cups aren't going to morph into a new costume on their own.

Budget time wisely Friends from out of town are visiting this weekend, and another friend has a going-away party Friday night. I want to make sure all life responsibilities (laundry, grocery shopping, etc.) are completed before Friday night!

Good news: I'm down four pounds and nearly two inches around my waist since starting these new supplements (I started June 29--so that's only a week and two days). I THINK THIS MIGHT BE WORKING. I still don't have a lot of energy, and I'm still not sleeping great, but I wonder if that's more the heat than anything else.

Last night I woke around 3:30 and it took me over two hours to fall back asleep. My eyes are really dry and tired. I should probably put in some eye drops before I drive Sheila Finch to the airport.

And I should also eat breakfast. Hm. This is new. I'm not usually hungry this early in the mornings. Perhaps the cortisol is working. Higher cortisol levels in the morning (what most people have) means better energy levels and an appetite in the morning. Well, right now I've got one out of two.

Okay, you know what? I need to take fifteen fucking minutes and just breathe for godssake. I am being pulled in too many directions and am going to snap someone's head off. Breathe. B-r-e-a-t-h-e. Breathing on LJ.

So, goals from last week:

Attempting the no-coffee thing again Well that one was sort of a no-choice thing after Friday's meeting with Dr. Khosh. No coffee on Saturday morning sucked.

Exercise at home three times If you count doing some drills and other bellydance stuff with msmitti, check this one as a yes. Otherwise, I only managed two times.

Make some art Art card made, mailed, and received.

Due to the demands of Campbell Conference stuff, I don't have the physical or mental stamina for new and exciting goals this week, so I think I'm just gonna make one, which I copied 100% from a previous goal of tama_grey:

Do not lose your shit Do not lose your shit at anyone or anything. Just chill the fuck out. It's okay. You've got this. You've totally, totally got this.