I think I've turned a corner

[clevermanka]

Damn, Friday night was some fun.

Saturday was delightfully hang-over free, thanks largely to royal_spice's reminder to down some Emergen-C before bed. Thanks, hon!

After running some Saturday morning errands, I headed home to get mckitterick so we could pick up the stuff he needed to hang the mirror in the sewing room. madmatmax came over, intending to help mckitterick work on the Newport, and got roped into helping hang the mirror. It didn't take too awfully long, and now the mirror is up! It's up! Woo hoo! It's been six years since I had that thing hung on a wall. I'd forgotten just how fucking awesome it is.

Once the mirror was hung, I looked at myself for a little while. So why don't I feel like doing anything? I pulled out my visual journal and re-read all the spring goals and promises and hopes I'd written in bestill's class in March. Why haven't I done anything? My Fitness Goals page has a big old fail for the past four weeks. I haven't done half of what I thought/hoped I'd do by this time--activity-wise, body composition-wise, anything-wise. I started writing in the journal, asking myself why why why? Why am I having such a hard time motivating myself? Why am I being so damn lazy? I didn't come to any conclusions.

So I put away the journal and cleaned the house.

After our dinner company left, I tried talking about it with mckitterick, but we didn't get anywhere. I think I didn't convey the fact that I simply don't care about my fitness or health levels, and how that is just plain weird. So very weird. I don't get it. This is not me!

On Sunday, I spent a lot of time rearranging the sewing room for optimal use of the mirror--which meant finding a different way to store things like the drying rack, ironing board, and scrap fabric bin. Then we went out to dinner with madmatmax to thank him for his help with the mirror and the car. And afterward, we came home and ate some ice cream.

Bang Head. Seriously, what the fuck?

This morning, I got up at Exercise o'clock and made myself move in front of the mirror. This consisted mostly of jump rope and working on my squat. Problem: Fetish was going back to the vet this morning, and had to have an empty system. So that meant no breakfast. And that meant constant mewing and interruptions and me trying not to whack her on the head with the jump rope. Or sit on her at the bottom of a squat.

And you know what? I was annoyed. Annoyed at the interruption of something I was finally doing. Instead of being pleased to resign myself to paying attention to the cat (which is probably how I would've felt last week), it kind of pissed me off. I started looking forward to tomorrow morning when I can feed her so she'll leave me the fuck alone for my exercise time.

I have no idea if it helped me to write down my problems, or talk about them, if it was just a matter of time, or sunspots, or a combination of any/all. But I think I'm (finally/again) coming around to a mindset of desire for healthfulness. There are gonna be days where I feel lazy again, but I hope the general trend is towards motivated movement.

Primal Eating starts today. I made the commitment to start today and I'm sticking with it. I'm a little low on fresh vegetables, but I'll make do with what I've got. Next week, I must get to the Farmer's Market before 9:00. Everything but the mixed greens were all gone when I arrived. Also, in an effort to eat healthier and more mindfully, I'm going to walk home for lunches. No more eating at my desk for a while. I'll keep doing that until the weather gets too hot to make the trek up the hill twice a day.

The wonderfully appropriate Hello Kitty shit-or-get-off-the-pot icon is courtesy of miischelle.