clevermanka | Cut the thick

Thank you to all for the kind words about Fetish. The rightness of my decision was confirmed by another downturn yesterday.

I looked at some photos of her Friday evening and realized she hasn't done many of those things (gaze out the back door at the birds, snuggle with me in bed, lie across my shoulders) in a very long time. I feel bad that I didn't reach this decision sooner. Her decline has been so long and slow (sixteen months or so) that it was hard for me to see the deterioration. I got so used to dealing with the indicators of her dis-health that they became the norm. When things got worse so incrementally, it was hard to see. I should have, but I didn't. Things are so unfocused when you're too close. At this point, I wish I didn't have to wait until Friday, but it gives me a week to devote my morning exercise hour and most of my evening time to her.

And now, lighter news!

The Late Night Callers put on a fucking awesome show at Liberty Hall last night for their first Lawrence performance. I heard several people voice the general opinion that they were great and they got by far the largest ovations of the evening. It's too bad that a wretched metal band chased out most of the crowd before The Spook Lights took the stage. Rob, as always, tore it up; Kelly is coming into her own as a guitarist and musician-performer and alternated deliciously between sultry and aggressive. The show was good enough that I was energized and hopping about afterward. I didn't get to sleep until nearly 2:00, which made this morning's 7:00 wake-up a bit disappointing.

The five hours I got weren't entirely restful, but I had some great and crazy dreams. Wish I could remember them more clearly. They mostly entailed me explaining to people that I'd been drugged and moved around the city. And possibly cloned. I spent a lot of time explaining to

roya_spirit that it was not me who vomited and passed out on her living room floor. I had a lot of those wake-up-from-the-dream-within-a-dream sequences. I was lucid through most of it, so I had a good time observing the events with some amusement. I wish I could remember more of the details because it seemed a hell of a good story at the time. Didn't make for refreshing sleep, though.

I don't have much use for most stuff on the radio, but I do like 96.5's Sunday morning 80s programming.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So that's where that stain came from! ;) I'm envious, I can't think of very many lucid dreams I've ever had.

I so wish I'd been able to stay and see the Spooklights, they both looked absolutely faboo.

I am not sure if you have changed your mind or not but remember my bosses out at fair can do what you was wanting to do with your cat. if you still have that in mind and need the info again to get a hold of them let me know.

I know it was a hard decision to make, but it was for the best. Hope you are ok....

Oh, yes! Cindy and I have already been working out arrangements. Thank you so much for putting us in contact.

Thats great, glad that you are still going to do that. i would like to see it when its all finished....

When things got worse so incrementally, it was hard to see. I should have, but I didn't. Things are so unfocused when you're too close.

I have been there. It really sucks to feel like you should've done things differently, but all you can do is the best you can do - I have no doubt that you've done that for Fetish.

At this point, I wish I didn't have to wait until Friday, but it gives me a week to devote my morning exercise hour and most of my evening time to her.

I did something like this with my Lucy kitty when she got sick. I took a little extra time to say goodbye and give her as much good time as possible at the very end, and I am so glad that I did.

I did something like this with my Lucy kitty

I read this as "my lucky kitty," and I think that's probably appropriate, too.

You ARE doing the right thing with Fetish and you will be glad to have been able to spend time with her this week. Two of my cats passed the very day that I decided to take them in for their final trip to the vet. (This was two separate events a couple of years apart.) I guess we all knew when it was time. Still sucks, though.

And, yes, on a lighter note, I LOVE Resurrection Sunday on The Buzz. I listen to it every Sunday on my way to teach aikido.

The other morning at 4:30, I heard my doorbell ring. It took a while to conclude that it was actually a dream after my mind had run through all the possible scenarios. There was no going back to sleep after that.

There was no going back to sleep after that.

I would imagine not! Yeesh!

So sorry, hon. Letting go is hard. Your photos show how special Fetish is... I'll be thinking of you.
Hugs,
y

Thank you. <3

I am so sad for you. I know how hard this is, and I've been right there, feeling later like I should have made the decision sooner. It's hard to know where the line is between a pet being happy to still be around, and not. The decline of my dogs was very slow over many years, and for those years, I kept wondering if it was time, and thought that it wasn't. It is hard to see when you are in the middle of it. Now when I see photos of them, I can see the pain in their eyes that I was too blind to see at the time. But I feel that even though they were in pain, they wanted to hang around to be with me. So I think it's the same with Fetish. We all will tolerate pain to be with the one we love, until it's time. It's great that the vet will come to your house.

I'll be thinking of you Friday.

Regret is a terrible thing. In this sort of situation, I would rather err on the side of too soon rather than too late. Thank you for your empathy. You are a good mom to your four-leggeds (and winged!) family members, too.

Cut the thick

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