Drugged out

[clevermanka]

I took the swollen/normal comparison photo to Dr. Burt yesterday. He was impressed/horrified. I think he probably figured I was just imagining the amount of the swelling. No.

After deeming the ridiculously-priced Alinia antibiotic a non-option, I'm on a crazy 30-day regimen of stuff to wipe out the H. Pylori. Because I'm allergic to penicillin (of course), I can't just take a handy dose of amoxycillin for a few days. Oh no. Here's my program (which I'm starting on Monday because no way in hell am I going to start this program while traveling).

One 500mg metronidazole tablet three times a day for two weeks
One 500mg tetracycline tablet four times a day for two weeks
Two Pepto-Bismol tablets four times a day for two weeks
One 20mg omeprozole capsule two times a day for thirty days

I cannot take the metronidazole and the tetracycline at the same time.

I'm supposed to take the tetracycline on an empty stomach, but if it causes stomach upset, I can take it with food. I can't take it with foods that contain magnesium, aluminum, or calcium, though. That means I can't take it with the Pepto-Bismol. I'm also not supposed to lie down for ten minutes after taking the tetracycline. WTF. No idea.

The metronidazole must be taken with food (or a glass of milk--how helpful!), and at evenly-spaced intervals. Also: No alcohol while I'm on this (and for a week or two after that), or I'll become violently stomach-purging vomitously ill.

The omeprazole is to keep the other two medications from giving me heartburn or ulcers. It does this by decreasing the amount of stomach acid. By the time my thirty days of this is over, I expect I shall not be producing any stomach acid at all. The good news is, I can take it with food. The bad news is, I shan't be able to digest said food in any way whatsoever.

I don't remember what the Pepto-Bismol is for, although I suspect it's going to work in tandem with the omeprazole. Dr. Burt said I could look forward to my tongue possibly turning black, but that it would go away as soon as I wrapped up the two-week treatment. And also will look tres chic with my steel tongue stud.

I'm going to have to make up a chart to figure out when to take all this stuff so nothing conflicts with the other.

This had better fucking help my G.I. issues.

And if anyone has suggestions for non-dairy-based probiotics (name brands and personal testimony would be really super great, please), I'd appreciate them. Because otherwise, I am looking at a yeast infection of epic proportions.

Comments

[normalcyispasse.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's some crazy stuff. Also: black tongue? Agh!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

You better believe there are going to be photos of that shit. Yes sir.

[curieuse.livejournal.com]

If you brush it it comes off. I don't know if that's a reassurance or a warning. :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Either way: Good To Know.

[ms-danson.livejournal.com]

Shit.

I wish I had advice for you.

Good luck.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

HA HA HA! I know, right?

I've come to the realization that my health issues are a giant comedy routine for some faux reality television show in a parallel universe.

Sort of like The Truman Show with less benevolent overlords.

[ms-danson.livejournal.com]

You should be getting fucking PAID for it.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I won the lottery/dice roll with my super awesome family and mckitterick. I think we're even.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

Aw ;-)

[e4q.livejournal.com]

i have had vegan probiotics before. they came in capsule form and from a health food shop. so, more to say they do exist than anything...

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I've seen them at my local food co-op. It'd just be nice to know which ones have worked for people I know and trust. Me and many health-food-hippie-types...we don't always see eye to eye. =D

[e4q.livejournal.com]

well, the ones i took seemed to work, but that was aeons ago and i can't remember the brand. in this country we are now OVERRUN with yakult which is a probiotic drink which is so sweet i find it shocking that anyone likes it, but people buy the stuff. it must be the most expensive way to get probiotics down you, as well as being full of sweeteners.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's crazy. Good luck with it.
On the bright side, the giraffe tongue sounds awesome!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I admit I'm kind of looking forward to the possible freaky-ass tongue.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Yes it damn well better help out your G.I. issues. Sweet. Shrieking. JESUS.

That does sound like it will cause an epic yeast infection. I have no personal testimonies for non-dairy-based probiotics, I am sorry to say. I would dearly love to help. :(

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Sweet. Shrieking. JESUS.

Very well put.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

I trust Dr. Mercola (http://probiotics.mercola.com/probiotics.html). He's not a vegan but I'm pretty sure the probiotic is. The link leads to the very long 'ad' touting it but my personal recommendation is: I like it and use it.

ETA: Also, I don't remember if you already do so, but I also take a scoop of psyllium every day (or near enough).

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Awesome. This looks just about perfect, as far as probiotics go. Thank you!

[royal-spice.livejournal.com]

adammaker and I use PB8 (http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=pb8&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=17161478304100019604&sa=X&ei=slWeTZ3zMZP2gAeXs7nnDw&ved=0CD8Q8wIwAg#), but it has "trace dairy".

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm gonna try the 100% vegan ones that _luaineach mentioned above. At this point, I don't want to try messing things up in my system that I know really doesn't like dairy anymore. =(

[hippie-mamabear.livejournal.com]

The only fermented paleo-friendly food that i know of is cabbage (sauerkraut and kimchi). Maybe kombucha? I had a friend that made her own and my belly always felt really happy afterwards. Besides that, i don't really know about the health benefits of either. I've never had stomach problems so i can't speak from experience.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I need to eat more fermented foods in general. Thanks for the reminder!

[slinka.livejournal.com]

Just came across Wild Fermentation (http://www.boingboing.net/2011/04/10/wild-fermentation.html) and thought if you. Don't know if it's anything you need or not...

[poincaraux.livejournal.com]

Did you follow up with Dr. Tom? I'm curious to know if he had anything useful to say.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I haven't. I haven't had time. Ugh. Too much life going on. I certainly plan to, though, and shall keep you posted.

[poincaraux.livejournal.com]

Good luck!

[slinka.livejournal.com]

This sounds crazy! Really crossing fingers for you here. This has been going on for, what, a couple of years now?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yup. About five years, actually, since my very first painful stomach episodes.

[indigodreamer.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, if you do get a yeast infection, the grapefruit seed extract pills at the merc will almost certainly knock it out quickly. I don't know if that's a food you can have, but it really is an amazing medication.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh! Good to know. Thank you!