clevermanka | I'll be 42 in a little over one week, so I am allowed to ramble like an old person

Pat's services/events yesterday went well. There was enough Jesus Talk to sufficiently irritate me at the funeral and kept me from getting weepy. I understand the family is Christian, and I wasn't offended by the general prayers and sentiment, but it annoys me when preachers use funerals as an opportunity to evangelize/proselytize. It's just...gauche. The internment was quite moving, though, and was the first of only two times during the day that I got a little verklempt. I'd never been to a military funeral, and the part where the two soldiers folded the flag and handed it to Carol did me in. The whole history of that action, and the sentiment, and how that's done and been done so often...wow. I am not religious, but human rituals--rituals born out of respect and actions from ourselves as human beings--are quite important and emotionally powerful to me. The other time I got choked up was at the wake. I was on my second glass of wine on an empty stomach (whee!) and a small group of us were discussing the idea of how to memorialize Pat in a physical way at KCRF. We were talking about His Place at that corner seat in the feast hall and I got a little teary.

I need to find a way to deal with being the first performer at the first Smoker during the first weekend of the first KCRF without Pat. Because I am not going to be the person who brings that mood to the show. I'm fine with superficial shows of emotion in public, but I am not at all comfortable letting that shit hang out for all the world to see, and especially not when I'm performing. Character flaw? Maybe. Add it to the "things Chernobyl Red is shockingly conservative about." Anyway. It's going to be hard, no doubt about it. I need an action plan in place ahead of time.

I was paging through my LJ archives to find the entry about my LASIK surgery, and I found this post where I talk about how adulthood is 100% awesome. Nothing's changed my mind about any of that. God, I love being an adult.

7:00 a.m. on Sunday. I've been awake for two and a half hours already! I wish I could make a little more noise. I really need to get laundry done and clean the kitchen. It'd be nice to get those things out of the way early in the day. I wonder how late

mckitterick is going to sleep today.

Right now I'm giving the Great CD Import another go. I think I figured out the settings correctly, so I shouldn't fill up the iPod with a third of my CD collection unripped. *crossing fingers!*

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Good luck on the Great CD Import, trial 2!

Thanks! Hope Springs Eternal.

So my grandfather died on September 13, 2001 (no, not related, but definitely had its own set of challenges) and my dad drove out to Massachusetts. Wife, 2 month old and I were about a day behind driving out. The funeral was Catholic. Polish Catholic as I made the connection that he churched with my grandma. So it was the full rigamarole: stand up, sit down, kneel, rinse, repeat 30 times, blah blah. Lots of smoke and Latin. My dad leaned over at one point and said: "NEVER. Under NO circumstances am I to have anything like this happen." I think I did good on that one. But that's not the point of this ramble.

So the Navy showed up with a number of octogenarians like grandpa in full dress. They must had served with him in WWII. Their presentation was everything you described regarding "human ritual". As much as hate war and generally don't like a lot about military institutions, this was the most touching thing I saw that day for grandpa which made me cry. Well, that and seeing my dad cry for the only time in my life. Oi. I best stop now before I can't see, but I wanted to "THIS" the human ritual sentiment.

Cool. Glad someone else groks it.

Oh my, I'm right there with you on feeling that a funeral is not the place to pontificate or moralize. That alone kept me away from many funerals when I was young and hadn't realized how much it was a show of respect to the family to show up for one. The military funeral flag ceremony gets me every time, too. I didn't know until I was grown up that every fold of the flag has a meaning.
If you ever decide out of curiosity to learn a whole lot about military ceremony with their dead, there is an amazing movie about taking home a fallen warrior. (http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/reviews/2009-02-19-taking-chance-preview_n.htm)
I'm pretty certain that you'll find a way to incorporate a tribute to Pat that those "in the know" will recognize, without having to reveal any emotional additions to your performance.

Back to being an adult, I love "affordable Fluevogs" from your other entry

it was a show of respect to the family to show up for one

Yep. That's why I went. And to show solidarity with all the other grieving Rennies.

I have one of the shells from my Dad's salute, and REALLY wanted one of Pat's but thought there are way too many people that would want one of them I couldn't ask. That service always touches me.

I have one of the shells from my Dad's salute

What an amazing memento.

...it annoys me when preachers use funerals as an opportunity to evangelize/proselytize. It's just...gauche.

It really is. It is completely wrong, I think, to co-opt someone's memorial service in order to nudge potential converts. Everything, everything, should be about the person being remembered.

What just SLAYS me is the whole idea that every-goddamn-thing that the person did that was really good was just god "working through them".

As if.

(When my husband's Aunt Sharon helped the poor members of her church move their furniture ahead of the Flood of '93, SHE was the one doing the work and giving up the sleep, not some deity.)

Okay, in other words, I understand this frustration so well and the feeling of being moved at what humans do for one another.

I hope your week is calm and quiet and healing" _

What just SLAYS me is the whole idea that every-goddamn-thing that the person did that was really good was just god "working through them".

This times a million.

I have no idea how much of it was the preacher co-opting and how much of that the family wanted. So I can't judge this particular instance.

Doesn't make me more forgiving of the general practice, though. UGH.

It seems to me that a nobly restrained feeling shows greater depth. Though that is strictly an opinion, and if someone feels called upon to sob wildly, I'm perfectly okay with their choice. You do what you have to do. Whatever. However, I think a performance that channels all that feeling into superb execution would be such a fine tribute.

Though that is strictly an opinion, and if someone feels called upon to sob wildly, I'm perfectly okay with their choice

Yes. I don't place a value on emotional expression. I'm just not comfortable publicly expressing some emotions myself.

There was one man, one of the pallbearers, who was doing that silent wrenching sob at the gravesite. It was heartbreaking and had its own sad beauty, really. It's just not me.

When my grandmother died they had 2 preachers at the funeral. One took and said a lot of good things to help out the family in there time of need. The other one stood up at the front and started to do a hell fire and brimstone sermon. He then made people bow and pray then with all the heads bowed said that any one that wanted to be saved needed to come to the front of the viewing area and he would save them.

Not a surprise from the church he was from tho. Lets see, this is the same church that kicked me out... sorry asked for me to not come back till i owned a suit. This is the same church that told my aunt and uncle that had been part of the church elders for years (uncle took and did the collection prayer for 20 years and my aunt played piano for the same amount of time) told them that they was bad parents when they asked for help with there daughter who was on drugs. On a side note, i know she was getting the drugs from the head preachers son. This is the same church that was in the news when one of the preachers shot the husband of the mistress he had been having a affair with for over 13 years. There is other stuff but those was the ones that stick out in my mind right now....

I'll be 42 in a little over one week, so I am allowed to ramble like an old person

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