The Monday, er, Tuesday shitlist

[clevermanka]

stimps writes: Since I totally fucking forgot to do a MONDAY SHIT-LIST yesterday (thanks partly to my ongoing technical problems with the computer), here it is for Tuesday: What are five of the worst movies you've ever seen? Now here, I'm not speaking of crappy-but-enjoyable movies (like, for me, "Scarface"), or movies so hysterically bad they're good (like, again from my perspective "Showgirls" and "Plan 9 from Outer Space"), but just horrible, worthless, irredeemable shitty flicks that make you sorry not only that you saw them, but that they got made in the first place. Cough 'em up, punks! What's on your must-not-see list?

Hmmm. I'm really super picky about my movies, so I rarely see a good one, much less a bad one, but let's go with:

1. Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!. I hated this movie. The only thing that kept me in the theater was I went with someone else and didn't have an alternate way to get home. Maybe I was still in my reactionary feminist mode, but I didn't think it was funny, I thought it was painful.
2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. How could something so pretty be so boring? A mystery. A boring mystery.
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It's obvious how Kate Capshaw got hired for this job. God this movie sucked. I spent the whole movie missing Karen Allen. There really wasn't anything else to do.
4. Big Daddy. I wanted to choke the living shit out of the little boy in this movie. I didn't even make it past the 20 minute mark. Kill, kill.
5. Alien 3. Why? Why?