The Monday, er, Tuesday shitlist

[clevermanka]

stimps writes: Since I totally fucking forgot to do a MONDAY SHIT-LIST yesterday (thanks partly to my ongoing technical problems with the computer), here it is for Tuesday: What are five of the worst movies you've ever seen? Now here, I'm not speaking of crappy-but-enjoyable movies (like, for me, "Scarface"), or movies so hysterically bad they're good (like, again from my perspective "Showgirls" and "Plan 9 from Outer Space"), but just horrible, worthless, irredeemable shitty flicks that make you sorry not only that you saw them, but that they got made in the first place. Cough 'em up, punks! What's on your must-not-see list?

Hmmm. I'm really super picky about my movies, so I rarely see a good one, much less a bad one, but let's go with:

1. Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!. I hated this movie. The only thing that kept me in the theater was I went with someone else and didn't have an alternate way to get home. Maybe I was still in my reactionary feminist mode, but I didn't think it was funny, I thought it was painful.
2. Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. How could something so pretty be so boring? A mystery. A boring mystery.
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It's obvious how Kate Capshaw got hired for this job. God this movie sucked. I spent the whole movie missing Karen Allen. There really wasn't anything else to do.
4. Big Daddy. I wanted to choke the living shit out of the little boy in this movie. I didn't even make it past the 20 minute mark. Kill, kill.
5. Alien 3. Why? Why?

Comments

[dixiemama.livejournal.com]

I agree with you 100% on that kid (or kids - twins played the role - gasp! two of them!)...kill the kid!! kill the kid!!

What a whiner.

[dixiemama.livejournal.com]

In Big Daddy that is.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

How can you hate Indy? Clearly, you missed something -- here's the title of a review from your link: "Temple of Doom: A Highly Underrated Sequel."

And Final Fantasy is cool, whaddya mean? You must've missed this review: "An underrate gem and soon-to-be seminal classic, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within is a visual masterpiece. The story is told heavily through imagery and very little by dialogue. Along with 2001: A Space Odyssey and Days of Heaven, it is visual storytelling at its best." See, it's all about pretty!

So there. <3 (yes, I don't mean that like you think, or do, heh)

Do agree with the others, so much so that I missed all but Alien 3 (had to see it, one of my favorite serieses).

Me, I consider it this way: I can't make a movie, so I give moviemakers more slack than I would another writer.

Chris

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, I thought Tie Me Up Tie Me Down *was* funny.
Strokes for Folks, eh?
Other than Final Fantasy (agreed) I didn't even bother to see the others.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I know the people I was with thought it was hilarious. It just really bothered me. I have issues with confinement, though...I don't mind being tied down, just don't lock me up in a room. I can't stand prison movies, either. Hmm.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

oh wait, was Alien 3 the one with Winona Ryder?
*That* just pissed me off. Winona Ryder just sounds silly saying "Fuck" and acting tough, like a chihuahua on crack.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Alien 4 was the one with Winona. I didn't even see that one...But I love the chihuahua on crack description. Heeee!

[lorilie.livejournal.com]

I never saw Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! because the same director made the only movie I have ever walked out on - Matador. Almodovar is a woman hating pig and he's never getting another dime from me. There, rant over.

Have to agree on Indy - that one sucked. Never saw Big Daddy, and I'm now very glad I didn't - I hate obnoxious kids in movies.

I know alien 3 wasn't great, but I am a sucker for bad sci-fi and women with shaved heads. ;)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I am a sucker for bad sci-fi and women with shaved heads

Yeah, that was the only reason to sit through that one. Man, did she look good!

[sdemory.livejournal.com]

Gotta step up for Alien 3, actually. It's not a great movie, but it had the feel that I wanted more than "Aliens" or, to a lesser degree, "Resurrection." I want desperation, ingenuity and horror from my Aliens movies, and I got it with 3. Not to the degree I'd like, and I could easily do without Ripley-as-Christ/Mary, but it wasn't the worst.

Word to the nth on Big Daddy, though. Only time I pulled myself out of the spiral of hate I held for the folks who dragged me to see the movie was the twisting of the TV movie of the week tropes when the kid was taken away. I cracked a bitter, bitter smile when the strings swelled and, reaching for Adam Sandler, the kid brayed out "I'll wipe my own ass! I'll wipe my own ass!" Not enough to salvage the movie, but it made it so I didn't have to hide bodies afterward.