clevermanka | I don't care anymore what you think of my body

I had a realization a few days ago about bodies, body image, and how much I still care about how people perceive me. After a particularly frustrating encounter with a run-of-the-mill creep who thought I should be flattered by his attraction to me and his query about my ethnic heritage, I was struck with the realization that my frustration-anger-despair over my wobbly midsection was totally and completely dependent on what people like that (i.e. douchebags) think of me. I have been beating myself up for years (YEARS!) over the opinion of utter and complete jerks. The people who matter to me, who love me, whom I think are awesome--they don't care that I'm carrying an extra couple inches around my middle. They don't care that my thighs rub when I walk or that I have to wear bloomers or buy that anti-chafing stuff if I want to comfortably walk around in a dress on a really hot day. They don't care. Who does care? Who does care that my upper arms are not perfectly smooth and lean? Who does care that my belly is soft and hangs over the top of my jeans? DOUCHEBAGS. Douchebags care about those things.

It took me thirty-some years to internalize the knowledge that I've been caring about the opinion of douchebags in regards to my own body. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE.

In a glorious circumstance of serendipity, this post showed up on my Tumblr dash the very evening I had this epiphany.

And just like that, I decided no more. I don't fucking care about douchebag opinions of my body. I don't fucking care if they think I shouldn't be wearing these jeans or that dress or this bathing suit. Fuck them. Those people aren't important to me, so why are their opinions? Answer: THEY AREN'T ANYMORE.

This is not to say I'm quitting my efforts to relieve my continuing health problems, one of which is abnormally exaggerated abdominal swelling, because that shit is uncomfortable and physically exhausting and I'll be honest, it is a pain in the ass (also logistically difficult) to maintain a stylish and professional wardrobe that appeals to me in two different sizes. It's unfortunate, but I just don't like stretch pants or elastic waistbands enough to live in them every day.

But am I going to allow the opinions of people I actively dislike to determine how I feel about the shape of my body?

Fuck no. No. Not anymore. Not ever again.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You rock. I hope I can make it to this mindset some day. Thanks for posting.

It took me thirty-some years to internalize the knowledge that I've been caring about the opinion of douchebags in regards to my own body. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE.

I wasted just about forty years on the same. What a FUCKING waste, indeed. I am done with that shit, too.

I just realized, and posted, that I have done myself physical harm over the years in service to these douchebags. OOH THAT MAKES ME ANGRY. But the good kind of angry, the kind that forges change in the flames of OH NO YOU DIDN'T.

I have done myself physical harm over the years in service to these douchebags

Yep. You and me both, sister.

change in the flames of OH NO YOU DIDN'T

That is one majestic motherfucker right there.

Damn right.

Good on you! I think it's harder for those of us in visual mediums that present our bodies to others to get to this point. Hope I can fake-it-till-I-make-it one day :P

You Go GIRL!

It took fighting cancer while in a high stress job for me to finally *start* going WTF at the world.

I got better at it as time went on but every day is still a fight against the images we are bombarded with by the media.

Keep Preaching The Good Stuff Sister :).

yes ×

IZ FUNNY AND PERFECT SCREENSHOT

Yesssss. Amen to all this.

You really are awesome. It took me so, so much longer to see that. What makes me so angry is all the media reinforcement these total boobs get. Like all that shit in the tabloids and magazines about "best bikini body" and "look who's too skinny!" and "look who's too wobbly." I don't agree with the argument that because stars trade on their looks they get to be body-judged on a beach, but even if you do subscribe to that idea, that sort of judgmental crap gets turned around on all women all the time.

I'd like to see some of those asshole tabloid writers in speedos and bikinis and see what they look like.

Regardless...

GO YOU!!! <3

I don't agree with the argument that because stars trade on their looks they get to be body-judged on a beach, but even if you do subscribe to that idea, that sort of judgmental crap gets turned around on all women all the time.

YEP.

Thanks! And go, you, too!

you totally rock!!

Seriously, after spending a lovely weekend watching all types/sizes/ages/abilities of bodies work and dance and dress up and do their awesome thing I just want to tell the rest of the world to STFU.

Which is to say, Art of the Belly was awesome and fun and challenging and painful and uplifting, sometimes multiple things at the same time. My troupe also ended up assigning each other Avengers, we kept going and including SO's, too. It was unanimous that I got Loki (and it was for my personality, not fannish behavior!), while my boyfriend asked to be Darcy. This exercise led to literal howling laughter while sitting around the vendor room at my troupe mates' booth, which is really the best preventative medicine against haters.

Yay! that all sounds awesome.

In Discipline and Punish, Focault writes about this as an analog for how we internalize "discipline", societal standards, (or what we imagine them to be) and essentially become our own jailers.... You may have started to realize there are no jailers.
I applaud your quest for self improvement.
Now that my hormone thing is in check, I started crossfit.
I feel more awesome already. Weak and sadly deconditioned but awesome.

Dude, congratulations on getting your hormone stuff under control! That's fantastic! Have fun with CrossFit. I so much look forward to the day I can resume WODs.

YAY! They are insidious, those societal voices. I feel fortunate to have a pretty strong "Fuck you I don't care what you think" sort of attitude, but those views still sneak in sometimes.

Societal voices FOR THE LOSE.

I don't care anymore what you think of my body

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IZ PROUD

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Panopticon model

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