A nice little cocktail of stage fright and failure of confidence

[clevermanka]

So maybe it's a good thing that I have to fast all day today so I'm not swollen for my performance tonight. Because I am so fucking nervous I feel like I'm going to puke.



I haven't danced for an audience like this in years. I haven't performed to actual music in years. I haven't done what I consider actual dancing (instead of "wiggling for tips") in years.

I was running through the songs last night and I was all oh my god how many times have I done this same fucking movement. how long is this song, anyway. christ the audience is going to be so bored. this is going to be a disaster. WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Ugh, and dancing for dancers is just the worst for me anyway because educated audience and I know I don't practice very much and I know I haven't kept up with my dance education and here I am, probably the second oldest dancer of the whole bunch and I feel like such a fucking FRAUD.

At least my costumes look great.

Ugh.

BUT FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT AM I RIGHT

Somebody get me a fucking paper bag to breathe into, please.

Comments

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

Baby! We'll be in a BAR! With ALCOHOL!
BEST AUDIENCE EVER!!!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

HA! That's...true? Man, I wish I could have a drink beforehand...

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

I wish you could have one too.

[indicolite.livejournal.com]

Hang in there. *hugs* And yes, if alcohol is involved, the audience is likely to improve considerably.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

TBH, I haven't danced for a sober audience in, like, ten years. Not even lyin'.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I'm talking myself down from my ledge by watching videos of my bellydance idol and reminding myself that what I try to emulate is her simple, clean style. I'm not a complicated dancer, and intricate combos are not my thing. I love watching dancers like that, but I also love watching Soheir. Surely I won't be the only one in the audience who loves classic, old school bellydance. Which is what I do. And I think I'm not terrible at it.

[1-rhiannon-1.livejournal.com]

You can do it, doll! I gots faith in you! <3 <3 <3
Get out there and kill it!
(http://s943.photobucket.com/user/rhis_ljstuff/media/gifs/2wfvars.gif.html)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Deep breathing and scouring YouTube for clips of my favorite classic bellydancer has me feeling a little bit better.

A little.

Still wish I could have a drink beforehand, tho.

[gansje.livejournal.com]

*Hands you a bag*

You know that anxiety always preceedeth an excellent performance, right?

You're going to be amazing, everyone's going to love you, and the bar is going to help them be predisposed to enjoy it, which they would anyway, alcohol or no.

*hugs hugs hugs*

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR THE BAG

I was fine half an hour ago but now I am freaking out again. This shit must come in waves. UGH.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

you got this! Besides the fact that it is in a bar which does loosen people up a bit, an "educated audience" will *love* clean, classic style bellydance.

I understand the stage fright, but You. Got. This.

yep.

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

You are going to rock it!

I usually dance ATS so solos are a big scary deal to me. At one I was backstage thinking, "Why in the FUCK do you do this to yourself?" Stomach, pounding heart, cold sweat, etc. Well, I'm a process person and I need a goal to work towards so at least once a year I'm up there, waiting in the wings, thinking the same damn thing.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

Also - you've been to this show before. You've seen the dancers. You've seen the audience.
And I'll see you in a few hours!!!!

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

Go watch the video of Tom preparing for Coriolanus for inspiration!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh but the dancers are SO GOOD. Especially you!!!!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, there's putting it into perspective! I am flat-out terrified of the idea of ATS (remembering cues and combos? OH SWEET JESUS NO), so hey, at least I'm not doing that!

Good for you for putting yourself out there and doing something that scares you. That's incredibly admirable.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

and now I'm just posting gifs here

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

Better, right?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

FUCKING SERIOUSLY

Although at this point I'm not even hungry anymore. And my makeup looks FANTASTIC. Let's see how long before I sweat it all off...

Re: and now I'm just posting gifs here

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

It's what I started with so it's natural to me. Now, say, improv to Om Kalthoum? The thought makes my knees go funny.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Aw, bb, I think Om Kalthoum makes everybody's knees go a little funny. =D