A nice little cocktail of stage fright and failure of confidence

[clevermanka]

So maybe it's a good thing that I have to fast all day today so I'm not swollen for my performance tonight. Because I am so fucking nervous I feel like I'm going to puke.



I haven't danced for an audience like this in years. I haven't performed to actual music in years. I haven't done what I consider actual dancing (instead of "wiggling for tips") in years.

I was running through the songs last night and I was all oh my god how many times have I done this same fucking movement. how long is this song, anyway. christ the audience is going to be so bored. this is going to be a disaster. WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Ugh, and dancing for dancers is just the worst for me anyway because educated audience and I know I don't practice very much and I know I haven't kept up with my dance education and here I am, probably the second oldest dancer of the whole bunch and I feel like such a fucking FRAUD.

At least my costumes look great.

Ugh.

BUT FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT AM I RIGHT

Somebody get me a fucking paper bag to breathe into, please.

Comments

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

Baby! We'll be in a BAR! With ALCOHOL!
BEST AUDIENCE EVER!!!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

HA! That's...true? Man, I wish I could have a drink beforehand...

[indicolite.livejournal.com]

Hang in there. *hugs* And yes, if alcohol is involved, the audience is likely to improve considerably.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

TBH, I haven't danced for a sober audience in, like, ten years. Not even lyin'.

[1-rhiannon-1.livejournal.com]

You can do it, doll! I gots faith in you! <3 <3 <3
Get out there and kill it!
(http://s943.photobucket.com/user/rhis_ljstuff/media/gifs/2wfvars.gif.html)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Deep breathing and scouring YouTube for clips of my favorite classic bellydancer has me feeling a little bit better.

A little.

Still wish I could have a drink beforehand, tho.

[gansje.livejournal.com]

*Hands you a bag*

You know that anxiety always preceedeth an excellent performance, right?

You're going to be amazing, everyone's going to love you, and the bar is going to help them be predisposed to enjoy it, which they would anyway, alcohol or no.

*hugs hugs hugs*

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR THE BAG

I was fine half an hour ago but now I am freaking out again. This shit must come in waves. UGH.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

you got this! Besides the fact that it is in a bar which does loosen people up a bit, an "educated audience" will *love* clean, classic style bellydance.

I understand the stage fright, but You. Got. This.

yep.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

You are going to rock it!

I usually dance ATS so solos are a big scary deal to me. At one I was backstage thinking, "Why in the FUCK do you do this to yourself?" Stomach, pounding heart, cold sweat, etc. Well, I'm a process person and I need a goal to work towards so at least once a year I'm up there, waiting in the wings, thinking the same damn thing.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Well, you know, there's putting it into perspective! I am flat-out terrified of the idea of ATS (remembering cues and combos? OH SWEET JESUS NO), so hey, at least I'm not doing that!

Good for you for putting yourself out there and doing something that scares you. That's incredibly admirable.

[kazoogrrl.livejournal.com]

Go watch the video of Tom preparing for Coriolanus for inspiration!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

and now I'm just posting gifs here

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

Re: and now I'm just posting gifs here

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Re: and now I'm just posting gifs here

[chalcedonygrey.livejournal.com]

Every time I see this gif all I can think of is WHERE DID THE HAIR GO?!?

[siro-gravity.livejournal.com]

when I log in tomorrow I will be able to see that YOU ROCKED IT!!!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

YES YOU WILL!

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

Yeah! I have faith that your performance was awesome!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

It went really well. And the audience seemed really into it. WHEW!

[seascribe.livejournal.com]

You are! you are right! I am probably too late, but I have so much confidence that you will be (or were, but also are) awesome!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

There is no such thing as confidence coming too late. =D THANK YOU BB! It went super well.

[chronovore.livejournal.com]

Cool it, Frazetta Grrl. You're awesome.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha ha! It went really well. I'll post a write-up when I have the energy.