I have no regrets

[clevermanka]

Did someone around here want a crack at that adrenal fatigue book I mentioned a while back? I returned it to redheadfae and she reminded me that somebody asked about it but I don't remember who. It's up for grabs if you're interested.

This is terrifying: Escape from Duggarville. Vyckie Garrison was once a minor celebrity in the Quiverfull Movement, made famous by TV’s Duggar family. As a devout, Bible-believing Christian and the mother of seven homeschooled children, Garrison spent 16 years, with her husband, publishing a newspaper for families on a similar path. Today, via a website called No Longer Quivering, she publishes resources for women leaving the movement. Recently she addressed American Atheists about her experience. This article is an abridged version of her remarks.

The thing that I find most horrifying about Quiverfull (and other vague, non-denominational conservative xtian movements) is the complete lack of condemnation about it that I hear from other xtians. I bet the people at the church my parents attend (you know, the one where my dad works as a lay pastor and the one where he says he probably wouldn't keep his job if they knew he voted for Obama) are mostly quiet supporters of it. Or at least they wouldn't feel it was their business to help support a woman in their congregation trying to escape her Quiverfull life. Disgusting.

I didn't get to produce anything this weekend, but I at least felt productive. I got over half of my pattern collection out of the house, and the sewing room is better for it. The stuff I had stashed under the cutting table is now in one of the four-drawer vertical files that used to house patterns and I'm slowly clearing stuff out of the closet. The water guns are winging their way to their deserving recipient and one big roll of fabric was returned to its owner since I am never going to make that coat he commissioned (I'm not taking any more sewing commissions except for bloomers).

One important thing I noticed during my four-day impromptu vacation was that my appetite was significantly less when I was doing stuff at home. Even though I had easier access to snacks and probably more reason to want them--especially Thursday and Friday (hello again, 25 day cycle, nice to have you back). I wonder how much of my hunger pangs at work are triggered by emotional eating needs. It also felt so good to not sit all day. I was in a good mood almost the whole time, despite sleeping poorly because of night cramping. I've been making myself stick to that hourly walkabout schedule today. I've been slacking off on that lately. NO MORE.

Sunday mckitterick and I went out to KCRF and...wow. renniemom mentioned it feels like a different faire, and it really does. Fewer participants in the lanes, although there were a lot of patrons for it being a Sunday and only third weekend. It seemed like overall the energy was low. Of course, that could be attributable to what I hear were miserable weather conditions on Saturday. We stayed for about four hours. I saw lots of people, participants and a few surprise patrons whom I was pleased to encounter--good timing. I made two purchases, saw two shows, ate some kettlecorn, and then I was glad to come home. As I was unloading the dishwasher at 5:47, I thought "I'd be counting out my tip money now," and a wave of incredible relief washed over me. Y'all I made such the right decision to retire.

Update: Just past noon, my left hip started to ache from the sitting. This, after a 45-minute yoga session this morning, and an hourly walk. My body is really tired of sitting. It would really like to stop sitting for a living. Maybe that standing desk needs to actually happen.

Comments

[renniemom.livejournal.com]

It was a great surprise to see you. If you come back out this season make it the 6th or 7th Sunday so we can sit and have a drink and catch up and snark?

The handful of street cast I've seen is doing a really good job, there just aren't enough of them. And the court/other cast is so scheduled you don't get to just 'see' them. Remember when the royals could go shopping and interact with the patrons? I miss that.

Good on you for continuing your clean and purge. Feels really good, doesn't it?

...off to read the links you shared.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Get some brain bleach for after reading that article. It'll turn your stomach.

Just like feminists who are white mustn't be silent when White Feminists shit all over WOC, xtians need to speak up about this sort of thing. It makes me ill to think that the amazing people who raised me stay silent about social justice issues. UGH.

The only other day I plan to come out is a Saturday, so... =( Perhaps we can schedule something post-faire with hdsqrl.

[renniemom.livejournal.com]

Still reading so no comment yet, but I definitely approve the after faire with hdsqrl plan!

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

When I saw you and McK, I felt this huge wave of something like: Oh, HOORAY for people I love!!! People I know!! People I miss seeing and want to just push aside anything else I might possibly have to do today just so I can follow them around and be comforted that they are here! Seriously. It was so good to see you! <3

And I'm all for a post-faire get together!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

[chalcedonygrey.livejournal.com]

I think you PRODUCED plenty! Lots of free space, organization, and self-validation!

If you don't find a taker for the Adrenal book, I'd be interested in reading it. (Also need to borrow your W30 book again & commission some bloomers, so maybe a trip into Larryville is in order!)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Sounds good!

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

We were out there yesterday for a while, too! The girls are finally old enough to start defining their own "styles" in terms of garb, so we picked up a couple of pieces for them. Then sat to watch some shows, which I've honestly NEVER done except for Smoker. (Because I'm usually out there for beer booth and never seem to be on break when there's a show other than Dunwoodie, and this is the first year the kids've wanted to see one.) It did seem strange not to really see anybody I recognized this year, wandering around for a few hours.

[zitronenhai.livejournal.com]

Whoa! What denomination is your parents' church?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Sorry we missed you.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I think it's called White and Rich.

[zitronenhai.livejournal.com]

Methodist, then!

Never mind. It was nosy of me to ask. Apologies.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

wow. That was quite an article. I never really knew anything about the Quiverfull thing, and I certainly didn't know it was cross-denominational. I'll skip saying the rest of what I initially said. I don't feel educated enough to make those statements.

But wow. wow. O_o

[zitronenhai.livejournal.com]

Anglicans and Episcopalians are richer than Methodists, according to an old Pew study, so I was wrong, anyway.

http://religions.pewforum.org/pdf/table-income-by-denomination.pdf

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

This was the ex's church too! It was like another world when we went for his obligatory holiday services. We had to be bused from a parking lot big enough to handle the cars.

The few times I did go to church, it was poor, small, and rural. Which has its own set of quirks. Like Jesus paying the bills.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Well, if I see you more than three times in any calendar year, my head might explode. Probably for the best.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Not nosy at all. I had to look it up, because you made me curious. Turns out they're non-denominational, which makes White and Rich even more appropriate, I think.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I don't feel educated enough to make those statements.

I never realized an education was required for vitriolic swearing.

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

I read that article yesterday ... it was interesting (awful, but interesting) to see how it can make abuse harder to identify if it's called by a different name.

Standing desk is a brilliant idea. Our consoles at work raise up and down, so you can sit or stand for however long you want, and it is very nice.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

That is nice. What brand are they? I'm starting to shop.

[sherwood21.livejournal.com]

I may not be able to find out until I go back to work, but I'll see what I can dig up.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Cool. Thanks!

[seascribe.livejournal.com]

The whole Quiverful thing is so horrifying, and I hate that the show is so blithely accepted in the mainstream. One of the clinicians at school told me she watches it and it was a struggle not to react with horror.

My undergrad thesis advisor switched to a standing desk, and swears by it.

[ceanncait.livejournal.com]

I thought that article was...interesting. She seems to feel that she is/was in an abusive relationship with Jesus. But the scriptures she used to support that, with the exception of two, were all Old Testament. The ones she quoted from the Gospels could be interpreted in many different ways. As someone who is an atheist, yet who is profoundly influenced by the teachings of Christ, I can say with some authority that *any* message can be twisted to support *any* doctrine if you try hard enough. Which isn't to say I blame her in any way for living as she did for so many years. Brainwashing is brainwashing, regardless of where the messages originated. As far as other Christians condemning the Quiverful people...I don't know how I feel about that either. I guess the way I view condemnation is, is it really going to change anything? Or does it just make the condemners feel better to pat themselves on the back and say, "We're too enlightened to do that!" Words without actions are just that. What I'd really like to see are Christian oriented therapists, ministers, and congregations setting up "rescue" programs for these women (who, we have to honor, BTW, by remembering that some may not want rescuing). I don't know. I'd *like* to react with my initial feeling, which was horror, but I think it might be more complex than that. Like most things.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Ha! My folks are non-denoms, too. On a military post, yet.
Retired and white for them, although they don't do badly on a retired warrant officer's pension.

[theoneinblue.livejournal.com]

Brain bleach, please. That is, holy crap that is sort of close in some ways to what I grew up with, and yes, my siblings and I were pissed when we left home and discovered how few tools we had for the real world. (At least my parents weren't totally against birth control or public schools...but the whole patriarchy bullshit = hardcore. Engaged at 18 and married six months after that to make sure I had someone to "take care of me"...) And this is also a beautiful illustration of why I hit a spiritual and relationship crisis when I divorced my ex. I was in a similar place (except I had used birth control, so NO KIDS BY THAT ASSHAT). Thank goodness for smart therapists for that time in my life.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I've been playing around with the idea of a standing desk for a year now, and fuck it, time to stop just playing.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

As far as other Christians condemning the Quiverful people...I don't know how I feel about that either. I guess the way I view condemnation is, is it really going to change anything?

I think I don't understand your definition of "condemn." It seems a bit...weaker...than my notion of "condemn." express complete disapproval of, typically in public; censure

When I, as a feminist who is white, condemn the behavior of White Feminists, I am taking a stand and announcing myself as an ally to women of color. When I, as a white person, condemn the behavior of white cops who go around shooting black people as a perk of their job, I am taking a stand and announcing myself as an ally to black people. When I, as a non-trans person, condemn the behavior of transphobic people, I am taking a stand and announcing myself as an ally to trans*people.

And when I condemn a notion, I don't just sigh and say "oh this is bad--people should really stop doing that." That is not condemnation. That's just being slightly disappointed in the state of the world. Condemnation is the refusal to stand something. Condemnation is having the courage to call people out on their bad behavior. Condemnation is making it clear that you do not tolerate certain things in your presence. Condemnation is telling people that you will cut them out of your life rather than tolerate their bigoted attitudes.

Being a loud, vocal ally is important and necessary. I am not a therapist, I am not a minister, and I am certainly not part of any congregation, so I don't have the facilities to do any of those things you define as actions. But does my lack of those resources keep me from screaming my discontent with social injustice? FUCK. NO.

We have been taught that our voices have no power. And it's only our refusal to accept that teaching that turns it into a lie. If we believe it's true, it's true. Do I believe that things can be changed by enough people speaking out--condemning those things? Yes, I do.

Our voices have power, but we must make active use of them. Speak out. Speak out all the time. Never stop speaking. Never stop fighting.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank goodness indeed.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that nightmare.

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

I like to be able to back up my vitriolic swearing.

[kalimeg.livejournal.com]

Consider using boxes to achieve that standing work area.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I don't want a standing-only desk. I need something adjustable.

[ceanncait.livejournal.com]

Hmm. OK. I do that. Hell, if you read my blogs, you know I do that. And I do think that's important. I'm having a couple of bad brain days and it's hard to find the words for what I'm trying to say. I think maybe what it is, is the implicit assumption that if someone doesn't condemn loudly enough, they are as bad as those who are doing the act in the first place and should suffer the same judgment? As when, for example, Muslims are expected to condemn terrorist acts or be subject to discrimination themselves? If that make any sense at all. Also, in this particular case, I think we're wanting one institution that codifies and promotes gender discrimination and abuse at a constant low- to mid-frequency level to condemn a subset of that institution for doing it worse. Somehow, I don't think that's going to happen on a large scale. Call me naive... :-) I'll have to dig around and see if some of the progressive churches I follow have said anything about this. I will report back if I find anything.

ETA: And look at that. I found it in the first place I looked. Sojourners, Sexual Violence and the Church Blog Series. (http://sojo.net/blogs/series/sexual-violence-and-the-church) Sojourners might not be your cup of tea, doctrinally speaking, but they are rather dear to my heart being that rarest of birds, a progressive evangelical organization. Anyway...they reach about 1.5 million people in print, online, and email. So someone is saying something. :-) Whether they're being listened to, I have no idea...

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I'm pleased to hear reports of people speaking out against this. Good for them.

[ceanncait.livejournal.com]

Also, Rachel Held Evans (http://rachelheldevans.com/) is great. And a bunch of people over at Patheos (http://www.patheos.com/) write about it. That's where the woman featured in the article above keeps her blog, among other folks.