clevermanka | Fear is the mind killer

Entry tags:

thinky post,
yoga

Fear is the mind killer

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

I've reached a stage in my life where I need to not just deal with fear, but embrace it (within reason). If I want positive change in my life, I need to change things. I'm the one who needs to change. And change is scary, always scary (for me), but it's not always bad.

mckitterick woke up early this morning and crawled into bed with me. Neither of us could get back to sleep, so we chatted and snuggled for a bit, but when the topic of a potential Big Change came up, I was all "Ahhhh can we not talk about this it's stressing me out and I'm not even out of bed yet. Stress does not belong in my bed!" And it's true, I don't allow stressful talk in bed, but I need to get past the levels of stress this particular topic evokes in me.

To do that, I'm starting to engage my smaller fears. Anything gets easier with practice, right? So if I regularly expose myself to change and new experiences, the Big Deals will be less stressful.

So for my first trick, tonight I'm gonna do my best to get into a headstand (Sirsasana) (with

mckitterick spotting me). I can do a teddy-bear headstand with no support, but tonight Imma try to get my legs up. I'm a long way from being able to do a handstand (my shoulders are more flexible than they are strong and they tend to pop out of joint in a handstand), but I'm strong enough to do a headstand. It's just the getting there.

Anyone else feel like trying something new and frexiting with me this week?

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Frexiting - I like that term!

I've got faith in you! You can do the headstand!! Get it, girl!

TBH, I think once I'm up in it, I'll be fine. I'm unsure if I have the core strength to get my legs up on my own, but that's what

mckitterick is there for. =D

I think you might surprise yourself but it's good to have a spotter :D

Wha, you can do a teddy bear headstand (I didn't even know that's what it's called, and it seems like my yoga studio doesn't teach it because it's never been taught), but not a headstand? Teddy bear seems way harder to do, just looking at the picture. In general, I haven't been able to do any arm balances though. I can do crow for about 1 second, but I don't think that counts. Headstand is the only inversion I can do. I can't do forearm stand because mentally, I just can't get past that my feet are so far away from the wall.

I'm also very far from doing handstand on my own, but it might be because there's a level of fear I haven't gotten past yet. I've fallen out of handstand before (actually, fell sideways), and without a teacher spotting me and helping me get up, I can't do it. But they all tell me that I'm largely doing it by myself and they're really not doing much. But! I can't get up by myself, even if I try really determinedly!

Fear is a very limiting thing, and it's not even always conscious.

Edited 2015-03-12 15:34 (UTC)

I hear you on the inability to get into the pose by yourself. I can't, either. I know my weak points--lower abs and hip flexors. I feel totally stable, but my legs just...won't...get...up...there, even with a good kick-up. I hope that by positioning myself in a corner (so I don't worry about falling to one side or the other) and with my guy there to guide my legs up if necessary, I can work on both the mental and physical strength aspects.

I've fallen out of handstand before

Ugh, that is horrible. That happened to me, too--the time I decided damn it I am doing a fucking handstand. Had someone help me up, held it for a split second, felt all hot shit, and then whoops there went my left shoulder and I landed on the side of my head. Not good. I haven't tried it since, and until my shoulders are much stronger, I have no intention of trying.

Teddy bear seems way harder to do, just looking at the picture.

Aren't bodies bizarre? Nobody's is the same. Even in my current strength-diminished condition, I can hold teddy bear headstand for, like, three slow breaths before I wobble and fall (wrist weakness). I think a lot of teddy bear is upper arm strength and I've still got some beefy upper arms, despite not lifting for several months.

If you have time/energy, I would love to talk about this stuff with you at the con! I'm so interested in and enamored with the different aspects and abilities of different bodies.

Ugh, your bad experience with handstand sounds awful. I find it an extremely difficult position, because even when a teacher helps me up, I usually can't stay in it very long. Two slow breaths and then I need to get out. I can stay in headstand for quite a while sometimes (haha, I've done it drunk before too, not the most responsible yogi thing I've done, but I've never fallen out of that one), and I find it very relaxing. But handstand is stressful to me.

I've been building up strength by doing the L formation at the wall thing, and that even feels harder than actually doing handstand. But when I do L formation, I know I have a lot of strength to build up first before I can stably do handstand.

My goal for the last two years has been to successfully hold an arm balance. So maybe I'll look at some videos of teddy bear (how to correctly set it up, get into it, get out of it, etc.) and see if it's something I can do.

I am so out of practice! I have been practicing yoga for 3 years or so, and it's changed my life. But recently, due to my foot injury, and because I got really busy, I stopped going regularly. (Really, I recognize these are excuses. I just need to make time). I used to go 3-5 times a week for a 1.5 hour class, alternating between vinyasa classes and instructional hatha classes). But yes! Let's talk yoga at 221b Con!

Yay! Also, I'll bring my iPod and little speaker setup (I didn't last year, and regretted it), and I will be doing some minimal restorative yoga stuff in the hotel room with some nice soothing music. I don't want to go a week without some sort of yoga, and if you want to join me, you're more than welcome. Have I already offered this? Maybe. Oh well.

Yes! I definitely want to try to make it! It sounds like a little bit of relaxation in a very hectic con :D Last year, I think Shannon offered yoga classes in the mornings in the TPP suite, but we were so exhausted every morning that I think it didn't happen.

I'm gonna shoot for late afternoon, when most people are either lying down for naps or making dinner plans. I didn't even know about those yoga mornings! Dang!

I came across this article yesterday that I hope will help me to break fear down to small chunks to "practice" on.
http://www.derbylife.com/2012/01/how_compete_when_youre_totally_outclassed/

What I really need to do is figure out how to apply those principles to confidence and self-esteem. It is so much easier to set a bench mark that is external (e.g. a particular race time).

Honestly, bb, I think you've been doing great on that front, with the derby stuff and going to Mort's. Don't discredit or diminish your own amazing accomplishments!

I hadn't really thought of Mort's as an accomplishment, but I guess it is. Thanks for the perspective :)

And it's true, I don't allow stressful talk in bed

That is a good policy.

IMO, beds are for Happy Time Only. Definitions of what makes happy time can vary (for example, watching TV in bed is, I think, an abomination), but I think as a general concept, the idea of keeping one's bed a happy place a good one.

truth.

I want to take a series of "before" pix, as much as looking at myself makes me want to cry right now, but I've GOT TO document any improvements this venture brings me.

I know exactly what Mel is talking about.

I'll post on my own journal about what it's like to be a beginner at something.. after years of getting so used to be looked at as an expert at something (whether I thought I was one or not).

Well, but is your goal to look better or to feel better? If it's to feel better, then journal about it instead of photographing it. Even if you don't share that journal with anyone else, you can record your physical, emotional, and mental states and track when/if you've made progress in those areas.

Well, tbh, I want it all.

Plus, I know that my posterior chain structure has got to be changing and since I don't see my back, I'd like to look at the progress there, because the last time I looked, I was shocked by how much tone I'd lost.

Edited 2015-03-15 19:13 (UTC)

Anyone else feel like trying something new and frexiting with me this week?

Sure! What do you have in mind? Or is the headstand the thing this week? I think I could try that.

Hey, they're your fears! You pick your own challenges!

Duh! I should have thought of that. I will have to think long and hard about what I fear. I tend to put those things out of my mind.

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Fear is the mind killer

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Funny, my morning anthem has been this:

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