The pants want what they want

[clevermanka]

I suckered a friend into watching Guardian and she's nearing the end, so I sent her a couple of my fave fix-it fics and a kinda-sorta fix-it vid. Our following email conversation:

Friend: You're the best, thank you!
Me: It is LIT.ER.ALLY the least I could do after dragging you down with me
Friend: I feel like this should end up as a viral thing like Ringu, where the only way to recover is get a new person hooked and dragged into the fandom.
Me: I mean that's not completely inaccurate...

She's a massive Hannibal fan so it's not like she can't take it. She'll be fine. Right?

Looking up fics for her plunged me back into ALL THE FEELS tho, so I reblogged a ton of Guardian stuff on my Tumblr and also followed more people.

I am...slightly discomforted? by the fact that I'm developing pants-feelings for the two leads which is. Um. They're just too young. Too young for me. Something I never dreamed I'd hear myself say until I watched that Tom Holland lip-synch battle. That's when I realized the experience of "I understand the aesthetic sex appeal without wanting to actually bang the person like a screen door in a hurricane" which was a first, let me tell you.

Younger men were always A Thing for me, even when I was in my 20s which...well. It was A Known Thing. At the advanced age of 27 I bemoaned to a friend "these guys I'm going for just keep getting younger" to which he replied "no, dude, they're staying the same age--you're just getting older." Thanks Dave (we haven't spoken for years, but not because of that).

For a long time I had a hard line of fifteen years age difference but now I'm feeling like I maybe need to revise that to "could they actually be my child" (which yes, Bai Yu and Zhu Yi Long could, technically, but I'd've had to start really young). Anyway, here's my id, let me show you it.


As my brain starts to come back online after a long hiatus knock wood!, I'm thinking about writing essays again. Maybe this could be a topic for one.

What are your feelings on age differences? Do you think your own age affects your opinion?

Comments

[clevermanka]

I should clarify, FOR THE RECORD, I never dated/fucked anyone Actually Underage once I went to college (at 18). Nor did I have pants feelings for teenagers once I was no longer a teenager myself because seriously, ew.

Also, I am currently 49 and somehow wound up with a partner two (and a half!) years older than me. Life is weird.

[asya_ana]

Congrats on dragging more people down the very worthy rabbit hole!

I've always been mostly interested in people around my age, and that has remained consistent over time as I've aged. Like, teenage me was attracted to teenage people, and then mid-twenties me was attracted to mid-twenties people, and so forth. But I also think there's a difference between fantasy and reality, and while I'm finding ZYL/BY increasingly *cough* attractive, I can't imagine dating someone their age in RL? It would probably be awful. lol

But that's just me personally. More abstractly, I also wonder if within a certain range of years, age gap matters less. Like, these two are around 30 (29 and 31). It's... not really young at all? That's Tumblr ancient. It's the age of fully formed adults who typically have already gone through 2-3 jobs, probably settled into a career and long-term relationship, etc. So I feel like the power dynamic that sometimes can happen with age gap isn't as much of a thing within the span of adulthood. Like, do you remember how MUCH 1-3 years difference felt when you were 16? Like 13 vs 16, or 16 vs 19, is huge. But 53 vs 56 is like.. trivial? You're basically the same age. It's more about developmental stages than age itself, I think.

[clevermanka]

Thank you for making me feel much less weird about it =D Seriously, yeah, reading what you say makes me realize I wouldn't be at all weirded out by seeing Rachel Weicz cast opposite either of our lovely two gentlemen. Or, you know...both...of...them?

so that's MY productivity done the rest of the day

[mekare]

Hhhm thank you for the brain food. I have always had a thing for Rachel Weisz *saunters off*

[thetimesink]

Nothin' to say here: SO is ten years younger than me.

[solo]

For me it's largely been a non-issue since I want them to make out with each other, not with me. :) And even though I'm a crone, I don't think looking is illegal.

I have a friend, extremely good writer, who is currently in Hannibal, so if you can tell me the magic words to covince her to give Guardian a try, I'd be most grateful!

[clevermanka]

Yes! And that is exactly where I was until, like, just a few days ago and all of a sudden I was like "well, if we were tragically caught in an elevator for three hours..." things and you know how it goes.

Oh, gosh, I feel like if someone isn't convinced to at least try it after watching the fire's gonna burn vid, I don't know there's much more a human being could do. I think both shows cater to that "I know this can't end well but I'm going to pretend it might even though we all know better" kink (which I have in spades, damn it). So maybe if she's someone who doesn't mind spoilers (I spoil myself for everything because I don't like emotions in general much less surprise emotions) you can pitch it as a beautiful and tragic love story? Except whereas Will and Hannibal definitely had it coming, Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan are actually tragic.

[solo]

That might be an idea... I have to ask her how she feels about spoilers. I watched the show unspoiled and wouldn't want to take that experience (um...) away from anyone with being really, really sure.

Which is also why I wouldn't link the vid (which I love!) before asking, it's spoilery in a few ways. *g*

[clevermanka]

Yeah, I guess all vids are spoilers when it comes down to it!

Fannibal, reporting for duty

[kazoogrrl]

I'm the Hannibal person! I actually do a podcast about it, Head Full of Hannibal, so if the friend listens to us, tell them Amy recommends the show. Really it was Manka going on about the show, but letting me know about the things that could be off-putting (CGI, bad side character acting, dubbing, plot jumps) helped me stick with it for the good stuff. I'm mostly in it for the intense relationship, and the thick layer of doom and tragedy just makes it better/worse.

I was talking to someone on Reddit, who pointed this out:

"Also, in a weird way, Hannibal and Guardian are opposites in a superficial sense. Hannibal took something canonically non-queer and did amazing sub-textual to show-canonical queer things to it, while Guardian is canonically queer and they had to subtextually convey the queerness (to be fair, it was the thinnest of subtexts)."

And I told Manka, knowing how it was changed to be acceptable for Chinese media just makes me want to watch for all the queernes, as a fuck you to censorship.

Re: Fannibal, reporting for duty

[clevermanka]

NGL I'm pretty tickled that this is what got you back on DW.

Re: Fannibal, reporting for duty

[solo]

Hi there!! Thank you for this, I will definitely pass that on! I haven't actually seen Hannibal myself, it's just that from what my friend told me it seems to have a very different flavour to Guardian? So I wasn't sure.

I'm heading over to my email RIGHT NOW to share this with her!!!

Re: Fannibal, reporting for duty

[clevermanka]

Yay! Good luck bringing another into the fold!

Re: Fannibal, reporting for duty

[kazoogrrl]

It is Very Different than Guardian, but it hits that intense-bond-between-the-two-leads button. It's like catnip!

[teaotter]

At 19, I got involved with someone more than a decade older than me, and we're still together after 25 years; my other partner is almost ten years younger than me. The age thing isn't much of an issue.

I personally think that fandom is exactly the right place to have pants feelings that would make me uncomfortable in the real world.

[clevermanka]

These are very excellent points, thank you. And goodness, what a wonderful love story--25 years, yay! You must be very happy together. <3

[splix]

When I was in my very early twenties I was involved with a man who had to be in his late forties or early fifties, and it was fantastic. He was a kind, clever, and gentle person, and I will always remember him fondly.

When I was thirty or so I had a flingette with a guy who was twenty. That was almost unbearable. He was cute, but dumb as a stump. Not intellectually - emotionally and wrt maturity. The difference was staggering - the frontal lobe was definitely not connected yet. Oy.

[clevermanka]

I can always count on you to happily enable my id. xoxo

[kazoogrrl]

The friend thanks you!

I also like younger men, though for for women it is all over the place. Within an, oh, 15 year range I can desire them. More than that and I just want to hug and cuddle them, though depending on the person and their age I wouldn't necessarily turn someone down. Gotta be an adult, of course.

Somehow I ended up with a long term partner who is 3 months older than me.

[clevermanka]

I'm so happy you're here!

[kazoogrrl]

I'm happy to be here!

[saffronhare]

I think the random equation I heard somewhere was "half your age plus seven years" as being a not-creepy age difference, but really. Consent.

I find I enjoy floating along in the pants feelings as I watch my kiddo's dance classes and gigs. Lots of very fit young men who know how to...uh, move their hips. Also lots of women. It's great but I have to keep that shit to myself because most of them call me "mom." EGAD. Let's not go there.

Also, I am now up to episode 5 (?) or thereabouts in Guardian. The detective's boots-and-jacket aesthetic, combined with a very CKR way of moving, is super-gratifying.

[clevermanka]

Oh my god he DOES move like CKR, doesn't he??? I'll be here when you need me.