Friday Update

[clevermanka]

Hi! I'm having a slow breakdown! Ha ha! ughhhhhhhhhh

I mean...not really? And I guess I shouldn't joke about it? Because people actually having breakdowns isn't funny, and for the most part I 'm holding things together. Showering, feeding myself, getting shit done (mostly). But there's just so much going on with my life that I'm not prepared to talk about (for all my talk I'm ridiculously private about some stuff) and I thought/hoped things would get easier but they're not easier. Well, some parts are easier, but others keep getting harder and sadder. I'm ten seconds and a hangnail away from crying at any given moment and I'm Just So God Damn Tired of it. It's slowing Ghost Story's progress which pisses me off (how dare emotions take such a toll on my writing) but it's not like I can force my brain to put down words that aren't there. Visual art is easier, so thank you to everyone who wanted a card (or tea canister). I'm working on those over the next few days and should get them in the mail next Thursday.

This week's pity party brought to you by the letters I Still Don't Have A Vibrator and This Photo Showing Up On My FB Timeline. That's me at my final bellydance performance, back in June 2014 (no idea why it showed on up FB now, other than to poke another hole in me). I didn't know at the time it would be my swan song, which--thank dogs, that would've been horrible. It might've been one of my best performances (yay?), and that moment in the picture was so fuckin' hot, y'all. I started the song with zills and during the instrumental bridge, the lead singer (I was friends with the band) ran her hands over my sides and up my arms to pull them off so I could finish the song with circular veil. Supposedly there was video of the whole night (we had six dancers, each performing two songs with the band), but I asked twice for a copy and never got one, so... *shrug* It felt good, so I can only assume it looked good.

Anyway. Lack of dance isn't the only thing I'm missing, but the sense memory of that night hit me with a sad bat and...here we are.

Last night I was the guest presenter at mckitterick 's class on SF and popular media because the week's topic was Fandom and Fanworks and he's in China. So, you know, convenient. khellekson , I'm sure you did a much better job last year at this session than I did (don't be modest, I've seen at least one of your presentations), but I had a great time giving a Philosophy Major Gatekeeping Dude a hard time for two and a half goddamn hours. Yes, this is me, taking my petty little victories where I can. Even (especially?) when they involve smacking down 20-year-old white dudes with a vastly over-inflated sense of importance.

I would be such a terrible teacher. =D

Jesus Fucking Christ I just tried to insert a cut and lost half the god damn post. Let's see what I remember, and if I can still be funny about it.

Watched episode 32(? I think?) of The Untamed this morning and talk about The World's Worst Game of Marco Polo Ever. Also, Chinese actors have the market cornered on crying beautifully on cue. They've also mastered that lingering tear resting on the bottom lashes that eventually spills over and never fails to wreck me.

Got 60% Hero 40% Villain the first time I took this Buzzfeed quiz, then changed one answer that shifted the result to 25% Hero, 75% Villain. Welp. *emoji shrug* One of my taglines is The Devil You Know...

Guardian art seen on Twitter.
Bunnies omg this is cute
Stuff from July (but I love that kiss in the lab so much)
Lollipop kiss

Ok, well, not only not as funny but also missing a few things that I forgot in my irritation. Par for the course right now.

Comments

[naye]

I'm sorry about all the things! Ugh. And then the cut and losing your text on top of that...!

A tip when that happens is to check if your post is still in the HTML view - I've had this happen a couple of times and there's usually some odd bit of code somewhere hiding content in the final post but it's still there. Though sometimes things just go away because life needs more microaggressions from technology I guess?

*hugs*

but I had a great time giving a Philosophy Major Gatekeeping Dude a hard time for two and a half goddamn hours
This sounds glorious! Do you have more details? :D

And yes - you do look fabulous in that belly dancing photo.

Today Zhu Yilong ate hotpot on livestream for his fans for nearly an hour and it was adorable and there's a video with subs here if you want to experience it for yourself. (An amazing experience. There were 13.5 million people watching this awkward muffin eat his favorite food wondering if he was being boring and apologizing for how weird it was to have him all alone.)

[clevermanka]

Yeah, I looked at the HMTL and it was all just gone.


PHILOSOPHY DUDE oh jesus. I'm such a fuckin' hypocrite bc I talk a big talk against judging people, but I stereotype them all the time and this guy walks in wearing a fake-aged Batman hoodie and I was just like "oh you're gonna be fun" and I was not wrong (I am rarely wrong, alas). He was so stupidly, pointlessly, anti-transformative work. The reason he kept bringing up (repeatedly) was he's writing a philosophical treatise (because of fucking course he is) and plans to write a novel based on it (again, of course). And the reason he doesn't like the idea of fanfic is because someone might take His Precious Novel with His Precious Politics and "twist it into something he didn't intend." HE REFERENCED AYN RAND. And he kept coming back to it! Like "it would upset me if someone did something with my characters that I didn't like" over and over, inserting this (terrifically boring, weak) point into various topics people were discussing. Finally, I interrupted him (bad me, I know, I didn't care) and said "Why do you care so much?" And he replied (I'm not even shitting you) "I'm a philosophy major. I care about everything." And I was all There It Is There's My Distraction and I smiled real big and said "Who all watches The Good Place?" Three hands went up (sadly only three) but they all laughed and he looked resentful daggers at me the rest of the evening.

you do look fabulous in that belly dancing photo
Thank you. Days of wine and roses.

I am absolutely going to watch that hotpot video at some point. Probably the whole thing eventually, but it's gonna have to be in small pieces bc I hit the 33rd second and had A Moment. THAT SMILE.

[naye]

Yeah, I looked at the HMTL and it was all just gone.
Wow, you are cursed.

CURSED.

HE REFERENCED AYN RAND.
OH NO.

Really that's all you needed to say but the rest of it is...dear lord. I'm glad you managed to be all civil in your smackdown because I would have been tempted to go for the actual smacking.

I am absolutely going to watch that hotpot video at some point. Probably the whole thing eventually, but it's gonna have to be in small pieces bc I hit the 33rd second and had A Moment. THAT SMILE.
So many moments. SO many. He is so incredibly hapless? And he just. Oh. No. (The first bite he takes is too hot so he does that little "ah!" puff you do when you've put something too hot in your mouth and. Yeah. ndfmfghjsgdlfjksdlfk)

[clevermanka]

The civility was 100% motivated by the fact that I didn't want to piss him off enough to take it out on McKitterick in his end of semester evaluation.

The first bite he takes is too hot so he does that little "ah!" puff you do when you've put something too hot in your mouth and. Yeah.
oh god oh god oh god

[clevermanka]

Re: Philosophy Dude, I am Roko (the purple one) in the last frame of this Questionable Content comic.

[trobadora]

OMG,thank you so much for the livestream link. I'd forgotten that was happening. Now where do I find an hour just to watch Zhu Yilong eat hotpot?! Because I'm totally going to have to.

[clevermanka]

I'm about halfway through and oh my god look at my life look at my choices

[clevermanka]

Oh my god he looks so offended at the flash photograph--both times! Like "I am trying to have an Intimate Moment with my umpty bajillion fans, DO YOU MIND?"

ETA: How is he so beautiful and so simple? *weeps*

[moodsong]

If you want to dump out stuff over email to me, I'm good with that. I may or may not be able to comment/answer much, but work is becoming less bonkers (hopefully) so I will become increasingly more available.

[clevermanka]

Thank you. I might? Writing it all out seems exhausting, too. But I'll definitely keep that in mind. xoxo

[extrapenguin]

Oof, RL sucking is so terrible! I hope it at least starts getting better soon.

how dare emotions take such a toll on my writing
IKR? This is such a mood. "Emotions, go awaaay, I need to write!!!" and then they never cooperate.

[clevermanka]

[trobadora]

ALL THE HUGS. <3

I had a great time giving a Philosophy Major Gatekeeping Dude a hard time for two and a half goddamn hours

Go, you! :D

(The lab kiss is fantastic and my favourite, but I also love the b&w one.)

[clevermanka]

[islenskr]

YES! Smack those white 20-something dudes RIGHT DOWN. You're making the world a much better place!

[clevermanka]

[winter_blossom]

Awww, so sorry about the rough week! Hope next week will be easier!

That quiz was fun! I got 50-50, which is exactly how I see myself, so, cool.

I dunno why some writers/directors are so opposed to fan works, tbh. Doesn't it generally increase the popularity of their works? I mean, there are plenty of series (especially western ones) I didn't even know existed until I saw fic/art/vids for them. People are smart enough to know that fanon and canon are sometimes polar opposites, so. And at any rate, nobody can control the internet XD

Ooh, but the kiss in the lab! Sooo pretty! All the art pieces in that set are super nice, actually. (Though where did that baby come from, haha)

[clevermanka]

I dunno why some writers/directors are so opposed to fan works
I think in a lot of cases, it's a nasty combo of insecurity and control issues. I'd feel sorry for them but I don't.

I'm pretending that's Guo Changcheng's nephew or something.

[kazoogrrl]

I've been frozen with sex toy indecision since your post. I need to get off my ass and order something.

Thank you for treating the philosophy tool exactly as he deserved.

I have eaten a bunch of hot pot the last few weeks. Now I'm going to pretend it was with him.

[clevermanka]

I'm half an hour into it (oh god what have I become)

[umadoshi]

Aargh, I'm sorry things are so frustrating and difficult! >.<

*hugs* I'm glad you checked in with the quiet joy of the Zhu Yilong hotpot video. I've only seen about half of it so far, but it's so soothing. (And educational about hotpot!)

[clevermanka]

Thanks, bb.

I couldn't watch the whole hotpot video. My cute aggression was warring too violently with everything else and I had to direct that energy elsewhere for a little while. But, uh, I'll definitely finish it tomorrow against all reason and understanding.

[the_lucky_nun]

I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed. *hugs*

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that SF class smackdown. Dealing with gatekeeping snots was the worst part of that class. You're more of a badass that you might feel like right now.

[clevermanka]

Aw, thanks, bb. At least I always feel like a little bit of a badass, just due to my nature. Just sometimes I'm a really worn-down badass. (and someday maybe we will box again)

[khellekson]

YES YOU GO GIRL, talking to the students! I showed fan vids. So there's that. I still remember misidentifying a fan art Sherlock image and GIRL CALL ME ON MY SHIT.

[clevermanka]

I didn't even think to show a vid! Ah, well.

Did you have any (philosophy major or no) dudebros in your section?

[khellekson]

In my years teaching SF, I had to swat down SO MANY dudebros. My philosophy is, annihilate them while looking earnest, then smirk after class. Also, if I hear one more "OMG ENDER'S GAME is the best SF ever!" paean, I shall shoot someone. Although maybe that's not a problem these days?

[clevermanka]

Thankfully, no, it is not.