Saturday

[clevermanka]

Guardian/adjacent
Can't believe bts shot isn't a manip.
Oh god my feels. MY FEELS. (spoilers for To Dear Myself I guess?)
How many times did I thank Madame Figaro this week?
College AU visual inspiration.
Arranged Marriage AU (this might count as fanart)
Omg Z1Y, what even are you (awkward moment preserved in gif format)
Fanart: Pretty Yunlan. Forehead touch. Innocent Professor.

Just a heads-up (not an apology because I am doing my best 😅)  to those I promised cards. I sent a few, but then fell into an emotional pit. I hope to get back to those soon. 🤞

I'm grappling with the fact that I kinda expected to do better than this when the apocalypse arrived. I spent my entire Cold War childhood psychologically preparing for this (whether I realized it then or not). But now that it has arrived, I can barely keep myself alive. On the one hand, I've kind of been through it the past few years (mounting health problems, then last year losing my job as well as my long-term relationship, and now everything 2020's bringing) but on the other hand I want to slap myself around like Edna Mode would. Pull! Yourself! Together!

I just... can't seem to? Pull myself together, that is. I need a change, but I'm afraid to put too much hope in the job possibility. I'm certainly not putting any hope in the election (although I am so incredibly grateful for those who can and do--thank you thank you WE NEED YOU). Right now I'm keeping myself alive and that's gotta do for now I guess. Thank you all so much for helping with that. There are days when literally the only thing keeping me going is knowing I gotta post the next chapter of Deconstruction.

This fandom has literally saved my life. Bless you all.

Comments

[goss]

Thank goodness for Fandom. Seriously. *hugs you*

Can't believe bts shot isn't a manip.

<33333333333

[clevermanka]

❤❤❤

Hey, quick question bb, do you have recommendations for online sources for Indian spices that aren't Amazon? I'm specifically looking for deggi mirch.

[goss]

Ha! I was just looking for chili powder for a recipe and noticing that we have nothing like that in the kitchen, and asking myself where I could get some.

We have a ton of various powdered curries in the cupboard, but red chili is not a spice we use too often in local cooking. For the red-looking Indian dishes, we often just buy the pre-mixed packages from the grocery. :b Sorry I couldn't be of more help. :/

[clevermanka]

That's okay! It shouldn't be hard to find--I'm just spoiled from being able to drive to the nearby big city for specialty groceries and now I don't even know which of the international grocery stores there are open.

[elayna]

I’m rather up and down in my ability to pull myself and keep myself together too, I understand and sympathize. {{{hugs}}}

[clevermanka]

Way too many of us in this boat and it's not the reality I want.

[clevermanka]

OH! I keep forgetting to follow up on this. I messaged you about your address--I can't find it, which makes no sense bc I'm sure it was in my DW inbox and I never delete anything from there so... ???? But if you would please resend it, I have a card ready for you.

[trobadora]

All the hugs!

Fandom really is a life saver sometimes.

[clevermanka]

SUCH a life saver.

[minoanmiss]

Times are hard. Some days all we can do is get through. Some months, some years...

*hugs you warmly*

[clevermanka]

It's the YEARS in a ROW that's really doing a number, you know? 😂

[naye]

So thankful for fandom, and for you. ♥ (And for that one HQ bts shot which is giving me TOO MANY FEELINGS.)

[clevermanka]

Thank you, bb, and yes. So! Many! Feelings!

[nnozomi]

I think it's easier to be braced for the apocalypse as, like, a sudden devastating event, but not so much for the long-term slow tiring day-to-day? And we're all getting so tired. It's good at least to have one another around here as companions in misfortune *hugs*
(Also that To Dear Myself excerpt, oh dear. *sniffle*)

[clevermanka]

See, though, I was braced for it! I thought I was mentally prepared for the long, drawn-out battle. I saw the 1984 Red Dawn when it played in theaters. I read 1984 the year prior (Cold War kids, man...no wonder GenX is so weird). I knew surviving a revolution/apocalypse would be a nasty, long slog for those who survived the initial event.

I just...didn't expect I'd be disabled, unemployed, single, and isolated. 😅

[umadoshi]

I'm grappling with the fact that I kinda expected to do better than this when the apocalypse arrived.

I feel like there were multiple types of potential apocalypses that we were sorta primed for, and none of them were like this, where it's slow and relentless and there's so little to be done to help for most of us, other than trying to keep it together and not spread the virus.

*fierce hug*

[clevermanka]

Maybe? (see my comment to nnozomi, above)

there's so little to be done
THIS. This is what's killing me. Somewhat literally, I fear. Survival as a goal has never been a strong priority for me, but now that's kinda all I've got and it sucksssssssssssssssss. I feel so helpless, both on a macro and micro level.

[no_detective]

i feel you with every fiber of my being (which woke up at 3pm today, oy). virtual hugs and commiserations and love to you, friend.

(uhhhh i was not gonna watch to dear myself bc it's not my thing at all, but - LOOK AT HIM OMG *sobs into hands*)

[clevermanka]

Unwanted, too-early wake-ups are SUCH a drag. Ugh and condolences.

If To Dear Myself has a happy-romantic ending, it will be 100% my thing. Dogs help me I love an angst-fest with emotionally damaged people who get a happily ever after with their sweetie.

[tinny]

Aaah, crying Z1L! Yes! <3

The second clip doesn't actually look like it's from To Dear Myself... hm. He looks thinner. But who knows, maybe he lost weight for that role as well? I don't even want to know. /o\

The arranged marriage manips are hilarious. :D


This fandom has literally saved my life. Bless you all.

It's a good thing that fandoms can save lives. <3 They absolutely can. <3

[clevermanka]

I recently started following the person who did the arranged marriage AU manips. So far we seem to have similar tastes and senses of humor!

[wrote_and_writ]

I know we think we can prepare for an apocalypse, but it’s not a movie. We can’t literally go out and fight things. I used to think I could prepare and like survive via gardens and secluded cabins a la Z for Zachariah, but when it’s so mundane as well as horrible, when you still have to go to work and cook and all that, it’s surprisingly hard to keep on, so the fact that you ARE is incredible.

Also I hate ZYL for being so pretty when he cries. I hate anyone who is pretty when they cry. I am so snotty and gross.

[clevermanka]

You're an inspiration, yourself, bb. ❤

Also I don't think anyone looks like that when they actually cry. I love the scene with Jin Ling where he ugly cries. It's uncomfortable to watch him and I think that's an impressive acting/directorial choice.

[kazoogrrl]

. . . but when it’s so mundane as well as horrible, when you still have to go to work and cook and all that,

Seconding this part. So I have to live through these trying times and still go into my crappy job and deal with my boss and pay my bills and so on? If so, I'm grabbing onto every little bit of comfort I can.