🧡😭🧡

[clevermanka]

I've mentioned numerous times how Guardian fandom saved my life and sanity over the past two years, and friends, it continues to do so.

Not participating in the Sundial exchange was really, really hard for me. I wanted to so much (so, so much), but I knew I wasn't up for it and anything I might produce wouldn't be up to my own (self-determined, I acknowledge) standards. So it's been rough watching everyone revel in the reveals. I get a horrible stab of grief every time I see it mentioned. I'm half a step from muting/blocking the tag on Twitter (tbh the only reason I haven't is I don't know how and I refuse to look up how for this, of all things). Tag is now blocked. Yay?

It's a ridiculous emotional response, but emotions are the worst, as we all know. It's particularly awful when paired with my still-continuing inability to muster the energy/enthusiasm/brain function to create anything.

So when this showed up in my mailbox this morning, it was such a lovely gift for so many reasons.


Thank you, Guardian family, for reminding me I'm still a welcome member of this fandom even when I'm so low and stagnant. Y'all are the best.

To my mysterious benefactor, you may remain anonymous if you wish or claim your thanks and internet hugs by dropping me a note or comment.

Comments

[yantantether]

What a wonderful present!!

And I'm so sorry you're feeling like that about Sundial. Also, I do recommend just muting *anything* on twitter that's making you feel uncomfortable - I use the mute function like it's going out of fashion.

[clevermanka]

A wonderful present, and such perfect timing!

Also, I finally figured out why I've been unable to figure out how to mute things. You gotta do it from the phone app? Or at least I had to? I tried to do the exact same steps on the desktop version as well as Tweetdeck with no luck but got it right away on the phone. So... at least there's that. I muted the tag and the account for 30 days.

It still feels ridiculous, but eh. Sometimes self care sucks.

[yantantether]

I've never tried from tweetdeck, but on the desktop version, for me it's in Settings/Privacy and Safety. Also, I haven't been tagging *any* of my 10,0000 tweets about it, but I will from now. ❤

[clevermanka]

Thank you, bb. 😙

[undeadrobins]

I understand the need to mute something for those reasons.

If you need me to talk you through muting words, give me a call on Signal ♥

[clevermanka]

I finally figured it out! I don't know why I had to do it through my phone instead of the desktop app, but I think I've got it, now. Thank you. 🧡

[undeadrobins]

I hope it helps *hugs*

[laireshi]

*giant hugs* I've been in a very similar situation regarding an exchange many years ago and it sucks and I'm really sorry you're going through it. Mute as you need to and keep yourself safe and comfortable in your fandom spaces <3

[clevermanka]

Sucks you went through something similar. Thank you for the sympathy. 🧡

[naye]

That is so gorgeous! Wow! ♥

And wow, do I feel you on the exchange thing. Been there with not being able to participate and it is not great. MUTE AHEAD. It's what Twitter is for! (Reading the stuff you want to read, I mean.) The muting is in completely different places in the desktop and app and I always have to spend several minutes locating it, but: worth it. I have a mute list a mile long, and add to it all the time.

[clevermanka]

It is not great, naye! At least I have eight pages of Marked for Later to wade through without even looking at Sundial stuff. I should feel better by the time I get through that in, like, April... right? 😂🤞

[naye]

Yes, it's my firm belief you WILL feel better in April. For sure. And the Marked for Later will hopefully help get you there! ♥

[goss]

I mute other people's squee all the time! LOL. That's the lovely thing about (our corner at least) fandom - its infinite capacity for non-jugdgemental understanding. Sometimes other people's ups can send us plunging even further down. *hugs you*

Oh man, that necklace is so pretty, and now we can be twins! ♥

Also, I thought I'd mention that I'm looking for help sourcing some Guardian images of the boys' weapons. If you have any saved, I'd be glad if you could share them with me.

[clevermanka]

It's a relief to hear how many other people deal with this. I mean, it sucks--don't get me wrong--but it's reassuring to know that others are also sometimes brought low by others' squee. *hugs*

I'll dig through my screenshots and send you what I have!

[redheadfae]

Awww, that's a lovely piece!

[clevermanka]

It's a reproduction of Shen Wei's necklace (in case you haven't seen enough of the show). The Necklace of Pining 😂

[redheadfae]

I hadn't seen it :)
It has such a neat D&D look, love it!

[nnozomi]

Oh wow, that is gorgeous! A little piece of (slightly tear-inducing) sunlight. I have nothing else useful to say but I'm sending hugs.

[clevermanka]

"slightly tear-inducing sunlight" I love it. 😆

[minoanmiss]

Hooray for the person who sent you this beauty, and for you the recipient! Maybe I will draw a Minoan lady with a drop of sunlight at her throat. :D

Oh I nearly forgot -- would you like fridge magnets of up to three favorite images? I've been meaning to ask you. PM me the urls!

[clevermanka]

Thank you, bb, but I have SO MANY MAGNETS (from bunches of people) at this point! My fridge is full!

[minoanmiss]

ahahah that makes sense. :)

[wrote_and_writ]

*hugs*

[clevermanka]

*hugs back*

[amara1783]

*hugs hugs hugs*

I didn't sign up for it this year either, and didn't write any treats which I would hoped I would be able to. But the creative tide is out at the moment 🤷🏻‍♀️ Grieving over that isn't a ridiculous emotional response. We're living through some extraordinarily difficult times on top of all the individual level stuff we're all dealing with. It's rough. Of course it's having an impact, even though it's annoying and inconvenient.

*extra hugs*

[clevermanka]

It sucks that you're in such a dry spell, too. *sad solidarity hugs*

[khellekson]

So. gorgeous!

[clevermanka]

🧡fandom🧡

[tinny]

I'm still a welcome member of this fandom even when I'm so low and stagnant.

You are! Of course you are! <3

I cannot write against a deadline for the life of me, because that is the most stressful thing imaginable for me. So I didn't.

Knowing that you wouldn't be able to do it is a good thing.

Belonging to a fandom isn't only about writing. Or creating. It's also about sharing and squeeing and enjoying the sense of family. And you do lots of that. <3

[clevermanka]

*blows kisses*