clevermanka (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clevermanka) wrote2006-07-17 01:42 pm
clevermanka) wrote2006-07-17 01:42 pm
Entry tags:
Emotional ugh
I don't know what is wrong with me, but I'm in a massively depressed state of mind right now. It sucks. Big time. The weekend was an odd mixture of accomplishment and malaise.
Friday I was feeling pretty good about the St. Louis workshop decision. I went to work on my solo in the dance studio and fell while doing the revised ending. Fell hard. My left knee is still dark and tender. It would be purple and swollen if not for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
adammaker's miraculous Green Oil. I kept it on as a poultice the entire weekend and thanks to the Green Oil it never went to a dark purple bruise. I'm hoping it will at least be yellow by this weekend. So, scratch that ending. I'm working on an alternate to my alternate now. Friday night was ...eh... I was very lonely.
Saturday I got lots of stuff done and felt really good about finishing the belt (even though it came out about an inch too big). It looks great. And with the bra? Damn. Excellent design. I was pleased. Saturday night I got one of the best nights of sleep I've had in weeks.
Sunday, though, was really awful. I had a day of lethargy planned, but it didn't turn out like I wanted. My troupe leader called and was panicked that since I'm going to the Suhaila workshop instead of dancing at the Fringe Festival she didn't have enough people--she'd barely had enough to cover *with* me doing it. Of course I didn't realize how close to the wire she was on this and it kind of pisses me off that she knew she would be running it close on dancers but chose to do it anyway. I understand she wants the exposure, but ... anyway. So I felt bad about that. Then I finished altering the costume's chiffon skirt and put the whole thing on. And I just looked (to me) gross. Horribly puffy and fat and UGH. So I made some lunch and settled down with Brad Denton's Laughin' Boy. While it's very well written, it was not what I needed to be reading at that point because it sunk me even deeper into my blah.
alt_tobia and I had a lovely conversation early in the evening, but soon after getting off the phone I was back to blue. And that continued all evening and well into the night. I was just so down. I broke down and bought myself a sweet treat, but it's true: There is no joy in eating alone. I didn't fall asleep until way late and I'm still not quite myself today.
I hope I snap out of this soon. Here's hoping yoga will help a little in pulling me out of this funk.
Friday I was feeling pretty good about the St. Louis workshop decision. I went to work on my solo in the dance studio and fell while doing the revised ending. Fell hard. My left knee is still dark and tender. It would be purple and swollen if not for
adammaker's miraculous Green Oil. I kept it on as a poultice the entire weekend and thanks to the Green Oil it never went to a dark purple bruise. I'm hoping it will at least be yellow by this weekend. So, scratch that ending. I'm working on an alternate to my alternate now. Friday night was ...eh... I was very lonely.Saturday I got lots of stuff done and felt really good about finishing the belt (even though it came out about an inch too big). It looks great. And with the bra? Damn. Excellent design. I was pleased. Saturday night I got one of the best nights of sleep I've had in weeks.
Sunday, though, was really awful. I had a day of lethargy planned, but it didn't turn out like I wanted. My troupe leader called and was panicked that since I'm going to the Suhaila workshop instead of dancing at the Fringe Festival she didn't have enough people--she'd barely had enough to cover *with* me doing it. Of course I didn't realize how close to the wire she was on this and it kind of pisses me off that she knew she would be running it close on dancers but chose to do it anyway. I understand she wants the exposure, but ... anyway. So I felt bad about that. Then I finished altering the costume's chiffon skirt and put the whole thing on. And I just looked (to me) gross. Horribly puffy and fat and UGH. So I made some lunch and settled down with Brad Denton's Laughin' Boy. While it's very well written, it was not what I needed to be reading at that point because it sunk me even deeper into my blah.
alt_tobia and I had a lovely conversation early in the evening, but soon after getting off the phone I was back to blue. And that continued all evening and well into the night. I was just so down. I broke down and bought myself a sweet treat, but it's true: There is no joy in eating alone. I didn't fall asleep until way late and I'm still not quite myself today.I hope I snap out of this soon. Here's hoping yoga will help a little in pulling me out of this funk.
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Laughin' Boy looks really interesting. When you're feeling less blah, give me more review!
Let Natalie and I know if we can do anything to help/break the malaise. Even if it's just getting together to be blah and bitchy and crampy in company.
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Brad Denton is a wonderful writer and a fabulous guy. I loved Buddy Holly is Alive and Well on Ganymede. Laughin' Boy had some similar concepts (people outside of society, the dangers of groupthink and religious fantaticism), but gods, Laughin' Boy was fucking bleak.
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Your troupe leader's mismanagement is not your responsibility. Remember, it is one of the main reasons you no longer want to deal with the troupe.
I spent a large amount of this weekend alone myself (including Friday night) which was both positive and negative...
May the world turn toward the positive soon for you.
D.
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Do not underestimate the power of an injury (even one that seems minor) to set one at odds.
Oh, and my period. I forgot to mention that, too. =b
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Yoga should help though. Just make sure you do it, even if you don't "feel like it".
D.
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yes, this is the Green Oil icon.
Let me know if you run low.
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blek!
I have a group of books that I must not read, unless I am already covered in joy. Sounds like Laughin' Boy is another.
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Pfeh! on the troupe leader! We knew she was like this, but does she have to be So Much like this?
The Trip to see Suhaila will be a wonderful thing for you, I can just feel it. Please take a camera, if you are allowed to do so.
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Miss you,
Adam
Re: yes, this is the Green Oil icon.
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:0)
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In agreements with
Also, you make me shirts. And shirts are good. I must be stylish.
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As soon as I have a mo' to breathe, I've got two more shirts waiting in the wings for you.
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Oh, you tease. Have I told you lately how much I love you?
:^)
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Re: yes, this is the Green Oil icon.
Green Oil is the bestest.
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