Transformed

[clevermanka]

Well, rats. I was looking forward to seeing Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox being hot together in the new Transformers movie. That's all I wanted. Hot young actors looking hot together. And some neat CGI effects. From the multiple reviews, it looks like we don't get even that small request granted in this sequel. Fox's character goes from "clever mechanic girl made of sex" to "needy whiner who cannot run without holding a man's hand". LaBeouf's character, moonily-in-love with Fox's character in the previous movie, cheats on her in the first thirty minutes.

Um. No.

And that's not the worst of it. Autobots set up as a racist stereotypes, complete with ghetto accents and a gold tooth? A mom who flips out after accidentally eating some weed? Oh, and a professor at Princeton who leers at a female student after she eats his apple that he dropped on the floor?

Oh. No.

All I wanted was some mindless fun, but it sounds like Revenge of the Fallen is just mindlessly offensive.

auroraceleste posted some links to reviews, and I'll share them here.

An LJ post from a woman who walked out of the movie.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Movie Review By Joe Lozito.

I'm posting this review even though it contains the five damning words "I'm not a feminist but..."

affreca posted these:

Roger Ebert's take. Unfortunately, his review of the first one isn't available for comparison. I wonder if he liked it better.

A reviewer at OregonLive.com who did like the first movie.

And here is my favorite review of them all, from someone I've never even heard of. I'll be reading his reviews more often.

Comments

[tinsoldier.livejournal.com]

First, excellent icon. It's very apropos.

Second... yeah, that's the conclusion I was coming to as well. The more that I hear about it the less interested I am. I've gone from, "maybe I'll just Netflix it," to "I'll wait for cable," to ,"maybe if I need something mindless to relieve the torture of my thesis or dissertation, and it happens to be on television, then I'll watch it."

Which is sort of sad, because I was kind of looking forward to it.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I was so looking forward to it! I missed seeing the first one in the theater and was pretty bummed about it.

*sigh*

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

I still haven't seen the first one. I don't think I'll be seeing this one at all.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

The first one was a lot of fun. There were only a couple times I cringed at the outrageous hokey-ness. Sounds like the sequel is nothing but a cringe-fest.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I was really looking forward to MOAR robotz in this one, which I thought was the primary failing of the first (still pretty decent). And then I realized that they've jacked up one of the primary features of Transformers, which is that they are in Bright Primary Colors so you can tell the bastards apart! Someone (MTV I think) said they couldn't even tell two of them apart while they were brawling, there were so many tiny mechanical whirring parts in gunmetal and grey. Blah.

Also, Megatron is a Fucking Gun, and has a Major Arm Cannon even when he isn't a Fucking Gun. Boo; one of my favorite bits of the original series was Megatron blasting Starscream's whiny ass into next week every other ep.

[solan-t.livejournal.com]

Oh god. I had missed it was Transformers: ROTF. It took that last critic to point it out to me.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I think Michael Bay missed the fact that it was supposed to be a Transformers movie, too. Sounds like he made something like Porky's: With Robots and Explosions! instead

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

LaBoeuf projects a pathetic, wall-eyed dorkhood, when he's not babbling like a tumor removed from Woody Allen's prostate that somehow achieved sentience.

I am dying of this last review. Oh, so many many wonderful lines to choose from. t will destabilize your limbic system, probably forever, and make you doubt the solidity of your surroundings.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I know! That review was sublime. Here is a link with all of his/her articles. (http://io9.com/people/charliejane/posts/)

[cmt2779.livejournal.com]

Wow. That sounds terrible. It sounds so much worse than I ever thought it could be.

That last review you linked to, though, is simply genius.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

so much worse than I ever thought it could be

That should've been the subtitle for the movie, I think.

See my response to everflame, above, for more from that author.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Is there any potential for salvage as a drinking game, or is it just too awful even for that?

<< iz bummed

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know. I just know that there's a line that, when crossed, things stop being funny, even for meta-mockery. I mean, there's Mel Brooks sexist (which I find funny, others might disagree):


and then there's this:

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

I guess we pick another family movie for Saturday. I had hoped it would end up being fun but the reviews are appalling.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Have you seen Up? I haven't yet, but I haven't heard anyone say a single bad thing about it.

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

That was our Father's day movie and we LOVED it. When you go, bring tissues :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Well, um, NPR gave The Hangover a good review.

SRSLY.

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

Wow. Would not have expected that.

I think dad'll be more into 'night at the museum' or 'imagine that'. He's gonna be bummed at 'transformers'. Heck, maybe we'll rent one - I haven't been to Blockbusters in so long I don't know where my card is anymore...

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I know! They did the review and I sat through it thinking "What? Wait, what?" When it was over, I walked out to the living room and said to mckitterick, "You're not going to believe this, but..."

On the NPR website (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105069695), the written review pans it, but their standard critic gives a different (positive) view in the audio clip.

[stuology.livejournal.com]

%*(#*(&$(*@*#DN@#*@*

:(

Dammit.

[stuology.livejournal.com]

However, last review: Best Ever

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I know. Very disappointing. At least we have the first one on Blu-ray to console us.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Damn it! He told us that Optimus Prime dies at the end? Well, why would I see it now? Thanks for the spoiler, Mr. Rocchi!!!

I especially liked this line: I can't shut my brain off and have fun, anymore than I could rip out my tongue and enjoy a meal. But maybe that's because I'm thinking about food all the time these days.

[jamer-31.livejournal.com]

go see the movie.... go see the movie... go see the movie... go see the movie. it is an incredible movie. really

the girls and i went to see it last night and would have seen it again the same night. im not sure that i watched the same movie some of those reviews "said" they watched. you will get everything you want out of this movie since you enjoyed the first movie.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, I think I won't go. I'm pretty sure our levels of what's acceptable regarding sexist and racist jokes are very very different.

[jamer-31.livejournal.com]

i do not see you as a person wanting to or trying to be offended for other people. if you liked the first movie i think you would like this one. but its ok no worries just thought you might like to know from our perspective its not what other people were writing about. cause i can flat out say some of what you heard or read is close... maybe but i doubt it.

[amjhawk.livejournal.com]

Hmm, that last review was so... passionate that I almost want to see it, despite all the other bad reviews.

Of course, my reason for seeing the first one was weird: Alex's report on it and its brazen product placement. Of course, Alex can put an interesting spin on almost any subject - luckily, I still enjoyed it.

Also, I was surprised that The Hangover got a good review from my friend Mike out here - who is one of the most discerning (read: hates almost everything) moviegoers I know.