Seasoning

[clevermanka]

While I don't always like the topics of conversation that come up on ModernPaleo, today she has a lovely little tutorial on seasoning a cast-iron skillet. I'll be doing this to mine (which has lost its seasoning somehow, and now stuff sticks to it) this winter. No way I am doing this when we've got heat indexes of 108F.

Also found on the internets today was one of the cutest LOLCATS entries evar. Click the photo to go to the larger version on the I Can Haz Cheezburger site.


*ded*

Yesterday I made a pact with miischelle to go grain-free for a week. For me, the actual going grain-free is sort of...normal life. But her post contained the phrase "I'm not going to buy it, order it, ask for it, and I'm going to try very hard not to stare at it longingly." It was the stare at it longingly I placed as my hurdle. Because I'm still craving that god-damned Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Keeping my brain and hands equally occupied helps me forget about food when I'm not hungry. So I pulled out the visual journal and made an entry about food cravings. As I was writing my feelings and thoughts, I realized something. I mean, I knew (in the back of my mind) but I hadn't ever acknowledged that I have an eating disorder/food addiction. News flash, right? But last night, I realized that whoa, this has been a life-long thing, and over the past couple years it's gotten worse (a lot worse). I'm going to do some research on dealing with food disorders and food addiction. If I don't find resources that work for me, I might look into some sort of one-on-one therapy or maybe even hypnotism. Some friends of mine used hypnotism with various levels of success (for smoking, panic attacks) and I've always thought it sounded cool--even regretted that I had nothing to use it for. Ha! Oh, silly girl-in-denial.

Edit: Okay, fuck all the internet information (I almost put that in quote marks because really it is no helpful information at all) on compulsive eating and food disorders. What a load of annoying crap! Jesus. If this is what it's like for alcoholics and drug addicts, I understand why people are loathe to enter treatment. "Distract yourself!" "Find God!" "Come to our meetings!" UGH. What a bunch of fucking annoying bullshit. This is supposed to help...how? I mean, is this approach seriously beneficial for some people? o_O

In a moment of serendipity, Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint Insider newsletter this week contained some terribly appropriate links. How To Break Bad Habits, How To Develop Good Habits, as well as Ten Baby Steps to Going Primal.

Also, this morning's email delivered to me Trainer Chris D's first workout. It starts...with jumping rope. *cringe* He said he'd be targeting all my weak areas right off the bat. We never even discussed jump rope, ever! How did he know?

Comments

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Jump rope? :runs screaming:

hahah food addict? yah, YOU. I know a hynotherapist in town, btw.
He's done really well with a couple of Jbirds co-workers on smoking.
He's an odd duck, but in that field, who wouldn't be?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Give me his information! Because seriously. All this bullshit I'm finding on the web is creeping me out. Or pissing me off. What a load of senseless, touchy-feeling crap. (see my edit)

Edit to comment: hahah food addict? yah, YOU. And you never brought this up in serious conversation with me...why? Seriously. Dude. =b

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Steve Griffith.
I'll get his contact info from Jbird, the guy also has a chemical co. that supplies the hospital HVAC. I think he's more of a practical approach, this is the guy who self-hypnotized for pain management when he was on a flight from Colorado with a ruptured appendix.

and the possible addiction...
To be honest, it wasn't as apparent when it was gut issues and health-related, but lately I've started thinking "maybe this is a little more overboard than just being fixated on changing her diet."

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Hm. I think we're coming at this from opposite sides. I don't think the Primal/Paleo is contributing to the disorder other than it's making the times that I binge even more obvious to me. What concerns me is looking at the past few years of obsessive instances (waaaaaay pre-dating the Primal thing) and seeing them increase in frequency and intensity.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Maybe so.. the main difference I see now is that you didn't used to write day after day of blogs about your food intake (or lack thereof). Or talk about how you were looking forward to that one Triscuit with cream cheese or whatever.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

If the food addition research comes to anything I'd love some info.
Also, Trainer Chris D is psychic. And empathic. He told me so last night. IN MY SLEEP!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

It came to nothing. Everything I found caused me to make this face (see icon). Total, total useless B.S.

I'll be contacting roya_spirit's hypnotherapy contact and will report on my findings.

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

My sister starts psychology work at the hospital in December, but she's got access to the medical library at her school. Perhaps I could pester her into looking some things up for us?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Hey, sure! I'll give something serious consideration as long as it doesn't involve me going to inspirational meetings or submitting to A Higher Power.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

If the food addition research comes to anything I'd love some info.

You might want to check out nataliesee's recent weigh-in (ar ar ar) on the issue, below.

[stuology.livejournal.com]

I mean, is this approach seriously beneficial for some people?

Yes, knowing people in AA and NA, I can say that it has drastically changed lives, even saved some.

And, even though I paused at the thought at first, I'd rather my sister be a Christian than be a stealing, lying meth addict.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That makes me feel better. It's good to know that it works for some (most?) people. Because otherwise...sheesh!

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

It's working again for Rand, thankfully. Because without that kind of support, well, you saw the results.
.. and he hasn't had to convert to anything, he's still in the same quasi-Pagan mindset.

[nataliesee.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking recently that the sort of things you describe and think about and do resonate very strongly with the sort of single-minded focus I had when I was at my most anorexic. I held on to rigid structures and ideas and I was relentless about it, so when you say things like keep your hands and mind busy to keep from eating, it rings a very large, very loud bell for me.

You're probably aware, but anorexia is about 80% OCD and will power. And when I say OCD and structure, I mean, I counted my steps when I went running. O_O My days were structured down to the minute to keep myself from eating, but I was ALWAYS thinking about the food I would be eating and as soon as the clock hit whatever time it was I'd decided on, I sat down and made that cup of yogurt last an hour. It was all about holding out and then tricking myself into feeling like I'd had a very satisfying meal, when I was busy starving myself. I journaled every single day because I had a time period that was designated as journal time and it kept me occupied until bath time, which kept me occupied until my nightly apple, which kept me occupied until reading and bed.

I'm not saying that you're anorexic, but I am saying that checking into the psychological aspects of eating disorders isn't a bad idea. These patterns were exceedingly difficult to break and I still struggle with them, but I'm obviously much more successful about managing them these days. And I did end up working with a dietitian and a psychologist in order to unpack some of that. Having my depth psychologist mother and fearlessly forthright girlfriend didn't hurt. ;)

I think that you can be aware of what you're putting into your body without being obsessive about it, which at this point, you are. I know you have very good reasons for focusing on it, but it's really not a bad idea to consider just how much of your focus has shifted. I try not to count anything anymore because knowing numbers (weight and calories esp) tends to push me back into that space of needing to know ALL the numbers. Even knowing my waist measurement is tough some days. But the best way for me to let go of that rigid obsessiveness, was really just to let go. Easier said than done and not for everyone, it was just my experience.

Those are just my thoughts. Take them or leave them, of course.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

checking into the psychological aspects of eating disorders isn't a bad idea

It is, I think, a very good idea. Do you have book or article recommendations? Knowing more about the whys and whats helps a lot with figuring out how to Get Over It.

No, I'm not anorexic, but I'm pretty definitely a compulsive eater. I just never thought about how serious an issue it is. For me.

In response to your concerns about using distraction as a coping mechanism: What do you think are the dangers when I'm using this to stop eating when I'm not hungry? Keeping in mind, I'm honest with myself about when I'm hungry and when I want to eat for other reasons. I'm talking the "I just ate a quarter slab of ribs and a tossed salad but damn I want doughnuts still" eating issues.

[nataliesee.livejournal.com]

I don't have any articles or books, unfortunately. Maybe I did at the time, but I just don't remember.

I think the danger of coping mechanisms is that they're just that, coping mechanisms. The motivation behind them is still food, so I only worry that the majority of your actions become driven by trying not to eat.

That said, I don't really have experience with the exact thing you're talking about. My impulses were all about avoiding all food and controlling all intake in a ridiculous way.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I think the danger of coping mechanisms is that they're just that, coping mechanisms.

True. But at the moment, working in my journal or sewing a new skirt seems better than burying my face in a bag of gem doughnuts, horse feed-bag style.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

With reference to the above comments, I certainly don't think you post about food with some obsessive level of focus, considering, well, getting in shape is one of your focuses. So, I don't see your posts as obsessive or absorbed any more than I see adammaker's posts about food or exercise as obsessive (or anyone else who is on the same path to the same sort of goals). If your current "to do" was your relationship, I'd expect the majority of your posting to be about Chris; when the kitteh is actively sick, I don't think "good lord, do people actually spend this much time thinking about their pets" if you post about that more frequently than anything else... etc.

If ya dig me.

However, I don't have any judgement atm about whether you are otherwise having a food issue (in terms of self-sabotage or anything like that). I know I *don't* think it abnormal to crave doughnuts when breaking a carb addiction if doughnuts are your thing! :)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I totally dig. Totally!

Your comment about not thinking it strange to obsess over doughnuts if that's my addiction makes total sense. It's just that the fact that I even have an addiction is sort of news to me. HA!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

Oh, well, hey, welcome to reality! ;)

But, for what it's worth, you should make note to yourself that it's not like you are craving OMG ALL UNHEALTHY FOOD NOTHING BUT UNHEALTHY FOOD GIVE IT TO ME NOW! You aren't of a mind set of "it's unhealthy, i'm eating it whether I like it or not or particularly want it or not", at least as far as I ever see. So, I don't see an issue of the self-destructive (it is bad therefore i will eat it!) nature or a lack of control issue (don't particularly *want* french fries but they are carbs so give them here!). I see you 'obsessing' over particular foods that taste really good to you.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I see you 'obsessing' over particular foods that taste really good to you.

MmHmmm. And foods that have good emotional connections.

It's interesting that I got over thinking soda tasted good (I can't even swallow a mouthful of cola anymore, although ginger ale is still tasty once in a while), and all commercial ice creams taste just dreadful now. The smell of packaged cookies makes my nose wrinkle, and even pizza didn't taste good when I tried it a couple weeks ago.

But Jesus H., those damn doughnuts. Not just any doughnuts, either. Gotta be a particular kind. They don't have any fewer chemicals than the cookies, and many more than the pizza. So what is going on here? Why do those still taste good? A very interesting and as-yet unanswered question.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Um... if you find any actually good resources for combatting food addiction and compulsive eating, please let met know. I had a similar revelation on Monday night. I will also begin research.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Ooo. We should talk. Great minds think alike!

Web research has sucked ass. Best of luck to you on that.

I'm going to try the psychoanalyst/psychologist route after I look into what's covered by my insurance. I'll certainly let you know what I find.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Please do! I am open to all options.

[bestill.livejournal.com]

I started to read the comments and then when I saw there were 51 or something, I felt overwhelmed. Maybe because I'm on a pain pill from a migraine/neck pain today. Anywho, I digress.

I'm glad that you are using visual journaling for this! YAY.