Every ambition is doomed to frustration

[clevermanka]

Honesty Time!

I am freaking out about Pat's benefit on Saturday. The costume is coming together so slowly that I'm unsure if it will be finished in time--and even if it is, it looks so sparse and boring that I'm not sure I'll keep it long enough for it to even bother finishing. Maybe it'll look better once I get the fringe on, I don't know. And I'm woefully, woefully underprepared to actually, you know, perform. I did some combos that I'd thought about for Desperate Guys (one of the songs I'm doing) for mckitterick and he said he thought it looked fine, but JFC, you guys, it really looked like shit.

I am so so so unhappy and stressed out about this. Want wine. Nngggggngng.

The fact that I swelled up hugely after lunch today (I have no idea) is not helping me achieve a calm mental state. I'm swollen so bad that I had to unbutton my vest. Not just loosen the back tie, no, no. I had to unbutton the whole damn thing and just leave it hanging open. Thank god I wore a skirt today.

In an effort to avoid purchasing The Boots from Amazon, I ordered these lovely things from Endless. But when they arrived, I discovered that the laces were a big fat lie and aren't functional because there's a stupid zipper underneath them. The fuck. So those are going back. Have I already talked about this? I don't even know anymore.

I saw this on the F-book 1970s bellydance group I read:

Dance like you have health insurance,
Love like you have a right to privacy, and
Work like your tax money won’t be spent on war and corporate welfare.

Comments

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

Um hugs?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I'll take 'em, thanks.

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

Okay, here's some maybe-not-helpful-but-still-radical-honesty. When you dance, I wouldn't have a clue if you used the exact same movements as you did the time before. The reason? When you get up there, my mind just goes blank, my jaw drops, and all that travels through my mind is a circling train of "OMG, she's HOT" and "OMG, look at how she MOVES." (and then there are little snippets of "OMG, she's coming THIS WAY!!11!" when you get near.)

There's not a chance in hell that I'm alone in this thought camp, srsly. I say this with the hopes that maybe it'll give you that little push needed to throw any sort of need for predetermined choreography out the window, and/or use choreography you follow for another routine.

(Disclaimer: I'm fully aware that the REASON I have the reaction I do is because you're so good, and that having choreography is part of that, so maybe this comment isn't helpful at all.)

But maybe (just maybe), it'll let you know that it's okay to cut yourself some slack right now. :) Seriously, you could get up there and do the Worm or even the freaking ROBOT (lolz) and I'd still go all fangirl over you and wave dollars in the air.

Trufax, yo.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

This comment made me honest to god laugh out loud. For real. Thank you.

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

It just hit me...maybe if you DO develop a new routine, you could add in some robot moves, just for fun, to see if anyone notices.

That, or the Carlton dance from Fresh Prince. ;D

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

All snickering aside, dude could move. I mean damn. Nobody moves that goofily well unless he can really dance.

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

Agreed! Now I'm all missing that show something fierce, heh.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

That seriously made my effing day.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Ha! YAY!

[tessagratton.livejournal.com]

If everybody danced like that, the world would be a happier place.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I agree.

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

WELL DONE!

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

ABSOLUTELY! CR, your sexay comes from your beaming charisma and years of experience and mad skillz the unique and lovely way you move. You could just improvise the whole thing and everyone would come away happy.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you. <3

Yes, charisma goes a long way, but I haven't performed to music in over a year. It's a completely different skill set than wiggling for tips to live drummers at Smoker.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

^^Srsly, I think most people will have this response. Yes, yes.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweets. I certainly hope so! And with luck, there will be Very Few Other Dancers in the audience.

have a cute

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

Re: have a cute

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the empathy and understanding. I'm sure you know exactly what this feels like. sigh

Re: have a cute

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

One of my dance tops (that I was going to wear this Saturday because I always wear it for that piece) just disintegrated in the wash, so YES ACTUALLY! I'm having a very similar problem!

Re: have a cute

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

*sympathy solidarity*

What piece is it?

Re: have a cute

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

this one:
http://www.mariedemars.com/gallerypics/epicbattle.jpg

Re: have a cute

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh No! That top is (was?) beautiful. D=

Re: have a cute

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

The "cups" are still ok - really it was just the velvet straps that disintegrated....so it can be fixed.
But it's not gonna happen any time soon...

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

''

I think your other friends have said it so well, all I can add is *fierce hug* and this:

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Mal gif <3.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Want wine. Nngggggngng.

I FEEL YOU. OMG. (My wine-want gnashing is mostly work-related, but also WINE. SBJ.)

I hate shoe disappointment, and I hate the kind of stress that comes with being unprepared. Is there any way you could take tomorrow off from work? Would it help any if you did?

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I could take off work tomorrow, yes. But I'm not going to. I refuse to burn precious vacation time due to my own lack of preparation. I did bring the belt to the office to work on during my lunch hour, though!

If Sweet Baby Jesus loved me, he would turn this hot lemon water to wine for me.

Sometimes I wonder if I have A Problem because I miss wine so much during a Whole30. But I can go for a week or more without drinking when I'm not on a Whole30, so I think it's more an issue of knowing I can't.

Human brains are stupid.

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

I refuse to burn precious vacation time due to my own lack of preparation.

I feel like I should have known that. Now that I pause to consider it, I would do (and have done) the same.

Human brains are stupid.

Yes they are! I had a dream last night that I ate a piece of yellow cake with green buttercream frosting, and a very, very LARGE bag of tater tots.

Now, here's the thing. I don't even really love EITHER of those foods. TATER TOTS???? Why didn't I dream about Baskin-Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream and Free State's long-discontinued Burgundy Beef Sandwich? Brain? Really??

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

And they weren't even really awesome tater tots. They were merely mediocre, even in the dream. Potato Olés would have been a substantial improvement over these freezer-to-oven cylindrical insults of processed potato. JESUS.

[hdsqrl.livejournal.com]

Completely off-topic, I wish I had one of those cat vomit signs to tie to the tail of my bulemic cat. :\

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Yick! I am sorry to hear that! :(

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

We're 33% of the way done!

[shrijani.livejournal.com]

Indeed we are! My commitment is firm in my waking life!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

You know what else is irritating about the human brain? Ever since Halloween, I've been craving stoopid Reeses Peanut Butter cups. Dammit. Back when I wore a pooch of human fat around my waist I used to love them, yes, but I really don't want to eat those anymore.. Because I like being human-fat-pouch free.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't have eaten the one.

Try cutting out all sweet stuff--no dried fruit in your tuna salad, and go easy or eliminate the balsamic vinegar in your salads.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

Aaaaargh!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

*cocks eyebrow*

If you're having that strong and immediate of a reaction, I'd say it definitely time to cut out the sweet foods for a while.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

I meant to say, "Aha! Naturally. I feel no desire for dried fruit of any variety, my dear."

DAMMIT!

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

MmmHmm. Nice try.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

LOL