Very private secretary

[clevermanka]

Yesterday, one of the other department secretaries won KU Employee of the Month. I was happy for her, but during the presentation (which lasted forever because I had to pee) I started to feel symptoms of a panic attack just watching her deal with that much attention in that situation.

As an entertainer, I love having people focused on me. I enjoy feeling like I'm giving people a good show. But in my role as secretary, I do not want all those eyes on me. I can't explain it. The idea makes me incredibly uncomfortable. As a secretary, I prefer small, personal gestures of gratitude--like letters and emails of appreciation that I can include in my annual review. I don't even like/want to be thanked publicly in an informal environment (like a banquet or department party). Just...no. Thank you, but please just no thank you.

When the crowd dispersed after the presentation, I whispered to a few of the lingering graduate students in attendance that if I ever won this award, and I found out they were the nominator, I would burn their student file and ensure that they never graduated.

For nearly half an hour after the presentation I had an elevated heart rate and was sweating a little--just from watching someone else get a surprise presentation. Did I mention the award comes with a $750 check? Not worth it to me.

I don't think anyone believed me. It might be an honor to be nominated, but I really hope I don't ever win.

Comments

[etcet.livejournal.com]

Ah, the role of "trusted lieutenant." I recognize this.

"I will kick ass on your behalf. Just keep everyone's attention while I do so; you can thank me later."

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

OMG, that's it exactly! So this exists as a thing? I'm not the only person who thinks this way?

[etcet.livejournal.com]

It's the role I fill. I don't mind being recognized for kicking ass, but prefer it not be done in front of a crowd.

Which, if you've ever seen me in "convention mode" would make your head explode, because I am a ridiculous social animal at those things, but usually in a hyper stream of one-to-one or one-to-three interactions, not a one-to-huge-crowd thing (except when several hundred people tell me to shut up simultaneously)

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

I think most British literature is about this!

[miischelle.livejournal.com]

my sentiments exactly...

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

*solidarity sister fistbump*

Also: MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY.

[fairgoldberry.livejournal.com]

To me, the public protestations always feel a little false. I struggle with the perception that people don't so much want to recognise me or my accomplishments, as they want to be seen recognising me and my accomplishments.

I have been noticed like this, and I'm always left with the lingering feeling that I was expected to thank my boss (or whoever, because it happens in volunteer groups too) for thanking me, to properly appreciate my appreciation.

The big splashy thing sometimes says, "Yeah, I'm not sure exactly what it is you do because I haven't bothered to find out anything about you personally that would motivate me to directly thank you, but I'm pretty sure that whatever it is, we'd all be in trouble if you weren't doing whatever it is."

Love,
Rowan

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I believe the gratitude and congratulations in the instance I described above were honest and genuine. Our department is very supportive of the administrative staff. I'm lucky.

[grnvixen.livejournal.com]

I describe my job as being Office Mom. And while the occasional thank you is appreciated I'm with you, don't put me up on a pedestal. Can't get the job done when everyone is staring at me!

That being said, while in another department yeeeeeaaarrsss ago I was employee of the month (my supervisors idea, not mine). All we got here was our photo taken, coupon for a haircut at the shop in the hospital, and a plaque. We did NOT have to stand up in front of folks however :).

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Okay, the part about the free haircut made me go o_O.

[grnvixen.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Good hearted folks, but no exactly a 'salon'. Photo was nice, it was also here but they had experience with portrait photography.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

I'd strap on my public persona and think of the 750 smackers (c'mon, you can buy more BOOTS! that's always worth something) as a stipend for the paid public performance of Gracious Honoree.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Maybe if I have another financially disastrous two months like recently. =/

[tama-grey.livejournal.com]

Word. For the first year I worked here, any time the President of my company stopped by my door I blushed furiously, squirmed in agony, and could barely formulate coherent sentences. When I was welcomed in a company-wide meeting shortly after hiring on, I almost bolted. So yeah, please nobody recognize me in any sort of public fashion when I'm at work! Or ever, really. Quiet and personal, that's the way I like it.

Yet I love being on stage. That's different, somehow.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

INORITE???

Seems weird, but makes sense in my brain.

[etcet.livejournal.com]

Agency and control. You choose to perform, you don't necessarily choose to be recognized.

(This is coming from a guy who'll play hoops with (and get totally schooled by) our company's CEO (who's twenty years older than me), because our executives are fucking awesome human beings who are totally normal people; our CIO was a kickass center fielder on our terrible softball team a couple of years ago.)