clevermanka | Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters For The Fucking Win

Entry tags:

hope for humanity

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters For The Fucking Win

mckitterick and I saw Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters yesterday. This movie was made for me. Oh my god. It was so so so perfect. It was so perfect I need to talk about it in bullet points.

It was funny. Like really funny. Self-aware and just-campy-enough without going into intentional B-movie camp levels. There are several great lines (like "Where did you get those guns?"--a question nobody answers, btw), and more sass than you can shake a stick at.

It's violent. And bloody. This could be one of the most realistically violent fantasy movies I've ever seen. The gore was funny but shockingly accurate. It had the most believable broken nose smash I've ever seen.

A diabetic main character. A tad unrealistic in regards to his rapid decline into diabetic coma state, but still. DIABETES in a FANTASY SHOOT-EM-UP FLICK. So ridiculous, but what a fantastic tidbit to throw at a character.

Gretel is never threatened with sexual assault, nor is she treated any differently in the fights than Hansel. She's smarter and more aggressive than Hansel. In fact, now that I think about it, this film passes the Bechdel test. WOW.

The costumes are amazing. Perfect low-brow fantasy leather that shows off both main actor's attributes without being insultingly revealing or impractical.

Wonderfully-timed pepperings of F-bombs. Not overdone, not too many, and used to good comedic effect.

The writers didn't shirk from an implied incestuous relationship, but they didn't make it creepy and important to the plot, either. It was just a sort of "yeah probably but so what" thing.

Zero annoying tropes. Near the end of the movie, there's a circumstance where Gretel says/does something in the middle of a big fight and instead of having drama about OMG GRETEL WTF RU DOIN, Hansel just sorta shrugs and accepts her actions because he knows his sister is smart and capable. Do you realize how rare that is? There were several times in the movie that I thought "Oh god, here we go down that road again" but they never did. Even the nude/sex scene was kind of adorable instead of being gratuitous and eyeroll-worthy.

The 3D is not annoying. In fact, it's hilarious at times--especially when body parts or broken furniture is coming right at you. I'm glad I saw it in 3D which is (no shit) the first time I have ever said that about a movie.

The action does not let up. This is the first movie I have ever seen with mckitterick that he did not get up to go to the bathroom. Granted, it's a short movie, but still. He even got up to pee during Red Dawn, but not this one. It's short and fast and intense.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay then, 3D it is. We were still unsure yesterday and went to Parker instead (+1) but maybe today... :)

You are going to LOVE IT.

My favorite review of this movie. I want to see it!

I think Coraline was the first movie I saw in 3D and I really enjoyed it. But I don't have a problem with it in general.

Not a huge fan of blood and gore for the sake of blood and gore so I'll probably skip it, but hearing that a violent fantasy movie passed the Bechdel test and fucked with the usual tropes gives me happy dance.

I did! The witches were so well done that I didn't have any eye-rolling moments about Teh Eevil Witchcraft either.

A tad unrealistic in regards to his rapid decline into diabetic coma state,

Jbird and I discussed that afterward. His decline looked more like a low glucose incident both times, in which case he would not have hit himself with more insulin, however, we aren't for sure that it wasn't a separate glucogen injector that he had, so no biggie. I'm not going to get persnickety about it, because it's minor in the overall um we're talking shift-shaping witches. But yes, done very well overall, nice and matter-of-fact "you have the sugar sickness". We approved. :)

Costuming. A++++ And great CGI. I want to see more flicks like this~! I'm still iffy on 3D (I hate having things coming toward my face) but yeh, I have to admit I liked it as well. If more 3D was like this and Avatar, I'd consider my next viewbox being 3D compatible.

And now I'm tempted to go lighter with my hair, because that light red/brown eyes combo.. do you think I could rock that?

Oh PS.. Parker is a great flick as well.

Glad that I didn't lead you astray!

So glad you liked it! At the start, I was worried this would be an anti-witch racist thing, when in fact it turns out to... well, you saw it! WOOHOO FUN!

Thanks so much for the recommendation! It was a BLAST!

Oooh, this sounds like it hits my buttons. :3

It was super fun!!!

Thanks for the reveiw. I have only seen one other and it was not to positive. I'm not a big fan of gore but hey, Jeremy Renner, in leather!!!

With your skin tone, I wouldn't go any lighter than what you're sporting in your icon, here.

SO GLAD (but unsurprised) that you liked the movie.

Oh man. It's SO GOOD. I wish I had time to go see it again. And that doesn't happen very often.

We're probably gonna buy it when it comes out on DVD.

I love crazy ass gore (when it's done like this, or in Japanese splatter-porn stuff--I don't like slasher films). At one point, early on, I turned to

mckitterick with a maniacal grin so big I thought I was going to sprain my face.

You not only didn't lead us astray, you led us to GOLD, man. SOLID GOLD.

This thing hit buttons of mine I didn't know I had. And now I want it to PUSH THEM AGAIN.

I simply cannot understand why this thing is getting bad reviews. It does everything it set out to do and then some. The people who are hating on are either 1. humorless/hipster sticks in the mud who wouldn't know a good time if it bit them in the ass, or 2. people who don't like violent movies and shouldn't have bothered seeing/reviewing it in the first place.

Thanks! That's what I was afraid of, going light enough to make my ruddy tones (ugh) pop out.
Maybe time for streaks again.

Dig

orrin's review here. (http://orrin.livejournal.com/293493.html)

He does that. He's like a dowsing rod for these things.

It's a pretty fucking awesome talent.

Yep! Orrin's the one who tipped me off to it in the first place!

I'm afraid I have to dowse through a lot of crap to find the gold, sometimes, but when I do it's worth it.