Fifty feet of crap

[clevermanka]

While I can't really say I'm feeling okay today, I'm feeling better. At least I don't feel liable to break into tears at any given moment. That's honestly the best thing I can say right now. I don't feel like sobbing at this particular time.

mckitterick and I talked a little bit last night about this long-lasting slump. My health started taking this turn for the worse in November 2011--fairly soon after KCRF wrapped. During KCRF that year I felt good and I looked good (when I wasn't swollen). I was still having problems with energy and swelling, but I had enough in me to do things like Week in the Life Photo projects, and I had a handle on the swelling issues by simply not eating, and the acupuncture was helping a lot (as opposed to now, when my two options are more-swollen and less-swollen). Of course, I was also taking Provigil...Hmm. Well, anyway, that's not an option now. The point is, the last time I remember feeling good for a consistent period (weeks in a row) was October 2011.

Winters are always hard on me, mentally and physically. So it's no surprise I hit a slump in November. When I started feeling better in the spring, despite some occasional increase in swelling and sleeping issues, I started CrossFit. Don't get me wrong, I loved CrossFit. I LOVED IT. My body, however, didn't. I agree with mckitterick that it was the nail in my health's coffin (ironically). I went when I was tired, and I went when I felt like crap because I really enjoyed it and I liked the people. And yeah, I saw results. After six months, though, I had that dizzy spell with the loss of hearing and ear-ringing and my acupuncturist said I needed to sit my ass down. So I sat my ass down, but nothing got better.

Maybe it's because it's winter, so nothing got better. That's mckitterick's theory. I don't know. I have trouble being convinced of that. I've done so many things to improve myself (seeing Dr. Khosh, continuing acupuncture, being super conscientious about my food intake, regular yoga, better sleep), and I'm barely maintaining. I would say I've improved a bit (judging by the waist measurement at the beginning of the month), but my measurements are back up to where they were before I started the AIP, so I don't think there's actually any fat loss. It was just a conveniently-timed loss of swelling. I'm hoping that this spring things start moving in a good direction, but I have no idea what a simple weather change is going to do.

I'm tired of feeling like a sausage (a tired, unhealthy sausage) in my own skin.

Note: After eating breakfast, it's uncomfortable for me to sit at my desk because my skirt is biting into my waist. It's only 10:50am and I desperately need a nap.

Comments

[carmy-w.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling at least a bit better today! If you get what we are getting here, you may have a day off tomorrow! I'm considering taking a half-day, just so I can get out of this mess-we've got snowpacked roads, and are one step from blizzard conditions.

It sounds like you get that seasonal depression like Dean gets every winter (not that that covers even half of your other stuff going on). Here's hoping for some sun soon, so you can both get out of the house and feel better!

Solidarity on the feeling like a sausage; I don't have your health issues, but I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life, and I HATE it, but I can't seem to accomplish anything besides eating even MORE. I'm working on upping my veggies and lowering my carbs and sugars, but with a hubby who's idea of good food is MORE BUTTER, well....

Warmer weather will help, because I'll be able to eat more salads and lighter side dishes. Those types of food don't really sound appealing in the winter, when all I want is high calorie comfort food! Warmer weather will also help, because I'll actually want to get out and do some exercising, like walking the dogs for a whole mile, instead of a measly 5 blocks in the evening.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

OH GOD I hope this storm misses us. Or at least doesn't dump as much as they're anticipating. I am going to be even more pissed if I miss my doctor and lab appointments because of a fucking snowstorm.

I do get seasonal depression, yes. That's not news. But it didn't used to have such an impact on my physical body. AGING IS AWESOME.

Hope you find a food/movement plan that works for you!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

Do you use a sun lamp? If you know you get SAD to any degree, it might help you immensely - not just in mood but in biological body functioning as separate from mood.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I tried one for a couple weeks and it didn't help one bit. Unfortunately.

[carmy-w.livejournal.com]

Oh, I hear you on the aging; 50 is not treating me well at all!

I have a feeling it's not going to miss you-sorry....

Well-wishes right back at you! ;)

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

Your body is a crazy, crazy system. Here's hoping you find at least one thing that will help to turn things around somewhat.

Alternatively, do tired, unhealthy sausages eat pizza and beer with their friends? I can be a team player like that. ;)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

do tired, unhealthy sausages eat pizza and beer with their friends?

I think they do, yes. I'd take you up on that offer, except I am trying to stop being a tired, unhealthy sausage.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that the AIP isn't working out as well as hoped, OTOH, and perhaps a minor bright spot... You know that you won't have to eat like that forever?

:wry grin?: You may smack me if you like.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

You know that you won't have to eat like that forever?

Oh believe you me, I've thought that myself! But I won't know for sure until I try to reincorporate things.

Believe it or not, the first thing I'm going to add back in won't be wine. The first re-introduced food is gonna be yams. I need something other than bananas and dates for my glucose intake.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Yams are wonderful, I agree.
Will you be able to do 'sghetti squash?

I would be so bunged up if I could only eat bananas and dates for glucose, yikes! I hope it's not killing you that way.
btw, have you tried a blended frozen banana? it's delish.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. I still eat squash now.

No huge problems with the bananas and dates, but I'd rather have some roasted yams. Crazy how tastes change.

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

Yams before WINE?! I can't even...
;)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I KNOW.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

Two words:

YAM WINE (http://jamaica-gleaner.com/gleaner/20110430/news/news5.html).

[carmy-w.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're feeling at least a bit better today! If you get what we are getting here, you may have a day off tomorrow! I'm considering taking a half-day, just so I can get out of this mess-we've got snowpacked roads, and are one step from blizzard conditions.

It sounds like you get that seasonal depression like Dean gets every winter (not that that covers even half of your other stuff going on). Here's hoping for some sun soon, so you can both get out of the house and feel better!

Solidarity on the feeling like a sausage; I don't have your health issues, but I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life, and I HATE it, but I can't seem to accomplish anything besides eating even MORE. I'm working on upping my veggies and lowering my carbs and sugars, but with a hubby who's idea of good food is MORE BUTTER, well....

Warmer weather will help, because I'll be able to eat more salads and lighter side dishes. Those types of food don't really sound appealing in the winter, when all I want is high calorie comfort food! Warmer weather will also help, because I'll actually want to get out and do some exercising, like walking the dogs for a whole mile, instead of a measly 5 blocks in the evening.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

OH GOD I hope this storm misses us. Or at least doesn't dump as much as they're anticipating. I am going to be even more pissed if I miss my doctor and lab appointments because of a fucking snowstorm.

I do get seasonal depression, yes. That's not news. But it didn't used to have such an impact on my physical body. AGING IS AWESOME.

Hope you find a food/movement plan that works for you!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_luaineach/]

Do you use a sun lamp? If you know you get SAD to any degree, it might help you immensely - not just in mood but in biological body functioning as separate from mood.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

I tried one for a couple weeks and it didn't help one bit. Unfortunately.

[carmy-w.livejournal.com]

Oh, I hear you on the aging; 50 is not treating me well at all!

I have a feeling it's not going to miss you-sorry....

Well-wishes right back at you! ;)

[msmitti.livejournal.com]

Your body is a crazy, crazy system. Here's hoping you find at least one thing that will help to turn things around somewhat.

Alternatively, do tired, unhealthy sausages eat pizza and beer with their friends? I can be a team player like that. ;)

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

do tired, unhealthy sausages eat pizza and beer with their friends?

I think they do, yes. I'd take you up on that offer, except I am trying to stop being a tired, unhealthy sausage.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that the AIP isn't working out as well as hoped, OTOH, and perhaps a minor bright spot... You know that you won't have to eat like that forever?

:wry grin?: You may smack me if you like.

[clevermanka.livejournal.com]

You know that you won't have to eat like that forever?

Oh believe you me, I've thought that myself! But I won't know for sure until I try to reincorporate things.

Believe it or not, the first thing I'm going to add back in won't be wine. The first re-introduced food is gonna be yams. I need something other than bananas and dates for my glucose intake.

[redheadfae.livejournal.com]

Yams are wonderful, I agree.
Will you be able to do 'sghetti squash?

I would be so bunged up if I could only eat bananas and dates for glucose, yikes! I hope it's not killing you that way.
btw, have you tried a blended frozen banana? it's delish.

[nottygypsy.livejournal.com]

Yams before WINE?! I can't even...
;)