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If you call me a Natural Woman I will punch you in your fucking face

I just realized something. With the release of the new Oz movie, we're going to be subjected to another rash of "not in Kansas anymore" quips and quotes.

In better movie news: Paramount, MGM Confirm Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters Sequel In Works.

This morning I was more-bored-than-usual while brushing my teeth, and read the ingredients of my toothpaste. You know where this is going. Well. When I started using this toothpaste, I was only checking for the inclusion of SLS and fluoride. I hadn't yet gone through the second round of food allergy testing with Dr. Khosh. So the ingredient CRANBERRY didn't have reason to give me pause. And then I forgot about it. Why would I remember that?

So tonight I'm headed to the Merc to see if I can find the ingredients to make this tooth powder, minus the Xylitol.

I'm considering ditching all my old lip balms (except the Anthony's Beehive ones, which I think are okay) and eventually making my own based on the same website's lip balm recipe. I'll be sad to toss my old Avon ones, because they smell so good. Especially the white chocolate and butterscotch ones. *weeps* I use a lot of lip balm, though. I apply it every hour or so, and that's a lot of gross stuff (including soy and sesame oils--two of my allergens--as well as petroleum products, ew) going on my face/in my mouth.

I AM BECOMING A HIPPIE. FUCKING SHOOT ME NOW.

Today I'm a bit less tired (bedtime last night, 10pm; woke at 5:45am), and much less hungry. The weird insatiability is gone for now. Thank goodness. GOD that was annoying. Almost as annoying as becoming a hippie.

Update: It's snowing. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck.

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ERMEGERD, I just looked up my Jason's toothypaste, (http://www.jason-personalcare.com/body-loving-products/oral) which I love, and am Really Dismayed to see that it contains carrageenan, which I totally react to in food. Bummer.

And that was supposed to be "flurries" WTF winter? Stop it.
(sunshine, crocus, daffodils, sunshine, crocus, daffodils-it's-not-working-yet)

It's only a matter of time before I start making my hand lotion. Seriously.

I'm coming to your house after the apocalypse. You will have or be able to make freakin' everything.

True dat.

You know what? I put this book from the 70s (http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/VOGUE-NATURAL-HEALTH-AND-BEAUTY-BRONWEN-MEREDITH-1979-POWER-PLANT-PREPERATION-/230898930093?pt=UK_Magazines&hash=item35c2a611ad) into the boxes I took to Dean's Books, and if it wasn't one of the ones he bought, I am taking it back out of the donation box.
Check out this review:

KIRKUS REVIEW

Sophisticated in appearance, somewhat purist in tone, this touts the benefits of raw foods and juices (50 percent of the diet), natural therapies (faith healing, Bates eye training), meditation, and kitchen cosmetic preparations (potato juice as makeup remover). Bronwen Meredith, author of the sleek Vogue Body and Beauty Book, has included many subjects which some consider ""fringe"" (color therapy, flower therapy, mono diets) but the overall impression is otherwise, in part because of the book's chic look: a clever combination of wholesomeness (vegetable arrays) and intentional artifice (fashion magazine poses). The recipes are better than most comparable books offer and there is much flexibility within the stretch of recommendations. A natural for those able to follow up by investing in juice extractors or health spa sojourns, appealing also to those of more slender means.

Cool!

Rescued!
It has a bunch of super simple recipes for just about anything you can imagine.
She has about seven different hand lotions, all requiring only two or three ingredients, mostly lanolin or almond oil.

Nice!

I LOVE the title of this post. ; ) I used to buy handmade soaps and lotions from a woman in PA who lived in my area. I loved her stuff, and I actually saw the workshop in her garage where she created it. Very clean, pretty, and functional. If you can't find anyone in KS who makes a similar product, you could try her. I used to buy assorted lip balms from her as stocking stuffers. She lists her ingredients so you can see if any of them are not good for you.

http://www.ellenapril.com/

I LOVE the title of this post.

This makes me VERY happy.

Alas, the "meadowfoam seed oil" in her lip balms is probably a no-no for me. I don't know for sure what meadowfoam seed oil is, but seed oils in general are off my list. Also, the vitamin E used in 99.9% of things like this are soy-based. Another big no for me. Sadness.

Luckily, the lip balm directions (http://wellnessmama.com/7055/homemade-lip-chap-recipe/) don't look difficult at all, and there's not a seed oil or vitamin E ingredient in them.

Natalie and I are likers of snow, and we keep staring out the window in horror. I MEAN REALLY.

*resists temptation to look at toothpaste ingredients*

I'm pretending like nail polish is made from delicate fairy effluvia or something. My nail polish is the very last thing I'm going to give up, I TELL YOU WHAT.

It's easy to make your own body butter too.

Yeah, these recipes are all sounding pretty awesome the more I read about them. Maybe this summer when I have a bit more spending cash to invest in the materials I'll give it a try!

One classic tooth cleaner is baking soda. Nothing else.

In the "What's NOT the matter with Kansas" file:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/19/westboro-equality-house-aaron-jackson-rainbow_n_2906337.html

Aaron Jackson is buying a house right across the street from the WBC in Topeka, and is painting it with the Equality Rainbow. He also has an industrial size flagpole flying the equality flag, in answer to the church's upside-down American flag.

I've tried doing the just baking powder thing, and I can't do it. Too salty. I gag on it. BLEH.

That rainbow house is all over my FB right now. So awesome!

I was about to ask you, "If you're giving up lip balms, how about makeup...?"

But no.

I will die before I give up my OPI.

Not just no. HELL NO.

Seriously, though, I'm not worried about eating my eyeliner, so I'm not going to freak out about that. And I'll continue using my lipstick since I only wear it a couple times a week and I don't/can't eat or lick it off.

*fistbump*

OMG have you seen the new China Glaze holographic colors (http://www.thepolishaholic.com/2013/03/China-Glaze-Hologram-Collection-Swatches-Review.html) that come out next month?

SQUEEEEEEEEEEE

Yes-I tried the baking powder once, and never again.
On the other hand, if you ever get a gum infection, baking soda is one of the best things to use to cure it.
My peridontist's assistants used what I call a sandblaster with baking soda, instead of the little tooth polisher thingies. Makes an absolute mess of your face with the spray, but it works wonders.

Yep, mine use that, too. And they know to rinse frequently or I start to get agitated!

I'd say you're more of a Digestive Elitist, or something like that. :)

Sorry the Ellen April stuff won't work for you. But that lip balm looks easy and great. Thanks for posting the link. I'm going to pass it on to my kids who love to make stuff like this. I think Tron already has the shampoo recipe. It looks like what she was mixing up earlier today.

I become somehow both more and less of a hippie all the time. I tend to be pretty skeptical and science-minded at the same time that I want to believe in shit. But. That's me.

Also I've done some super-hippie shit. Like going to the Oregon Country Fair damn near every year. And some of the shit I used to wear!

That being said, I put on Carmex every night and I love it and if I found out I was allergic to anything in it I'd probably cry. It's also fabulous on one's cuticles, if you're into that. I always have chapped lips because I tend to fidget by GROSS ALERT picking off the skin on my lips. But I hate the way most lip balms feel, and I hate the way most of them smell, so I generally prefer ones that are unscented. And if they're greasy, fucking forget it, it will slide right off my lips and just give me blackheads around my lips, which is gross.

It's too bad, the shape of my lips is really fantastic and they'd be one of my better features if they weren't always chapped. I go through spells of taking good care of them and then I'll get stressed out and pick at them until they bleed before I even realize I'm doing it.

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